He licked his lips, his gaze sliding eagerly to her mouth. “Yes.”
Her brow puckered. Reaching up, he smoothed the pad of his thumb across the creases, the way he’d seen Xander do to Kyanna a hundred times. Her skin was smooth here as well, soft. Pleasant was too weak of a word to describe the feeling, but he couldn’t think well enough just now to come up with a better one.
Shaking her head to dislodge his hand, she pushed harder until she finally succeeded in breaking his hold.
The moment he lost contact, anxiety swamped him. As a man drowning might, he gulped for air. His vision blurred. Instinct made him reach out, made him grab for her. The moment their hands connected, and his didn’t ghost right through hers, he was able to take another breath.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed, still caught up in the shock. “I…I just can’t let you go right now. I can’t stop touching you. I need…I have to—”
“It’s okay,” she assured him, giving his hand a squeeze. Careful not to break the connection of their hands, she took a careful step back. That space was uncomfortable for him to maintain, but he forced himself to stand still and not follow her.
Her chin dipped, and a frown tugged her lips down. Gideon reached for her face, then out of habit, he hesitated. But that hesitation lasted only a moment before he tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand and lifted her face to his. It took major effort on his part not to get lost in the creamy perfection of her skin. He searched her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I understand now,” she began slowly, her voice hesitant. Uncertain. “I really do. I understand why you were the way you were before. And I can appreciate what you must be feeling right now.” She paused, cleared her throat, and pressed on. But as she did so, her gaze slid sideways, as if what she was about to say embarrassed her. “But I think we both need to slow down. Think this through before things go too far. A lot’s happened tonight. And we both need to, um, decompress.”
Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. A slap to the face. Despite his need to touch her, he could feel her pulling away, at least mentally. A part of him, in that moment, was angry with her for putting distance between them, for relegating him back to the land of the cursed. Another part of him took up her argument. She had been through a lot. She’d watched him turn into the monster. And that monster had damned near killed her. She was probably afraid of him. Probably scared to push him.
Letting go of her hand was one of the hardest things he’d ever done in his life. But he did it. For her. Putting more space between them.
“You’re right. You should get some rest.”
She stared up at him, frowning, shaking her head. She reached for him once more, but this time he was the one to stiffen and pull away.
“But you said we’d train today—”
“I think you’ve had enough training for one day. After all, not many have seen a demon battle up close and personal and lived to tell the tale.”
“Gideon—”
“No more today,” he insisted, cutting her off. He was drained. He couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling. She didn’t have to worry that he would back out on his promise or change his mind. What happened today only proved she needed to know how to defend herself.
“I’ll take you upstairs. You need to rest and I don’t know if shimmering you back to the plantation is safe for you yet or not with how badly you were…injured. So, for the time being, we’ll hang out here. Sebastian has ward stones in place, and Kyanna has reinforced them with spells. You’re as safe here as you would be at the plantation, all things considered.”
“What do you mean, all things considered?”
“Well, as safe as you can be with a monster just down the hall.” He chuckled, but his voice, and his laugh, held no humor.
Before she could comment further, he dropped his old, familiar shields back in place and skirted around her, vigilant not to even let their hands so much as brush. Not touching her, now that he knew he could, was damned near killing him. He thought he’d been tortured before—that was nothing compared to this. The taste of forbidden fruit had been so sweet. And now that it was out of his reach once more, it was all the more temptation.
“This way,” he called over his shoulder as he led her through the living room, past Sebastian’s den, toward the staircase on the far wall. He strode up the stairs and down the long hallway, past the room Niklas usually used whenever he stayed at the farm, past Xander’s room. He came to a stop beside the door at the end of the hall.
“You can sleep here,” he said, reaching out to turn the doorknob.
She glanced through the doorway, then arched her brow at him after taking in the décor. “This is your room, isn’t it?”
He nodded.