Taming the Wind

*** TEN

The next morning proved to be pure pandemonium. Ted's horse spooked and threw him, and the doctor had to be sent for. Carissa stepped up to cover for Hannah in the kitchen, and by the time she was free to go in search of Tyler, she was shocked to find him otherwise occupied.

A carriage was parked at the end of the walkway, and as William led the doctor into the house, Carissa caught sight of Tyler helping an attractive young woman down from the driver's seat. Ducking back quickly, Carissa's first thought was to leave as Tyler escorted the woman toward the house.

But she couldn't help but pause just around the corner of the house and listen to what was being said.

"I heard you were going on this cattle drive, and I knew I had to see you before you headed out. Since Dr. Sutton needed a ride, I thought I might as well be the one to give it."

"That was mighty kind of you, Ava. I'm sure the doc appreciated the help."

110

"I missed you coming to see me last night." Her voice grew husky and sultry.

"You nearly broke my heart, you know. I had my best meal ready, too. Just the way you like it."

He laughed. "Well, you know how much I enjoy your food, Ava. Between you and Juanita, I'm hard-pressed to choose the best."

"Well, I hope that my company puts the choice into proper perspective," the woman replied. "After all, Juanita is happily married ... while I am ... well ...

still waiting to be."

Tyler laughed. "Oh, it won't be that long before you're walking down the aisle."

"Well, it'll be at least a few months or more." Her tone was coy and playful.

"That seems like a very long time if you ask me."

"Now, Ava, I know you've got plenty to keep you busy" Carissa felt her stomach churn at the woman's shrill laughter.

She said something in a raspy, low voice, but Carissa couldn't make out the words. She did, however, hear Tyler's reply nice and loud.

"That would definitely keep you busy, Ava."

Feeling as though she might be ill, Carissa tried to move away but found her feet frozen in place. They were teasing as if courting. She'd been such a fool. Of course Tyler had a sweetheart. He had lived in this area for some time and no doubt had known this woman for a while.

"I brought you some spice cake to take on the trail. I know it's your favorite."

"That was mighty nice of you, Ava. I'm sure I'll enjoy it--as I always do."

"Well, since you couldn't be there to enjoy it last night, I figured I would send some with you."

111

"Hel o, Ava," Carissa heard Wil iam Barnett say as he joined the couple.

"You are looking lovely today. Tyler tells me that you cook like a dream and sing like an angel."

"You should join us sometime for supper. You could bring your wife. I met her once at the mercantile. She's quite a beauty."

"I think so," Barnett replied.

His presence seemed to break the spell and Carissa slipped off toward the back of the house, her heart racing. She'd come so close to making a fool of herself! Hurrying past the horse pens, she saw a strange sight. Several men were gathered around, cheering on another young man as he ran and slid under the bottom post of the fence.

"You done it, Newt!" Andy Dandridge called. "You're gonna be good at steer slidin'."

Carissa frowned as the dusty young man jumped up and searched for his hat. Steer sliding? What in the world was that? "Come on and do it again,"

someone called.

A cheer went up and the young man climbed back over the fence, hat in hand, and made his way to the other side of the pen. For a moment Carissa was tempted to pause and watch, but she feared having to speak if one of the men noticed her. She spied Marty and Gloria playing with the new baby goats in a smaller pen attached to the far side of the barn and made her way to where they were.

"See the babies, Mama," Gloria said, running to the little gate. "Come see."

Carissa carefully entered the pen and was immediately set upon by six baby goats. "Where are their mamas?" she asked Marty.

"Juanita is milking them. The kids are being weaned, so we're playin' with them to keep them busy."

112

Carissa knelt in the dirt and straw. A small brown-and-white kid immediately came to her, looking for a treat. She smiled, trying hard to put aside her embarrassment at what had just happened. She hated herself for very nearly yielding her heart--especially to a man whose interest obviously lay elsewhere. She felt tears come to her eyes and buried her face in the soft fur of the baby goat. The animal protested, causing Gloria to giggle. She came to her mother's side and patted Carissa's back.

"You squeezin' him too tight."

Releasing the kid, Carissa looked at her daughter's happy expression and wanted to cry all the more. She had thought Tyler might make a good father for Gloria.

"Marty, can you take these inside for me?" Juanita said, bringing two pails from the barn.

"Sure," the girl said, getting to her feet. She bounded over the fence as if she were one of the boys and grabbed the buckets. Glancing over her shoulder, she looked hesitant. "I'll be right back."

"Go ahead," Carissa said. "I'll take Gloria with me to do chores."

She started to get to her feet as Marty made her way to the house. But Gloria nearly pushed her over backward as she raced to the gate, calling the one name Carissa had hoped to avoid hearing.

"Tyer! Tyer, you come see the babies!"

"I'd rather come see you," he declared and reached over the fence to pull Gloria into his arms.

Carissa straightened and got to her feet, dusting off dirt from her skirt as she stood. She kept her gaze fixed on the dust smudges to keep from having to face Tyler.

113

"You two look like you're havin' a good time."

"We played with the goats. You can play, too."

"No, I'm afraid I have to go. I just wanted to come tell you to be good for your mama until I get back."

Gloria wrapped her arms around Tyler's neck. "Don't go away."

Carissa tried hard to be strong. She walked toward the man and her child.

"Gloria, stop it now. Tyler has to go."

"But he can stay," Gloria declared. She pulled back and took Tyler's face in her hands. "I wuv you, Tyer."

Her daughter's words hit Carissa hard. She swallowed back a sob that seemed to work its way up from her very soul. She hadn't ever thought to give her heart to another man, and surely she hadn't really given it to Tyler Atherton. But if not, then why did this hurt so much?

Tyler had never known such joy as when Gloria Lowe declared her love for him. He supposed the only thing that might have made the moment perfect was if her mother had done the same. Instead, Carissa was acting rather aloof--almost put out with him.

"I love you, too, darlin'," he told Gloria. He glanced at Carissa and smiled. "It's good to see a lady who knows her heart."

Carissa all but snapped back, "Well, it seems to me there are a lot of women around here who know their hearts."

Tyler laughed. "That's true enough. You should hear Marietta in there. She's threatened to all but shoot Ted if he doesn't stay in bed. The doctor told him he's dislocated his hip and might have even broken it. He can't go on the drive."

114

The stern look on Carissa's face melted away to concern. "Oh no. That's awful. I hope he'll be all right."

"Ted's a tough character. He'll get on just fine--especially since Hannah has informed him that he and Marietta will remain here until he's healed. That man will get more attention and fussin' than a fella could ever want."

"Still, I know he had his heart set on going with you to Kansas."

Tyler watched Carissa for a moment. Something about her seemed different--almost hard. Was she upset about his leaving? Did he dare to hope that she was going to miss him?

"Come on, Gloria. We need to get our chores done." Carissa stepped from the pen and secured the latch.

"I wanna go wif Tyer."

Carissa came to take the girl from Tyler's arms, but Gloria wanted no part of it. "Now don't make a fuss," Tyler told Gloria. "If you're good for your mama, I'll bring you back a present."

"A pwesent?" she asked in awe. "And a pwesent for Mama?"

Tyler watched as Carissa's cheeks reddened. She ducked her head as if embarrassed, but Tyler thought it endearing. "Of course I'll bring a present for your mama. What do you think I should get her?"

Gloria shook her head. "Don't know."

"Come on, Gloria. I need to get to work." Carissa all but ripped the child away from him.

Tyler frowned. "You know it can wait. Why don't you tell me what's really botherin' you."

Carissa shook her head. "I've just got a lot on my mind. It's a busy morning.

You all are leaving, and I have to think about our safety. I'm still not a very good shot, after all."

115

"So you're worried about Indian attacks, is that it?"

She straightened and met his gaze. "Of course. What else would there be?"

"Yeah, I guess that's enough, huh?" He tried not to care that her words sounded cold and indifferent to him. "But I think you'll be just fine. Even Doc said that there hasn't been any word of problems lately. I think the army has probably got them on the run."

"Good. I hope so."

Gloria began wiggling to be put down. "There's Marty. I wanna go play."

Carissa let her daughter go, and Tyler couldn't help but use the opportunity to speak. "I think you shouldn't worry so much. You told me that your faith in God is stronger than it has ever been. I think that's what you have to focus on now."

She seemed puzzled for a moment, almost as if trying to interpret what he'd said. Tyler started to say something else, but Carissa spoke up. "Hannah has offered to help me study the Bible. I think I shall do a lot of focusing on God. Now if you'll excuse me."

"I'll be leavin' in just a few minutes," he said. "I wanted to be sure and tell you good-bye."

"Good-bye," she replied and walked toward the barn. Tyler couldn't help himself. "Wait a minute. That's it?"

The night before she'd seemed so receptive to his attention.

She'd let him feed Gloria and sit beside her as if they were a family. Now she acted as though he ought to be in quarantine. Carissa turned and looked at him with a frown. "Was there something else?"

He crossed the distance between them. "I don't know--you

116

tell me. You seem angry. Did I do something to upset you, or is this just about the cattle drive? I know you don't think it's wise."

"I don't, but no one really asked me what I thought," she replied in a curt manner. "They never do."

"Don't let your fears turn you bitter," he said with a touch of a smile to soften the comment.

She seemed stunned and shook her head. "I'm not bitter."

"I didn't say you were," he began. "I said don't let fear make you that way. It's an easy place to go, believe me. I know firsthand."

"Tyler!" Ava Lambert called as she rounded the corner of the house.

Tyler turned and waved. "I'm over here."

"Will said to find you. I think he's ready to head out." She joined him and smiled at Carissa. "I don't believe I've met you yet. I'm Ava Lambert."

Tyler didn't wait for Carissa to reply. "This is Carissa Lowe. She's Laura's sister."

"Oh yes, I met her in the house," Ava said, still smiling. "It's nice to meet you, Carissa. I'm sure we'll be the best of friends."

Tyler saw Carissa stiffen and her brows knit together. "I'm sure, but for now I need to go. Have a good day." She hurried away and disappeared into the barn.

"Well, she doesn't seem to like me," Ava said with a bit of a pout.

"She's a troubled soul," Tyler said, frowning. "She's been through more than you'd know."

Ava's expression softened, and she put her arm through Tyler's to lead him back to the house. "There are a great many

117

wounded souls in the world, Tyler. Her heartbreak isn't the first, and it certainly won't be the last."

"I suppose not," Tyler said, "but her heart is mighty important to me."

Ava shook her head. "I don't think there's enough of her heart left intact, Tyler. You might want to reconsider. After all, I got enough heart for the both of us."

He shook his head. "Ain't nothin' to reconsider."

Carissa joined the others just as the men were mounted and ready to go.

She took Gloria from Marty's care and hoisted the child to her hip. She wanted to run for the cover of the house, but knew the women would question her afterward as to why she wasn't there to say good-bye.

Laura stepped forward with Daniel in her arms. "Please be careful," she told Brandon as he leaned down for one last kiss.

Carissa envied her sister. Brandon loved his wife more than life. He tousled the hair of his son and smiled, and the look on his face was so intense that Carissa almost felt like an intruder. Brandon glanced over at her.

"You take good care of her, Carissa. Don't let her do too much."

Carissa nodded and tried her best to smile. "I'll sit on her if I have to."

He laughed. "I know you both to be determined and stubborn women. Good luck."

The others also exchanged their farewells. Carissa glanced around for Ava Lambert but found she wasn't there. Neither was the doctor or his carriage.

Apparently they had already gone.

118

Tyler drew up on his horse and smiled down at Gloria and Carissa. "Don't forget to be good, Gloria," he said.

Gloria clapped her hands. "And I get a pwesent."

He nodded. "Indeed you do." Tyler then looked at Carissa, and for a moment she thought she saw something more in his expression. It was like a deep longing--a desire that she thought clearly matched her own. And then just that quickly it was gone.

"Remember not to worry," he said softly. "You're in good hands. I'll be prayin'

for you."

"I'll pray for you, too," she said, her voice nearly breaking.

"Time to go, boys! We need to catch up with the others," Will called out. "See you in a few months!"

Carissa hurried into the house with Gloria. She couldn't bear to see the men ride out. She stumbled through the door, blinded by her tears, and nearly ran headlong into Marietta Terry.

"Whoa, now Don't be takin' a tumble." Marietta noticed the tears and smiled.

"It's hard to see them go, I know. But the time will pass before you know it.

There's so much to keep our hands busy with."

Swal owing hard, Carissa released Gloria and nodded. "I know. I'm hoping to spend a little more time getting to know God and what He wants for me and my future ... and hers." She nodded as Gloria scampered off down the hall.

Marietta put her hand on Carissa's arm. "I'd be happy to help you in any way I can. You just let me know. We can read the Bible together if you like."

Carissa bit at her lower lip and nodded. She knew better than to try and speak. As the voices of others sounded just outside, she nodded again and hurried to run after Gloria.

119

Just when she thought her heart couldn't break any more, she was certain she felt a decided rip right through the middle.

That night with the men gone, the house felt empty and quiet.

Once the children were in bed, Hannah pulled out some knitting and settled into a chair in the front room. Berto had stoked the fire for them before leaving to head to his own little house, and Carissa relished the warmth.

Holding her hands toward the flame, she pondered the day and all that had happened.

"You're awfully quiet tonight," Laura said. "I don't suppose you'd like to talk about it, would you?"

Carissa turned and found the other women watching her as well as Laura.

"I'm just tired. I suppose I ought to go on to bed."

"Oh, don't go just yet," Marietta said. "I thought I'd read a little from the Word."

She picked up a large leather-bound Bible and opened it.

"Please do," Hannah said before Carissa could comment. "I think something from the Psalms would help."

Marietta nodded. "I had just that in mind."

She flipped through the pages, and Carissa found herself longing to stay and hear the words. Sinking to the nearby settee, Carissa joined her sister and awaited the reading.

"This comes from the sixty-first chapter of the Psalms," Marietta began.

"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. For thou, O God, hast heard my 120

vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name. Thou wilt prolong the king's life: and his years as many generations. He shall abide before God for ever: O prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him. So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows."

"I love that passage," Hannah said, clicking away with her knitting needles.

"I love that God is a strong tower from the enemy."

"And the rock that is higher than I," Marietta said. "I think of how precious it is that He covers me with His protection. I marvel that even a strong man like King David could yield himself to know that."

"Is he the king that the verses talk about?" Carissa asked.

Marietta nodded. "Yes, indeed. King David was said to be a man after God's own heart, yet he was human and sinned mightily. Yet God forgave him, and David turned his heart back to God. See, that's one of the things I really like about seeing David's thoughts in the Scriptures: So often I feel like I could have written those very words myself."

Hannah nodded. "I feel that way, too. The psalms aren't all written by King David, but they are full of moments when the writer feels sad or lonely, happy and filled with praise. They reveal that folks have pretty much always known sorrow and happiness--whether they are poor or rich, slave or king."

Carissa thought about this for a moment. "It's good to know that even kings, who are in charge of everything and can have anything they want, get overwhelmed."

Marietta smiled. "Having everything you want can be the most overwhelming of all. I've seen times when the things I loved overwhelmed me, controlling my thoughts and dealings. I remember getting so angry once when one of our cats

121

broke a favorite dish of mine. I started picking up the pieces, ranting about how that cat was never coming back in the house. Ted reminded me that it was just a possession and that the cat certainly hadn't meant to break it. But then he said that even if the cat had intended to break it on purpose, it was up to me to extend grace and let it go. Otherwise, he said, I might as well pick up all the broken pieces and just carry them around with me instead of throwing them away"

Carissa realized that she was always trying to drag around broken pieces.

She wondered in silence if she could ever learn to throw away the chards and start afresh. Somehow she doubted such things were possible on her own. She would definitely need the power of something or someone bigger than herself. No doubt that someone was God ... not a husband or a father for Gloria.

She thought of Christ's sacrifice on the cross--of being broken. Jesus was broken for the sins of the world ... broken on purpose. Yet the result wasn't the bits and pieces, but rather the Resurrection. The way that Jesus allowed for those broken bits to re-form and lay a path back to God.

Carissa smiled, and for the first time in a long while she felt herself take a spiritual step forward. Perhaps she could even let go of a broken piece or two.

"You look mighty content, Carissa." Marietta's voice was soothing.

"I must say those verses gave me some peace. I'm glad you chose them and glad I listened."

Marietta nodded. "One does have to be willing to receive God's gifts. I think in time you'll begin to see that God is offering a great deal to us--to you. But you have a choice to accept it or not."