Shallow Breath

32

Pete




‘Maya, are you okay?’

Pete watches Maya as she slumps over at the kitchen table, burying her head in her arms. Desi casts him a desperate glance, before she takes the chair opposite Maya.

‘I know it’s a bit of a shock.’ She reaches across and tentatively touches her daughter’s hand. ‘I’d always planned to tell you once you were old enough to understand, but I never expected her to come here. None of your father’s family has seemed interested in us up until now.’

‘She’s right,’ Pete adds. ‘I wrote to them myself. After the shock had subsided, they didn’t want to know.’

Maya looks up, and Pete sees how exhausted she is. He wishes they could rewind the clock ten years, reassure her there was nothing to worry about and tuck her up in bed. It had been so easy to take care of her when she was a little girl, while they could shelter her from everything they didn’t want her to know.



Maya briefly chews on a nail. ‘Does Kate know she’s my half-sister?’

‘I think so, yes.’

‘Well, that’s fantastic, because she’s been totally stand-offish towards me since she got here. F*cking charming. Whatever time she had with my dad, it was more than I had.’

‘Let’s see what she’s got to say tomorrow …’ Desi’s tone is consoling.

Maya holds a hand up to stop her. ‘Whatever. I don’t care. I’m going to sleep in the lounge, with Luke.’

Pete follows her out of the kitchen. ‘Maya, go to bed. I’ll stay with Luke. Get a few hours of proper rest – you look beat.’

Maya stops and sighs. ‘Okay. As long as you promise to come and get me if Luke wakes up.’

‘I promise.’ As she brushes past him, he adds, ‘Your mother isn’t your enemy, you know. She loves you very much.’

Maya gives no sign she’s heard. Just keeps walking towards her room.

Wearily, he returns to the kitchen. Desi remains at the table.

‘I don’t know how to talk to her any more,’ she says sadly.

‘This is hardly a normal night, Des. Let things settle down. I’m sure she’ll be okay.’

He hopes he sounds more reassuring than he feels.

They are quiet for a while, and then she asks, ‘What are you going to do about Berani?’

Pete closes his eyes and sees Berani holding the spiky outer shell of a durian, his pliable lips pressed against the inside, pulling out the soft, foul-smelling fruit. That had been the last time Pete had seen him. A few hours later he had walked the forty-minute uphill trek to get mobile reception, and had been given the message to call Maya. When he did, she had been near hysterical.

Berani had been doing well at that point. Pete had apologised profusely to everyone involved in the project, both on the ground and at the zoo, but insisted he was needed at home. A week after his return, he’d heard that Berani was back in the release centre with a skin infection. All the news he’d gleaned from that point was concerning, as Berani got sicker and sicker, with one thing after another.

Pete was supposed to stay there for three months, a vital touchstone for the orang-utan as he adjusted to a new and dramatically different existence. But once Pete came back, he heard it all second hand, and every worrying update felt like a rebuke. He could sense his colleagues’ discomfort when they talked about the project with him. These were people dedicated to saving a species that on the current clock had less than ten years left. And he had let them down. Pete began to question his priorities. If he couldn’t give his all to the job, then it was time to resign and let someone else have a go.

‘There’s not much I can do any more,’ he tells Desi.

‘You could go to Sumatra – make sure he’s okay.’

‘I don’t work at the zoo now, Desi. I’m not connected to the project.’

Desi shakes her head, as though unable to believe it. ‘But surely they’d welcome your help. There can’t be many people with your skills and experience.’

Pete thinks about it for a while. ‘Perhaps.’

‘Make the calls – find out. It can’t hurt. Don’t get stuck through indecision, Pete. It will eat you up. You didn’t make a mistake – you made a tough call. If you had stayed, it could have been Maya who suffered. You can’t beat yourself up because you weren’t able to be everywhere at once.’

Pete gets up and kisses her forehead. ‘I’ll think about it. I’d better go and check on Luke. You get some sleep.’

‘I think I will,’ she says, and rises to follow him.





Pete settles himself in the armchair and studies Luke as he sleeps. The force of protectiveness he feels for Maya begins to rise in him. ‘Don’t you hurt her,’ he says quietly. It has been hard to tell in the circumstances whether they are friends or something more, but he had thought he could detect a longing in Maya – after all, it was an emotion he recognised far too easily.

It is a daunting task to be the responsible adult in the face of teenage passion. Half of him is horrified at what they’ve been up to, and keen to stop them. The other half wants to applaud them for doing what they can.

Luke is sound asleep, breathing steadily, and looks comfortable enough. Pete tries to keep his eyes from closing, but he can hear the distant, rolling waves outside, and the noise begins to hypnotise him. Slowly the rise and fall of his breathing aligns to the sound, and his mind drifts below the surface of his consciousness.

It seems like he’s only been dozing for a few minutes when someone starts shaking his shoulder.

He comes to with a jolt. Maya is standing there, regarding him anxiously.

‘Where’s Luke?’ she asks.

Pete looks across to the sofa to see it holds a pile of rumpled blankets.

Luke has gone.