Sandalwood Death

CHAPTER FOUR





Qian Ding’s Bitter Words

The Gaomi Magistrate, drunk in the Western Parlor, his mind on the lovely Sun Meiniang. (A drunken body, not a drunken heart!) Eyes limpid as ripples on an autumn lake, red lips, ivory teeth, a maiden young. Dog meat and strong drink stir my emotions, an affecting aria from the opera Maoqiang. No general can pass up a beautiful woman, the adage goes, a hero prostrates himself before feminine charms. You and I are like fish in water, cavorting together. We shy not from carrying on in the yamen court (outraging our ancestors). Alas, a shame that a dream that seems so right soon gives way to what is wrong. Fighting has broken out in Northeast Township, led by Sun Bing, once an opera singer with a beard so long. I think back to early days in Gaomi County, when he spouted nonsense in a song. When a red tally was tossed, he was detained at my command and sent in chains to be flogged. At a competition over beards, he was weak, I was strong. That day I first saw Sun Meiniang, like the Tang Consort reborn. The daughter of Sun Bing means that he and I to a single family must belong. The cruel German devils want to punish him with savagery at the hands of the executioner, Zhao Jia, gongdieh of the fair Meiniang . . .

—Maoqiang Sandalwood Death. Drunken ramblings





1




Please sit, dear wife. I cannot ask you to bother with the lowly chore of preparing food and drink. I have told you so a thousand times, and yet you treat my words as wind passing by your ear. So please sit, dear wife; tonight you and I shall drink to our hearts’ content, till we are both pleasurably tipsy, and then retire to my sleeping quarters. Do not fear the prospect of inebriation or how the spirits will loosen your tongue. Though it be true that we are in the depths of this compound, where secrets are safe, even in a teahouse or wine shop surrounded by a gathered crowd I would say what is in my heart, for I could not rest until I had my say. Dear wife, you are descended from a towering official of the Great Qing, born into a family of affluence, maternal granddaughter of Zeng Guofan, who came to the rescue of the dynasty, expending energy under the most difficult of circumstances, sparing no effort as a true loyalist amid a desperate state of affairs, to become a mainstay of the nation. The Great Qing would not exist today but for the Zeng family. A toast, dear wife, to us. Do not assume that I am drunk, for I am not. Oh, if only I were! While drink may have an effect on my body, my soul remains beyond its power. I will not mislead you, dear wife, nor could I if I tried, for this once-great dynasty is nearing its fated end. The Empress Dowager holds the reins of power; the Emperor is but a puppet. The rooster broods the eggs; the hen heralds the dawn—yin and yang are reversed, black and white all mixed up, with villains holding sway and black arts running wild. It would be a monstrous absurdity if the death knell of such a royal house were not struck. Let me have my say, dear wife, for I shall burst if I do not. Great Qing Court, you magnificent edifice on the verge of toppling, do so quickly and let your demise come swiftly. Why must you hang on between life and death, neither yin nor yang? Do not try to stop me, dear wife, and do not take my glass from me. Let me drink to my heart’s content and speak my piece! Revered Empress Dowager and He Who Has Received His Mandate from Heaven, as beneficiaries of a nation’s respect, how could You show no regard for Your exalted position and make a grand show of allowing an audience with an executioner? An executioner—the dregs of society, a man at the bottom of the heap! We who serve in official positions rise before dawn and do not eat until it is dark, performing our duties with diligence, and even a glimpse of the Dragon countenance is an event of earth-shaking rarity. Yet a bottom-feeding denizen spurned by dogs and pigs has been accorded the dignity of a grand and solemn audience, at which Her Royal Highness presented him with a fine ring of prayer beads and His Imperial Majesty favored him with the very chair occupied by His noble person, treatment that barely fell short of granting high rank and hereditary title. Dear wife, your esteemed grandfather, Zeng Guofan, devised strategies that ensured victory in his command of the nation’s armed forces in campaigns all across the land, winning glory in battle after battle, and yet His Imperial Majesty did not favor him with the chair in which He sat, did He? Your grandfather’s younger brother, Zeng Guoquan, charged enemy lines under heavy fire, engaging in bloody battles, narrowly escaping death time and again. But Her Royal Highness did not present him with a ring of prayer beads, did She? No, they chose to make gifts of a Dragon Chair and a ring of prayer beads to a bottom-feeding denizen spurned by dogs and pigs. And that overweening swine, a beneficiary of the Emperor and Dowager’s munificence, forced me to perform the reverential ritual of three bows and nine kowtows before the exalted chair and prayer beads—in other words, before him. If that can be tolerated, is there anything that cannot? Subjecting a successful candidate of the metropolitan examination, a grade five official, however modest his standing, to such humiliating treatment goes beyond indignation. And please do not insult me with the adage “A lack of forbearance in small matters upsets great plans,” for recent events make a mockery of so-called “great plans.” On the street, rumors are flying that the Eight-Power Allied Forces have reached the outskirts of the city and that Her Highness the Empress Dowager and His Majesty the Emperor are about to abandon the capital and flee to the west. The Great Qing Empire, many believe, will fall at any moment. At a time like this, of what use is forbearance? I forbear nothing! No, it is revenge I seek. Dear wife, when that swine placed the Dragon Chair and the prayer beads into my palanquin, I delivered two well-placed slaps across his cadaverous dog face, satisfyingly resounding blows with such force that the swine looked down and spat out two bloody dog teeth. The stinging sensation on my hand persists even now. Ah, how good it felt! Fill my cup again, please, dear wife.

Those slaps swept away every shred of the swine’s sense of esteem and made him slink away like a mangy dog with its tail between its legs. But I could tell that deep down he did not admit defeat, no, not for a minute, as I saw in his eyes, set deep in sockets so dark that no trace of white emerged, only rays of emerald-green light like will-o’-the-wisps. And yet that swine was no craven pushover. As we stood outside the yamen gate, I asked: “How did that feel, Grandma Zhao?” Do you know what he said? The swine actually giggled and said to me, “Those were fine slaps, Your Eminence, and one day I shall return the favor.” “Well,” I said, “that day will never come. I may one day swallow gold, hang myself, take poison, or cut my throat, but my demise will not come at your hands.” “My only fear,” he said, “is that when the time comes, Your Eminence will not be in a position to control his own fate.” He then added, “There are precedents for that.”

Yes, dear wife, you are right. I soiled my hand by using it on him. A County Magistrate, a representative of the Imperial Court, should not lower himself to vie with so lowly an antagonist. What is he, after all? A pig? No, a pig has more grace than he. A dog? No, a dog is nobler. But what was I to do? Excellency Yuan ordered me to extend the invitation, and once a grand official of that elevated status had spoken, I had no choice but to send messengers, who failed, necessitating my personal attention to it. One would be a fool not to see that in the eyes of Excellency Yuan, the Gaomi County Magistrate is of less worth than a common executioner.

Before we went into the hall, I took the hand of that swine—it was as hot as cinders and as soft as dough, a hand unlike any other—with the idea to lead him inside with feigned affection, making him uncomfortable but unable to say so. But the swine gently pulled his hand from mine and fixed his eyes on me with an enigmatic look. Sinister thoughts, impossible to interpret, were running through his head. He climbed back into my palanquin, where he draped the prayer beads around his neck and emerged with the Dragon Chair over his head, legs up. I was amazed to see that this skeletal dog of a man actually had the strength to carry such a heavy wooden chair. The swine then entered the hall, swaying from side to side under the heft of his protective talisman. Feeling incredibly awkward, I followed him inside, where I saw Excellency Yuan sitting shoulder to shoulder with the Jiao’ao Plenipotentiary, von Ketteler, looking rather bewildered. The foreign bastard was winking and making strange faces.

The swine, still holding the chair over his head, knelt in the middle of the hall and announced crisply, “Your humble servant Zhao Jia, a former executioner who was granted retirement from the Board of Punishments by Her Royal Highness and permitted to return home, is here in response to Your Excellency’s summons.”

Excellency Yuan nearly jumped to his feet and trotted across the hall to where that swine knelt, his protruding paunch leading the way, and reached out to relieve him of the weighty chair. Seeing that it was too heavy for His Excellency to manage by himself, I rushed over to help him take it from the swine and then carefully turn it right side up and set it down in the middle of the hall. As for Excellency Yuan, he shook his wide sleeves, removed his cap with both hands, and fell to his knees. After touching his head to the floor, he intoned: “Shandong Governor Yuan Shikai humbly wishes His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness a long and prosperous life!” I stood mutely off to one side as if struck by a thunderbolt for a moment before being abruptly awakened to the knowledge that my lack of action was a monumental affront to the august Son of Heaven. I could not fall to my knees fast enough, as I again performed the three bows and nine kowtows to that swine and his chair and prayer beads. The cold brick flooring raised blisters on my forehead. As I was banging my head on the floor to the Imperial chair, that foreign bastard whispered something to his interpreter and wore a contemptuous smirk on his long, skinny, goat-like face. Oh, Great Qing Empire, what you excel in is trampling your own officials underfoot and pandering to the foreigners. That bastard von Ketteler and I have clashed many times, so I am confident that he would never speak kindly of me to Excellency Yuan. There may be nothing I can do about those bastards, but no matter what you say, it was I who made it possible for them to take Sun Bing into custody.

That swine remained on his knees, even when Excellency Yuan reached down to help him to his feet, and I steeled myself for the worst. The moment for that swine to get his revenge over those two slaps had arrived. As I feared, he took the prayer beads from around his neck, held them out with two hands, and said, “Your humble servant asks His Excellency to be his arbiter.”

With a derisive snort and a quick glance at me, Excellency Yuan said, “State your case.”

“His Eminence Qian has accused me of gross fabrication and spreading a rumor.”

“What did he accuse you of fabricating, and what rumor are you supposed to have spread?”

“He said that the Dragon Chair and prayer beads are common items among the populace, and he has accused me of using deception to burnish my name.”

Excellency Yuan glared at me. “He is just ignorant and ill-informed!” he said.

“Excellency,” I defended myself, “your humble servant believes that propriety does not extend to the lower classes and that punishments do not accrue to the elite. How could the exalted Imperial Majesty and Royal Highness grant an audience to an executioner and reward him with gifts of inestimable value? That is why your humble servant was suspicious.”

Excellency Yuan replied, “You are a man of shallow learning who has swallowed the lessons of antiquity without digesting them. In conforming to the times in their desire to make the country prosper, His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness have dedicated Themselves to loving the common people as Their own children, to understanding and sympathizing with those at the bottom, in the same way that the sun shines down on all creation. Tall trees and minuscule blades of grass alike receive nourishment. You are narrow-minded and petty, adhering blindly to convention, an ignorant man too easily surprised.”

Then that swine said, “His Eminence Qian also slapped me so hard I lost two teeth.”

Excellency Yuan pounded the table and sputtered angrily, “Grandma Zhao has served three emperors in his role of punishing miscreants for the Board of Punishments Bureau of Detentions. He has made great contributions in meting out punishments with such skill and loyalty that even the Emperor and the Empress Dowager have commended and rewarded him, and yet you, a mere County Magistrate, had the audacity to knock out two of his teeth. Do His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness mean nothing to you?”

I was paralyzed with fear, as if struck by lightning, until I was covered with perspiration that soaked my clothes. My legs were so weak they could not hold me up. I fell to my knees and began banging my head on the floor. “This humble, small-minded subordinate, who cannot see what is under his nose, has offended Grandma and sinned against the Son of Heaven,” I said. “I deserve ten thousand deaths and throw myself upon His Excellency’s mercy!”

Excellency Yuan was silent for a moment before he said, “By physically abusing an ordinary citizen, you have proven that the Imperial Court means nothing to you, and you deserve to be severely punished. However, you aided the Plenipotentiary in capturing the bandit chieftain Sun Bing alive, a notable achievement, and I shall let that erase your crime.”

I banged my head again on the floor and said, “Eternal thanks to Your Excellency!”

“There is a popular adage that goes, ‘Do not hit someone in the face or reveal another’s shortcomings,’” he continued. “You struck him in the face without provocation and dislodged two teeth. If I were to simply absolve you of that, Grandma Zhao might well object. So here is what we shall do: You kowtow twice to Grandma Zhao and give him twenty ounces of silver to replace his missing teeth.”

Now you know, dear wife, the extent of the humiliation to which I was subjected today. But when I stand beneath low eaves, how can I not lower my head? So I steeled myself and once again fell to my knees, though it caused me excruciating pain to do so, and, as I saw red, gave that swine two kowtows.

The swine grinned as he accepted my obeisance and had the unmitigated gall to say, “Your Eminence, this humble servant is one of society’s poorest, lacking even rice for the next meal, so I look forward to receiving those twenty ounces of silver very soon.”

That got a big laugh out of Excellency Yuan. Yuan Shikai, Excellency Yuan, you son of a bitch, how dare you humiliate one of your subordinates by siding with a common executioner in front of a foreigner! I was an impressively successful double candidate at the metropolitan examination and am a respected representative of the Imperial government. I ask you, Excellency Yuan, by humiliating a man of letters, have you not inflicted emotional pain upon all who serve? On the surface it looks as if you and he together have humiliated only the insignificant Magistrate of Gaomi County, whereas in fact you have brought dishonor to the Great Qing Court. A sallow-faced interpreter repeated everything that was said in the hall to the Plenipotentiary, a man who can kill without blinking, and whose laughter drowned out even that of Excellency Yuan. Dear wife, they treated your husband like a trained chimp. Utter abasement and degradation! Let me drink, dear wife, until I am drunk and as good as dead. Excellency Yuan, has the reality that “you can kill a gentleman but you must not humiliate him” escaped you? Do not worry, dear wife, I have no desire to kill myself. Sooner or later I will sacrifice myself in the cause of the Great Qing enterprise, but now is not the time.

That swine, having received the tacit approval of Excellency Yuan, sat proudly in his sandalwood chair, while I stood off to one side, like a common yayi. An overwhelming sense of indignation filled my heart, and heated blood rushed to my head. My ears were buzzing, my hands seemed to swell, and it was all I could do to keep from throttling that swine. But knowing what a coward I am, that was not to be. Instead, I tucked in my head, raised my shoulders, and managed a forced smile. I am a shameful, debased, contemptible, disgraced clown, dear wife, the most pathologically restrained person anywhere. Do you hear me, dear wife?

Excellency Yuan asked that swine, “Has it really been almost a year since we parted at Tianjin, Grandma?”

“Eight months, Excellency,” the swine replied.

“Do you know why we invited you here?” Excellency Yuan asked him.

“No, Excellency, your humble servant does not,” the swine replied.

“Do you know why Her Royal Highness requested an audience?” Excellency Yuan asked.

“Your humble servant heard from Grand Steward Li that Excellency Yuan spoke highly of your humble servant to Her Royal Highness Herself.”

“You and I are tied together by fate,” Excellency Yuan said.

“Your humble servant will remember Your Excellency’s benevolence to the end of his days,” the swine said as he got out of his chair to kowtow to Excellency Yuan; he then sat down again.

Excellency Yuan said, “I have asked you here today to perform another task for me—and, of course, for the Imperial Court.”

“What task does Your Excellency wish your humble servant to perform?” the swine asked.

The great man laughed. “You are a damned executioner. What do you think it could be?”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant must be honest with Your Excellency. Ever since the executions at Tianjin, an infirmity of the wrist has made holding a knife impossible.”

Excellency Yuan merely sneered. “If you can lift the Dragon Chair, a mere knife cannot present a problem. I can only hope that, in the wake of an audience with Her Royal Highness, you have not actually become a Buddha.”

Well, that swine slid out of his chair and knelt on both knees. “Excellency,” he said, “nothing could be further from the truth. Your humble servant is a pig, a dog, someone who will never become a Buddha.”

Excellency Yuan sneered again. “If even you were to become a Buddha, then the same could not be denied to a stinking turtle!”

“Your Excellency speaks the truth,” the swine said.

“Have you heard news of Sun Bing’s rebellion?” Excellency Yuan asked.

The swine replied, “Since your humble servant’s return to his native home, that is where I have stayed. I know nothing of events in the outside world.”

Excellency Yuan said to him, “You are aware that Sun Bing is your married son’s qinjia, I assume.”

The swine said, “Your humble servant plied his trade in the capital for decades without returning home. The marriage of my son was arranged by my departed wife.”

“Sun Bing has allied himself with the Boxer bandits,” Excellency Yuan said, “inciting rebellion among the people and creating an international incident that has caused unimaginable grief to His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness. In accordance with the Qing legal code, accountability for a crime of this magnitude must extend to the culprit’s extended family, wouldn’t you say?”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant merely carries out punishments and has no knowledge of the law.”

Excellency Yuan said, “According to the law, you count as a member of his extended family.”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant returned home barely six months ago, and would not recognize Sun Bing if he saw him.”

Excellency Yuan said, “The people’s hearts are iron, the law is a furnace. Since last year’s rebellious disturbance by the Boxers, their anti-religion movement and murderous attacks on foreigners have led to an international incident, a calamity of monstrous proportions. As we speak, Peking is ringed by the Great Powers, and the capital is in imminent peril. Sun Bing has been apprehended, but surviving members of his clique are prepared to stir up the countryside again. The people of Shandong are known for their quick tempers, especially those in Gaomi County. With the nation in extreme peril, caught up in the chaos of war, only the most severe punishments can strike fear into the hearts of the unruly. I have asked you here today both to recall our days of friendship and to ask you to devise a means of execution for Sun Bing that will have the power to terrorize and serve as a warning to his unruly adherents.”

I looked over at that swine and saw telltale flashes in his eyes light up his cadaverous face, like steel fresh from the furnace. His strange little hands, which were resting on his knees, began to twitch like tiny animals, and I knew that was not because the swine was frightened, for I do not believe there is anything in this world that can intimidate a man who has taken the lives of a thousand human beings. I knew that excitement was the cause of the twitching hands, no different from that of a wolf when it sees its prey. A sinister glow filled his eyes, but humble, submissive words emerged from his mouth. The swine may be a coarse, uncultured executioner, but his knowledge of Qing officialdom is bewilderingly extensive. He succeeds in things by keeping his inadequacies hidden, seizing his prey by feigning to let go, and pretending to be dull-witted. “Excellency,” he said as he bowed his head, “your humble servant is a man of little refinement who carries out only those punishments deemed appropriate by his superiors.”

Excellency Yuan had a big laugh over that, and when he was finished, he said with a kindly smile, “Grandma Zhao, you are unwilling to devise anything particularly brutal since he is your qinjia. Am I right in that?”

The swine truly is a demonic creature, for he detected the vicious undertone in Excellency Yuan’s mocking comment and the fiendish expression masked by the smile. He jumped out of the Dragon Chair, fell to his knees, and said, “Your humble servant has said that he has returned home to live out his days and would not dare to usurp the prerogatives of the local tradesmen . . .”

“So that is what has been bothering you,” His Excellency said. “The abler one is, the more he ought to do.”

Well, that swine said, “Since His Excellency extends such magnanimity, your humble servant will display his inadequacies.”

“Tell me, then,” His Excellency said, “down through the ages, from dynasty to dynasty, what forms of punishment have been used, official and popular. Speak slowly, one at a time, so the interpreter can pass them on to the foreigner.”

The swine said, “Your humble servant heard his shifu say that among the punishments permitted by the current regime, none exceeds the slicing death in terms of brutality.”

“That is your specialty,” His Excellency said. “It is the one you used on Qian Xiongfei in Tianjin. It is a worthy punishment, but death comes a bit too quickly, I think.”

His Excellency then turned and nodded meaningfully to me. Dear wife, few men are as crafty as Excellency Yuan, and no one is better informed. He clearly knew that Qian Xiongfei and I were related. Yes, he stared at me with a squinting smile, a smile that would have been welcome were it not for the light that shone from his eyes—like the sting of a scorpion or the bite of a hornet—and then, as if he had just been reminded, he said, “Gaomi Magistrate, they say that Qian Xiongfei, the man who tried to assassinate me, was your cousin. Is that true?” Dear wife, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. Cold sweat oozed from my pores as I fell to my knees and banged my head on the floor as if I were crushing cloves of garlic. I tell you, dear wife, your husband’s head has been badly abused today! Backed into a corner, I was reminded of a rustic adage that goes, “Whether one lives or dies is already written somewhere,” and if I simply admitted the relationship, I would not have to suffer the consequences of trying to cover something up. So I said, “May it please Your Excellency, Qian Xiongfei was your humble servant’s third brother, but because my uncle had no heir, he raised him as his son.” His Excellency nodded and said, “A dragon has nine sons, each different from the others. I have read the letters you wrote to him, and they are worthy of a successful double candidate at the metropolitan examination. As the descendant of an illustrious family, you write eloquently, with fine calligraphy and an elevated tone. But you have not seen the letter he wrote to you, one in which he severed relations with you and poured out a stream of invective against you. Gaomi County, you are an honest man, and an intelligent one, and it has always been my belief that honesty equals intelligence. Gaomi County, though there are no wings on your cap, it is on the verge of soaring into the sky. Get up!” I tell you, dear wife, this has been an extraordinary day, with danger lurking at every turn. Pour the spirits, dear wife. It would be unreasonable for you to refuse me. I shall get drunk before I take my rest.

Dear wife, we know that my third brother suffered the slicing death in Tianjin, but were surprised to learn that his executioner was that swine Zhao Jia. How true the adage that “Old foes are fated to meet.” Yuan Shikai is a man of wisdom and wide experience, with honey on his lips and murder in his heart, and my misfortune will be certain now that I have fallen into his hands. Drink up, dear wife, take advantage of the good days, for the arrival of bad times is ensured. Man has but one life, grass sees but one spring. I am prepared for anything.

That swine cast a furtive look at me, his gaze sweeping across my neck, probably searching out the junctures to determine the best spot for the sword to enter.

Excellency Yuan left me standing there and turned to Zhao Jia. “Besides the slicing death, can you think of any other splendid forms of punishment?”

The swine said, “Other than the slicing death, the cruelest form of punishment approved by the current regime, Your Excellency, is cleaving at the waist.”

Excellency Yuan asked him, “Have you ever performed that?”

“Once,” the swine said.

“Describe it for the benefit of the Plenipotentiary,” Excellency Yuan said.





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“Your Excellency,” the swine said, “in the seventh year of the Xianfeng reign, your humble servant was a seventeen-year-old ‘nephew’ in the Board of Punishments Bureau of Detentions, serving his shifu, assisting the Grandma at executions and attentively studying his every move and action. The person to be killed by waist cleaving that day was a clerk at the Imperial Treasury, a big man with a mouth so large he could fit his entire fist in it. These clerks, Your Excellency, were master thieves, specializing in silver. Each time they entered the Treasury, they were required to strip naked. The same was true, of course, when they left. But that did not stop them from stealing silver. Can you guess, Excellency, where they hid the silver they stole from the Treasury? They hid it in their grain passages.” The sallow-faced interpreter asked, “What do you mean by a grain passage?” Excellency Yuan glared at the man. “The anus! Keep it short.” The swine said, “Yes, Excellency, I shall.” Throughout the history of the Qing, each year has seen a lessening of the silver in the Treasury, for which many innocent superintendents have died. The idea that clerks might be the culprits somehow never occurred to anyone. Every trade has its rules and customs, just as every family has its way of doing things. Even though the clerks received meager wages, they lived in lavish surroundings, dressed their womenfolk in finery, and displayed ostentatious wealth, all thanks to their grain passages. Now, one can say that such passages are tender spots sensitive to even a stray grain of sand. But those men had no trouble inserting a fifty-ounce silver ingot into them. At home, it turned out, they enlarged the openings to their rectums with sandalwood clubs soaked in sesame oil for years until the wood had turned red and was unbelievably slippery. They came in three sizes: small, medium, and large, and their use proceeded along those lines. The training went on day and night, until the passage was unnaturally wide and all was in readiness to steal silver from the Treasury. But that was a bad day for one of them. The clerk with the big mouth had stuffed three ingots up his grain passage, but while he was being searched on his way out, he grimaced and had trouble walking, as if he were carrying a bowl of water on his head or holding back an urgent bowel movement. The superintendent, suddenly suspicious, kicked him in the buttocks, which by itself was of no consequence. But the man relaxed just long enough for one of the ingots to slide out of his anus. The momentarily dumbstruck superintendent kicked him again and again, and out came the other two ingots. “You son of a bitch!” the superintendent cursed. “What you shoved up your ass is worth more than I make in three years!” The source of the clerks’ riches was a secret no longer. Now when they leave the Treasury, they are required to bend over and have their rectums reamed for hidden treasure. When the report reached Emperor Xianfeng’s ears, He was livid and angrily ordered that all the Treasury clerks be put to death and their property be confiscated. If that weren’t enough, He told Grandma Yu to devise a new means of execution, which was to jam red-hot pokers up their grain passages. All but the big-mouthed man, who was to be cleaved in half in public, a warning to the masses.

A sea of faces filled the marketplace on the day of the execution, for this was something new and exciting for people who had had their fill of beheadings. The chief witness to this solemn event was Excellency Xu, Vice President of the Board of Punishments. Also in attendance was Chief Justice Sang of the Supreme Court. The assigned team of executioners was up half the night in preparation. Grandma Yu personally sharpened the broadax, while First Aunt and Second Aunt—Third Aunt had recently died—prepared the wooden block, the ropes, and the other things they would need. I had always assumed that a sword was used for this punishment, but Grandma Yu told me that as far back as the founding of our calling, it was always a broadax. But before we set out, Grandma Yu told me to take a broadsword along in case anything went wrong.

They dragged the condemned man out, obviously drunk from the alcohol they’d poured down his throat. Red-eyed and foaming at the mouth, he thrashed around like a mad ox. He was as strong as an ox, almost too much for Second and Third Aunts, and every show of strength drew approving roars from the crowd, which further emboldened him. Finally they were able to tie him down on the wooden block, with First Aunt holding down his head and Second Aunt his legs. He fought us at every turn, flailing his arms, kicking with both feet, and twisting his body in all directions, like a snake, even arching his back like an inchworm. The chief witness found the display so disturbing that he gave the order before the team had the man completely subdued. So Grandma raised the ax high over his head and brought it down with all his might, creating a streak of white and a gust of wind. While the ax was still over Grandma’s head, absolute silence settled over the crowd; but when he buried it in the man’s body, a mighty roar erupted. I heard a slurping sound and watched as a tower of red shot into the air. The two aunts’ faces were drenched in blood. To Grandma’s discredit, one chop had not severed the man cleanly in half. At the last second he had twisted his body, and the ax had only cut through half his midsection. His inhuman shrieks drowned out the crowd noise as his guts slurped over the sides and covered the wooden block. Grandma wanted to make a second chop, but he had swung so hard the first time he’d buried the blade in the wood under the man’s body. When he tried to pull it free, the handle was too slimy with the man’s gore for him to get a grip. Jeers arose from the crowd; the victim’s arms and legs flailed wildly, and his horrifying screams rocked the area. The situation had turned ugly, and I knew instinctively what to do. Without waiting for Grandma to give the order, I stepped up, raised the broadsword over my head, and—teeth clenched, eyes shut—completed what Grandma had left undone. The one-time Treasury clerk was now severed in two. That had given Grandma enough time to gather his wits. He turned and announced to the chief witness, “The execution has been carried out. May it please Your Excellency!” The officials sat there in shock, their faces drained of blood. First and Second Aunts released their grip and, confused and bewildered, stood up. The lower half of the victim’s body was twitching, noticeably if not violently. The top half was a different story altogether. Excellency, you did not see it with your own eyes, and may not believe what I am about to tell you. Even people who saw it thought that their eyes were deceiving them, or wondered if it was all just a bad dream. The man must have been the reincarnation of a dragonfly, which can fly even without the lower half of its body. By pressing down with his elbows, he pushed his truncated body into an upright position and started bouncing up and down, his blood and guts soaking and getting tangled in our feet. The man’s face was the color of gold foil that shone in our eyes. His large mouth was like a sampan tossed on the waves, from which gushed incomprehensible, blood-soaked howls. Strangest of all was his queue, which curled up behind him like a scorpion’s tail, then fell back limply, over and over. The crowd was stilled, some with their eyes boldly open, others with their eyes timidly shut. A number of them were retching loudly. The ranking officials were by then galloping away on their horses, leaving the four of us standing there like wooden statues, eyes glued to the half clerk as he performed his remarkable feats. He kept it up for as long as it takes to smoke a bowlful of tobacco, before reluctantly pitching forward, gurgling noises emerging from his mouth; if you closed your eyes and listened, it sounded like a suckling infant.





3




The swine went quiet after finishing his graphic description of the execution. Strings of slobber hung from his mouth, and his eyes rolled around in their sockets as he looked up at Excellency Yuan and the Plenipotentiary. The ghastly image of the dissevered Treasury clerk floated in front of my eyes, and I could almost hear the man’s screams. But Excellency Yuan obviously liked what he’d heard. He sat there squinting, not saying a word while the interpreter finished jabbering into the ear of von Ketteler, who cocked his head and looked first at Yuan and then at Zhao. His jerky movements and the look on his face reminded me of a hawk perched on a rock.

Excellency Yuan finally spoke up. “As I see it, Plenipotentiary, that is how we ought to do it.”

The interpreter translated Excellency Yuan’s comment in a soft voice. Von Ketteler said something in that devilish language of his, which the interpreter translated: “The Plenipotentiary wants to know how long the condemned can live after he’s cut in half.”

With a slight upward tilt of his chin, Excellency Yuan signaled the swine to answer.

“About as long as it takes to smoke a bowlful of tobacco,” he said, “but it is hard to say. Some die on the spot, like lopping off the branch of a tree.”

Von Ketteler said something to the interpreter, who translated: “The Plenipotentiary does not approve. He says death might come too fast and will not serve as a proper warning to people with evil thoughts in their heads. He would like you to find a uniquely cruel method that will inflict the maximum amount of suffering and draw it out as long as possible. The Plenipotentiary would like to see an execution where the subject holds on for at least five days. Ideally, the man would still be alive on August twentieth, the day the section of railroad between Qingdao and Gaomi is completed.”

Excellency Yuan said, “Think hard, is there any punishment that fits the bill?”

The swine shook his head. “He’d die if you hung him up for five days and did nothing else to him.”

Von Ketteler said something to the interpreter. “The Plenipotentiary says that China is backward in everything but punishment techniques. This is one area in which the Chinese are world-beaters. Inflicting unbearable pain on someone before killing him is a uniquely Chinese art and is at the core of its governing philosophy.”

“Horse shit,” I heard Excellency Yuan mutter under his breath. But he quickly smothered that with a loud, impatient command to the swine: “Think hard,” he said, before he turned to von Ketteler and said, “Esteemed Plenipotentiary, if such a punishment exists in your country, I would be happy if you taught him. It would take less effort to learn that than how to build a railroad.”

The interpreter did his job, after which I saw von Ketteler scrunch up his forehead as he pondered a response. With his head down, the swine was trying to come up with something.

Then, abruptly, he excitedly jabbered something to the interpreter.

“The esteemed Plenipotentiary says that there is a punishment in Europe that guarantees prolonged suffering before death. The condemned is nailed to an upright cross and left there.”

But then, just as abruptly, the swine’s eyes lit up, and he blurted out excitedly, “Excellency, your humble servant has an idea. Years ago I heard my shifu say that during the Yongzheng reign, his master’s master put to death a man who had emptied his bowels in the Imperial Mausoleum by means of what he called the sandalwood death.”

“What does it consist of?” His Excellency asked.

The swine said, “My master described it to me only in vague terms, but the gist of it is that a pointed sandalwood stake is inserted into the subject’s grain passage and forced up all the way to the nape of his neck and out. Then he is bound to a tree.”

With a satisfied sneer, His Excellency said, “Great minds think alike. How long before the man died?”

“Three days, I think,” the swine said, “or maybe four.”

Excellency Yuan told the interpreter to immediately inform von Ketteler, who reacted almost rapturously. He stammered in stilted Chinese, “Good, the sandalwood death, that’s it!”

His Excellency said, “Since Plenipotentiary von Ketteler approves, that is what we shall do. Sun Bing will suffer the sandalwood death, but you must make sure that he lives five days. Today is the thirteenth of August. Tomorrow you make your preparations, and the day after that, the fifteenth, the punishment will be carried out.”

The swine fell to his knees. “Excellency, your humble servant is getting on in age and is not as spry as he once was. He will require an assistant for an execution of this magnitude.”

His Excellency turned to me. “Have an assistant chosen from among the executioners at Gaomi’s South Prison.”

The swine objected: “Excellency,” he said, “I would rather that the county not be involved.”

Excellency Yuan laughed. “Are you afraid they will steal your thunder on this?”

The swine merely said, “I ask that Your Excellency grant me permission to have my son serve as an assistant.”

“What does your son do?” Excellency Yuan asked.

“He butchers pigs and dogs,” the swine replied.

Again His Excellency laughed. “He sounds qualified. All right, then, in battle one relies on his brothers; in a fight, only father and son will do. Permission granted.” The swine remained kneeling on the floor.

“What else do you have to say?” Excellency Yuan asked.

“Excellency,” the swine said, “carrying out the sandalwood death will require a thick post with a crossbar on top of a high wooden platform, with an access plank on one side.”

“Make a drawing and give it to the County Magistrate for construction,” Yuan said.

The swine said, “I will also require two stakes made of the finest sandalwood and shaved down like spikes. Your humble servant will personally do the work.”

“The County Magistrate will see to that,” Excellency Yuan said.

Then the swine said, “I will also require two hundred jin of refined sesame oil.”

Excellency Yuan laughed. “Are you planning to fry Sun Bing to go with fine spirits?”

“Excellency,” the swine said, “after the stakes are properly carved, they must steep in sesame oil all day and all night if they are to slip through the body without soaking up blood.”

“Have Gaomi County take care of everything,” Yuan said. “Is there anything else? Now is the time to give me the complete list.”

The swine said, “I will also require ten strips of leather, a wooden hammer, a rooster with white feathers, two red felt caps, two pairs of high-top boots, two sets of black clothing, two red satin sashes, two bull’s-ear daggers, plus a hundred jin of white rice, a hundred jin of wheat flour, a hundred chicken eggs, twenty jin each of pork and beef, half a jin of top-quality ginseng, a medicinal pot, three hundred jin of kindling, two buckets, a water vat, and two woks, one large and one small.”

“What do you need ginseng for?” Excellency Yuan asked.

The swine said, “Hear me out, Excellency. The subject’s stomach will not be affected by the insertion of the stake, but there will be a significant loss of blood, and keeping him alive will require a daily infusion of ginseng. That is the only way your humble servant can ensure that the subject will last five days.”

Excellency Yuan said, “Can you guarantee that he will not die for at least five days with the infusion of ginseng?”

“Your humble servant guarantees it,” the swine replied emphatically.

Excellency Yuan said, “Gaomi County, go make a list and have it filled without delay!”

The swine would still not rise.

“Rise,” Excellency Yuan said.

But the swine kept knocking his head on the floor.

“That’s enough,” Excellency Yuan said. “I don’t want you to break that dog head of yours. Now listen carefully. If you satisfactorily carry out this assignment, I will reward you, father and son, with one hundred ounces of silver each. But if something goes wrong, I will have you both speared with sandalwood stakes and hung on posts until you are desiccated corpses!”

With one last resounding kowtow, the swine said, “Thank you, Excellency.”

“Gaomi County,” Excellency Yuan said to me, “the same goes for you!”

I said, “Your humble servant will spare no effort.”

Yuan stood up and, together with von Ketteler, started out of the hall. But he had taken only a few steps when he turned back, as if he’d forgotten something. “Gaomi County,” he said nonchalantly, “I hear you have brought Liu Peicun’s son here from Sichuan and given him an official position. Is that true?”

“Yes, Your Excellency,” I replied frankly. “Liu Peicun was from Fushun County in Sichuan Province, where I was once posted. When his widow and family returned to Fushun with his coffin, I paid my respects as someone who was born in the same year as he and made a gift to the family of ten ounces of silver. Not long after that, his grieving widow passed away, but not before turning her son, Liu Pu, over to my care. When I saw how intelligent and conscientious he was, I gave him a job in the county yamen.”

“Gaomi County, you are a straightforward man of integrity,” His Excellency said somewhat enigmatically, “not someone who curries favor with the powerful, a man with a big heart. But you show a lack of judgment.”

I laid my head against the floor and said, “Thank you, Excellency, for your instruction.”

“Zhao Jia,” Excellency Yuan said, “you are the sworn enemy of Liu Pu for killing his father!”

The swine’s clever response was, “I was carrying out Her Royal Highness’s decree.”





4




Dear wife, why aren’t you pouring? Pour! Fill them up! Let’s drink. You are so pale. Are you crying? Don’t cry, dear wife, I’ve already decided what to do. I’ll make sure those hundred ounces of silver never reach that swine and that von Ketteler’s plot falls through. And I will stop Yuan Shikai from getting his wish. Yuan saw to it that my brother, my own flesh and blood, was sliced to shreds. Cruel! Barbaric! Savage! Yuan Shikai has honey on his lips but murder in his heart. A dagger is hidden in his smile, and I know that he will not lightly spare me. Once he has disposed of Sun Bing, he will come for your husband. Since death is inevitable, one way or the other, dear wife, why not do it right! In times like this, only the dead are men; the living are dogs. Dear wife, you and I have been husband and wife for more than ten years, and even though we have been denied a child, we treat each other with respect in domestic harmony. I want you to leave for Hunan tomorrow morning. Your transportation has already been arranged. There you will find ten acres of paddy land, a five-room house, and savings of three hundred ounces of silver, enough for you for the rest of your life if you live frugally. After you have left, there will be nothing for me to worry about. Please, dear wife, do not cry. It breaks my heart. We are living in chaotic times, hell on earth for officials and commoners alike. It is better to be a dog in peace than a human being in times of chaos. Dear wife, when you are back home in Hunan, adopt one of Second Brother’s sons. He will take care of you in your old age and see to your funeral. I have written a letter to that effect, and they will not object. When a bird is about to die, its cry is sorrowful; when a man is about to die, there is kindness in his words. Do not talk like that, dear wife, for if you were to die, who would burn incense and spirit money for me? You must leave, for if you were to remain here, my willpower would suffer.

Dear wife, I have a confession to make to you. I have wanted to own up to this for a long time, but you probably already know. For the last three years, I have carried on a liaison with Meiniang, Sun Bing’s daughter and the daughter-in-law of Zhao Jia. She is now pregnant with my child. Dear wife, in light of more than a decade of marriage, I ask that if the child is a boy, you will find a way to have him brought to Hunan with you. If it is a girl, let that be the end of it. Consider this my last will and testament, dear wife, and an expression of Qian Ding’s enduring gratitude.