Like most afternoons, Modina wandered the sequestered halls and chambers like a ghost searching for something long forgotten. She heard that people with missing limbs felt an itching in a phantom leg or arm. Perhaps it was the same for her, as she struggled to scratch at her missing life.
The smell of food indicated she was near the kitchen. Modina did not recall the last time she had eaten, but she was not hungry. Ghosts did not get hungry, at least not for food. She had come to the bottom of the stairs. To the right, cupboards lined a narrow room holding plates, goblets, candles, and utensils. To the left, folded linens were stacked on shelves. Filled with laboring servants and steam, the place was hot and noisy.
Modina spotted the big elkhound sleeping in the corner of the kitchen and immediately recalled that his name was Red. She had not been down this way in a long time, not since Saldur had caught her feeding the dog. That was the first day since her father had died that she could remember clearly. Before that—nothing—nothing but … rotten eggs.
She smelled the rancid stench as she stood at the bottom of the steps. Modina glanced around with greater interest. That awful smell triggered a memory. There was a place, a small room that was cold, dark, and lacked any windows. She could almost taste it.
Modina approached a small wooden door. With a shaking hand, she pulled it open. Inside was a small pantry filled with sacks of flour and grain. This was not the room, but the smell was stronger there.
There was another place—small like this—small, dark, and evil. The thought came at her with the force of a forgotten nightmare. Black, earthy, and cold, a splashing and a ratcheting that echoed ominously, the wails of lost souls crying for mercy and finding none. She had been one of them. She had cried aloud in the dark until she could cry no more, and always the smell of dirt penetrated her nostrils and the dampness of the dirt floor soaked into her skin. A sudden realization jolted her.
I’m remembering my grave! I am dead. I am a ghost.
She looked at her hands—this was not life. The darkness closed in all around her, growing deeper, swallowing her, smothering her.
“Are you all right, Your Eminence?”
“Ya think she’s sick again?”
“Don’t be daft. She’s just upset. You can see that well enough, can’t ya?”
“Poor thing, she’s so fragile.”
“Remember who you’re speaking of. That lass slew Rufus’s Bane!”
“You remember who you’re speaking of, that lass indeed! By Maribor’s beard, she’s the empress!”
“Out of my way,” Amilia growled as she shooed the crowd like a yard full of chickens.
She was in no mood to be polite. Fear made her voice harsh, and it lacked the familiar tone of a fellow kitchen worker—it was the voice of an angry noblewoman. The servants scattered. Modina sat on the floor with her back against the wall. She was weeping softly with her hands covering her face.
“What did you do to her?” Amilia snapped accusingly while glaring at the lot of them.
“Nothing!” Leif said, defending them.
Leif, the butcher and assistant cook, was a scrawny little man with thick dark hair covering his arms and chest but absent from his balding head. Amilia had never cared for him, and the thought that he, or any of them, might have hurt Modina made her blood boil.
“No one was even near her. I swear!”
“That’s right,” Cora confirmed. The dairymaid was a sweet, simple girl who churned the butter each morning and always added too much salt. “She just sat and started crying.”
Amilia knew better than to listen to Leif, but Cora was trustworthy. “All right,” she told them. “Leave her be. Back to work, all of you.”
They were slow to respond until Amilia gave them a threatening glare.
“Are you all right? What’s wrong?” she asked, kneeling beside Modina.
The empress looked up and threw her arms around Amilia’s neck as she continued to sob uncontrollably. Amilia held her, stroking her hair. She had no idea what was wrong, but needed to get the empress to her room. If word reached Saldur, or worse, if he wandered in—She tried not to think of it.
“It’s okay, it’s all right. I’ve got you. Try to calm down.”
“Am I alive?” Modina asked with pleading eyes.
For the briefest of moments, Amilia thought she might be joking, but there were two things wrong with that. First, there was the look in Modina’s eyes, and second, the empress never joked.
“Of course you are,” she reassured her. “Now come. Let’s get you to bed.”
Amilia helped her up. Modina stood like a newborn fawn, weak and unsure. As they left, excited whispering rose. I’ll have to deal with that right away, she thought.
She guided Modina upstairs. Gerald, the empress’s personal guard, gave them a concerned look as he opened the chamber door.
“Is she all right?” Gerald asked.
“She’s tired,” Amilia said, closing the door on him.
The empress sat on the edge of her bed, staring at nothing. This was not her familiar blank stare. Amilia could see her thinking hard about something.