Pieces of Truth

Chapter 12

The Past

~ ~ ~

I lay, face-down on my bed under the moonlight as it filtered through an open window from the other side of the room, near a small bedside table lamp. It was late at night and I was reading a book to kill some time. My eyes glanced at the clock on my table. 1.07 am. I was waiting for the shadow to sneak in through the window, the warmness to creep in behind me and slide up beside my body as I lay patiently in anticipation. There was no alarm in me when I finally felt the smooth skin brush up on my back, and a face come resting near my head, lips finding their way from my neck and then to my cheek. I felt his eyes staring down at my book as I read, taking interest.

“Everyone has secrets. It’s just a matter of finding out what they are.” The smooth sexy voice was reading over my shoulders. I giggled as his hands began to wander under my T-shirt and rub around my ribs.

“I like that,” he said, his lips returning back to my neck. “That’s good.”

“Oh really,” I cooed, enjoying how close our bodies were.

“Whatcha reading?” His voice genuinely wanted to know, but now his tongue was in my ear, almost making me completely forget about the book.

I managed to compose myself and my thoughts. “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.”

“Is it good?” he asked, his lips on my ear lobe, biting and sucking gently.

“Well I do enjoy a good thriller.” The back of my shirt began to lift up and I felt tiny kisses being planted on my lower back. I moaned at the feeling. Samuel always took his time when he explored the skin on my body. He always made the most of our time together, kissing me in every place possible. There was so much tension between my legs. It was killing me that we were waiting to go all the way and what made it worse, is that he spent every moment with me, turning me on. Thank God I was a master of pleasing myself. I would never get any sleep if I allowed myself to be constantly wound up. We had however, finally reached the stage of mutually pleasing each other without actual penetration, so at least I could look forward to that satisfaction. I swear my hormones were going to make me explode if we didn’t have sex soon. I understood why he wanted to wait, but my body was not happy with that decision. I was a virgin because I had never had a boyfriend long enough to get that far. My Dad had chased or scared away any guys who were interested in me, due to him being extremely protective. Samuel and I had to take extra precautions when we started to meet because our friendship was the forbidden kind. He was the son of the man my father considered his nemesis, so we knew that what we were doing could lead to very brutal consequences. The welfare of us both was seriously at risk, but we continued to secretly see each other, even though we knew it could end at any minute in the most gruesome way possible.

Perhaps we should have stopped seeing each other, been more sensible. We both knew the unnecessary risks we were taking, and that what we had, couldn’t go anywhere. Not in the future sense anyway. We were living in the moment, embracing the minutes we had, knowing that with each passing second, it could be our last. I guess when you are living in that kind of mindset, each minute becomes more and more special. It intensifies feelings quickly, makes you more attune to what you want, and what you can lose. You feel time more because there isn’t enough time for what you might need. Everything slows down and speeds up. When we first met, we joked that we could end up like Romeo and Juliet, and now, it didn’t feel like a joke, but art imitating life.

The danger was always in the back of our heads, sitting there, reminding us that our actions were very irresponsible. But as much as we were aware of this, we couldn’t stop. We didn’t want to stop. There was something about Samuel that reached into the very core of my being, and spoke to me with the kind of symphony that my heart craved. He understood what it was like being me. We had the same upbringing. We had suffered loss. Samuel had also lost his mother when he was young, but not to death. When Samuel was five, his mother simply got up and left one day, fleeing the country, and never returned. She had not been killed, but Samuel still felt the loss like she was dead. He never saw her or heard from her again. Sometimes it felt like we were two lost souls trying to find love in the same kind of darkness. Our conversations usually led to new ways we could meet in secret rather than reasons we should not. We were being ignorant in our youth, allowing our feelings to grow, and they were growing at an alarming rate. My heart was leading my actions now, and my all rational thoughts from my head were pushed aside to make way for what I now I felt, and what I couldn’t run from.

“So where is it?” Samuel asked, still exploring the skin on my back.

“Where’s what?” I asked curiously, arching my back towards his mouth, wanting to be closer to that voice that made me want to lose control.

“The tattoo? Where on her body?” Samuel pointed to my book again. I bit my lip, and dropped the book to the floor.

“Why don’t I show you?” I said in the sexiest voice I had, which probably sounded awkward given I knew nothing about sex.

I slowly started to lift my shirt up and over my head, tossing it next to the book on the floor. He looked at me in adoration and lust. The way he looked at me made me hot all over. I still couldn’t believe we were in this place. It had been three months since I met Samuel, and in that time, our friendly chats had gone from innocent kisses to full-blown make out sessions, to secret rendezvous in the middle of the night. It wasn’t like we wanted to sneak around, we just had to.

Samuel stared at my breasts. Breathing hard as he did. “I think it might have been here,” I said, twisting my body as I pointed to my lower back, my chest moving as I did. I then crawled forward to Samuel, who was now standing at the end of my bed, watching me. I got up on my knees and then pointed to where my heart was, in between my breasts. “Or maybe it was right here. I’m not quite sure Samuel. Where would you put a tattoo on my body?” I reached to Samuel and took his hands, placing them firmly on my chest.

Samuel didn’t answer. His mouth and body pounced on me, pushing me back onto the bed. He kissed me hard. I shut my eyes tightly, allowing the kiss to become all pure sensation inside. We began to kiss more and more, rolling around the bed as we did.

“Let me please you,” Samuel whispered into my ear. “I want to hear you come because of me.”

“Yes, and yes some more. But let me,” I reached for his pants. Samuel gripped onto my hand and stopped me.

“No, you tonight. I need to hear you. It does crazy things to me when I hear you come.”

I lifted my hand away as he requested, and put it instead into his thick black wavy hair, allowing him to do what he wanted to do. His hand slipped under my panties and found me, extremely wet and ready. I moved my hips towards him, eagerly wanting him. His fingers found me and began rubbing all around my opening, making me even wetter and more excited. I moaned and pulled at Samuel’s shirt. “Put them in,” I panted harshly, and Samuel put both fingers in, which instantly eased some of my tension. He began to tease me, drawing them in and out, listening to my breathing change as he did; taking note of the pressure and force which made my breathing increase as even more moans escaped from my lips. Samuel found the rhythm that made my whole body come alive, and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I moaned his name loudly, finding my release. Samuel kissed my cheek as he watched me close my eyes, relishing in the satisfaction he had given me with his hand.

“I love that I’m the only man who has done this to you. I love that I’m so many of your firsts.”

I opened my eyes and gazed hungrily at him. My hands moved up and down his chest. “Do you want another first tonight? I’m ready if you are.”

Samuel kissed my lips and then my forehead. “Soon Len. Soon.”

He moved so he lay on his back on my bed and I took up position laying on his chest. He began stroking my hair, and I moved my hand so it sat under his shirt, on his stomach.

Samuel’s eyes darted to the stack of envelopes on my side table. “More letters from Josh?”

I nodded. “I’ve told you he is my best friend haven’t I?”

Samuel stopped stroking my hair. “Len, do I have to worry about this guy? I mean, he isn’t in love with you, is he?”

I swallowed, and snuggled in tighter against Samuel. “He’s my best friend Samuel.” I didn’t want to have to explain my friendship any further. It was deep and intense, and I needed it like I needed air. Samuel had to respect and accept that.

The mood shifted, and everything became quiet. Samuel was immersed in thought. He did this often when he got lost in thinking about things close to his heart. Samuel wasn’t very emotional on the surface, but I could tell when he was thinking about serious matters.

“Does it bother you Len? That I’m a Voltaggio?” he asked, as his hands began stroke my hair again. His mind had wandered off to us and the longevity of our relationship. It was a road my mind often took as well.

I didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew why it was always on our minds. “Samuel, you of all people should know that a name doesn’t define you, and it shouldn’t effect what we have right now.”

He squirmed a bit as I said the words, and I could tell he wasn’t convinced. “But I’m like your Dad. I know how much that bothers you. You hate what he does and how he does it.”

I thought about what I’d seen in Samuel, how in three months he had shown me so many layers to his persona, none of which were anything like my Dad. Deep down, I believed Samuel was like me in the sense that he was put into a position where respect and loyalty for family came first, and his own happiness came second. When you are brought up that way, you don’t question your actions until something happens that makes you want to. Samuel had found another kind of direction to take that was different to his Dad, and he wanted to take it, he just didn’t know how.

“Yes, but you are different. I know you’ve been trying to get out but you can’t. I understand. I do. You don’t want to be like your Dad or mine. You would never hurt me or anyone I care about.”

His arms stopped stroking as he listened to me reassure him. “You really believe that Len?”

I trusted my instinct and my instinct told me that Samuel was different. “Yes. I watch you as much as you watch me. I see you Samuel.”

“I hope so.” His voice was low and tentative.

I couldn’t bear the melancholy any more. I didn’t want to think about why we were wrong for each other and what could break us up. I was already very aware of all the things working against us. I needed to stop Samuel dwelling on his thoughts about who he was. I knew he was worried about what I thought about him, and he worried it would push us apart. It amazed me how vulnerable he could be sometimes, especially when he was perceived as such a strong masculine enforcer in his family circle. You can never tell what is underneath with some people. Samuel was a good example of the phrase, ‘never judge a book by its cover’. If you were to look at him, you would probably see a very strong and muscular, womanizing meathead, but underneath that exterior, was a deep and dark sensitivity and emotion that was looking for something more. I loved that I was the lucky one who got to see it. It made me want to make him smile, any way I could.

“Sam...u…el,” I said as sweetly as I could sound. He could tell I wanted something. His eyes shot up to my voice that was already laced with mischief. His mood immediately brightened. He enjoyed playtime.

“Hmmm, yes...” he drew out with that rough yet smooth voice of his.

“Did you bring Cherry over tonight?” I got up so I could sit next to him.

He grinned at me. “I did.” His eyes glistened in the moonlight as I then straddled him on the bed, swaying my hips.

“I was wondering...” My hands started to rub his chest, already coaxing him to give me the answer I wanted.

“Yeeeeees!” His grin was crooked as he listened to me moan between my teeth. I pushed my body up against him, and I felt him getting aroused.

“Can I take her for a spin tonight?” I continued my rubbing up against his body. Cherry was Samuel’s Mustang. His ‘hot-as-f*ck’ Mustang which very few people were allowed to drive. On our first outing together we listened to Cherry Bomb by the Runaways on full volume as we sped around the city, and after that, I took it upon myself to name her. Samuel didn’t mind. He thought it was a fitting name. I think at the time he hoped to pop my cherry too.

“Do you think you can handle my stick?” he joked. Samuel had a dirty mind, and when he let it show, I liked it. I wasn’t a complete angel and enjoyed a bit of naughty banter.

“I can handle your stick.” My hand slipped into Samuel’s pants and I began stroking him.

Samuel closed his eyes at the sensation of my hand around him, stroking him and making him harder. He opened his eyes and moaned, “I love you.”

My hand froze mid-stroke. Love?

“I’m sorry?” I asked, shocked that he had said those three words and that he had chosen this moment to say them. Samuel looked at me like he had been caught out and that the words had left his body without his control.

He looked at me with a pained expression as he realized what he just said.

I started to laugh because my hand was still in his pants.

“What’s so funny?” he asked. He looked like a wounded animal now, his face forlorn and disappointed.

“You just told me you love me,” I pointed out.

“Yes,” he said, not understanding the humor in the situation.

“While I have my hand down your pants.” I pointed downwards, and both our heads looked down to where I was still holding him tightly.

We lifted our heads and Samuel then laughed too. “Oh, I just f*cked that up didn’t I?”

I shook my head. “No, you didn’t. It just surprised me.” I took my hand from his pants, very slowly and rested it on his waist.

“OK,” I said, and swallowed.

“OK, what?” He looked confused again.

“OK, now say it.” I smiled sweetly at Samuel who returned the same look. He understood what I meant. Now it was just us in the moonlight, holding each other, and staring into each other’s eyes. This was our moment.

Samuel’s chest heaved as he drew in the courage he needed to say those words again. “Lenorah Rossi, I love you.”

I half laughed and excitedly said back to him, “Samuel Voltaggio, I love you too.”

Not a second of hesitation.

We pulled into a deep embrace and held each other, knowing we had just crossed the line into something very complicated and dangerous. Our declaration now changed everything. We had just turned a corner down the road to something very scary and unknown because we had fallen in love. We both knew of the looming consequences, but we had just decided it was worth the risk. I whimpered up against his shirt as I buried my head on his chest near his heart.

Samuel pulled me away so he could look at me. “Don’t be sad Len. This is one of the best moments of my life.”

I nodded and met his gaze. “Me too Samuel, and that’s the sad thing. What the hell are we going to do?”

Samuel pulled me up against his chest again. “We are going to fight to stay together, that’s what we will do.”