Not So Model Home

CHAPTER 6


Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder. Does That Apply to Sluts Too?

I went home that night after a fruitless afternoon. Ken, my detective with the Palm Springs police and my cautious and perpetual dating partner, had let himself in and was cooking.

“How was the first day of shooting?”

“Like a drive-by.”

“That bad?”

“Actually, they didn’t do any shooting today, just a get-to-know-your-enemy meeting. It’s going to be a pit of snakes.”

“Well, Amanda, sit down and I’ll pour you a cucumber martini. That should make things right.”

Into a frosted glass, he poured my favorite drink with care, then topped it off with a cucumber slice. Perfect. Like my ex, Alex.

“I’ve got some bad news for you, Amanda,” he said, looking me straight in the eye.

“You’re gay. I knew it! You dress too well. You’re too handsome. You know how to cook. You have tasteful furniture in your condo.”

“I’m not gay. I’m metrosexual.”

I laughed like it was all a joke, when it really wasn’t. After my first husband turned out to be gay, I’ve been waiting for the other Gucci shoe to drop with Ken. He’s too much like a gay man to be straight. He assures me all the time. F*cks me until I’m crazy. And still I wonder. Once bitten, twice shy, I guess.

Ken continued, “No, I’ve got to leave town for a while. My mother fell.”

“Oh, my God, is she all right?”

“She fell down the stairs into the basement. Didn’t break a single bone, but she’s pretty bruised up and in the hospital. I have to fly home and get her on her feet. I might be gone for a while.”

“Of course, of course, Ken. Any idea how long this might take? A month?”

Ken shook his head.

“Two?”

Again, another sad shake. “Amanda, I really don’t know. I have to get her on her feet again, make her house more accessible, and find someone to look in on her.”

My face fell like a startled soufflé. “Well, okay. I’m sure I’ll find something to do in the meantime. Maybe I’ll take up snake handling. Or golfing. I need a hot, buff caddy following me around with a wood in his bag.”

“It’s only for a while, and you yourself said you wanted to take things slowly. This will give you some time off. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.”

“They also say that while the cat’s away, the mice will play.”

Ken looked surprised. “You?! Naw!”

“Well, you don’t have to say it like I was made of pus. I do get other men who look at me from time to time.”

“I wouldn’t blame them.”

“Mostly they’re trying to figure out what happened to Kathleen Turner. Or they’re gay and like my shoes. But I do get cruised by real straight men in this town. All two of them.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. But for your information, not every man in Palm Springs is gay, you know. And don’t worry, I’ll come back eventually.”

Just then, the weirdest thought flashed across my brain. Just for a nanosecond, but it was there nonetheless: I would be single while Ken was gone. I immediately dismissed the thought, but it left a vapor trail in my head that remained there for weeks. What frightened me was that here I get the partner I was so desperately looking for, and now I was being seduced by the notion of looking for someone else. Or at least stepping out to play. I hated dating. Hated it. But the fantasy of a naughty fling, well . . . This was followed by a wave of Catholic guilt that hit me like an Indonesian tsunami, yet I hadn’t even done anything wrong . . . yet.

I continued in an attempt to hide my guilty feelings. “Well, I could use the time to work on my fudge sculpture.”

“I didn’t know you had an artistic side.”

“Neither did I, but I’ve got to find something else to do besides hocking houses.”

“I don’t think real estate has been that bad for you. You’ve made some big money selling homes.”

“Yeah, about three years ago.”

“Where is it now?”

“Tied up in the several rental properties I have that are worth about half of what I paid for them. Or just plain pissed away.”

“You pissed all that money away?”

“Well, like I said, I do have several rental properties. And a ton of nice shoes.”

Ken shook his head, then smiled that smile, framed by those pillowy lips that made me fall for him—besides his husky-dog, ice-blue eyes and jet-black hair, graying ever so slightly at the temples.

“Amanda, the time will fly by. And before you know it, I’ll be back in town.”

“Sure,” I replied, giving him a hug while my mind raced at the possibility of being on my own for a while. What was going on with me?


“Of course you should have fun while Ken is gone!” Regina replied incredulously.

I didn’t want to lay my cards on the table with just anyone, but my secret was safe with Regina, my ageless neighbor. The old saying that there may be snow on the roof, but there’s still a fire in the furnace below, fit Regina to a T. Occasionally, though, one of Regina’s gentlemen callers merely left her with a burning sensation down below, if you know what I mean.

“You don’t mean I should cheat on Ken, do you?” I asked.

“Amanda, Ken is a terrific guy. But you can’t get all you want and need in one package.”

“Yes, I can. Ken gives me support, he loves me, we have great sex. What more can a woman want?”

“Something different. Something exciting! The thrill that comes with sex with a complete stranger.”

“Well, you’ve got something there,” I admitted hesitantly. “Can I trust you with a thought I’ve been having lately?”

“Shoot.”

“You know how I was so desperate to find a new partner after Alex and I divorced.”

“Desperate wasn’t the word for it. Pathetic would be a better fit.”

“Oh, c’mon, Regina, I was lonely.”

“That’s why I encouraged you to get out and have some funnnnnnnnn.”

“That’s what would you call it, Regina?”

“Okay, extracurricular activities. Amanda, let me ask you another question. Are you and Ken going steady?”

“Steady? No, but he let me wear his varsity sweater.”

“Funny. So what are the two of you to each other?”

“Regina, we were both in emotionally difficult breakups. We’re just not rushing into anything. We’re taking our time.”

“And taking your time means the ability to explore others, since you’re not tied down to each other.”

I looked at Regina, wondering why she didn’t go into trial law. “When you explain it like that, it doesn’t sound like cheating at all. It sounds like personal fulfillment. Something that I not only deserve, but have a right to.”

“Good, honey. Keep saying it to yourself like that over and over. Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s go out tonight and have fun, just us two girls. We can head out to Aqua Bar.”

“Regina, unless the crowd has changed since I was there last, the men there are mostly gay.”

“Listen, sweetie, that hasn’t stopped you or me before. Let’s head out at nine.”