Nirvana Effect

56



“We will go soon to the sea,” said Nockwe to his wife Bri’ley’na. “By the evening we’ll be leaving. Are the children ready?”

“They are,” she said. She called for them. “Children?”

They ran outside of the house to join their parents. They had their packs. Nockwe took time to inspect his first sons and daughters. There were four, the oldest of them only six years old. Bri’ley’na had given birth to him when she was only sixteen. He was the strongest, a born leader. Nockwe was very proud of him. The one he loved the most, however, was his younger son. He was almost five, and had been sickly most his life. He was the most loving of his children.

Nockwe had been blessed by the unseen god with four children from his wife’s four pregnancies. Looking at them lined up before him, shortest to tallest, he could not help but smile. Even amongst the turmoil, there was some small joy to be found.

“How are my warriors?” asked Nockwe.

They shouted in unison, “Tendo!” Ready.

He knelt down in front of them. “My children, Manassa will soon muster the tribe and begin the march. It is a great day for our tribe. We will leave our homeland, but create a new home. I will be very busy with matters of the tribe, so you must be strong and stay close to your mother and do whatever she asks. No matter what happens, follow the directions of your mother.”

“Yes, father,” they said. “Okay. Okay. Yes, father.”

“Good.” He stood up and turned away from them for a moment. There were tears in his eyes. Why? He wiped them away and walked into the hut to gather his own pack. It is a great day.

Bri followed him. “Nockwe,” he heard her say. “What is happening?”

“The move. It is unexpected.” He looked up at her. His bluff didn’t work. She just looked at him knowingly with her hand to her hip. “Glis. I killed him.”

“We already discussed this, Nockwe. He was a murderer. You did justice.” She held his hand and guided him to sit with her on their pallet.

“There is something I didn’t tell you. It is why I can’t let it go. There is something that plays in my mind again and again.”

“Tell me.”

I must. It won’t stop unless I do so. “Just before I killed him, the shock on his face…” He paused to gather his words. He shifted her hands back and forth in his. He looked up. “It was the shock and the disappointment of an innocent man.”

He looked into her eyes. There was no redemption there. He wouldn’t find it there, he knew, but he had hoped somehow just by saying it the ghost would leave him. Her eyes were more like mirrors, no matter how much she might want to soothe him.

“I have tried to deny it to myself,” he said, “but I know I brought justice to an innocent. I was wrong. Manassa was wrong. It must have been an honest challenge, and I slit his throat.”

“You did what you thought best for the tribe.”

“Perhaps I can’t see that, anymore,” said Nockwe.

She took his face in her hands and made him look at her. “Nockwe. All you see is the tribe. If you cannot see it anymore, there is someone blinding you. Look around you,” she said. She touched his chest. “Look into your heart. You are the eyes, the ears, the heart, the head of this tribe. You are its chieftain. If you do not see, do not hear, do not feel, do not think, your tribe is dead.”

He considered her words. She had a terrible habit of saying the right thing at exactly the right time. He restrained a smile and shot up out of his sitting position.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I am going to watch, to hear, to feel, to think. I love you,” said Nockwe.

“I love you, too,” said Bri’ley’na.

He walked back to kiss her, then ran to the temple.