Nantucket Blue

Forty-seven





AT FIRST NO ONE SAW ME when I walked into Fitzy’s backyard. I stood by the rose trellis and scanned for Zack, but I didn’t see him. Fitzy, Oliver, and a few other guys were jamming on their guitars. Jay was standing nearby, alone, pumping a keg of beer. I took a deep breath and approached him.

“Hi, Jay,” I said. He looked up. I’d caught him off guard.

“Hey,” he said. I braced myself for him to call me a name, but he didn’t. The moment hung in the air until finally he spoke. “You know, if you didn’t want to go out with me, you should’ve just said so.”

“I know,” I said. “You’re so right. But here’s the thing. I’ve liked you for a really long time. I’ve dreamed of going out with you since the eighth grade. You kissing me and asking me to be your girl was literally a dream come true.”

“Then…I don’t get it.” He looked a little nervous as he filled his red plastic cup with beer. I never imagined that I might make Jay Logan nervous. Jules, who was sitting next to Parker on a wicker love seat, had noticed me. She was whispering to Parker. My mouth went dry.

“Well, I really don’t know you. When I said that thing about your brother being a loser, I didn’t know you; and when I said that I would do anything to go out with you, I didn’t know you. I just knew of you. I kissed you because I’d thought about it so much, because it’s something I’ve wanted for so long that I just kind of got swept up in the moment. But the thing is, I love someone else, someone I actually know.”

“This is a lot of information, C.T.” Jay sipped his beer. “You’re complicated.”

“I’m sorry if I mislead you,” I said. “Maybe you could see it as a compliment?”

“Hey, it’s cool.” To my surprise, he grinned. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make your dreams come true.” He shook his head. “And I guess it turns out Zacky Clayton has some moves.” He wiggled his eyebrows. I did not like where this was headed.

“Do you know where he is?” I asked.

“He’s inside,” Jay said. The only problem with getting inside was that I had to walk by Jules and Parker and Fitzy and Oliver and a whole gang of other kids. Some were jamming on their guitars and some smoking weed and some playing a drinking game, and others were lounging on the lawn furniture like noblemen in a palace garden. Together they radiated a force field of confidence that required physical strength to pass through.

“Hi, Jules,” I said as I walked passed her, holding my breath. Just as I climbed the steps, Zack emerged from the back door. Our eyes met. He still loves me, I thought.

“Zack,” I said. “I’m so sorry, but I can explain this whole thing. I really want to talk to you, alone.”

“Hey, desperado!” Parker called. I was standing on the steps, under a porch light. Parker was laughing, and I felt the attention of the party shift toward me.

“If you think I’m desperate, then you must not like Zack very much,” I said. Parker closed her mouth. “And that’s just stupid, because Zack is the best.” Jules flashed me a quick glance. She wasn’t smiling, but she was looking at me like she knew me again.

“Can we talk now?” I asked Zack.

“Yeah,” Zack said. “Let’s go.”