Nanjing Requiem

28




IN EARLY DECEMBER, without informing us beforehand, my son, Haowen, came to see us. He slipped through Jinling’s front gate, wearing civvies—a bowler hat, a peacoat, and suede shoes. He looked slightly taller than he had five years before, perhaps because he was much thinner and more muscular. He walked with a straight back, more like a man, yet his face was no longer bright. He was twenty-seven but looked like he was in his mid-thirties. His dad, sister, and I were all shocked but elated to see him home. At first I was somewhat unnerved, assuming that he had deserted. Then I thought that it was high time for him to quit the Imperial Army, whether it was by desertion or discharge, as long as he was back home. But he said that his hospital unit was on its way to Luoyang, that they let him off at Nanjing to deliver some documents at the army’s headquarters and also to see his parents. Tomorrow he’d have to head north to catch up with his unit.

I told Liya to sit at the front door with Fanfan in case someone barged in. Yaoping took Haowen into the inner room while I let down all the window curtains.

It was already twilight and the marketplace had closed; there was no way I could get groceries for a decent meal. I hurried to the poultry center and bought five eggs from Rulian, saying I had an important guest and needed her to do me a favor, since the eggs were not for sale. For dinner I steamed some salted dace on top of rice, fried a bowl of peanuts, sautéed napa cabbage with dried anchovies, and scrambled the eggs with scallions. Yaoping had begun restocking his liquor cabinet since he resumed teaching, though most of his wines and liquors were fake. When the table was set, I told Liya to bolt the door, and then we all sat down to the best meal I had cooked since the fall of the city.

Haowen poured rice wine for everyone and said, “Dad and Mom, forgive me for causing you so much pain and anxiety. I came home just to see if you’re well. At present, there’s no way I can do anything to make your life comfortable, but when the war is over, I’ll do my best to be a dutiful son.”

Waving his narrow hand, his father said, “No need to talk like that. Let’s just enjoy a quiet meal.”

“I’m so happy to see you home, son,” I said, with tears in my eyes. “We can’t give you a better dinner, but we will when you come back next time.”

“Brother, let’s touch cups,” Liya proposed.

We all took a drink of the wine, which tasted thin and watery. Haowen dipped a chopstick into his cup and gave Fanfan a drop of the wine. The child liked it and wanted more. That made us chuckle. Liya told her brother, “Don’t give him any more. You’ll make him drunk.”

So I poured some water into a wine cup and dropped in a tiny lump of crystal sugar. Whenever Fanfan wanted another drink, Haowen would give him a drop of the sweet water in place of the dark stuff we’d been drinking. The boy cried out, “White wine, more.” That made us laugh again.

My husband and son went on talking about the war as we ate. Now and again I would put in a word. Yaoping felt that China, poor and backward, couldn’t possibly win this war, but Haowen thought differently.

“In fact, the morale is very low among the Japanese troops,” he said.

“Why so? Haven’t they already occupied half of China?” his dad asked.

“But Japan doesn’t have the manpower to control all the territory it has seized. What’s worse, its army has suffered horrendous casualties and cannot replenish the reduced units. The Japanese did not expect China to resist so stubbornly.”

“You mean they cannot find enough soldiers?” I asked.

“Yes. They’ve been recruiting men from Korea, Taiwan, and other places, but those are not experienced troops. The army is much weaker now.” Haowen’s eyes sparkled as he spoke, reminding me of the boy he used to be. He put a shriveled peanut into his mouth and continued, “Originally they planned to finish the war in three or four months, but now they don’t even know how to bring it to an end. China is like a vast swamp into which they’ve been sinking deeper and deeper, though they’ve kept winning battles. The longer they fight, the harder it will be for them to pull out. The soldiers miss home and complain nonstop. It’s difficult for the officers to keep discipline. As a matter of fact, Japan might turn out to be a loser if this war drags on for too long. The politicians and top generals in Tokyo simply don’t have a clue how to make an end of it.”

“They should have made plans for all the possible ways to end it before they started it,” Yaoping said. “That’s common sense.”

“Human beings can be stupider than animals, which are never afflicted with megalomania,” Haowen added.

“Brother, what will you do after the war?” Liya asked, her cheeks glowing with a red sheen raised by the wine.

“I haven’t completed my degree yet. Maybe I will return to medical school.”

I knew he meant to rejoin his wife, but I made no comment. Yaoping sighed and said, “The Imperial Army is too savage. I’m afraid the two countries will remain enemies for a long time.”

After dinner, we sat at the tea table and resumed talking. Haowen was holding Fanfan and made him laugh now and again. The boy was as happy as if he had known his uncle for ages. Haowen tickled him and raised him above his head, and the three-year-old also straddled his neck for a horse ride. I could see that Haowen would be an indulgent father when he had his own children. Even before his teens, he would say he wanted to have a wife and three kids when he grew up. He had been born to become a family man and must love Mitsuko dearly.

When Fanfan fell asleep and Liya carried him to the other room, Haowen took something wrapped in a piece of tissue paper out of his inner breast pocket. “Mom,” he said, “I had nothing to bring you. Here’s a little keepsake.”

I opened the paper and found a gold bangle, smooth and solid. “You don’t need to do this,” I told him.

“Dad,” he said, turning to Yaoping, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything for you.”

“Forget about that. I’m happy just to see you safe and well. Bring Mitsuko home next time.”

“I will.”

As I was observing the bangle, I saw a tiny character, Diao, engraved on the inner side of the bracelet. My heart sank. I dropped the thing on the table with a clunk and asked, “Haowen, did you steal this from someone?”

“No, how … how can you say that?”

“It must belong to a Chinese with the family name Diao. Did you also join the Japanese in looting?” I got angrier as I spoke.

“Mom, you misjudge me. I only treat patients. There’s no way I could loot homes and rob my own people.” His face went misshapen as if something were stinging him.

“Then how come this bangle has the word ‘Diao’ engraved on it?”

“Let me take a look.” He picked it up and observed it, amazed by the character that he obviously hadn’t noticed before. He put it down. “I don’t know where it was from originally. It was an interpreter who gave it to me.”

“Is he Chinese?” his father said.

“Yes, the fellow had malaria and I took good care of him. You know the Japanese—they’d get rid of him like trash if he couldn’t get up from the sickbed within a couple of days.”

“What’s his surname?” I asked.

“Meng.”

“See, this bangle must’ve belonged to someone else,” I said.

“Meng gave it to me as a token of gratitude because I saved his life. I have no idea where he got it.”

“This might be ill-gotten,” I continued.

He looked tearful, then closed his eyes. “I’m cursed, cursed,” he muttered, his upper lip curled a little. “Even my mother rejects my present.” He sighed, lowered his head, and covered his forehead with his palm.

Pity and love stirred in my chest. I said, “All right, Haowen, I’ll keep this. But you must promise me that you’ll never rob anyone or steal from the civilians.”

“Do you think I could act freely like the Japanese? Heavens, the Japs treat me as a Chink, they don’t trust me. I’m cursed, cursed! I’m a pariah no matter where I go.” He stood up and went into the kitchen to wash his face at the sink. He blew his nose loudly.

Yaoping pursed his lips, then said to me, “Let’s treat him as our child, our only son. Can’t you see he’s miserable?”

I remained speechless and put the gold bangle away. Beyond any question, Haowen was good-natured and ill-used by the Japanese, but I didn’t want him to take advantage of his own people. Before I turned in, I said to him, “Keep in mind you’re a Christian. God will make us answer for what we did in this life.”

“I’ll remember that, Mom.”

That night he and his dad stayed in the inner room while I joined Liya and Fanfan in the other room. Haowen left before daybreak to catch the train.