Midnight Secrets

chapter

THIRTY-ONE


Savannah woke to darkness and the feel of Zach’s strong arms holding her close, his hard body warm and enticing against her. His scent was deliciously masculine, with just a hint of the musky aftershave he’d put on this morning. His shallow, even breaths made her smile. She had resisted sleeping but he had been right. They were both exhausted and needed the rest. Relaxed and sated, she closed her eyes on a peaceful sigh of contentment.

She felt the rumble of his voice against his chest as he said huskily, “Guess I’m sleeping over at your house tonight.”

She twisted around slightly to squint at the bedside clock. Almost midnight. They’d slept about four hours. Rolling over, she faced him, snuggling deeper into his body. “I don’t care where we are as long as I can wake up in your arms.”

“Agreed.” Though she couldn’t see his face, she heard the smile in his voice. “Feel like talking?”

Now? When she felt so relaxed and sated? When all she wanted to do was forget that there were still issues they needed to discuss and one very big secret she’d been keeping? Dread tightened every muscle in her body. “Sure.”

Though his arms still held her tight, she sensed his withdrawal and hesitancy. Even in the dark, she couldn’t hide her thoughts and fears from him. “What did you want to talk about?”

Yes, the words were cowardly. She’d winced even as she’d said them. Her conscience sneered at her lack of courage. Grow a backbone, Savannah!

His arms loosened around her. “You said you’d forgiven me. Were those just words?”

“Of course not.” She propped herself up on an elbow and tried to see him in the dark. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re still holding back from me, Savannah. I can sense it.”

“Zach, I—”

He swallowed hard. “Do you still not trust me?”

She was hurting him already and she hadn’t told him anything. “Of course I trust you. I just need—” Oh God, cutting open her heart and spilling her blood couldn’t be more painful than this.

“Dammit, I can’t apologize more than I already have.” Rolling off the bed, Zach grabbed his jeans, jerked them on, and stalked to the door. “Let me know when you want a real relationship and not just somebody to give you orgasms.”

That stung but was nothing she didn’t deserve. She’d been putting this off for much too long. Ten years to be exact. This was it … now or never. If she didn’t tell him now, there was no future. Sitting up in bed, she wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed her forehead against her knees. Raising her head, she took a breath and the painful words were wrenched out of her. “We had a daughter. I named her Maggie Rose … after my mama. She lived for three days.”

Pale moonlight allowed her to see only the outline of his body seemingly frozen at the door. Pained silence filled the room; even in the darkness, she could feel his anguish.

She heard him swallow hard and then he rasped, “What?”

Now that she’d finally said the words, all energy seeped from her limbs. Slumping back onto the pillow, she continued, “I found out I was pregnant about a month after you left. I was in Nashville, getting ready for my first year at Vandy. That was the only thing that kept me from going crazy worrying about you. When I started getting queasy, I assumed it was from stress. Eventually, when I sat down and allowed myself to think about it, I realized I was pregnant.”

The realization hadn’t come like a burst of lightning. It had been a gradual knowing … maybe her subconscious allowing her to come to terms with the monumental event one step at a time. When finally, at last, she accepted the truth, she had been ridiculously overjoyed. Despite all the hardships that she knew lay ahead, she’d had this tiny, innocent, beautiful being growing inside of her—a piece of Zach no one could take away from her … or so she had thought.

“But, the condom …”

“Didn’t work. Those things are supposed to be like ninety-eight percent effective. I was one of those rare, sad statistics. My first time having sex, practicing safe sex. And I still got pregnant.”

She heard him turn away from the door and head back to the bed. His movements were much slower than before—almost as if the weight of his burdens pulled him down. Her heart hurt for him.

The bedside light came on, which thankfully gave only a soft glow. She couldn’t face the harsh light right now. Zach sat on the bed, the stark agony in his eyes a reflection of what she had gone through during those dark days.

His voice was so strained, she could barely make out his words. “Is that why you called me?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I knew you didn’t want me … or at least, that’s what I thought. But you had a right to know about the baby.”

“And I stupidly and cowardly ignored your calls. My God, how can you even stand to be around me?”

She sat up and grabbed for his hand. “Zach … no, it wasn’t your fault … it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

The pained anguish in his eyes told her he didn’t agree. “What happened?”

“It was a normal pregnancy … at least that’s what my doctor told me. I started spotting at about thirty-one weeks. She said that often happened and to just stay off my feet. I got through the first semester of college. Granddad came to stay with me.” She shook her head as she remembered all that he had done for her. “He amazed me. No judgment or censure. He waited on me hand and foot. I did everything I was supposed to do.”

She took a breath and trudged on. “It just wasn’t enough. I woke in the middle of the night with a searing pain in my belly. Granddad carried me to the hospital. They told me I was in labor. They assured me that even though she was premature, everything looked fine.”

A soft little sob escaped her as she remembered. “Oh, Zach, she was perfect. So incredibly beautiful. I held her in my arms and felt so blessed and happy. I had a part of you that no one could take away from me. On the third day, she just stopped breathing. They rushed her to the NICU, put her on a breathing machine. Nothing they did brought her back. We buried her in a beautiful cemetery right outside of Nashville.”

That had been one of the hardest decisions she’d ever made. Rationally she knew she was being silly, but she had wanted her daughter to be placed next to her namesake, Savannah’s mother. Her grandfather had convinced her otherwise. No one in Midnight knew about her pregnancy. And though Savannah wasn’t ashamed of Maggie Rose, neither did she want all the gossip and spitefulness that would follow if she had brought her daughter back to her hometown to bury.

She forced herself to go on, wanting to get everything said and out in the open at last. “That was a really bad time for me, Zach. When you called me, Maggie had just been gone twelve days. I couldn’t talk to you. I could barely talk to anyone. Could barely function.” Closing her eyes, she admitted, “God help me, I hated you. I needed to blame someone and you were a convenient target.”

At some point, she had overcome her hatred, but unfortunately, something much worse had replaced it.

“I fell into a depression, a hole so dark and deep I didn’t think I’d ever come out of it. Couldn’t eat or sleep. Poor Granddad was beside himself. I went for counseling and then group therapy. I finally remembered all the things I had to live for, all the people who loved me.”

It had been a long, hard road back. College and then law school had helped but most of the credit had to be given to her sisters and grandfather. Without them, she wasn’t sure she would have survived.

Zach’s silence was stark and chilling. Did he blame her for not trying harder to get in touch with him? Was he angry she hadn’t told him sooner?

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.” She leaned toward him. “Zach, please.” Reaching out, her fingers barely skimmed his shoulders when he twisted away from her and jumped to his feet. The rejection smashed her heart into a million pieces.

* * *

His head shaking in denial, Zach paced around the room in a mindless circle. He thought he’d seen and been through hell before. Nothing compared to this. He’d had a daughter. A precious little girl and she had died before he could see her, hold her in his arms.

And the woman he had abandoned, left pregnant and alone, lay on the bed. Her nonjudgmental acceptance of his treatment of her tore at his gut. She had said she hated him for a while … she should still hate him.

All of his life, he had done his best to take care of the people he loved. That had been his driving need for as long as he remembered. A code of honor he’d taken on because he’d known it was the right thing to do. The one time he’d taken the coward’s way out, had let his pride get in the way of honor, he had lost more than his self-respect, he’d broken Savannah’s heart and denied his daughter a father.

Like a roaring beast in a frenzy of fury, agony ripped at his chest, his throat closed, and tears blurred his vision. A harsh sob erupted from deep within him; a gut-wrenching anguish washed over him, threatening to drown him. He had failed the two people who meant more than life to him. And because of his sheer selfishness, he would never know one of them.

Savannah reached out her hand to him again. “Oh, Zach, no … please don’t. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just happened.”

The emotion he saw on her face, the tears falling from her eyes, the pain he heard in her voice reinforced his self-disgust. He had hurt her once and now, dammit, he was doing it again.

He turned away and stalked out the door. He couldn’t talk right now. He had to think, clear his head. What in the hell had he done?

* * *

Oh God, she had known she would hurt him when she told him the truth. She just hadn’t realized the depth of that hurt. Guilt sliced through her. She should have told him sooner, in a different way. She should have tried harder to find him. She should have taken his calls. So many should-haves … so much regret.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him at all. What good had come from him knowing the truth? The man she adored was hurting and she was responsible.

Grabbing her robe from the end of the bed, Savannah pulled it on and hurried out the door. She couldn’t just let him leave like this. He was blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault … wasn’t anyone’s fault. She ran down the landing toward the stairs. The only lights were from the lamps in the foyer below and the light coming from her bedroom. Had everyone gone to bed? Where was Zach? Had he left already? Was she too late?

She was almost to the stairway when a masculine shadow appeared at the other end of the landing, coming from the direction of her parents’ room. “Zach?”

He didn’t answer. Savannah stayed still, afraid if she went closer he’d walk away from her again. She had to make him understand. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before … I couldn’t. Reliving that time again … it brought back so many bad memories.” She shook her head rapidly. “No, that’s no excuse. I know I should have told you sooner.” She took a step closer. “I’m so sorry … please forgive me.”

“Savannah.”

She jerked to a stop, startled that Zach’s voice, harsh and urgent, came from behind her and not from the man standing a few feet away.

Who? What … Before she could finish the thought, Zach shouted, “Get down!”

Savannah dropped to the floor. Shots were fired; bullets whizzed over her head. Her shocked brain registered multiple gunshots as if bullets were flying everywhere, in every direction. In a distant part of her frozen mind, she knew Zach was shooting at someone. Please, please, please, let him be okay.

Seconds later, as if someone had abruptly shoved her into a soundproof room, there was nothing but dead silence. Then the thundering noise of people running and shouting hit her ear. Lights blazed above her. Before she could assimilate all the nuances of the past ten seconds, hands grabbed her and turned her over.

“Savannah … baby, are you okay?”

She looked into Zach’s worried face and almost sobbed her relief. He was here … he was okay. Sitting up, she threw herself into his arms and held on tightly. If she had lost him … She shook her head. She didn’t even want to finish that thought.

“What the hell happened?”

Her face buried against Zach’s naked chest, she didn’t have to look up to know that was Brody’s voice.

“Someone broke in and tried to kill Savannah.”

She raised her head at that. “Me? Are you sure?”

Zach’s face was dark, grimmer than she could ever imagine, as he nodded. “He was pointing the gun right at you. I saw his eyes right before I took the shot. He was focused solely on you.”

“I don’t understand. Why me? There are a whole lot more people on the case now. I don’t know more than anyone else. Could he have intended to kill all of us?”

Pulling her to her feet, Zach held on to her as if afraid to let her go. That was perfectly fine with her. She never wanted him to let her go.

“Anyone recognize the shooter?” Brody asked.

Turning, she looked at the body lying a few feet in front of her. Samantha pushed him over onto his back. The man was thirtyish, balding, medium height and very fit. Even in death, he looked wicked and hardened.

Shaking her head, Savannah answered, “I’ve never seen him before.”

Zach held her away slightly to look down at her. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a little shaky.”

His hands cupped her face and he reverently and softly kissed her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Savannah. For everything.”

She knew he wasn’t talking about the events of the last five minutes but what they’d been discussing beforehand. “Don’t, Zach. Please. We have to get past that. Okay?”

The smile she so loved brightened his face like a thousand candles. “We’ve got a lot of things to talk about … decisions to make.”

Despite the fact that someone had just tried to kill her, a wave of happiness swept over her. Her smile as bright as his, she answered, “Yes, we certainly do.”

“Hey, Chief,” Brody’s amused sarcasm broke up the tender moment, “wouldn’t want a dead guy to spoil a romantic interlude. Want me to take over for you?”

Laughing at Zach’s raised eyebrows and the searing glare he shot Brody, she said, “Go. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but first …” He looked left and right and then pulled her into a corner, out of sight from everyone. Lowering his mouth, he kissed her tenderly, passionately, lovingly, and then whispered, “I love you, Savannah Wilde.”

Filled with so much emotion she could hardly speak, she said thickly, “And I love you, Zach Tanner. For now. Always. Forever.” Caressing his face, she whispered, “Go, do your job. We’ll talk later.”

The instant his arms dropped and he walked away, she felt alone and bereft. As soon as this was solved, her parents’ murderer caught, she wanted to go somewhere alone with Zach—someplace where guns, fires, and bad people existed only in books and movies.

Sabrina and Samantha rushed to her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just can’t believe all of this is happening.”

Sammie shook her head in shared disbelief. “I’m beginning to think Atlanta has nothing on Midnight for mayhem and murder.”

A crazy idea sprang into her mind. Blurry and unformed, it seemed too insane to even contemplate. But was it really? She eyed her two sisters speculatively. Would they even consider such a thing?