Marriage Matters

Seventy-seven

The next morning, Chloe woke up at the crack of dawn. She’d done this every Christmas morning, as soon as she understood the concept of Santa. “It’s like you’d prop your eyes open with toothpicks or something,” her dad always said. “The moment the sun was up, so were you. It was impressive.”

This morning, it didn’t feel impressive. She would much rather be asleep. But the noise in her head was impossible to sleep through.

Sliding out of bed, she pulled open the curtain and looked outside. The window was covered in etched patterns of frost. A new layer of snow had fallen, making the world look fresh and bright. Pulling on her coat, scarf and gloves, she sneaked out of the house and headed for the train.

* * *

When Chloe let herself into her childhood home, it was still. Everything was in place, except for an empty container of black olives that was sitting on the counter. Her heart ached thinking of her father sitting alone on Christmas Eve. She’d texted him to see if he wanted her to come over last night, but he’d said, “No, honey. Christmas Eve is important to your mother. Stay with her.”

Quiet as a mouse, she threw out the jar of olives and found the coffee. Once the pot was gurgling, she took off her coat and sat on the couch. It took her a moment to realize that the reason her parents’ house didn’t feel like Christmas was that, for the first time she could remember, there were no decorations. Not a tree, not a garland, not anything.

Wrapping herself up in a blanket on the couch, she closed her eyes. Memories started flashing through her mind and she thought back to a Christmas in the third grade. Her Brownie troop sent each of the girls home with gingerbread kits for a gingerbread-making competition. Her parents got super into it, buying more candy at the drugstore than could possibly fit on the house. Gumdrops, cinnamon disks, bricks of chocolate for the roof . . . Her father kept stealing caramels and popping them into his mouth and her mother kept slapping his hand. Eventually, this simple interaction evolved into a full-out food fight, with pieces of candy and hunks of frosting flying across the kitchen like missiles.

Chloe fell asleep smiling, thinking of the moment her father had pelted both her and her mother with gumdrops, the three of them laughing hysterically.

* * *

“Hey.” Chloe felt someone tugging at her toe. Opening her eyes, she saw her father standing over her. “What are you doing here?” His face was split into a smile.

Chloe yawned, sitting up. There was a crick in her neck. “What do you mean, what am I doing here?” She rubbed her eyes. “I’m not letting you spend Christmas alone.”

The look on her father’s face was more than worth skipping June’s homemade Christmas brunch. “Thank you,” he said, clearing his throat. “Then let’s go ahead and get some breakfast on the table.”

As they whipped up eggs and bacon, she told her father all about the internship she had waiting for her at the hospital. They had called on Christmas Eve, just before closing up for the holidays.

“It’s awesome,” she said. “It starts in February and could lead to really big things. I’m so excited.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Kevin said, ruffling her hair and setting the plates on the table. “I don’t get a chance to tell you that enough. And, I’ve gotta say . . .” He shook his head, his tone suddenly serious. “I’m glad you called off your part in the wedding.”

“You are?” She took a seat. “How come?”

“It was too fast,” her father said. “There’s such a thing as love at first sight but I got the feeling you just did it because it was easy. And typically, you don’t do anything that’s easy.”

“I got swept up.” She thought about those early days when Geoff would talk her into skipping out on class to study with him in his office. “I really liked him. I still like him. But I just don’t love him. You know? I’ve felt this huge sense of relief, ever since I called it off.”

“What about the kid?” Kevin set glasses of juice in front of their plates. “Are you going to miss her?”

Chloe felt sad, thinking about Mary Beth’s pouty little face. “Desperately. I mean, I kept thinking that I needed more time. To get to know her, to spend time with her. But, in the end . . .” She sighed, thinking about the reality of the situation. “It was good that she never really got attached to me.”

Kevin looked surprised. “Really? Little kids flock to you.”

“Not this one.” She shook her head. “Things happen for a reason, I guess and . . .” She thought for a moment. “Maybe it’s silly but I’m kinda hoping that Geoff and his ex-wife patch things up. You should have seen his face when she came back to town.” She laughed, remembering that night at the restaurant. Geoff had been white as a sheet. “It’ll be interesting to see what happens. Mary Beth deserves to have her mother. I think that’s the best-case scenario, on a developmental level.”

Kevin grinned. “It’s good to hear you talking like you again.”

“What do you mean?” She smeared jam onto her toast and took a bite. Her dad hadn’t been shy with the butter. It was rich and sweet in her mouth.

“You just weren’t acting like yourself.” He popped a piece of bacon in his mouth. “You didn’t care about school, you got caught up in all that wedding stuff . . .”

“I still cared about school. But Geoff taught me to relax, to slow down.” She grinned, thinking of the day he’d said that to her. The day she’d first seen him in those silly green sweatpants. “Yes, things have still been crazy busy but I feel like I’m finally taking time to look around, you know? To see the things that matter.” She let out a breath, thinking of all the fun times with Ben she’d taken for granted. “Maybe I don’t have a sparkly diamond anymore, but at least I have a life.”

Kevin nodded. “I feel a little responsible for all that. For setting a bad example.”

“You sound like Mom,” Chloe groaned. Reaching across the table, she grabbed his hand. “Whatever happens between you two,” she said, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice, “you’ll still be my dad. Obviously.”

For the second time that morning, she could swear her father choked up. Jumping to his feet, he picked up their dirty plates and rinsed them in the sink. After loading them into the dishwasher, he said, “I love you, too, Chloe. You and your mother.” He let out a sigh. “And June.”

“It’s not too late.” Chloe bit her thumbnail. Her mother had seemed so sad last night, so lost. “To talk to her.”

Kevin wiped his hands on the kitchen towel. “Oh, I’m gonna do more than that.”

“What do you mean?” Chloe sat up straight.

Kevin closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter.

“Well . . .” He smiled. “Let’s just say I’ve still got a little something up my sleeve.”