Love at 11

Chapter Eighteen



FROM: “Laura Smith” <[email protected]>

TO: “Madeline Madison” <[email protected]>

SUBJECT: Now that you’re me …



Hi Maddy,



Congratulations on getting promoted to executive producer. I’m sure you’ll do great. And now that you’re me, I wanted to let you in all on this job’s perks! As executive producer, you have power over a company’s public relations and marketing staff. And if you use this power for good, you can walk away with a ton of free stuff.



For example, if you want to go to an amusement park, concert, or sporting event, all you have to do is call the public relations rep and ask them for tickets. They’ll give them to you—free! Sure, you may have to promise to do a segment on them at some point—something that gives them some free advertising. I once got a whole ski weekend comp’ed just by promising to feature them in an upcoming News 9 report. (Oh, crap, that reminds me—can you assign someone to do a Southern California’s Best Ski Resort story? Make sure White Mountain wins first place.)



You can also get a ton of great stuff in the mail. If you like a new product, simply do a story on it and they’ll send you one free. (Even expensive stuff!) Sometimes they’ll only send it as a loan, but I’ve found that if you keep it, they eventually give up calling to get it back. Also, you’re already signed up to get every new DVD, music CD, and book that comes out. Once in a while, you might want to share the wealth (especially if the CD is rap or something you don’t want). Leave your leftovers on the freebie table and your staff will think it’s Christmas! Or there’s always eBay if you’re short a few bucks. Some of those press—only promo items really rack up the bids.



Okay, that’s all for now. I’ll write again later to fill you in on how to meet movie stars, get your speeding tickets fixed, and solve personal problems with places like banks, etc., all by saying you work at News 9. Also, please consider doing a story about my new client’s line of home facial products. I promise we’ll hook you up with tons of free samples so you’ll be able to hide all those stress wrinkles you’ll get from taking the new job. LOL.



Laura



I arrived at my apartment and kicked off my sandals. No sooner had I poured myself a glass of Callaway Chardonnay then the doorbell rang.

Jamie.

I invited him in and handed him a glass of the wine. He looked as if he could use it. Actually, he looked as if he could use a straight up shot of Jack. He walked over and sat down on the couch. He looked so serious. Dazed. Kind of devastated, even, with his distracted eyes not meeting mine, and his rumpled shirt only half tucked into his trousers. What the heck was wrong with him?

I sat down beside him, placing a hand on his knee. He flinched a little at the touch, but didn’t move his leg. “What’s wrong, Jamie?” I asked, seriously concerned at this point. “You can talk to me.”

He took a long sip of wine before beginning. Practically drained the glass. This was not looking good.

“Before I begin, I want you to know that I care about you deeply,” he said, setting down his glass and placing a hand over mine. “And these last few weeks have been some of the best in my life.”

I gave him a small smile—the best I could manage in my freaked-out state. I took a deep breath and tried to ready myself for whatever his next words would bring.

He scrubbed his face with his free hand. “God, this is so hard,” he mumbled. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Maybe the Band-Aid method would be best,” I said. “Like pulling it off all at once instead of prolonging the torture.”

“Okay, then.” He swallowed hard. “Here goes. Jen’s pregnant.”

Oh. My. God.

After getting over the initial slam of horror, my stomach caught up and I wanted to be physically ill. This could not be happening. It could not be happening.

Every possible scenario I had played in my head as to what his bad news could have been was not nearly as horrible as what reality had chosen to throw in my direction. I felt like I was on some bad episode of Jerry Springer.

My brain threw questions, fast and furious, but my mouth didn’t know where to begin.

“Wh-when did you find out?” I finally managed. As if that question even mattered. Who cared when he’d found out? The point was, he had.

“She wrote me an e-mail a couple days ago, asking me to come to LA. Said she had some news.” Jamie stared at the floor, kicking at the rug with the toe of his sneaker. “I made the trip yesterday. She told me when I got there.”

“Is she … sure?”

He nodded. “After she did the home test, she went to the doctors to confirm it.”

“And it’s definitely … yours?”

He swallowed hard. “The day I broke up with her. I was really nervous and stressed about the whole thing. So I suggested we have a few drinks. Figured it would calm my nerves. Then we ended up having a few more. I soon realized I was too drunk to have such an important conversation, and decided to wait until morning. Problem was, she wanted to have sex. And I didn’t know how to say no without getting into the discussion.”

“Oh that’s nice. Really, really nice,” I retorted. Visions of Jamie—my Jamie—naked and writhing in Jennifer’s arms invaded my mind. I wanted to puke.

He squeezed his hand into a fist. “Trust me, Maddy, it wasn’t like I enjoyed it. All I could think of the whole time was you and how you’d be hurt if you knew what I was doing.”

“How noble of you to think of me while f*cking another woman.”

“Look, I’m not proud of what I did. But it wasn’t like you and I were a couple then, you know?”

I knew he had a point, but that didn’t make any of this any easier. He’d had sex with her. And now she was pregnant with his child. The whole relationship house of cards I’d built was toppling before my eyes and I didn’t know what to say or do. Tears welled up in my eyes and I choked back my sobs. I felt so dirty for some reason. So violated.

“Didn’t you guys use … protection? Were you that stupid?” My voice cracked as I hurled my accusations. I had to lash out. I couldn’t keep the anger inside.

“She’s been on the pill forever,” he said wearily. “Maybe she forgot to take it that day? I don’t know. She doesn’t either.”

Nor did it matter, I realized. The fact remained: Jamie was going to be a dad. And not to my imaginary future babies. There was a real baby now—one he’d created with another woman. A baby that in nine months was going to arrive screaming out of a birth canal, demanding a father. Everything in Jamie’s life from that moment on was going to change.

“Maddy, I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to take in. I had no idea, believe me.” His voice sounded sad, pleading. I wanted to beat him senseless. And I wanted him to pull me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay.

But that would be a lie.

“Is she going to keep it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said in a low voice. “She’s really excited about the baby, actually.”

Of course she was.

“Maddy, I know this is weird and awkward, but at the same time, you need to know, this doesn’t change things between you and I.”

I stared at him. Was he serious? “But it does, Jamie. It changes everything.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“Look, are you going to want to be involved in the kid’s life?”

“Well, yeah. I mean—”

“Go to ultrasounds, birthday parties, graduations? Have visitation on weekends? Are you going to move back to LA to be closer to it?” I couldn’t manage to think of this monster in Jen’s belly as a him or her just yet.

He sighed. “I don’t know yet. I just found out. I haven’t made any decisions.”

But he would have to, I realized. And he’d be making them soon. His priorities. His life. Everything would change. And I wasn’t ready. This relationship was too new. I couldn’t move to LA for him—I’d just gotten promoted at News 9. And I wasn’t going to suffer through a long-distance relationship only to find out he’d decided in the end it would be best for the child if he went back with its mother.

There was no other decision to make. This relationship had to be nipped in the bud. I didn’t want it to be. I loved Jamie so much. Even as I sat here, furious with him, I wanted to cradle him in my arms and tell him everything was okay. Yet reality had reared its ugly head and I couldn’t turn my back on it. I wasn’t going to be one of those girls who got walked all over by their boyfriends. Jamie had made his bed. I was no longer interested in lying in it.

“It’s over, Jamie,” I said, my heart breaking as I spoke. My spacious living room suddenly felt too small. Cramped. Stifling. “It has to be.”

He looked at me with his beautiful eyes, pleading for me to change my mind. “No, Maddy,” he cried. “Don’t do this. Please. I love you.”

I love you. The words that once would have sent me spiraling into a delighted haze now only served to make me sick.

“Guess you should have thought of that before you had sex with the ex,” I retorted.

Jamie scowled. “That’s not fair and you know it. You’re being a baby.”

“And you’re having one.” I shot back. “Look, Jamie, let’s just cut our losses and move on. This relationship has been a train wreck since it started. It was always doomed to fail.” I couldn’t believe how in control my voice sounded, when my insides were breaking apart, piece by piece.

“But—”

“Don’t you see?” I interrupted. “You were meant to be with Jen. I stole you away. Now the universe is telling you to go back. It’s not too late—you can have a nice little family together. You can have your wedding, be happy. You wanted children. Now you’ve got your wish.”

“I wanted your children. Not hers.”

“Again, something you should have thought of before you orgasmed,” I said bitterly. “Now could I please ask you to leave? I need to do some thinking.” And crying, I added silently. A lot of crying.

“No. I won’t leave until you’ve let me have my say,” he said, grabbing my arm as I tried to rise from my seat. I shook his hand away.

“Jamie, please. Just go,” I begged with my last shred of dignity. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to hold out before I melted into a sloppy, tear-stained puddle on the floor.

“No.”

Suddenly, the phone rang. Grateful for the distraction I grabbed the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Maddy?” It was my dad, though I barely recognized his voice, he sounded upset.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Oh man, what now? I was already at my breaking point. I could so not deal with more bad news.

“It’s Lulu. She escaped from the rehab.”

I white-knuckled the receiver, my heart slamming against my rib cage. All thoughts of my love life evaporated instantly as worry for my sister flooded my brain, my heart. “Do they know where she is?”

“Yes.”

“Thank God.” I exhaled in relief. I had had visions of search parties, combing the streets of San Diego, calling her name. “Where?”

I could hear my father’s hard swallow on the other end of the phone line. “She’s in the emergency room.”

“What?” I sank back down to the couch, my legs no longer able to withstand my weight. I felt Jamie staring at me, his eyes concerned and questioning, but I couldn’t look in his direction.

“The nurse who called said someone dropped her on the hospital’s front sidewalk and took off. They think she overdosed.” My father’s voice broke on the other end.

“Over—?” I couldn’t even say the word. “Is she … going to be okay?” Did I really want to hear his answer?

Silence, and then, “They’re not sure yet.”

Lulu. Oh, my baby sister! What have you done to yourself?

“Okay,” I said, using my last reserves of talking strength. “Are you at the hospital? I’ll be right down.”

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked as I hung up the phone. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“No.” It was all I could manage without breaking. I had one shred of control left, and I wasn’t about to lose it in front of him. I knew he’d be concerned and comforting and I’d find strength in his arms, but they were no longer my arms to find strength in. The sooner I accepted that and moved on, the better.

I stood up, my legs wobbly. I needed to get to the hospital, though how I’d actually manage to drive in my current state of shock, I wasn’t sure. “I-I have to go somewhere,” I told him. “Please. I need you to leave.”

“No.”

I stared at him. “What do you mean, no?”

“What part of the word didn’t you understand?” He rose from the couch. “Something’s obviously happened. And I’m not going to just take off and leave you.”

He held out his arms, tempting me to collapse in his embrace. And I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to. But I couldn’t. I had to stay strong.

“Jamie, none of this is your concern. It’s a family thing I have to take care of. I’m asking you to leave. Now.”

“And I’m saying no.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. I had no more will to resist. I buried my head in his chest and started sobbing.

“Tell me what happened,” he murmured while stroking my hair.

“Lulu’s in the emergency room,” I sobbed. “She OD’ed and they think she could die.”

“Oh, Maddy, I’m so sorry.” Jamie pulled me tighter, nearly crushing me against him. He felt so good. So warm. Safe. I wanted this to be my reality. To have a rock like him to cling to. But I couldn’t allow myself to get used to this. He belonged to Jen. To their unborn child. Things would never be the same between us and the sooner I accepted that, the better.

I abruptly forced myself away from his embrace. “I have to get to the hospital. My family’s there.”

“I’ll take you.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Maddy, look at you. You’re in no shape to drive.”

As much as I hated to admit it, I knew he was right. “Okay. Fine. You can drive me to the front door. But you’re not coming in. I need to be with my family right now.”

His shoulders sagged. “I understand.”

But did he? Did he really get the fact that I needed him to stay away for good?

It didn’t matter. All that could be discussed on a later date. Right now, I had to get to the hospital. To Lulu. A vision of her, strapped to life support, unable to breathe on her own, gripped me and wouldn’t let go.

Oh, Lulu, why? Was it worth it?

We jumped in my car and sped to the hospital. Jamie pulled up to the emergency entrance, promising to return my car to the driveway and take his motorcycle home from there.

“I’ll call you,” he said, grabbing my hand before I could exit the vehicle.

“Please don’t.” It killed me to say, but I had to. I removed his hand from mine. “It’s hard enough without you being so sweet.”

“Maddy, please. I don’t want to lose you.” His eyes were pleading. And they broke my heart.

“Don’t you get it, Jamie? You already have.”

I got out of the car and slammed the door too hard, bursting into tears. I ran into the hospital without looking back. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I scanned the waiting room, looking for my dad, and found him in the far corner. Next to him sat a mousy brunette in black-rimmed glasses who, for a moment, I couldn’t place. Then her slightly bulging stomach clued me in.

This was Cindi with an “i”? For some reason all this time I’d assumed the woman who broke up my parents’ marriage to be a gorgeous blond bimbo. But Cindi looked average. So girl-next-door. For a moment that made me feel better. But then I remembered the monster growing inside her belly. It made me think of Jen. And how Cindi had done the same thing to Dad as Jen just did to Jamie.

I wished my mother were here.

My dad rose from his seat, his face ashen and worn. We embraced and then he gestured to Cindi.

“This is Cindi, Maddy,” he said, looking extremely nervous. “Cindi, this is my daughter, Maddy.”

“Hi,” she said shyly, holding out her hand. “I’m so glad to finally meet you, though I’m sorry it has to be under these circumstances.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” I said, shaking her hand briefly, distracted. There was no time to assess her, judge her, pick apart any faults. I turned back to my dad. “How is she?”

“They haven’t told us much. They think she had a stroke.” He brushed a tear from his cheek. I’d never seen my dad cry before. It made me very uncomfortable. “The doctors don’t know yet whether it’s caused permanent brain damage.” His voice broke and Cindi took his hand, squeezing it in her own.

I sank into a plastic waiting room chair, the world spinning out of control. My sister. Having a stroke. Sixteen-year-olds weren’t supposed to have strokes. Strokes were for old people. People who had already lived long, happy lives. Not people whose lives were just beginning.

What had happened to her? Where had things started going wrong? If I hadn’t let the first time slide—the time she said it was Ritalin—would she have gotten help before she’d gotten so bad? Was this somehow all my fault?

“But she was in rehab,” I said. “How did she get out?” My dad stared at the ground, not able to answer. “They think she bribed one of the orderlies,” Cindi told me. She paused, then added, “With sex.”

Oh, God. I didn’t want to hear any more. It didn’t even seem real to me. My sister sold herself to some random guy so he’d let her out and she could do more drugs? That didn’t sound possible. Then again, maybe it was. A vision of her, in my bed with that disgusting Drummer guy popped into my brain. I had to face facts. My sister was a drug addict. And drug addicts did any damn thing they had to in order to support their habit.



*



The hours passed slowly. The worst thing about hospitals was the waiting. No matter which hospital you found yourself in, there’s never much to distract you from your worry and grief.

Hospitals were much worse than airports, which at least had shopping and restaurants and booze. The hospital gift shop with its sappy get-well cards and brightly colored beanie babies couldn’t entertain even the most desperate shopaholic for more than ten minutes. And the bland Salisbury steak and lime green Jell-O specials at the cafeteria made for a minus two star rating from food critic Maddy Madison.

So you sat there. Waiting. Feeling bored and then feeling guilty that you were feeling bored. You should be thinking about the patient inside and you were, but you also wanted to think about other things even though you feel that’s completely disloyal to the person you were there for.

In other words, I desperately tried to keep all thoughts of Jamie out of my mind. But even had I been busy, I doubt the replays of our conversation would have ceased running through my brain. And since I was completely unoccupied, sitting in my chair, the visions became relentless. His sad eyes. His warm touch. His awful, heart-breaking news.

Oh, Maddy, what are you going to do?

My dad got some exercise at least, pacing back and forth across the waiting room floor until I wanted to reach out and trip him to physicalize my annoyance. I’d been in such a rush I hadn’t even brought a book, and the romance I’d picked up at the hotel gift store only made me angry.

In romance novels, the heroes, no matter how bad they start out, always redeemed themselves in the end, becoming loving husbands and fathers—to the heroine’s children, not the ex-fiancée’s. Then again, perhaps Jen was the heroine of my story and I was the villainess. It made sense, actually, since I’d stolen Jamie away from her. She was pure as the driven snow. Madonna incarnate who just wanted to marry the man who’d asked her. I was the whore who’d seduced him. And that meant she was the one entitled to the fairytale ending.

I threw the book against the wall and it landed with a thud on the floor. An elderly woman huffed at my blatant cruelty to literature and retrieved the novel. I watched her page through it and wondered if she still believed in that naive kind of love.

With nothing else to read, I sat in my squeaky plastic chair, waiting to see if my sister had destroyed her brain. I sat and thought. About life. About the universe. About everything. But mostly about life and how f*cked up mine had become.

It was funny how things could turn on a dime. Yesterday the world had been my oyster as the saying went (though I never was quite sure what that was supposed to mean). My sister had been recovering in rehab. I’d just finished editing an Emmy-worthy news piece. And I was living a happily-ever-after with the man of my dreams.

And then in a few hours it all went to hell.

I glanced over at my father and Cindi. He’d stopped his pacing and sat with his head on her shoulder. She held his hand on her rounded lap and was stroking his palm. They looked very much in love, which kind of weirded me out.

I wanted to think of Cindi as some horrible home-wrecker who’d swept in and destroyed my family, but these days I was starting to realize that sometimes life just wasn’t that black and white. I only had to think about the Jamie situation to see that. Had Mom and Dad, like Jamie and Jen, grown apart over the years? Had they stayed together out of habit, each inadvertently making the other miserable and complacent? And when my dad did stumble on a second chance for happiness, did he have the right to go after it like he did? Or should he have honored the thirty-year-old commitment he’d made to my mom, no matter what the current state of their relationship? They’d tried counseling and even an open marriage and nothing had worked. Was it better in the long run to call it quits? Even if in the short run, several people—my sister, for example—got caught in the crossfire?

It was a tough call. I didn’t have the answer. Heck, I couldn’t even figure out my own sorry love-life. All I knew was that even though I was furious with him, I missed Jamie with a vengeance, and a big part of me wished I hadn’t pushed him away. Still, it was better in the long run, right? This way I didn’t have to deal with a baby and possible future rejection down the road.

I rose from my chair, too confused to sit still a moment longer.

“I’m going to get some air,” I told them, motioning to the door. Cindi smiled and nodded.

I stepped out into the crisp night, wishing I had taken a coat. People who didn’t live in Southern California never understood how cold nights could get here.

I stared at the sidewalk in front of the emergency room. This is where they had left Lulu. Her so-called friends had abandoned her on the pavement. Just in case they would be held responsible for her death.

Not that she was going to die, I reminded myself. “Maddy!”

I looked up from the sidewalk and my eyes widened as I saw my long-lost mother stepping out of a cab. She waved and then turned to pay the driver.

She had returned.

In reality, she hadn’t been gone all that long. Only about a month. But so much had happened within that month it felt like a lifetime.

“Hi, Mom,” I said as she approached me. The words sounded lame, coming from my mouth, concealing the anger that bubbled beneath the surface of my calm exterior.

“Honey!” She threw her arms around me and smothered me in a huge maternal hug. Behind her, the cab sped away. I didn’t know whether I should hug her back or pull away. I was happy to see her. But I was also quite pissed off.

“You’ve returned,” I said, stating the obvious.

“Yes. Your father phoned me and told me about

Lulu. I took the first plane home.”

“How self-sacrificing of you.”

She frowned at my sarcasm. “If you have something to say, young lady, why don’t you go ahead and say it?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to start in on her. Not under these circumstances. Not with Lulu a few rooms away.

“You blame me,” she said simply. “You blame me for what happened to Lulu.”

Okay, fine. She wanted to know what I thought? Fury rose inside me and I couldn’t hold back. “Yes, I f*cking blame you. You took off on your daughters when we needed you the most. Was around the world in eighty days fun? Was it worth maybe losing your youngest child to drugs?”

I knew I was shouting and I knew some of the EMTs by the parked ambulances had started paying attention—intrigued by the nighttime drama—but I didn’t care. I was so mad I was shaking.

“No. It wasn’t worth it. I hadn’t thought out the consequences,” my mother replied, not raising her voice. “I only thought about me and my grief.”

Her grief. I snorted. “And what about the rest of us? We were grieving, too.”

“It’s not the same,” she said, looking at me with a fierce expression I’d never seen her use. “You didn’t lose your marriage. Your partner for thirty years. You didn’t have a man leave you to start a completely new family. You have a career. A life. Friends. You still have your dad even. I spent my whole life taking care of a man who one day decided the sacrifice I’d made wasn’t good enough. Do you have any idea how that feels?”

I shook my head no. Though actually, now that I thought about it, the whole thing had a weird parallel to my short relationship with Jamie. Maybe Jen and Cindi could set up play dates for their evil spawn.

“You’re goddamn right. You don’t know.” Now my mother’s voice had risen, to a screechy desperation. “So let me tell you. It feels like you’re dying. Like your world has burst apart. So I’m sorry you think I was selfish by going a little crazy. But you’re twenty-seven years old, Maddy. It’s time you stopped believing this fairy tale that your parents are perfect. That we don’t make mistakes or have feelings. That we just live to serve you children. This may seem astonishing to you, but before I was Mom I was a person named Diane.”

I stared at her. I’d never thought about it that way before. To me, she had always been Mom. Cookie-baking, stay-at-home, drive-me-to-gymnastics-practice Mom. But her words made sense. Women in her generation gave up all sense of individuality when they got married and had their husband’s children. In my short years on this planet I’d already accomplished more and experienced more than she had in her fifty-three. How she must have felt when all that came crashing down. Of course she’d gone a little nutso. She was trying to make up for thirty years all at once.

“Believe me, Maddy,” Mom continued. “I had no idea Lulu was so close to self-destruction. If I had I never would have left. At the time I guess I figured she’d be fine with your father—better, probably, because she wouldn’t have to deal with my mental collapse. I had no idea he’d shirk that responsibility and put it all on you. I guess I should have though.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” I said, starting to understand what had happened. How she felt.

“It’s not though,” she insisted. “If Lulu suffers permanent brain damage ... if she …” My mother gulped. “If she dies …”

I opened my arms and allowed my mother to collapse into my embrace. Sobs shook her thin shoulders as she released all of her upset.

Once again I was stuck in the responsible-one-who-took-care-of-everyone-else role. But I was happy to offer comfort to my mother—especially after all she had gone through.

Still, I wondered, when would someone be there for me? To comfort and give me strength when my world fell apart? Until yesterday, I’d thought that person might be Jamie. But I’d pushed him away. I was destined to face life alone.

My mother pulled away from the embrace. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said. “I didn’t mean to burden you with all that.”

“Mom, it’s okay. Really.”

“Let’s go inside.”

I paused. “Dad’s in there, you know. With …”

“Oh.” My mother was silent for a moment. “Wow. This is awkward.” She gave a shaky laugh. “Now you see why I thought it’d be better to take a trip.”

She looked so sad. I felt awful for her. She probably wanted nothing more than to seek comfort from the man she’d committed herself to for so long. But he was inside, being comforted by someone else.

“I could use a cup of coffee,” I lied to relieve the situation. “Want to hit the caf?”

My mother gave me a half smile. “Thanks, Maddy. You’re a good kid, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

We walked into the cafeteria and ordered two coffees, then sat across from each other at the table. I filled her in on Lulu’s activities, how we’d discovered her drug use, bailed her out of jail and sent her to rehab.

Mom shook her head. “I can’t believe my daughter got involved in something like this. Little Lulu. Though she always was a bit of a hellion.”

I giggled. “Yeah. Remember the time she set the living room on fire playing Barbie Holocaust?”

“Or the time she ran away from home and they found her trying to set up a tent at the San Diego Zoo near the panda exhibit?”

We laughed together, reliving the past and reducing the pain. It was so nice to have my mother back. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her until now, and I told her so.

“I missed you, too,” she said fondly. “You and Lulu.” She pulled her hand away and rubbed her forehead. “I just hope my little Lulu is okay,” she said with a long sigh.

“I know, Mom.”

She pounded her fist on the table. “It’s terrible how things have gotten,” she continued. “The government’s so strict with the drinking laws in this country. Heaven forbid a twenty-year-old sips a beer. But a preteen can purchase illegal substances on any street corner. War on drugs indeed.” She huffed in indignation. “If it’s a war, we’ve already lost, big time.”

I nodded wordlessly, thinking back to my own axed drug tunnel story. How Rocky Rodriguez wasn’t satisfied by the fortune to be made in the car-selling business and had funneled money into a much more successful illegal venture. How Senator Gorman had enabled his buddy to easily import drugs in exchange for a hefty campaign contribution. And how News 9, the supposed journalistic watchdog of such actions, had turned a blind eye—all to ensure they didn’t lose an important advertiser.

It was a sick world we lived in. Everything was based on money. Greed. No one cared about people like my sister. All they cared about was making a buck. Getting ahead.

Wait a minute, that sounds like me!

Realization hit me like a ten-ton truck. I was just as bad as the rest of them. I’d willingly tossed my exposé in exchange for a cushy job and a big pay raise. I was as guilty as Senator Gorman. As Rocky Rodriguez. As Felix Lopez himself! I knew how, when and where drugs were being imported into the United States. Drugs dealt out to young kids like my sister. In fact, it was very possible the same drugs that landed Lulu in the hospital had come from that very tunnel.

I had to get the story on the air.

Somehow, some way, that story needed to be told. For my sister’s sake. And for the sake of all the San Diegan children seduced by drugs. Getting the information out was more important than any job. Any raise. Let them fire me. I’d know I did the right thing. I’d saved lives.

A plan formulated in my head. I knew what had to be done. And I knew just how to do it.



A Poem about Jamie

By Maddy Madison

(Written during massive hospital boredom)



Jamie was the love of my life

Even when he almost had a wife

But then everything went kind of crazy

When that stupid bitch said she was having his baby

Now he says he loves me but is it right?

Or when junior is born will he leave me in the night?

I don’t want to let him break my heart

But at the same time it sucks to be apart

I love him more than the elks love the does

Which is why this whole thing blows

I wanted him to give me his ring

And have a wedding where Madonna would sing

But instead I’m stuck all alone

But at least with my new job I won’t have to take a loan

Boy, rhyming is hard—it ain’t easy

And I think this poem sounds pretty cheesy

But I don’t know how else to express

My very extreme unhappiness

Because I will love Jamie until the day I die

Oh great, now I am starting to cry

I’ll end this poem right here and now

And instead read the Wall Street Journal to look at the Dow