Lost

Three minutes earlier...





Owen


I take it all back. I don’t want to kill Craig after all.

Sure, I told him never to try to set me up with anyone ever again and he did it anyway—and with poor Maria of all people—but you know what? He was right. Maria’s amazing, and I wish she wasn’t so scared of me.

I’m glad the chair lift is almost to the top of the mountain, though, because I’ve just gone and put my foot in my mouth as usual.

Maria looks away from me as if ashamed of herself, and I feel terrible. Why did I have to bring up jobs? Why the hell did I tell her I was reading her research papers? She hates being the focus of attention!

“Well... I’d love to get a job at one of the labs,” she says, her voice trembling. “It’s just... well, I get upset and nervous, and I blow every interview I go on.”

I have never wanted so badly to hug someone before. I want to tell her that everything will be just fine, but I know better than to try to comfort her.

“Hey, you ready? Almost there,” she calls out, pointing to the ski landing ahead.

Great. Time for me to make an ass of myself again.

“As ready as I’m going to be,” I answer, and I can feel myself sweating in embarrassment. “I fell the last time and the chair dragged me around until the guy stopped it.”

Maria giggles, and even as beautiful as her laughter is, it doesn’t make me feel any less embarrassed.

“It’s easy!” she says excitedly, and suddenly her eyes are alive again. “Look, you just position yourself like this.”

She turns to face me and sticks her hip out so that she’s teetering on the edge of the chair. She’s saying something about positioning the front of the snowboard, but the words fly right past me as her hips grab my complete attention.

I wrench my gaze away from the curve of her hips and look up again. She has no idea how incredibly seductive she is. No idea at all.

“When you touch down, put your other foot on the board and let the chair push you forward,” she continues explaining.

“Craig told me I should kick off with one foot,” I interrupt. He never said anything like that at all, but I feel like I’ve been quiet too long, and I don’t want her to think that I haven’t been listening.

She rolls her eyes at me.

“Craig’s an idiot,” she answers with a giggle.

“Thank you, Craig,” I think as I listen to Maria’s musical laughter. He and Tina know me better than I know myself.

I quickly push myself to the edge of the chair, let my board hang down in front of me, and look back up at Maria with a smile. Our eyes connect, and it’s like time stops around us.

I love to rag on bad romance novels as much as the next guy—I have preserve my masculinity somehow—but you know what? You really can get lost in someone’s eyes. As I look into Maria’s green eyes, I completely lose myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t look away. God, she’s so beautiful.

Time suddenly catches up to us, and as Maria looks nervously back at me, I wonder how long I was staring at her.

“Here we go,” I whisper, not sure what else to say now.

“Owen...”

“Here it comes,” I think. I’ve just creeped her out, haven’t I?

“...are you right-footed or left?”

“Um... left,” I answer, confused. I totally didn’t expect that question at all! “Why?”

“You’re facing the wrong direction!”

I quickly glance down at my feet and realize that I’m about to hit the landing with the loose end of my board facing forward.

“Shit!”

I quickly slam my right foot down on the board and clip it in just in time. If I’d waited even a moment longer, the EMTs would be carting me down the mountain with a twisted knee.

I glide safely out of the landing area, but now I’m completely off balance and facing the wrong direction. I feel the board sliding out from underneath me as if in slow motion, and I can already tell it’s too late to stop myself from falling. I’m about to get a mouthful of snow whether I like it or not.

A second later, the snowboard swivels out from beneath me and catches the front of Maria’s board. I pitch forward and fall directly into her.

As I’m falling toward her in slow motion, watching her eyes grow wide as she realizes what’s about to happen, I wonder if the ski shop sells brown paper bags. I’d like to put one over my face right about now.

Maria gasps as she hits the snow with a soft thud, and I thankfully catch myself with my hands on either side of her head. There’s one embarrassing crisis averted, I think. At least I kept myself from squashing her.

I look down at her with a goofy grin, desperately hoping that I’ll think of a joke in time to save face, and my heart sinks into my stomach as I watch Maria suddenly... disappear. Her eyes suddenly go dark, as if she’s retreating in terror to somewhere inside herself and blocking me out.

She starts to tremble, and Samantha’s frightened face bursts to life in my mind again.

“I’m sorry Maria,” I stammer, trying to apologize for my clumsiness. This is not joke time. I’ve just done something horribly wrong.

Suddenly, she starts screaming. I’m so shocked by her response that I don’t even think to get off of her.

“Get off of me!” she screams. “Get the f*ck off of me!”

That gets me moving, and I try to get off her. It’s hard to move with my feet still clipped into the board, though.

I look down at the board, and then back up at her just in time to see her fist connect with my face. I collapse next to her, seeing stars float in front of my closed eyes as she hits me again and again. I’m not even on top of her anymore, but she keeps screaming and flailing at me.

“Maria! It’s okay!” cries out Tina from somewhere above me, and the beating stops.

I sit up as watch helplessly as Tina walks her to a nearby bench and sits beside her. Maria starts to cry, and I wish I could as well. I never meant to hurt her.

I join Craig in standing around awkwardly and keeping my distance while Tina tried to bring Maria back. All I can do is wait quietly, listening to Tina’s soft, caring voice and the poor girl’s sobs.

“It’s just a trigger, Maria,” whispers Tina. “You’re just fine. Hang in there, honey.”

“Why did you make me come here?” sobs Maria, her breath coming in ragged, pathetic gasps as she tries to stop crying. “I can’t do this!”

“Yes you can! You know you can,” answers Tina. “I know you can.”

Tina looks back at me over her shoulder, and I get the glare again. I shrug helplessly back at her. What else can I do? I don’t even know what happened!

She hugs Maria again and whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh through the tears. The glare has softened when she looks back at me again. She motions toward the slope with a jerk of her head, and I get the hint.

My fault or not, the damage is done and it’s time for me to get out of the way so she can fix my mess.

I gesture to Craig, and together, we head toward the slope.

“Sorry Owen,” he mumbles as we get back into our gear. “I had no idea she was a nutcase.”

“Call her that again and I’m gonna f*cking deck you,” I hiss at him.

He stares at me as if I have three heads.

“Dude, she lost it,” he argues. “You saw that! She was going nuts on you! Total train wreck!”

“Craig... last warning,” I say in a low, serious voice. “Shut... up.”

“Alright, whatever you say!” he answers defensively, holding up his hands as if to wash himself of responsibility.

It takes me less than fifty feet to lose my balance and get a mouthful of snow, and Craig quickly leaves me in the dust. He’s long gone by the time I get back on my feet again, and I slowly, awkwardly make my way down the mountain. My body aches from all the falls before I even make it to the first curve.

As I fall for probably the millionth time, I hear Tina burst out laughing behind me. She holds up alongside me as I crawl back onto my knees, and a moment later, Maria circles around me and grinds to a stop.

“Hey, did Craig ditch you?” asks Tina.

“Yeah... he didn’t want to wait up for a lousy snowboarder like me.”

Maria’s gaze finds mine, and she looks worriedly at me as if waiting for my reaction to her outburst—as if I’d bring up something that painful to her.

“You want some company on the way down?” she asks, and my heart lifts. God, I’d love that.

“If you aren’t ashamed of being seen with a beginner like me, sure!”

As I try to stand up, I immediately lose my balance and fall back over. I could make a pretty good snowball out of how much snow just went down the back of my coat. How am I so bad at this?

Maria skates up next to me, plants her board, and holds out her hand to me. I look up at her questioningly, and she nods back to me.

“I’m okay now,” she whispers, leaning down closer to me and still offering me her hand. “Sorry about that.”

I grab her hand and for one brief second, I feel her tense up. She grips my hand tightly and yanks me up onto my feet with a smile.

“Can I ask... well, if you don’t mind...” I whisper, but she quickly shakes her head.

“No. Please don’t.”

“Alright. Sorry,” I answer. That’s all I need to hear to understand. Everyone has dark, scary places inside them—places where all the memories are nightmares—and I don’t want her to get lost in hers again.

She smiles apologetically back at me.

“You ready?” she asks.

I nod back to her before answering. Tina leaves ahead of us and darts off down the slope.

“Let’s go.”

I clip my back foot into the board and immediately fall over on my back. Maria bursts out laughing.

“There’s your problem! Stop putting your weight on your back foot!”

“I wasn’t!”

“Oh don’t give me that,” she chastises me. “I saw that stance of yours. Front foot. Always the front foot!”

She points down at her feet as she lectures me, leaning exaggeratedly onto her front foot, and then she turns and slowly, gracefully floats down the slope.

I get up and follow her, but it’s really hard for me to keep my weight on my front foot. I feel like I’m going to pitch forward and face-plant every time I go over even the tiniest bump.

Just as I think I’m starting to get the hang of it, I fall again. Maria somehow cuts a perfect curve so that she flies back up the hill past me, circles around, and then grinds to a stop next to me.

“Hey, that was better! You’re getting it!” she exclaims, suddenly upbeat and confident. What happened to the girl I just watched have a nervous breakdown?

This time when I get up, everything finally clicks. I can finally stay on my feet, and Maria cheers and waves for me to follow her.

She shoots down the mountain and I chase behind her, trying my best to match her pace. Her long, black ponytail pokes out from beneath her blue helmet and flies on the wind, tantalizing me as she cuts back and forth down the slope.

I’m neither daring enough to cut through the trees like she does, nor can I match her speed and agility, but as her confident laughter flits back to me on the wind, I’m happy to be able to watch her fly.

We soar down the mountain, following the trail as it curves left and then right, cutting through dense forest and then bursting out onto the wide-open slope down the eastern ridge. The wind howls around us as we race down the bare face of the mountain, and I suddenly realize that we’re on a different trail from before.

A trail sign with a big blue square warns me that I’m out of my depth, but Maria seems perfectly content with the steeper slope and less forgiving terrain.

I can do this. I can keep up with her.

Just as I’ve committed myself to the trail, a snowboarder flies past me so close that I instinctively dodge out of the way and fall flat on my face. As he shoots down the trail, I hear him hoot and laugh.

“Stupid dumbass,” I grumble as I scramble to my feet, and I take off again.

I want to catch up with him now, pass him and leave him in the dust. I can see him maybe a few hundred feet ahead, and as I close the gap between us, my blood starts to boil. I wish I could go faster, but I’m already going too fast to stop myself.

He’s cutting back and forth dangerously close to Maria, as if he’s trying to scare her. She tries to get out of his way, but he keeps swerving right back next to her again.

“Leave me alone!”

Maria’s scared voice floats up to me on the wind, and I feel my skin get hot. I want to knock the guy’s teeth out.

Maria stops dead in her tracks, but instead of leaving her behind, he grinds to a stop as well.

“What’s wrong, babe? Don’t wanna play?”

I let myself speed up, and this time I don’t care if I can’t stop myself.

I fly right past Maria, and her bully looks up just in time to see me plow straight into him.

The impact rattles my brain, but it pops him completely off his board and sends him a good fifteen feet down the hill. The board goes on its merry way down the mountain as its owner rolls pathetically down the slope. Maria gasps in horror at the collision, but I say nothing to her yet. I quickly recover, get back on my feet, and go straight up to the downed snowboarder.

“Dude, you okay?” I shout, grinding to a stop next to him. I don’t even wait for him to answer, but instead yank him up and onto his feet.

He looks up at me angrily, but I’m not letting him get back on the offensive again.

“Jesus Christ, dude! Why the f*ck are you standing in the middle of the run? Get the hell off the slope if you’re gonna goof off!” I shout, shoving all the blame for the collision squarely on him.

Dad was great at it; he’d hurt you and then make you think it was all your fault.

“Man, get some boarding lessons! You’re the one who hit me!” he counters, but it’s too little, too late. He’s on the defensive and there’s no way clawing his way back into the game now.

“Damned straight I suck at this. That’s why you don’t stop in the middle of the slope! I couldn’t have dodged your fat ass if I tried!”

I glance back at Maria and then at the cowed bully.

“What? Hitting on her in the middle of the trail? Couldn’t wait until you got to the bottom for that? She’ll still be cute when she gets down there, dumbass.”

I gesture to Maria, who is standing as still as a statue, almost as if she’s paralyzed. Suddenly, she snaps to attention, clips into her board, and hurries down the slope.

I wait for her to pass, and then I laugh triumphantly as I follow behind her.

The defeated bully shouts after us, but we’re long gone and so is his snowboard.