Saturday, February 23 – 8:10 AM
Maria
The door bursts open as I’m putting on my coat and the cold air immediately chills my toes. Tina’s hair is speckled with snow, and she looks like she’s ready to kill someone. I hope it isn’t me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, putting my shoes. “And shut the door, will you? It’s freezing!”
“Maria... come outside and help me,” she says, panting and trying to catch her breath.
I grab my gloves, follow her outside, and burst out laughing as I see the giant wall of snow piled up on top of her tiny VW bug. I can barely see the car!
“If I ever meet the guy in charge of plowing, I’m gonna f*cking kill him,” she hisses.
Tina tosses me a snow shovel, and as I start clearing away the snow from behind the car—dropping it onto the car next to hers, of course—she clears off the headlights and windshield. Last night’s snowfall was light and powdery, but there’s so much of it that it’s still a pain to move. I’m out of breath within minutes, and I’ve only cleared maybe a quarter of the car.
“Hey, Craig?”
When I look up, Tina is on her cell phone. She paces impatiently back and forth on the sidewalk as she talks.
“Yeah, we’re gonna be a little late. Dumbf*ck plow guy decided my car was a great place to put it all. Nah, we’ll be good. Maria’s helping me, and I’ll go enlist the other two girls if I need to.”
Meanwhile, I can finally see her license plate. Progress!
“Just go ahead without us. We’ll meet you at the top of the Castor run, okay? See you in a bit!”
“Which one is Castor?” I ask as I finally reach the packed ice at the bottom of the pile.
“It’s a green, don’t worry. It’s a long run from the top of the mountain, but nice and easy,” she answers. “It’ll be a good start.”
She gets in and tries to pull the car out, but she can’t get enough traction to make it over the block of ice behind her wheels. I start shoving from the front, but it’s still not enough.
Suddenly, she leaps out of the car in a huff and runs into the apartment, leaving a trail of snow behind her. I hear a commotion inside and then Tina returns dragging Lacey and Dinah by the wrists. I giggle and then double over in a fit of laughter as I realize that neither one of them has shoes on.
“Get your butts up there by Maria and give us a hand, will you?” shouts Tina, and she leaps back into the car.
“How do you put up with her?” whines Dinah, but I’m out of breath from laughing and can’t answer.
Tina’s tires squeal as she slams the tiny car into reverse, and with the three of us pushing in unison, the car finally makes it over the ice.
“Thanks! You two go warm up now. I’ll bring back cocoa for you,” I say, waving to Lacey and Dinah as they sprint back into the apartment.
“You’d better!” yells Dinah, and she closes the door behind her.
Tina waves to me from the car and I leap into the passenger seat. It’s time for snowboarding.
––––––––
The top of the mountain comes closer as we wait excitedly to get off the chair lift. The lift is stupidly slow, but that’s fine with me. I haven’t gone snowboarding in years, and I like the idea of easing into it again.
I look over at Tina as she sits next to me on the lift, and I can’t help but burst out laughing again.
“What? What’re you looking at?” she asks with a knowing smile. She knows exactly what I’m looking at.
“Pink skis? Really, Tina? Pink skis with a pink hat? Are you five?”
“Don’t you go talking to me about style, Miss ‘Oh I’m Wearing a Safety Helmet’ Ayala!”
“Hey, brains are squishy!”
She bursts out laughing, and we call off our fake argument as the chair lift reaches the landing.
I glide gracefully down the gentle slope of the landing, but just as I start to feel proud of myself, I catch the front of my board on a ridge of ice and fall flat on my face. Tina cries out in surprise and lands right on top of me, shoving my face straight into the snow.
“Oh god, sorry Maria!” she gasps, scrambling to her feet to get off of me, and I burst out laughing. My sides hurt from laughing, and I can’t seem to stop. She sits down next to me, wipes the snow off my cheek with her obnoxiously pink mittens, and starts to laugh too. God, what a great start! I haven’t felt this happy in months.
“Okay, where is that idiot anyway?” says Tina after she finally calms herself down.
She clips into her skis and starts toward the slope, and I hop up and skate along after her.
“Hey, there’s Craig!” she calls out, pointing ahead.
Somehow, she recognizes Craig through his thick furry hat, ski coat, and goggles, and she waves to him. He waves back, and the other guy standing next to him waves back as well. Craig’s friend is tall, and he’s wearing a black coat and gray, loose-fitting snow pants. Like Craig, his face is almost entirely obscured by goggles and a scarf. I wonder how he can even breathe like that. I wasn't expecting anyone other than Craig but I'm too excited about snowboarding to care. Not even surprise guys can ruin this for me.
My eyes light up as I realize his friend is standing on a dark blue snowboard. I’m not the only boarder after all!
Craig turns back to his friend, nods, and then they suddenly take off down the slope.
“Hey! You dirty cheaters!”
Tina shouts and shakes a fist in exaggerated anger as she races to the edge of the hill, and then she pushes off and chases after them. Her pink and yellow scarf flutters in the wind behind her as she shoots down the slope.
I watch as she takes off, but I don’t follow her. I’m not ready to go quite yet.
I skate up to the edge, look down, and take a deep breath. It is so early in the morning that the snow is still fresh and the course nearly empty. The world is silent around me but for the wind, and for the first time in a very long time, things are simple.
It’s just my board, the snow, and me. It’s time for me to fly.
I start slowly—cutting back and forth, weaving, relearning the moves that I’ve mostly forgotten—and I let myself go faster and faster as my confidence builds. I don’t know if it’s the fresh, cold air or the empty mountain around me, but I don’t care that I’m out in public now or that there will be people waiting for me at the bottom. I feel fantastic as I soar down the mountain. Nothing could possibly go wrong today!
The wind is so loud around me that I can’t even recognize it anymore. It’s a strange, white silence instead, blocking out everything but the mountain and the wonderful feeling of freedom. I decide to be a little more daring, and I cut to the left and weave between two trees. My laughter can’t keep up with me as I fly down the mountain, and I leave it behind for the next person down to hear.
I briefly contemplate trying to jump, maybe even do a flip, but I quickly slam the door on that idea. No way—I’m not that good! I let myself go even faster, though, and bask in the exhilarating thrill and the feeling of freedom as I surge down the slope.
Craig and Tina are both waiting for me when I finally reach the bottom, but Craig’s friend is nowhere to be seen.
“Hey, where’d your buddy go?” I ask, panting excitedly. I can feel a huge smile working its way across my face and I want to get back on the lift and go again!
“Oh... um, he’s not very good at this. He probably fell a lot.”
Five minutes later, Craig’s friend finally comes into sight. He slowly weaves back and forth as he goes down the slope, and by his fifth tumble, I have to agree with Craig. His friend is terrible.
“At least he’s trying!” I think. If I didn't already know how to snowboard, would I have come at all? Probably not. He's braver than I am.
He falls over twice just trying to make it down the final two-hundred feet of the slope. By the third fall, the grade is too flat to make it the rest of the way to us. He pounds the snow with his gloved fist, unclips from his board, and runs the rest of the way to us.
“Alright, there’ll be plenty of time to rest on the ride up! Let’s go again!” shouts Tina. She hoots loudly, pegs Craig in the face with a snowball and then bursts out laughing as she books it for the chair lift.
“Oh you bitch!” shouts Craig, and he takes off after her.
By the time I clip into my board and start skating after them, they’re already on a chair and heading up the mountain together. I catch one quick glimpse of Craig shoving snow down the back of her scarf before they disappear behind the trees.
As I wait for the next chair, I glance nervously back at Craig’s friend as he clumsily skates after me, and I take a deep breath.
I can do this. Nothing can happen on a ski lift. I’ll be just fine.
Suddenly, an idea strikes me. What if Tina planned this?
I start to laugh. She totally did. She planned this whole damned thing, didn’t she? She took off with Craig and left me behind with one of his friends—someone they both know is trustworthy—to force me to talk to a guy.
No way. Not doing it. I’ll just go up alone.
“Come on. What could possibly happen on a ski lift?”
The thought bursts across my mind just as I’m about to hop on a chair and leave him behind, and I hesitate for just too long. The chair passes me by before I can get into position.
“No, nothing could go wrong,” I whisper, trying my hardest to convince myself it’s true.
Tina’s right; I have to do this. I have to force myself to talk to people again. As hard as I try, I can’t think of anything that could possibly happen while I freeze my butt off fifty feet up in the air. I can do this. I can sit next to a guy for fifteen minutes and talk to him.
“Come on! Let’s beat them to the bottom this time!” I shout back to him, and I dash for the next chair.
When I look back over my shoulder, he’s standing dead in his tracks as if he’s seen a ghost.
“Hurry up or I’m going without you!” I shout, waving to him, and he snaps out of his trance and hurries to catch up with me.
The lift slowly turns the corner, and I carefully line up my board so that I glide safely onto the chair. Craig’s friend tries to emulate me, but he only barely makes it on without getting crushed.
“Now starts the hard part,” I think as the chair takes off and pulls me high into the air. I’m sitting next to a guy I don’t even know, and I’m going to be here for almost fifteen minutes.
“Relax... you can do this,” I think to myself, but my heart pounds all the same.
“Jesus Christ, how do you make getting onto this deathtrap look so easy?” exclaims Craig’s friend, and I freeze like a deer meeting its first pair of headlights as I recognize his voice.
No way. She didn’t do that. Tina would not have done this to me!
Owen takes off his goggles and then his scarf, using the end of it to wipe away the fog forming on the inside of his lenses.
Tina put me on a ski lift with Owen.
I’m going to kill her. If I make it off this chair without having a heart attack, I’m absolutely, totally going to kill her for this.
I feel panic start to rise inside me. I would run away from him, but there’s nowhere I can go! I’m stuck on this chair, sitting right next to him, for fifteen minutes. My heart races in my chest, and I feel like I’m going to faint.
He looks over at me, and suddenly his eyes go almost as wide as mine.
“Maria?” he asks incredulously.
I nod silently.
He closes his eyes and sighs, and as he looks away, I suddenly realize that he hadn’t recognized me with my helmet on.
“I’m gonna f*cking kill him for this,” he mutters under his breath.
Just like that, the ice is broken. Maybe it’s more like a single brick falling out of a wall between us. I don’t know—I’m terrible with metaphors! What I do know is that as I heard him, I warmed up a little. He doesn't want to be here either, and that’s a good enough start for me.
Now I just need to work up the nerve to talk to him.
I stare over the railing of the chair lift at the snow-covered ground far below. It looks so peaceful. I wish I could be down there instead of being stuck up here in nervous-land.
“Hey, Maria?”
His voice makes me jump, but I force myself to turn and look at him.
“I... well, I wanted to apologize for getting you upset back at the exam.”
My eyes go wide. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but that certainly wasn’t it.
“It’s okay,” I try to answer, but my words come out as a nearly inaudible whisper. It takes me three tries to get the words out, and I’m already starting to get frustrated with myself. Just talk! Why can’t I just talk to him like a normal human being?
“You okay?” he asks, and I turn away from him.
“I... I’m sorry. I just don’t do well around people. I get too nervous,” I answer. I feel like I’m shouting at the top of my lungs, but only the weakest of croaks is coming out.
I’m terrified. I don’t want to talk to him!
“Sorry... I’ll be quiet and leave you alone. I’m just... well... I just wanted to talk to you.”
I look silently down at the deep snow beneath us. I’m high up in the air with freezing wind howling around us. Nothing can hurt me. He can’t do anything!
“For God’s sake, Maria, talk to him!” I scream inside my own head, but I can still barely get a word out.
“It’s okay,” I say, finally managing to force a few words out of my mouth. “Bear with me, please... I’m just nervous.”
Suddenly, the lift creaks to a stop.
Owen and I stare awkwardly at each other as the chair sways back and forth in the high wind. If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. Even Greek Peak wants me to get out of my shell.
“Sure you don’t want me to leave you alone?” he asks.
“No!” I blurt out, much louder and stronger than I meant to. I turn away as my face gets hot. God, I’m so worthless. Just talk to him!
“No, I’m okay,” I repeat, this time at normal volume. “Sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” he answers with a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh... sorry.”
He bursts out laughing, and I turn red and look down at the trees below us.
“I saw you fly past me on the last run,” says Owen after a long silence. “You’re really good.”
“Thanks,” I answer quietly. I’m starting to feel awkward at being in the spotlight again, even though it’s only the two of us.
“Do you come here a lot?”
“No,” I answer. “I haven’t gone snowboarding since I was a freshman, and only once then.”
“Jeez! That’s awesome!”
“You missed my face-plant while getting off the lift earlier today.”
“You missed me face-planting the entire way down the mountain,” he counters.
I can’t help but giggle at the image in my mind of him flopping head over heels the entire way down the slope, and he grins at me. I take a deep breath and rack my mind for a question for him. It shouldn’t be this hard.
“Where are you from?” I finally ask.
“Long Island.”
“Where, though? Everyone here is from Long Island or Jersey.”
I can’t help but feel proud of myself. I actually found a few words! That just doesn’t happen; my brain usually locks up when I have to talk to guys.
“Oh... um... Montauk,” he says awkwardly.
“Seriously? Wow.”
“Why? What’s so amazing about Montauk?”
“Well, other than the beaches, you just don’t meet people from that far out,” I answer. “Everyone I meet is from Queens or Nassau.”
“Yeah... I’m a bit out there,” he says, shrugging.
“A bit? You can’t go any further!”
“Well, where are you from?” he counters, clearly sick of me poking fun at Montauk.
“Promise you won’t judge?”
“Nope. No promises at all!” he answers with a wide, toothy grin. I can’t help but laugh.
“North Arlington, New Jersey. It’s like twenty minutes outside Newark.”
“Oof. Sorry.”
“Oh it’s not that bad,” I argue.
“Are you kidding me? Newark?”
He looks at me like I have three heads, and I cross my arms and shake my head.
“No, not Newark! Newark sucks. I meant North Arlington. It’s just your normal Jersey town.”
“So... impossible left turns, narrow streets, and the worst snow-plows north of the Mason-Dixon?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
I can’t really argue with him on any of those points. They’re all true. Instead, I go on the offensive and push the focus back to Montauk and away from mocking my hometown.
“So, you live out at Montauk... are you big on beaches then?”
“Ehh... not really. I stay here during the summer,” he answers. “I... I like Ithaca better.”
I don’t know if I’m just used to looking for strange things in people, but my eyes suddenly dart down to his hands. He’s clenching his fists so tightly that he’s shaking.
I look back up at him again, and he immediately looks away from me. I’ve hit a nerve by talking about home.
“It’s pretty nice here in the summer,” I say, trying to soften the conversation.
“Yeah...”
His voice drifts off, and he stares off into the distance. I don’t know what to do now; I’m not used to being the one in control of a conversation, but somehow I am. I’m scared to ask him anything else.
Suddenly, the lift jolts forward and bounces the chair up and down as it starts moving again. I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness. I’m proud of myself for carrying on a conversation, but I’m still nervous.
“So, what major are you?” I ask after working up the courage to speak again.
“I’m a grad student—master’s degree in applied mathematics—but it was the same degree for undergrad either way. You?”
“Biology.”
The conversation stalls again, and a moment later so does the chair lift. Great.
“Oh for Christ’s sake,” mutters Owen, and I can’t help but agree with his sentiment.
“Hey, can you see Tina and Craig? Are they stuck too?”
We both look ahead, but it’s hard to see past the chair in front of us. I start to laugh, and Owen looks at me in confusion.
“Tina used to date Craig back during freshman year,” I explain. “I think he’s trying to get with her again. God, that’d be so awkward if he’s hitting on her on the chair-lift!”
Owen bursts out laughing and nods in agreement. “I had no idea! Shit, I wish I could see that.”
The chair finally starts moving again, and this time it stays moving. I’m out of conversation ideas, though, and I look out at the white powdered trees below us in silence until Owen finally speaks up again.
“Do you know what you’re doing after graduation yet?” he asks, clearing his throat nervously.
I shake my head silently and look to him for his answer. After a long silence, he shakes his head too.
“Me neither,” he says. “I still haven’t found a job.”
“Yeah, no luck for me either,” I say. I suddenly don’t know what to do with my hands, and I cross them awkwardly on my lap.
“I’m surprised!” exclaims Owen. “With all the labs at the career fairs right now, I was certain you’d have something lined up by now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, I... oh, nothing,” he finishes awkwardly, looking embarrassed.
“No. What did you mean?”
“Well, I’ve read one of your research publications. It was really well done.”
I raise an eyebrow at him and feel myself tense up. I love biology, but even I think research publications are boring. You don’t read them for fun.
“My grad advisor made me,” he explains, and I relax again. “He made me review some of the math in it, and I recognized your name because I’d just finished grading your test.”
I look away for a moment before speaking again. It made sense, I guess; the math department does review my calculations, and professors love to delegate their busy-work to grad students.
“Well... I’d love to get a job at one of the labs,” I say, my voice trembling. “It’s just... well, I get upset and nervous, and I blow every interview I go on.”
“Oh,” he says lamely, as if he doesn’t know what else to say.
“Hey, you ready? Almost there,” I say, directing the attention away from myself and instead to the rapidly approaching landing.
“As ready as I’m going to be. I fell the last time and the chair dragged me around until the guy stopped it,” he confesses embarrassedly, and I can’t help but laugh.
“It’s easy!” I gush, excited to have the upper hand for once in my life. “Look, you just position yourself like this.”
I turn sideways, scoot myself up to the edge of the chair, and push my hip out so that the front of the board is hanging free and ready to go forward.
“When you touch down, put your other foot on the board and let the chair push you forward.”
“Craig told me I should kick off with one foot,” he protests, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Craig’s an idiot,” I say, and I giggle as I hear the words come out of my mouth. What’s gotten into me today? Whatever it is, I like it.
He stares at me for a second and then tries to emulate my stance as the chair lift reaches the landing area.
“Here we go,” he says, looking directly into my eyes. I feel a shiver run down my spine as I look back at him.
Something’s wrong, though... something about this is bothering me. Suddenly, I realize what it is.
“Owen, are you right-footed or left?”
“Left. Why?”
“You’re facing the wrong direction!”
“Shit!”
He quickly slams his right foot down on the board and clips in before the board can twist out from underneath him, but he loses his balance as we glide out of the landing area.
His board catches the front of mine as he flaps his arms and tries desperately to keep his balance, and then he falls over directly on top of me.
I gasp first out of shock as I hit the ground and then again as I feel the cold snow going down the back of my coat. Suddenly, my mind snaps into gear and realizes that Owen is on top of me, propping himself up with his arms on either side of my head.
As he looks down at me, breathing heavily, something horrible triggers deep inside me. A wave of terrible panic washes over me, and I start to scream.
I’m not looking up at Owen anymore, and I’m not lying in the snow. I’m on the bed in my brother’s apartment, and Darren towers over me. His arms are on either side of me, pinning my hands tightly against the bed.
“Get off of me! Get the f*ck off of me!” I shriek in panic.
My body instinctively lashes out at Owen, and I watch in horror as I punch him in the face as hard as I can.