Jake stopped walking and turned to look at me. I saw that same sadness in his eyes again. He was imaging what my life must have been like after I’d lost my parents. He stroked my cheeks with the back of his two fingers and lovingly gazed into my eyes. At first, I was uncomfortable standing so still in the middle of a busy street. But with the touch of his lips, I knew that Jake would make up for me the life that he thought I’d missed.
I broke out of our embrace and asked, “What’s next? This is so much fun! I might never want to leave.”
Jake laughed and walked me toward Chanel.
“What’s at Chanel?”
“We’re going to eat at Alain Ducasse’s Le Jules Vernes at the Eiffel Tower tonight. You need to pick out a dress.”
“What about you?”
“I brought a suit. If you can’t find a dress here, we can go to another store.”
I couldn’t imagine not finding something that I liked at Chanel. The only dilemma I’d foresee was the price tag.
“Jake, I can’t buy a dress at Chanel. Let’s go somewhere else. This is way out of my comfort zone.” Spending an insane amount of money on a dress I’d wear once screamed against my common sense.
“Love, I have one dress picked out for you already. Will you humor me and try it on? I’d like to see what it looks on you.” His encouraging words nudged me into an unapproachable shop.
The sales gals led me to a dressing room and had me try on a modern version of Coco Chanel’s little black dress. This sleeveless black wool dress was cut above the knee with a simple buttoned belt sewn into the dress. The skirt of the dress had loose pleats that gave it a slightly bouffant feel. The dress was perfect. In addition, the sales lady picked out a pair of muted white patent leather boots with a thin strip of black patent leather at the top that came up about one inch above my knee. Truth be told, I loved the outfit. Minus the sunglasses, pearl choker, and an updo, I felt like Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I stepped out of the dressing room to show Jake.
“You look stunning!” He enunciated each of the three words.
“We’ll take the entire outfit,” he said to the lady.
Watching Jake pay for the dress—in addition to this entire trip—made me horribly uncomfortable. When this trip was initially planned, details of who would pay for what, never arose, as all I wanted was to be with Jake. Now that this fantasy has come true, I needed to have an awkward conversation with him and tell him I had no financial expectations from him. The Ritz, private cooking lessons, a Chanel dress, and dinner at Alain Ducasse’s restaurant did not feel right in my world. I couldn’t deny enjoying the indulgence, but the impropriety of delighting in such luxuries made me feel guilty.
As we walked out of the store, Jake immediately sensed the change in my mood.
“Do you not like the dress? Are you upset I didn’t give you a choice in this matter? I just thought you looked so stunning…” Jake worried too much about my feelings at times.
“No, no. I love the dress. It’s beautiful and practical as well. I can wear it multiple times.”
“Then why do you look unhappy?”
“It’s just…this trip…we never discussed how we’d pay for it. Please don’t feel obligated to provide everything for me. I’d like to pay for something…”
“Emily!” he cut me off before I embarrassed myself any further. “The word obligation does not exist in our relationship. What I do for you stems from love and desire. I don’t need or want anything from you but you. What can you possibly buy me that’s more precious than you?”
“It’s not just the material possessions I’m talking about. You’ve showered me with love from the start. I didn’t actualize or verbalize this love till recently. You’ve taken me on trips, and brought me gifts and I feel like all I’ve done was received. I’m ashamed that I’ve only started reciprocating.” As I uttered these words, I realized how true this statement described our relationship.
“Emily. Back in New York, when I was stupid enough to go chasing after your ring rather than stopping you from leaving, then back at home, when you left me nothing but a letter and ran off to Japan, I promised myself that if we ever got a chance to be together again, I would spare nothing of myself. Whether material or emotional, what I have is all yours. And I know that materially, if our situations were reversed, you would do the same for me. So please, let me dote on you the way I’ve dreamed of for so many months while you were away. OK? What happened to your ‘you lead and I’ll follow’ motto?”
Could I possibly love a better man than this one?
“All right,” I answered. “I love you, Jake.”