“What happened between you and Max? Max told me at the hospital that you turned down his proposal, but I didn’t quite understand why. Believe it or not, it was Max who encouraged me to pursue you when I thought I’d hurt you too much to salvage anything. He strongly believed you still loved me, and left for Japan thinking I didn’t love you anymore.”
“After seeing you in New York, I called Max, and we finally ended our story. Let me try to explain what got us into this whole mess. When I turned down your proposal, I knew it was temporary. It was just a matter of time before I accepted your offer of marriage. My love for you was already there. I just couldn’t take that last leap of faith. Ultimately, I couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t wake up one morning and stop loving me. As for Max, I knew the moment he proposed, he was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You were too deeply imbedded into my heart. No was the correct answer, but I was too much in shock to say anything. And then I saw you running toward me, and I was terrified you might be mad. I froze, not knowing what to do. I hope you can understand these were words I desperately wanted to hear at one point in my life, and I didn’t know how to refuse Max but still keep our friendship. Max will always be like family to me, no matter what. Are you OK with that?”
Forming this into a question, I gave Jake a choice. Hopefully, he’d understand my need to keep Max as an important person in my life. Jake looked tentative, but willing to accept my feelings.
“I figured out after you left me that there was nothing wrong with loving Max as a friend, and that turning him down would not end our relationship. Does this make sense? Maybe the better question would be, are you OK with my feelings for Max?”
My answer didn’t erase Jake’s insecurity. I had to declare my feelings for Jake one more time.
“I love you with all my heart, and I can’t imagine my life being void of you anymore. Please don’t ever leave me again.” This time, my insecurities prevailed.
“Emily, though we were physically apart, I never left you emotionally. You know that, right?”
“I know it now. OK, so I have a question. After New York, why didn’t you come talk to me? You knew where I lived.”
“I’m glad you asked that because I was curious about something too. First of all, I called you a million times but you never answered.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I turned off my phone after I stopped texting you. With you gone, I had no reason for a phone anymore.”
“I tried to call you at your school, but realized I had no idea where you taught. Funny thing how I loved you enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I had no specific details of your life. I didn’t know where you taught, or any of your friends’ last names. Worst of all, do you know we’ve never taken a picture together? I searched my brain for any stops we made to take a picture, and there were none. What did we do in Hawaii all that time?”
“We, no I, lost a ton of weight from all the exercise you Reids put me through. So you still haven’t answered my question. Why didn’t you come find me at home?”
“Sorry, got sidetracked. I did come by your house. I came the next day and you weren’t home. I stopped by at all hours and you wouldn’t answer your door. Then the day after, against my wishes, the chief sent me up to Seattle to co-lead in a heart transplant and I was gone for almost a week. By the time I got back to your door again, someone else answered and said you no longer lived there. I tried to convince this person to give me your contact number, but I think she thought I was some kind of psychopath. She almost called the police on me.
“This is where I’m confused,” said Jake. “You hadn’t left for Japan yet because I didn’t get your letter at the hospital till a week or so later. Where were you all that time?”
“Funny how our lives got so crossed. The day I got home from New York, Max came over and we had our talk. Later that night, Sarah and Charlie came over and shared with us the exciting news of their engagement. With less than two weeks to help Sarah with wedding plans, I went back and forth from my house to Sarah’s, trying to help her prepare. Fortunately the house got leased immediately, and that would explain my tenant whom you met.”
I felt a sudden panic attack.
“Jake. What am I going to do?”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a home to go back to. My tenant is staying in my house till the end of summer.”
“Fantastic!” Jake exulted. “Move in with me.”
He abruptly corrected himself. “Move into my parents’ home with me. You can take up occupancy in the guest room, unless…you get scared on the third floor by yourself and want to sleep in my bed with me.”
“You’re incorrigible,” I said with a huge grin on my face.
I had a list of people to call to share our good news.
“Sarah?”
“Emily? Are you OK? Where are you? Are you back in the States? Whose number is this?”
Of course she would be worried about me. Once I began talking, she would know I would finally be OK.
“I’m fine. How’s Hawaii?”
“It’s wonderful, but what’s wrong?”