How to Lead a Life of Crime

chapter THIRTY-THREE



NEVER NEVER LAND





The warmth might feel good after our visit to Mandel’s frigid morgue—if it weren’t for the faint stench in the air. I doubt it would bother me if I didn’t know what it was. The thought makes my stomach churn, and I can feel a hunk of filet mignon still sitting undigested inside it. I was nauseous before I took my first bite, and I gagged on the second. But Mandel made us keep eating until our plates were clean.

“Now that your bellies are full, I think it’s time for a nap,” he announced. “But first, please return my card key if you would.”

I didn’t dare glance at Joi. “It’s upstairs,” I informed him.

“Still scheming?” Mandel didn’t seem at all offended. “I suppose I could search you, but I have a rather important phone call to make. So I’ll just have to put you in the one room that my key doesn’t open. It might not be as comfortable as your dorms, but I promise you it will be nice and cozy.”

He marched us out of the morgue and back toward the elevator. We opened the lab doors to find Gwendolyn’s corpse blocking our path.

“Oh dear.” Mandel sighed as though he’d forgotten all about her. “What a mess. Would you mind?”

I wasn’t sure what we were supposed to do. “Mind what?” I finally asked.

“Picking her up!” he exclaimed with exasperation. “She’s coming along for the ride.”

Joi and I rode the elevator with Gwendolyn’s body slumped between us. Two floors up from the Infirmary, the elevator stopped and the gates opened. A rusty door lay just beyond. It looked as old as the building itself—and just as sturdy. There wasn’t a card slot or a keyhole. The door was secured from the outside with a simple metal bar, which Mandel swiftly removed and set aside.

“After you,” he told us.

We entered a cavernous chamber with bare brick walls and a concrete floor. I knew it must have been the building’s original basement. A twenty-first-century central heating system took up half of the room. The other half was empty but for a large industrial furnace. Mandel opened its iron doors, and flames reached out and licked the mouth of the oven.

I saw a red square outlined in black. When I blinked, it was still there on the back of my eyelids. And I knew it would never go away. Once you’ve seen the gates of hell, the sight stays with you forever.

• • •

Gwendolyn must be nothing but ash by now. Joi and I are alone. We’re huddled in a corner, as far away from the furnace as we can possibly get. Joi’s head rests against my chest. I have both arms wrapped around her and my face buried in her hair. With my eyes closed, I can float away on a cloud of jasmine and cocoa butter. I kiss the top of Joi’s head and try to forget that Mandel will return for us as soon as he discovers the academy’s students are gone.

“What did you go back to get?” I hear Joi ask. It’s the first thing she’s said in a while. I was hoping she’d managed to fall asleep.

“Hmm?”

“When we left your room, you went back for something. What was it?”

I reach into my pocket and pull out the yearbook page. “This.” I pass it to Joi. She unfolds it and smiles.

“Peter Pan,” she murmurs. “So it wasn’t just a nickname. Jude really played the part. He must have been a great kid.” She thinks it all makes sense to her now. It shouldn’t.

“I need you to promise me something,” I tell her. “When Mandel comes, you have to do whatever it takes to get out of here. Even if it means I won’t make it. Let him shoot me with the Taser. Then make a run for it.”

“No,” she says.

“Yes,” I insist. “There’s something you don’t know. I lost my mind after Jude died, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. He visits me at night. Dressed exactly like that.” I tap the page.

“Flick . . .”

“My name is Jonathan Brennan. My father went to school here. Now he’s a drunk and a sociopath. He killed my brother. My mother died on the day of Jude’s funeral. And I’ve spent the last year talking to Peter Pan.”

I wonder why Mandel never mentioned my mother. He must know what happened. Maybe he just couldn’t think of a way to use it against me. I tried calling her the morning Jude was going to be buried. I’d been up half the night, thinking about those damn desert frogs. I wanted to thank her for all the times she tried to save us. And I was going to promise that I’d be back just as soon as I was strong enough to save her. But she didn’t think I could do it. Because when I phoned that morning, she was already gone.

My father always said I was weak. My mother made me believe it.

“What do you and Peter Pan talk about?” Joi asks softly.

“Everything I’m doing wrong.”

“Like what?”

“Well, he was really pissed when I left the Lower East Side. He thought I should have stayed with you.”

“Smart kid,” Joi says. “You like talking to him?”

“Sure. Aside from the nagging, he’s the most entertaining hallucination I’ve ever had.”

“Have you ever wondered if he might be real?”

“You don’t have to say that,” I tell her. “I don’t need to be coddled like the colony kids.”

“I’m being perfectly serious,” Joy insists. “How do you know he’s not real? Do you have any proof that he isn’t?”

“He’s a character from a book for little kids,” I say.

“He’s your brother.”

“Jude’s dead.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s gone,” Joi says. “Remember, Flick. You get to choose what you believe.”

• • •

I shouldn’t be asleep. I was supposed to stay awake to protect her. But Jude has sent me a dream. He’s not in this one. It’s early in the morning. My father’s already on his way to work, school doesn’t start for another two hours, and the servants won’t arrive until eight. I’m twelve, and my mother has just snuck into my room. She’s quickly pulling clothes out of my bureau and stacking them on top.

“Where are we going this time?” I ask.

When she turns around, I’m shocked by how young she looks. How pretty and petite. With hair just as blond as Gwendolyn’s. She had such a beautiful smile, but even then, I could tell when it wasn’t real.

“On an adventure. To Never Land.” That’s what she always said.

“Jude’s the one who believes in Never Land,” I point out with a huff.

My mother leaves the clothes on the dresser and comes over to plant a kiss on my forehead. “And you’re all grown up now. That’s why I know I can trust you to play along.”

“Why don’t you tell Jude the truth?”

“Jude knows what the truth is,” my mother says. “He just needs to believe in something else. Do you understand?”

I nod.

“I knew you would.” She wraps me up in a hug and holds me close so I can’t see her tears.

“What’s wrong?” I whisper with my eyes squeezed shut. If I cry, she’ll cry even harder.

“I just wish you believed in Never Land too.”

• • •

When I open my eyes, my mother is gone and Jude is here in the basement with me.

“I told Joi that I talk to you,” I say.

“And she didn’t run away screaming?”

I gesture to the room around us. “Where would she go?”

“Excellent point,” Peter Pan says.

“She said you’re real.”

“Of course I’m real,” Peter Pan replies. “Who do you think just sent you that dream?”

“It was nice to see Mom again,” I mutter.

“I know you’re still mad. But she tried, Jon. How many times did she try to take us to Never Land?”

“You were the one she was trying to save.”

“That’s not true. You were her boy, remember?”

“Then why did she leave me behind? I was going to rescue her. Why didn’t she wait for me?”

“I don’t know,” Peter Pan says.

“Well, if you see Mom in Never Land, be sure to ask her.”

“Jon . . .” I hear Jude start to argue, but Mandel’s cheerful voice drowns him out.

“Rise and shine!” he sings. “You have a visitor!”