Honor Thy Thug

4




ONI

“Please Lord, oh please Lord bring him back!” I heard myself scream as I rocked back and forth, squeezing myself tight and wishing that I could hold my son one last time. My eyes were swollen shut from all of the crying. I was in the chapel inside the hospital, hiding from everyone. It had only been a couple of hours since I identified my child’s body, and now the hospital wanted me to identify my brother Wali, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength. So I gave them Mike’s number. I felt as if I was living in hell. My son and my brother? I was overwhelmed with grief. I couldn’t understand why my son was taken from me while he was so young. My only child. I began to cry again.

I got on my knees and prayed for an hour straight, asking God to turn back the hands of time so that I could do things differently. I prayed that Faheem would be okay and that he could find it in his heart to forgive me instead of hating me and condemning me to hellfire. But no matter how long I prayed, I noticed that I didn’t feel at peace. I’m sure it was because of my guilt, my greed, and my lust. Calling them deadly sins is an understatement.

I had no business taking that package from Steele. We had no business robbing him in our own hotel. That was stupid. And two deaths was confirmation that my brothers and I hadn’t planned things out thoroughly. It only became personal to Steele because I would sleep with him on occasion. For me, it was convenience, but he obviously thought differently. And because of that, he felt that he could hurt me by kidnapping my son. Someone I loved more than life itself. When I ran into Faheem, I saw the hurt in his eyes that told me that I was the one who needed to die. When he choked me, I was wishing that he would have killed me. Now I wish I could stay in this chapel forever.


JAZ

Well, well, well. Look at this bitch! Lord forgive me for that thought in your house. My jaws tightened at the sight of Oni as Kaeerah and I entered the chapel. I thought it would be a good idea for myself and Kaeerah to say a prayer for her father and her brother. We had to thank God that Faheem was alive and that losing his son wouldn’t be too big of a burden that he couldn’t bear. I was also praying that they would release him and not charge him with some bullshit. After all, it was Oni and her brothers who caused all of this drama. But as I entered the chapel the hairs on my neck stood seeing Oni kneeling. I came in peace but now I felt like warring. This bitch is the reason my husband is in pain both physically and mentally. I told Kareerah to take a seat.

“Mommy, there goes Miss Oni!” she yelled out, causing Oni to turn around.

“I see her,” I mumbled. Oni looked like hell, for lack of a better word. She looked as if she had aged ten years. The sadness on her face almost softened my heart. She had dark rings under her red eyes, and her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. Even her clothes were crumpled and dusty-looking. Her cream blouse was ruined from the makeup all down the front of the shirt and on the sleeve. She looked as if she hadn’t been home to change or bathe in days. If it had been any other day, I would have gloated that I was my usual fly self.

“Hi, Miss Oni,” Kaeerah called out cheerfully. Despite my hate for her, I raised my child better.

“Hello, Kaeerah,” she said, and then burst out crying. The type of gut-wrenching cry that comes from your soul. I took that as my cue to leave, because chill bumps were popping up on my arms. I know she didn’t think I was coming over to console her.

I went over and grabbed Kaeerah’s hand. “C’mon, baby, we will come back later.”

“No, wait!” Oni got up off of her knees and rushed over to us. “You don’t have to leave.” She grabbed my arm and just as quickly as she did, I snatched it away from her, moving Kaeerah behind me.

“Jaz, please,” she said with a crazed look in her eyes. “I need your help.” She pleaded with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“There is nothing I can do for you,” I said through clenched teeth. I was struggling really hard, trying not to tap that ass right there in the chapel.

“Please. You have to tell Faheem that I am sorry. I can’t live with him hating me.”

The pain in her eyes caused my heart to skip a beat. The mother in me wanted to comfort her, but the wife in me and the hate I was holding onto said, Check this bitch. I closed the space between us. “I will do no such thing. Are you f*cking crazy? Bitch, it is all,” I pointed toward her chest, “All your fault that your child is dead. You’re sorry? Bitch, you are more than sorry! Because of you, your son is dead!” My mood went from anger to rage. “Sorry is not going to bring that child back. Sorry is not going to take back the pain that Faheem will live with for the rest of his life. Sorry is not going to take back the beat-down that my husband endured, and sorry damn sure ain’t going to make the police leave him alone. You are absolutely right, you are sorry. A sorry, pathetic bitch. Your son is dead. He is never coming back and my husband, his father will never get over that. I hope you rot in hell. You were always sheisty, and you deserve whatever hell is coming at you, and believe me, it’s coming. Stay the f*ck away from my family! Let’s go, Kaeerah.” I pulled her arm, and we left the chapel.

I was not expecting to run into her and get that off. It actually felt better than prayer.

Most important, I hoped that she suspected that I was coming after her. I already knew who I was going to get to help me carry my plan out.


ONI

I couldn’t believe that Jaz went off on me like that . . . and in front of her daughter. I already was at my wits end, guilt damn near eating me alive. Now I felt as if there was no hope at all. She threw every shred of blame there was up in my face. It’s my fault that my son is dead. It’s my fault that Faheem will have to live with this pain for the rest of his life. I was hoping that Jaz would have helped me. But instead, she magnified my pain and cut my soul to shreds.


FAHEEM

“I’m baaaad, shut yo mouth!” Steve announced as he barged into my hospital room. “Tell me I’m the man! Go ahead! Tell me, Faheem.”

“Steve, I’m lying here like a wounded, captured animal, and you want me to play word games?”

“You want to know why I’m the man?” Steve continued to ignore my sour mood. “You pay me the big bucks because I. Am. The. Man. That’s right! I am the man!”

“I pay you the big bucks so you can get these chains off of me and keep them off, that’s why.” I focused on the television, which was on mute.

“Mr. Mujahid, exactly what in the hell is it that you think I did?”

He now had my undivided attention. “What do you mean, Steve?”

He leaned over and began to whisper, “Your prints were not on any of the weapons at the scene of the crime. Hell, they were on nothing but your son. But I did have to agree to bring you in for questioning. Key words: bring you in. Once we do that, our end of the deal is done. If you don’t know anything, you can’t tell anything. You understand?”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew Jaz would be glad to hear this. “So when will the cuffs come off, and when will the goon leave from out of my room?”

“They should be getting the call any minute now. As a matter of fact, let me call them.” He left the room.

I was ready to get up out of there, but Steve wanted me to stay there as long as possible. He said that because of the beat-down, I had a potential lawsuit. But I couldn’t have cared less about a lawsuit. I was anxious for my leg to heal, because I’d made a promise that once it did, each and every nigga who had anything to do with me losing my son was dead.

I looked up, and the minute I saw Jaz step into the room, I knew something was wrong. “What’s up?” Jaz stood on one side of the bed, and Kaeerah went around to the other.

“I just saw that bitch Oni in the chapel.”

“Watch your mouth!” I snapped. Kaeerah was looking dead in her mouth. “You need to get somebody to watch her. She doesn’t need to be up here every day all day like this. And you should know that I don’t want to hear shit about Oni.”

“You watch your mouth, Faheem,” Jaz snapped back, and Kaeerah started giggling. “It’s not about her. The news I have for you is about my girl. Kyra is in the hospital out there where Tasha is, and I’ve gotta go out there to see her. I’ma take Kaeerah with me and hire a nurse to be here with you. Is that okay?”

“A nurse? I’m in a hospital. What the hell do I need a nurse for? And how long do you plan on being in California?”

“I’m only going to stay for a couple of days. And I’m hiring a nurse for my peace of mind. I can’t be out there wondering if you’re okay here.”

“Kyra. Kyra?” My brain started processing. “I thought she was dead. She’s in the hospital? What Kyra are you talking about?”

“My Kyra. Our Kyra. And she isn’t dead. She is very much alive. Once they release her from the hospital, she’s moving in with Tasha.”

“So where the hell was she all of this time? Is she all right?”

“I don’t know the answer to either one of those questions. But I want to leave in the morning. I hate to leave you here by yourself, but I gotta go see what’s going on. You sure you’re okay with that?”

“I’ll be fine. Steve just told me that since my prints were nowhere at the scene other than on my son, they gotta release me.”

Jaz came over and hugged me. “Yes! I love you, baby. I was so scared that you were going to jail, Faheem, you just don’t know. That’s the best news, well, the second-best news I received today, because Kyra being alive, that news floored me. Baby, we will get through this. I don’t want to leave you, but I gotta go see Kyra.”

“I told you, I’ll be fine.”

“Why is he still in here? Baby, the charges being dropped is not real to me until he is gone.” She was referring to the cop still sitting in the corner.

“So, they aren’t going to take you to jail when you leave here?” Kaeerah asked.

“No, Eerah, Daddy’s not going to jail.”

“Good! So you can come to Cali with us tomorrow!” My baby gave me this big Kool-Aid smile, and at that moment, it felt as if everything was going to be all right.

“How is your daddy going to get on a plane with this cast on his leg?” I reached out and tickled her neck.

She giggled. “Easy, Daddy. They can let you on first in a wheelchair.”

“Nah, baby, I can’t even walk yet. I’ll wait right here for y’all to come back. Then, as soon as you do, you can roll me out of here in a wheelchair and take me home. Is that a deal?” I held my pinky finger up.

She wrapped her little pinky around mine. “It’s a done deal!”

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”


TASHA

I didn’t know why I was so nervous. After all, Kyra was my family, but still, I really didn’t know what to expect and was wishing that Angel and Jaz were there to help me out with this. Trae and Rick and I were on our way out the front door to go see Kyra when Rick pulled out his cell. His eyes lit up.

“This is her now! Hey, baby, I’m on my way up there right now, and I’ma bring some visitors.” He hit his speaker-phone button.

“Well, save your surprise, and come get me out of here. No more visits. The doctor just gave me my discharge papers.”

Oh, my God, that’s her voice. I know that voice anywhere. It was really her. “Kyra!” I snatched the phone out of Rick’s hand. “Kyra! It’s me, Tasha!” I choked up.

“Tasha? Tasha!” She started screaming. Then she was quiet, and all I could hear was her crying.

“Kyra, everything’s going to be all right. We got you. I just need for you to come on home. My home is your home. All you’ve got is love waiting here for you.”

“I love you guys, too,” she said through sobs. “Tell Rick to come and get me. God is good, he is so good. Tasha, my daughter. Is . . . ? Where . . .”

“Kyra, your daughter is here. I told you, we got you.” All I could hear was her crying harder, which made me start crying. Trae took the phone from me and passed it back to Rick. He hugged me as I stood there. I was in shock. Even though Rick told us he had Kyra, I still was skeptical. After all, he was a lying ass cop. Standing there I was in a daze I heard her voice again, this time in my heart. I began to cry uncontrollably. I love my friends, we have been through so much. They are my sisters. And things haven’t been the same since we thought that Kyra was dead.

“Rick, you go and get Kyra. Tasha and I will get everything here ready for her and talk to Aisha.”

“No doubt. I’ll call when I’m on my way back.”

Trae whispered in my ear, “Are you gonna be all right? Or am I gonna have to sedate you?”

“Oh, so you’ve got jokes.” I wiped my tears. “Baby, you gotta understand, just the sound of her voice after all of this time got me. Hell, the whole situation got me feeling some kind of way. I never dealt with something like this before.”

“I know, baby, but you need to pull yourself together. You gotta go talk to Aisha.”

“Why do I have to talk to her? Why can’t we both talk to her?”

“Because one of us has to get her room ready,” Trae had the nerve to say.

“Don’t even try it. Let Aunt Marva get the room ready. Let’s both talk to Aisha. I want you with me on this, Trae. I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

“Baby, you are making this harder than it has to be. She’s just a child. All you gotta do is tell her that her mother is coming home. Let Kyra tell her everything else.”

“Fine, then. You do all of the talking, because I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. Let me go and get her. You want to do it in the living room, dining room, or porch?”

“Tasha!”

“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll be right back, so wait right here.” Mr. Smart Ass, always has all of the answers, which I was mostly thankful for. I found Aisha out back playing basketball with the boys. She obviously had fallen, because dust was all over her hair, and her clothes were dirty on the left side.

“Auntie Tasha, watch this!” she yelled out as she threw the ball up and it missed the rim. “Wait. Wait, watch this.”

“Aisha, come here. Your Uncle Trae wants to talk to you. Marva, can you get the guest room ready? We have a surprise guest on the way. Please?” After I said “please,” the sideways look that she gave me disappeared. I took Aisha up front to see Trae, who was waiting patiently, sitting on the banister on the front porch.

“Uncle Trae, I can play basketball now.” She beamed. “I got game.”

“You got game?”

“Yup. I don’t just got game. I got mad game.”

“Umph, I gotta check you out for myself,” he teased her. “But listen to this. We just heard from your mother.” He waited for her reaction. Me? I was holding my breath.

Aisha simply stuffed her hands into her short pockets, her eyes rolled back into her head as if she was in deep thought. Then she said, “So my mommy is not dead?”

“No, baby, she’s not,” Trae answered.

“Awesome!” she shrieked, and started jumping up and down. “So where is she? Is she home? What about my dad? Is my dad with her?”

“She’s on her way over here, and no, your dad is not with her. So go get cleaned up so you can be ready to see your mother. She can’t wait to see you.”

“I can’t wait to see her, either. Thank you, Uncle Trae and Auntie Tasha.” She gave me a hug and ran up onto the porch to give Trae one. Then she turned to me. “Auntie Tasha, can you fix my bang? Oh, wait! First, I gotta tell the twins that my mommy isn’t dead.” And she took off running down the steps and around the back.

I looked at Trae, and he shook his finger at me as if to say, I told you so.


KYRA

I was so glad to be released from the hospital. The room was beginning to creep me out. I was seeing images of a black Jesus everywhere.

“Kyra, are you all right?” Rick snapped me out of my daze.

“I think I’m okay, just a little nervous. At first, I didn’t have contact with anyone. I didn’t know who or where anyone was. Now, just like that, I’m getting ready to see my daughter and my friends. I don’t remember what Tasha looks like, but I remember her voice. I’m overwhelmed.” I sat rolling the tissue in my hand.

“You should be. It’s only natural. But it’s going to be all right. Tasha can’t wait for you to show up. Trust me. You’re going to be fine.” Rick came over to me and stood by my side.

He took my hands and pulled me to my feet. I thought about what he said. It’s going to be all right. All right? I hadn’t even dealt with my issues regarding him. He told me everything. He, who had a fiancée and a baby on the way. All right? How could I be all right with him, when I want to keep him all to myself? What was to become of the relationship we once had was still to be determined. What was I supposed to do? Tell him to just up and leave his family? From the little bits and pieces he shared with me, he seemed to be pretty committed. And truth be told, I still had a husband. What was I going to do when I saw Marvin?

It seemed that with each mile we rode in the car, my heart became heavier and heavier. Things were moving too fast. But now that they were moving, I was unsure of everything. Would my daughter be angry with me for leaving her? Would I be able to piece my family back together? And what scared me the most: would I be able to piece my broken self back together? I was in deep thought the entire ride.

“Okay, we are here.” Rick interrupted my thinking as he pulled into the driveway.

“Oh, no. We are here already?” I heard the panic in my own voice.

“Kyra, you’re going to be fine.” He turned off the engine.

I could feel my palms getting sweaty, but when he jumped out of the car, my ass felt as if it was glued to the seat. Just as more panic started to set in, the front door came open, and my daughter yelled out, “Mommy!” She jumped off the porch, and that’s when my body took over. I pushed the car door open, my legs swung around, and I jumped out of the car. “Mommy!” she screamed.

“Aisha!” I ran to meet her, and we hugged, falling onto the lawn. I was kissing my baby all over her cheeks and face. “Look at you! You are beautiful.” We hugged some more, and I was living in the moment.

My daughter said, “I’m sorry I left you, Mommy.”

“You didn’t leave me, baby. Don’t think like that.”

“Yes, I did. I left you, Mommy. I’m sorry.” She began to cry.

“Baby . . .” I couldn’t hold back the tears. She really thinks that she left me. How long had she been carrying that burden on her little shoulders? What if I was dead and gone? “Aisha, Mommy is fine. I love you, I missed you, and we won’t be separated again. I won’t leave you, and you won’t leave me. Do we have a deal?”

“What about Daddy?”

I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I wasn’t going to be lying to my daughter. And for real, at that very moment, I didn’t give a damn if I ever saw his bitch ass again. He’d better hope that I didn’t see him. “I don’t know about your father. We’ve gotta find out what’s up with him. I haven’t heard from him. But for now, you’ve gotta give Mommy some more love. Can I get some more love, girl? Mommy missed you so much!”

Some lady was standing over us with tears streaming down her cheeks. The next thing I knew, she was down on the grass, hugging and squeezing Aisha and me. “Kyra, don’t you ever pull no mess like this again. Do you hear me?” She threatened, even though she was all choked up.

Her voice. “Tasha?”

She leaned back and looked at me. “Yes, it’s me, Tasha. Your bff. Oh my god. You don’t remember me? It’s me, Tasha. I’m the one who stopped you from drowning. Remember we were at—”

“Seaside Heights!” I cut her off. “Tasha!” And then like a movie on fast forward, events with me and her raced through my mind. It was . . . awesome. Then some kids came running out of the house. The boys obviously thought we were playing and dived on top of us.

“There’s my husband, Trae. And Aunt Marva.” Tasha said. With a glance I remembered them as well. I felt like I was back. My prayers had been answered.