Fire Stones

Chapter 13

“So, you see my treasures,” Abzu was saying to Varun as they re-entered. I sat quietly on the edge of one of the chairs, the stone hidden away in my pocket. “I daresay I have had great success.” He leered at Varun. “Brother Poseidon.”

Varun stiffened. “You are certainly a man of wealth.”

“They say money cannot buy happiness,” Abzu continued on blithely, looking at Varun with intensity. “But, of course, it cannot buy support, if you understand what I am saying.”

“Clearly,” Varun said in a clipped voice. I could tell by the way his muscles tensed up that he wanted nothing more than to strike Abzu across the face. But something held him back. He knew that it would be an even fight – there was no sure guarantee of a winner. And with the loyalty of the other water deities so in doubt, it wasn’t worth it for either of them to pick a fight. No single god could rule the seas without the support of others. And as I looked the throne room up and down, taking in each glittering gemstone, I saw just how easily support might be bought. I looked up at Varun questioningly.

“I think I should be leaving now,” Varun began. “It’s been a long journey, and I’m anxious to be getting back…”

Abzu turned to me with a grim smile. “How did you like life under the sea, human? I see Varun has made it possible for you to breathe underwater…”

“Just by using mouth-to-mouth,” Varun said quickly. “Not comfortable – but Mac here really wanted to see where I lived.”

I looked up at Varun in confusion. Mouth-to-mouth? He was evidently careful not to mention the process by which we had become one. What was he afraid of? But I nodded at Abzu, saying nothing. Better he think me stupid than get suspicious about the lump in my pocket.

“You know,” Abzu said airily, “I could challenge you if I wanted to. Kill you right here and now.”

“I imagine you could try,” Varun said, seething.

“But I won’t. Not today. I’ve just been released from imprisonment after five thousand years – I have better things to do than risk angering the elders. So I’ll let you…” he turned to me, casting an eagle eye up and down my body “and your beautiful girlfriend go free…for now. Be sure to feed my kraken on the way out.”

With that, he turned on his heel and sauntered out.

“Did you…?” Varun whispered.

I nodded, putting a hand on my pocket. “We need to go,” I said.

“Not so fast. We can’t form a pod like we did before – Unifying, it’s called. Abzu can’t know that we did that…”

“Why not?” I looked up in confusion. “Why did you have to lie?”

“I don’t want the kraken seeing us….” Varun sighed. ‘I didn’t want to tell you before – I didn’t want to freak you out. But Unifying isn’t something that just anyone can do.”

“What do you mean?”

“It only works if…” he blushed and looked down. “Look, I didn’t want to pressure you or freak you out…”

“Works if what?” I pressed.

“If the people involved are truly in love,” he muttered, turning pink “I was only ever able to do it with Jana…before you…”

“That was some risk you took,” I said. “Taking me underwater without knowing if we were truly in love. I could have been drowned!”

“I knew how I felt about you. And I guessed how you felt about me. Maybe not enough to take you away from Chance, but enough…for this.” He sighed. “Abzu thinks you’re just some girl I’m seeing. If he knows that we’ve Unified, he might guess the truth. That you might be the real Vesta. Any one of his kraken could spy on us – report the truth.”

“So what do we do?” I’d been able to breathe underwater when I first touched the stone, but now my breaths were growing shallower, hastier The initial effect of the stone had worn off, and I’d need to get another source of oxygen again.

“Follow my lead,” said Varun. “Mouth-to-mouth – what I said to Abzu. Not comfortable…and it won’t do much to protect you from the cold – but you have the stone now, so maybe it will be easier. You just have to breathe…from me.”

“From what?”

“From my lips…” Varun blushed. “You know – mouth-to-mouth.”

My heart sank. It was hard enough to resist my attraction to Varun when I was near him – it would be harder still if his lips were against mine.

“I’ll be a gentleman,” Varun promised, “Don’t you worry.”

I nodded as we stepped outside the palace.

“Close your eyes.”

I did. Immediately, Varun’s lips were against mine, soft and gentle, breathing life into my lungs – sweet, pure air. I inhaled greedily, feeling the oxygen pulse through my body.

“Swim,” Varun whispered, wrapping his arms around me as he kicked through the water, rising through the darkness of the sea. My heart was beating faster and faster; I could feel the intoxication of being near him, of tasting his salty lips. From time to time he would breathe into me – each kiss a moment of rapture as well as survival. At last, when we were a suitable distance away from the kraken, Varun began to Unify with me once again, the blue light shimmering all around us once more.

A part of me was disappointed – left still craving his kiss, still wanting him. My whole body ached to turn to him, to press my mouth against his, to drink in his beauty like sweet nectar.

I ached for him, my longing so great that my body shuddered with physical pain. But I held back, ignoring the excruciating torment that seemed to rend my heart in two. I loved Chance – I knew that I loved Chance! But then what was I feeling for Varun? My body and soul were at odds with each other; I no longer had one heart but two, each pulled in a different direction.

At last we reached the surface, breaking apart at the water’s edge. I felt a painful pull in my chest when we were no longer touching.

“I don’t know what to say,” I spoke at last, my chest heaving with exhaustion. “Varun…” I felt the stone in my pocket, so smooth and round. I held it out to him. “You saved my mother’s life. I don’t know how I can ever thank you.” And yet I could not look him in the eye. Looking up at him, letting our eyes meet, seemed too dangerous now. He’d see my desire pouring out of them. He’d see how much I wanted him. And then how could I ever resist. “I owe you…everything.”

He wrapped his arms around me once more, drawing me into an embrace. “All I wanted was to make you happy,” he said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He lifted my chin, turning my face to his. His eyes were so full of kindness, of compassion, of desire. I blushed as I felt his longing; I blushed as I experienced my own. His eyes traveled down to my lips, and he was staring at them with a raw hunger I knew only too well. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, Mac,” he said, his voice so soft, so sweet.

Silence fell upon us. I knew how much he wanted to kiss me; I knew how much I wanted to kiss him back. I wanted him to take the lead, to crush me against his chest – but he waited for my signal, my guidance. He waited for the permission I could never give.

“Mac, I…”

So this was why Vesta had fallen for him, too. He was so kind, so good – and yet capable of such dark passion. Abzu was wrong about Varun – Varun too understood the dark nature of the sea, of its savagery and capacity of chaos. I could see that chaos in his eyes.

“I know, Varun.” I couldn’t move. My whole body was paralyzed by fear and longing. I wanted so badly to say “yes! Yes – kiss me – no!” but something held me back. A feeling of heat in the palm of my hand.

I looked down. It was the stone – one of the Fire Stones – burning and blazing bright. A reminder of my true destiny – of Chance – of the world of Fire no less a part of me than the Water we had just left behind.

“I’ll...uh….I’ll see you around, Varun. I have to go. It’s my mom. You know – she needs this stone to heal her. But – um – thanks! Yeah, really, thanks!” My voice sounded forced and awkward.

Varun’s face fell, but he managed a small smile. “No problem,” he laughed. “Anytime. See you around. Just – uh – tell me how your mom is, okay?”

“Okay,” I was staring at Varun, unable to take my eyes off his soulful expression. I tried my hardest to walk away, but it was as if my legs were made of lead. They resisted my will to leave. At last I forced myself to walk away – but I could still feel his eyes upon my back, upon my shoulders, boring through me, seeing into my soul – seeing the truth: we had Unified; I loved him.

I wanted to run away, to escape his gaze, but I could not. I could only walk, dragging my heels each step of the way, trying in vain to force myself further and further from that look of longing that left me paralyzed, left me reeling. It was harder to breathe now, on land, than it ever had been underwater – Varun was my oxygen, and I needed him to survive.

But surely I felt the same way about Chance, too? That hunger, that burning longing that led us to press up against each other in the corridors after gym class, stealing pleasure from every seized moment, giving ourselves over to the passion that consumed us both. Chance’s euphoric fire or Varun’s calming waters – both filled me with a sense of need, of urgency. How, I asked myself, could I ever be happy with just one; how could I ever be satisfied with anything less than both of them, with both sides of myself: the sweet, beautiful girl that Varun put on a pedestal, and the passionate, fiery woman Chance embraced as his equal? I couldn’t choose. A part of me wanted Varun’s romance; a part of me wanted Chance’s desire. And, like Vesta, I was caught in the middle, struggling against the rage of my longing. It’s not fair! I cried to myself. I’d always had control of my body, of my thoughts. I’d always been able to stay on top of my own feelings. But now the combination of desire and love I felt had started to consume me. I was burning up in the flames – dragged out to sea – I was in love with two men at the same time.

More confused than ever, I trudged home.