Chapter 4
I couldn’t get Lanna’s question out of my head. She was right, I knew she was. If I’d had more time to think things through, I would’ve likely made a different decision. With the pressure from our parents compounded by the pressure of not wanting to inconvenience hundreds of guests, I’d given in far too easily.
This was what I was thinking about as my dad walked me down the aisle. He handed me off to Collin. I tried to force a smile but I realized Collin didn’t look relieved. His brow was glistening with sweat.
My eyes quickly darted away. With a blinding clarity, I finally came to my senses.
And it was all because of the boots.
Those damn boots.
I stood there staring at the white cowboy boots. They were worn buy a girl seated next to Gwen in the very first row. My gaze crept up her tan legs, over her short white dress—because someone tacky enough to wear cowboy boots to a wedding certainly wouldn’t think twice about wearing white. Apparently they also wouldn’t think twice about sleeping with the groom-to-be. I froze, completely. The eyes staring back at me quickly darted away as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
I heard Lanna say my name. I was supposed to hand her my bouquet but the flowers tumbled from my hand.
I realized then the pastor had been speaking to me too.
“Holly?” Collin said my name in a warning tone.
I didn’t bother to look his way. I didn’t bother to look past the front row, into the pews where people were starting to murmur and shift around uncomfortably.
“Holly,” Lanna said again. I felt her hand wrap around my elbow. I glanced back, met her gaze and then pointed. “Check out the boots.” My voice sounded hollow. The words echoed through my head.
That was all I needed to say.
My heart took a long, painful tumble in my chest. It bounced along the jagged edges of my fractured soul, landing finally in the shattered remains of my dignity.
“Tonya?” Lanna said in disbelief. She sidestepped me to get closer to Collin. She smacked him across the chest with her own bouquet. “You slept with Tonya?!” she cried.
He looked at us in horror. I had a feeling he wasn’t horrified that we’d figured it out. But that Lanna had blurted it out. Loudly. Loud enough for everyone gathered to hear.
I heard Felicia’s sharp intake of breath and Dani’s inappropriate string of cusswords. I glanced over my shoulder at them. Felicia looked ready to cry. Dani looked ready to tear Collin to pieces on my behalf.
“Wait…What?!” I didn’t have to look at Dexter to know that the booming words came from him. He was Collin’s brother. His best man. He’d come back to town for the wedding. He was standing right by his side. I’d known him as long as I’d known Collin. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. Even though I’d only met her twice, I’d recognize his long-time girlfriend anywhere…As long as I saw her face.
I hadn’t asked Collin who the girl was. I didn’t want to know. I thought it would be easier that way. But now that I knew and I knew it was Tonya, something in me broke. The dam I’d built up around my emotions had taken a hit that it wasn’t going to recover from. Not only had Collin betrayed me but his own brother.
What kind of person would do that?
The only answer I had to that question was…The kind of person I did not want to marry.
The kind that I was not going to marry.
I didn’t stick around to hear if Collin answered Dex’s question. I lifted my skirt, ready to retreat down the aisle. I paused long enough to undo the clasp of my bracelet. I tossed it roughly in the direction of Collin’s feet. Fortunately for me, my ring was in Dex’s pocket. It was one less thing to return.
I took off, only vaguely aware that the murmuring had erupted into full blown chatter. Gasps of disbelief ensued. It was all drowned out by the buzzing in my ears. I kept my eyes on the back door. Max leapt from his spot in the pew as I was hurrying by.
He didn’t try to stop me. In fact, he opened the door for me and led the way.
“It was Tonya?”
I choked on a sob, unable to keep it down.
“His brother’s girlfriend?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure why he felt the need to clarify. It seemed apparent to me that it was.
I hurried across the narthex out the door and down the sidewalk. I could feel Max’s presence right behind me. Earlier the skies had been a bright, shiny gray. Now they were dark and dumping down rain.
“Holly,” Max said as he trudged along after me, into the downpour.
“I can’t—I can’t,” I stammered, trying one more time. “I can’t—”
After each start the word got stopped in my throat. I can’t…talk, breathe, think. That’s what I wanted to say. I held my hand against my chest. I couldn’t decide if I was getting too much air or not enough.
Max’s arm slid around me pulling me to him.
“You don’t have to,” he said as he answered all of my unspoken words. I let him guide me across the parking lot. I should’ve known we were heading to his car.
“Wait!” Lanna’s voice flew across the street.
Max swung us around. Lanna was hobbling along as fast as she could in her heels as she crossed the rain-slicked pavement. Her light blue dress was spotted with large raindrops.
“It’s total chaos in there!”
“I figured,” Max said. “That’s why I’m trying to get her out of here.”
Lanna grabbed both of my hands when she reached us. “Holly,” her worried gaze scoured over me. “I’ve been thinking about this, hoping it would happen. You not going through with the wedding, I mean. Not the rest of it.”
I bit my lip, trying to keep my sobs inside as I squinted at her through the rain.
“You know this isn’t just going to blow over.” I nodded and she pushed ahead. “So like I said, I’ve been thinking. You need to get out of here.”
“Like I said, that’s what I’m trying to do,” Max pointed out. “I’m trying to get her out of here.”
She shook her head and put both of her hands on my shoulders. Apparently she wanted my full attention when she looked me in the eye. “I mean like, out of town. Out of the state. You should go with Max.”
“What?” I asked.
“What?” Max repeated.
She shrugged. “Think about it. If you stay here, it’s just going to be a constant replay of the last few days. They’ll just push and push until you cave. This would be good for you. You’ve never been on your own, Holly.” I opened my mouth to protest but she shushed me. “Living in the dorms seven miles from your parents and going home every Sunday for dinner does not count. I hate to say it, but you must know you’ve lived a totally sheltered life. What you really need is to get away for awhile. Far away, where you’re not under their influence.”
She shared a look with Max and I knew they were thinking that’s what happened yesterday. I wanted to argue but they were right. Deep down, I hadn’t wanted to go through with the wedding even then. But I’d been too afraid, too overwhelmed and too numb to do anything different.
“You know I’m right,” she said to Max. “She needs to get out of here. This is the perfect solution.”
I glanced at them both. First one, then the other. She raised her eyebrows and he cocked his head. Then he opened his mouth as if to protest and she gave her head a subtle shake. It seemed as though they were carrying on a conversation in a language all their own. One I wasn’t able to translate.
“Excuse me, right here!” I said, pointing to myself.
“Of course you are,” Lanna said as she brought her attention back to me.
“I can’t just…leave,” I argued.
Her hands fell from my shoulders to her hips. She gave me her no-nonsense look. “Why the hell not? What’s keeping you here? Nothing! It would be good for you! It would be good to get out of this town, away from this place, away from these…these people.” She grimaced and I knew by people she meant Collin and our families. None of whom she was pleased with at the moment.
I shook my head. “I…just…”
“Can. You just can,” she said decisively. “Go for a week. A week is not that long. Clear your head. Let everyone calm down. You know, that kind of thing.”
We both glanced over her shoulder as the doors to the church flew open. A guest I didn’t recognize, probably a friend from Collin’s side, emerged. It would only be a matter of time before the rest of the guests streamed forth.
“Max?” Lanna said, her voice pleading. Then she turned to me. “Just think about it. But think fast. I’ll go back and try to do damage control. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just hold back the crowd to let you get a head start.”
She pulled me into a hug. I whispered something that was meant to be a thank you but it came out sounding strangled and high-pitched.
“If I were you, I’d keep your phone off,” she said to me. Then she turned to Max and they shared another look. “Think about it Max,” she said as she slapped him across the back.
He nodded before finishing his task of whisking me away.
***
“Unzip me!” I begged.
I felt trapped, as if the dress was a cage holding me in. Tying me to something I suddenly desperately wanted to get away from. The moment I heard the zipper slide down, felt the fabric loosen, I squirmed around until I fought myself free. The dress was damp and sticky from the rain, making it no easy task to peel off. It finally fell to a heap at my feet in a swish of expensive fabric.
I heard the sound of flesh slapping against flesh. I tossed a glance over my shoulder to find that Max had slapped his hand over his eyes. He stood in the foyer right in front of the fallen dress.
“Geeze Holly!” he cried.
“You’ve seen me in a bikini,” I mumbled over my shoulder. What I was currently wearing covered about that much. I marched up the stairs. I needed to get out of that dress. I didn’t have time to worry about offending Max.
I wasn’t sure when he’d turned into such a prude anyway.
A few moments later I heard scuffling as he followed me up the stairs. I yanked open drawers, finding something comfy and dry to slip into. I squirmed into a tank top.
“Can I come in?” His voice floated to me from the hallway.
I wiggled into a pair of cotton shorts and told him he could.
“So now what?” he asked as he stepped into my bedroom. “What do you want to do?”
He hadn’t said a word on the drive to my house. I was sure he wanted to let me think things over. But now we were here. I didn’t know how far behind my parents would be. Minutes? Hours? Would they stay and try to smooth things over? Or would they realize the mess was too great to bother with?”
“What should I do?” I asked him.
I crossed my arms over my chest. I’d managed to tamp down my tears. I’d cried so many already the last day and a half. I seemed to fluctuate between pain and numbness. At the moment, I was grasping the numb feeling again and holding on tight.
He stared at me a minute as he thought things over.
“You need to decide for yourself,” he finally said.
I turned away from him and tugged my hands through my hair. I’d plucked all of the bobby pins out on the drive home. Now it felt like a rain-dampened, frizzy mess. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut because I could feel the tears trying to press their way out again.
“I can’t even think straight right now,” I said as I placed my hands over my face.
Max came up behind me, turned me around and hugged me to his chest. I felt myself go limp in his arms. “Yes, you can,” he said.
I blinked away the frustrating tears and looked up at him. “Do you…Would you mind? I mean, would you care if I tagged along?”
He scoffed at that. “Honestly? I’d love it if you tagged along. But it’s not my decision. You need to decide what’s right for you.”
I looked down at my feet. I knew he was right. I needed to decide this for myself. I just didn’t know what the right decision was. My body, heart and head all ached. I didn’t want to think anymore.
“If I leave, everyone is going to be so mad.”
He sighed and stepped away. “Holly, I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I think people have been telling you what to do your whole life. But you’re supposedly an adult.”
“Hey,” I grumbled. I didn’t need attitude from him too.
“I didn’t mean that as a dig. You don’t need permission from anyone to do anything. Just, for once, do what you want to do.”
I never would’ve guessed Max was all about tough love. Yet he was right. I did spend too much time worrying about keeping other people happy. If there was ever a time in my life when I needed to make myself happy, it was now.
With the pressure of a time crunch gnawing away at me, I didn’t have time to overanalyze or over think. It wouldn’t be long before my parents came home. Or someone else who would most definitely stop me. That knowledge helped me make the choice in that moment. If I’d had time to dwell on it, reason things out, I don’t know what my answer would’ve been. But I didn’t have time and I went with my instincts.
“Will you help me carry my bags? Please?” I asked. I pointed to them.
They were already packed.
For my honeymoon.
I expected him to give me a pleased grin. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut for a second and blew out a breath. When he opened them again, the only emotion I saw there was relief.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ll get both of your bags. You just finish with whatever else you need to do.”
I nodded and turned around to pull another bag out of my closet. “Let me just grab a few more things. I’ll be right down.”
He agreed and disappeared with the giant suitcase and the smaller bag that was supposed to have been my carry-on. I set the extra bag on my bed and threw in a few more important things. My thoughts were so hazy I couldn’t even begin to decide if I was doing the right thing or not.
On one hand, I felt like I was taking the easy way out by running away.
On the other hand, I felt like I didn’t owe it to anyone to stay.
I threw the strap of my bag over my shoulder and scurried down the stairs. Now that my mind was made up, I wanted to be gone before my parents came back. I headed to my dad’s office, quickly opening his safe. I pulled out the money bag where he kept an ample supply of what he considered emergency cash.
This situation was an emergency as far as I was concerned.
“Should I look the other way?” Max asked. “Are you committing a robbery?”
I glanced up. He was leaning against the doorframe, nearly filling it. He was trying to joke but his expression showed nothing but concern.
“Nope,” I said. I’d worked in the print shop on campus all year. I was given tasks such as collating, stapling and photocopying. It was possibly the most boring job ever but it was a paycheck. I had a decent amount of money in my checking account but I couldn’t remember, at that moment, exactly how much. Just to be safe, I stuffed a little over a thousand dollars into my purse. “I’m not stealing. I mean, I’m leaving a note.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes it okay.” He glanced around. “I got your bags loaded up. Do you need anything else?”
I finished scribbling the note, telling them where I’d gone and how much I’d taken. I told them both I loved them but that I needed some time to myself. I put the money bag back and spun the dial, locking the safe.
“I can’t think of anything else,” I said. I clamped my teeth down hard on my bottom lip in an effort to keep myself from sobbing. I walked past Max and tugged at his hand. “Let’s just get out of here.”
Minutes later I was once again buckled into the passenger seat of Max’s car. I was breathing way too quickly again. We were headed out of town. My whole body was burning with adrenaline, or anger, or anxiety. Maybe all three. Maybe more.
“Hey,” Max said as he turned into a gas station.
My body felt like lead when I turned to look at him.
He gave me a weak smile. “You’re going to be fine. You just need some time. Okay?”
I tried to smile but a gush of tears came down. I could feel my lips trembling and my whole body was shaking.
“Come here,” Max said.
I’d lost count of how many times he’d pulled me into a hug the last few days.
Collin had turned me into a broken mess.
It was completely unfair that Max was the one tasked with picking up the pieces.
He squeezed me hard, then let go.
“Do you want anything?” he asked. “We probably won’t be stopping again until I need more gas.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t have said a word if I’d wanted to. When I squeezed my eyes shut, another deluge of tears sprayed down. Max sighed and got out of the car. I glanced around the parking lot. I was anxious to leave Chamberlain and this horrible day behind me.
I had a ridiculous fear that Collin would come tearing into the lot, trying to stop me. A sad, pathetic part of me wanted him to. The logical part of me knew he wouldn’t. He hadn’t even come after me when I’d left the church. It was silly to think he’d try to find me now.
My fingers twitched, wanting to turn my phone on. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d called. I was afraid he hadn’t. While I really had nothing to say, it hurt to think that he hadn’t at least tried. I was seconds away from reaching for my purse, to dig my phone out, when Max’s door swung open again.
He gave me a sad smile as he settled himself in.
“Here you go.” He set a box of Kleenex and a bottle of strawberry milk in my lap.
The thought was so sweet I burst into another round of loud, ridiculous tears all over again.