Chapter 10
Two weeks after leaving Chamberlain, I was still in Sapphire Bay. Not surprisingly, the more my parents pressured me to come home, the more determined I was to stay a little longer. As the days went by Max never asked when I was leaving. I was glad because I didn’t want to go back and he really didn’t seem to mind that I was around. He told me he liked the company. Phone calls to my parents became less frequent. I think they’d become resigned to the fact that I was on my own timeframe.
Max had started working full-time, though. That still gave us evenings to find something to do. Sometimes we’d sit on the beach, a couple of nights he’d grilled steaks, one rainy night we’d gone to a movie. But most of the time, we just spent relaxing. It was a nice change from the full class load and endless nights of homework I’d been buried under just the month before.
I was able to keep myself busy during the day while he was gone. The beach house was on the edge of town but there were plenty of places within walking distance. Every day I’d ventured just a little further as I became more familiar with the area. It was a cute little town with unique, touristy shops on every block. I’d already spent hours walking through them. I hadn’t bought much, just a few small gifts for my friends. But it gave me something to do.
It was two weeks to the day I left, that Collin called for the first time. I was in my room, putting away some laundry. I swiped the phone off my dresser, thinking it was Felicia because I’d just left her a voice mail wishing her happy birthday.
I squinted at the ID on my phone, thinking I was seeing things, or imagining things. But no, it was Collin’s name that appeared. I silenced the ringer, waiting the call out. I stared at the phone in my hand for a moment, possibly even glared at it. As if it were to blame for the way my heart had tipped into a slow, painful plummet in my chest.
At first, I’d been waiting for him to call. But now, two weeks later…? It was much too little, far too late.
More than anything, I realized I was annoyed. I’d managed to pull myself together the last few weeks. I was doing fine. I was feeling good. I was enjoying my summer and having the best time with Max. With one call, he’d taken that away.
And I hadn’t even talked to him.
I immediately called Lanna.
“You sound mad,” she said.
“I am mad.” I threw myself down on the bed.
“Good,” she said. “You should be. You wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t at least a little bit angry and bitter.”
“I was actually doing just fine until he called,” I admitted. “Out of sight, out of mind has been working quite well for me.”
“Glad to hear it,” she quipped. She was quiet a moment. Then she said, “To be honest, I was afraid one call from him would have you running back home. I’m also really surprised you didn’t answer. I thought you’d be dying to hear from him. And don’t be mad at me, but really, I thought you’d be the one flooding him with phone calls.”
I couldn’t be mad because I felt the same way she did. Lanna knew me well, probably better than anyone. I was actually as surprised as she was that I hadn’t called him once.
“I think, maybe, with everything that happened, we’ve crossed the point of no return.” I hadn’t been able to turn my feelings off completely but these past weeks, they’d faded substantially. The good feelings, the bad and even the mixed up ones were dying away. In other words, Collin himself was fading from my mind.
“I still think you sound like you’re taking this awfully well,” Lanna accused. “Are you suppressing everything?” She didn’t let me respond. “Or, maybe your feelings for Collin were never that strong in the first place.”
Had I just been thinking that Lanna knew me better than anyone? Obviously, I was wrong.
“Excuse me?”
“Okay, so you loved him…but were you in love with him?” she pressed. “Or were you just in love with the idea of getting married? Or did you just like the idea of making your families happy? Of having a nice, neat, clean, easy future laid out before you? I’m not saying you weren’t happy with him. You just seemed…comfortable with him but was there any spark?”
I was speechless.
She sighed. “I’m sorry. That was going too far.”
“Do you think?” I scoffed.
“Yes, I know it was. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” she admitted.
I agreed but I didn’t want to be mad at her. I decided a subject change was in order.
“How are things back home?” I asked.
She sighed dramatically. “Oh, you know, the usual. Dani and Felicia are squabbling again. Felicia’s mad because Dani has Todd spend the night too often. Dani’s mad because Felicia spilled an entire box of her Cocoa Puffs. Or something like that. They’re both grumpy because rent went up. Felicia thinks Dani’s a slob. Dani’s in a constant state of annoyance because Felicia puts things where she can’t find them. I could go on but you know how they are so I’ll spare you from anymore details.”
She was right. Some people are better off as friends than roommates. Same old, same old with those two. In a way, it was comforting.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked.
“I,” she said brazenly, “am spectacular. Dustin came back to town. Without that witch he was dating.”
“And…?” I prompted with a smile.
“Use your imagination,” she suggested.
I let out a laugh. “I’d rather not.”
We discussed mindless things for a bit and just as we were getting ready to end the call, she said, “You sound better than just okay. You actually sound happy. I’m glad. I didn’t think you’d sound this happy so soon.”
“Do I?” I asked, surprised.
“Yes. Tell Max I said ‘hi’.”
I told her I would and we disconnected. I wasn’t sure what to make of her assumption, or accusation or whatever her ideas about Collin had been. I didn’t want to dwell on them, either, because they would just ruin my day.
***
“What are you looking at?” I asked Max as I trudged out to the kitchen. It was a Saturday and while he normally wouldn’t have to work Saturdays, there was a wedding reception at Villette Vineyards later in the afternoon. His grandma thought it would be a good idea for him to help oversee the evening. She thought it would be a good learning experience.
I’d offered to help. I wasn’t sure what I could do. Maybe just straighten chairs or help with clean-up. Max had nixed the offer before I’d even been able to complete it.
He still had a few minutes before he had to leave. He was sitting at the breakfast bar, checking out something on his laptop.
I’d had an idea for a new necklace. It was a bit on the complicated side, which was just what I needed. It was something that would preoccupy my mind.
Jewelry making was my hobby. It was one of the few things I was actually pretty good at. By some tiny flake of good luck, I’d thought to grab the tote that I stored everything in. My hobby had been keeping me busy while Max was at work. Although, to be honest, I probably spent more time gazing out at the view, lost in my thoughts, than I actually spent working on my jewelry. As it was, I’d overtaken the entire kitchen table.
Max never complained. We often ate in the living room balancing our plates in our laps, at the breakfast bar or more often than not, outside on the deck. So it didn’t seem to matter that I’d taken over the kitchen table and turned it into my work area.
He glanced up at me as I crossed the kitchen.
He tried to cover the screen but I shoved him playfully away.
I turned to him in confusion. “You’re researching seahorses?”
“I just…I don’t know…I thought about getting you a pair.” He looked at the screen again. “Do you have any idea what goes into taking care of them? Seriously Holly, they’re so high maintenance they almost need their own nanny.”
“How would I ever get them home?” I asked.
He frowned and then shut his laptop. “It was just a thought. One I obviously didn’t spend a lot of time thinking through.”
Whether it was well thought out or not, I appreciated the time he’d taken to look into it.
“What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing,” I said as I lifted my eyes from the floor.
He grabbed my hand. I was rubbing my wrist again. I really needed to stop doing that.
“That’s not true,” he said.
Max had been so good to me. If he wanted to know what was going on, I owed it to him to tell him. I told him that Collin had called. I also told him what Lanna said.
I had been offended at first but maybe she had been right. Maybe I’d just loved the idea of being in love. Or maybe it was because it had all come so easy. A nice, neat future handed to us. Was it possible that Collin had, without realizing it, felt that way too?
We’d been teased since we were tiny. Told we’d marry each other one day. And while I knew enough to know that it was teasing, had a little grain of that stuck telling us it’s what we should do? Even if it wasn’t what either of us really wanted? Had either of us really had a chance to think that through for ourselves?
I just didn’t know.
I admitted all of this to Max. I had thought for sure he’d want no part of my girly admission. But he just sat back and listened while I, yet again, dumped my heart out all over him. He handled it like he always did. He listened patiently.
Then he teased me.
“Is she right?”
I hadn’t thought so, but after we ended the call, I’d tossed myself on my bed, stared at my ceiling and waited impatiently for the world to make sense.
I shrugged. “I know there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I’m just, at the moment, having a hard time deciding what that difference is.” I was quite possibly having a hard time understanding it because for the last few years, maybe I’d been misinterpreting it.
He leaned forward resting on his elbows, apparently giving me a little more time to think things through.
“I mean, what did she mean by spark?!” I demanded. Of course I felt good when I was with Collin….Good, happy, safe, and comfortable. Like everything was right.
“Well,” Max said, and the teasing began…“Did he make your palms all sweaty? Did he make you feel all fizzy inside? Did he make your heart thrash around? Did just being in the same room with him ever make it hurt to even breathe?”
I raised my eyebrows. “You mean aside from the night I walked in on him?”
“I mean did that stuff ever happen in a good way?” He shook his head at me and looked aggravated. “And when you think about not ever being able to be with him, does it ache so bad you can barely see straight?”
“That’s love?” I asked with a laugh. I cut the laugh short when I saw the serious expression on his face. Maybe he hadn’t been entirely teasing after all. His idea of love, it didn’t sound all that appealing. “I don’t know,” I finally muttered.
“If you have to think about it,” Max carefully said, “then maybe you already have your answer.”
“The way you describe it, it kind of sounds like it sucks.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It kind of can. When it doesn’t work out, kind of feels like someone’s taken a cheese grater to your heart.” He got up and headed down the hallway.
I didn’t let him get too far. I scampered up behind him. “Hey Max?”
He turned to me and sighed. “Yeah?”
“Who were you in love with?” He couldn’t be in love with anyone right now. I was fairly sure of that. Because if his feelings for someone were that strong, I didn’t think he could hide it. I didn’t want to think that I was such a bad friend I could miss it.
He shook his head. “No one. Never mind. I was just rambling.”
“No you weren’t.” My mind was spinning trying to conjure up an answer. “Was it Tori? And you couldn’t be with her because she was so far away?” Had he had feelings for her all of these years? Since he was thirteen?
“Holly, just…don’t. Okay?”
“Because you’re here now. And she’s here now and even though she’s leaving, you have the summer.” I watched as annoyance flickered across his face. Max had never liked to talk about girls with me. But that was okay. He didn’t have to talk. He could just listen. “If you’re both here and you’re both available…what’s stopping you?”
“Nothing,” he insisted. “I’ll call her. I’ve just been busy. You know that.”
I nodded. He had been busy. With work, and also with me.
I followed him into his room where he peeled his t-shirt off and pulled on a navy blue polo with the winery’s logo on the left side of his chest. He was already wearing khaki pants, his usual work attire. He glanced at the clock. “I should get going.”
“Are you sure I can’t do anything to help?” I asked again. I wanted to help. But I was also bored and feeling like a bit of a bum. Tagging along would help me on multiple levels.
He shook his head. “Tonight is fully staffed. But thanks.”
After he left, I sat at the table and worked on my necklace for awhile. I couldn’t concentrate and quickly lost interest. I decided to go for a walk. It was one of my favorite ways to pass the time. After a lazy loop that haphazardly covered several blocks, I found myself in front of the café. As always, that meant some sort of ice-cream was in order. I walked in, cringed at the annoying little bell that jingled over my head, and made my way to the front. The place was busy with the dinner rush but I was the only one in front of the ice-cream display.
I scanned over the flavors, even though I had them almost memorized.
“Hi,” Tori said as she scooted up to the counter in front of me. “Holly, right?”
I nodded. “Hi, Tori. How are you?”
“Good,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were still in town. I haven’t seen you guys around.”
“Still here,” I affirmed. “We’ve been in a few times. Max started working so it’s been in the evenings.”
“Oh,” she said. “That would explain it. I work the day shift, except on weekends. Then I just come in whenever they need me. So, um, what’s Max been up to? Just working?”
“Yeah, it’s keeping him pretty busy. And of course I’m here so I’m probably taking up more of his time than I should.” I scrunched up my face, feeling apologetic.
She smiled but it looked a little forced. “I figured he was busy. I mean, since I haven’t heard from him.”
I bit my lip and nodded. I knew I was monopolizing Max’s time. It just hadn’t registered exactly how much.
She drummed her fingers on the countertop and cocked her head to the side. “Just exactly how long did you say you were staying?”
“I didn’t say because I don’t really know,” I admitted.
She raised her eyebrows at me and the smile slipped from her face. I felt a bit bad for her. If I was gone, Max probably would’ve called her by now. I needed to find a way to fix this somehow.
“You don’t know?” she repeated.
“I like it here more than I thought I would. And there are some things going on back home that…” I shrugged and let the sentence trail off. She didn’t need a detailed explanation because what I had going on wasn’t important.
“So you’ll probably be keeping Max busy for awhile?” There was no trace of her faux-smile now, she was treating me to a frown and she didn’t seem to care.
An idea struck and I smiled. “Not if I can help it. I’d like a double scoop of the Totally Tropic ice-cream,” I said. “And I have a feeling you’ll be seeing Max real soon.”