Chapter 22
“It’s human nature to not know what you have until it’s gone,” Collin argued.
“That’s just what idiots say when they are too stupid to appreciate what they have until they’re careless enough to lose it.” This was exactly why I’d been putting off calling him. I’d told him we were over and he wasn’t going to make it easy. As for his comment, it was ridiculous.
I knew what I had with Max. I wasn’t willing to lose it. I was going to do whatever I had to do to keep it. That’s why I decided I needed to call Collin. We needed closure. I needed him to know, without a doubt, that he had no claim to me. His phone calls needed to stop.
“Holly, you have no idea what it’s like here without you. How am I supposed to make things better when you’ve been refusing to talk to me?”
I fought the urge to bang my head against the wall as I paced the hallway. I would be going back to Chamberlain next weekend. I wanted things cleared up with Collin, once and for all, before I arrived.
But even more important than that, I wanted there to be no question where Collin and I stood when Max and I went away together. I wanted to be able to tell him Collin knew he was out of my life for good. And that he’d accepted that. Unfortunately, I was still working on that last part.
“I’m not asking you to make things better. It’s too late for that. In fact, the only reason I’m calling you at all is to tell you to stop calling me. Stop texting me. Stop even thinking about me. Besides, what happened to Monica?” I demanded.
“Who?” he asked.
I stood with my back to the wall and banged gently. Was he kidding? I didn’t think he was.
“Oh,” he said, sounding surprised, “you have to know she was just a distraction.”
“Did she know that?” I demanded. I wasn’t sure why I cared enough to ask.
He ignored me. “I miss you. You need to come back. I don’t understand why you have to be so difficult.” His voice was thick with agitation.
“Do you mean why am I actually thinking for myself?”
“I mean why are you going to throw away our future over one mistake?”
I hoisted out a frustrated sigh.
“I’m not stupid,” he mumbled.
I had to grit my teeth to seal in a retort because that statement was entirely debatable.
“I mean, I know it’ll take work but you need to come back. I’ve had enough time to think things over. I—”
I cut him off. “I didn’t realize you needed time to think things over. That would’ve been a good thing to know months ago. But you know what? I’ve had time to think things over too. Do you know what conclusion I keep coming to over and over again? We were a mistake. One that I’m not going to be naïve enough to make again. I mean, maybe we can be friends or something. I’m sure we’ll run into each other or be stuck with each other at family dinners. I don’t want things to be horrible or awkward but—”
“Friends? We’ll bump into each other at family dinners? You can’t be serious.”
“Well, you’re wrong again. I’m completely serious. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know if I even want to be friends. I don’t think I like you very much as a person. What you did to Dexter? What kind of person does that? That’s just wrong. He’s your brother! As for me? I’m over you.” The moment the words were out of my mouth…it was like a mental weight had been lifted. Not only did I say the words. I felt them. I believed them completely. I smiled to myself. I was still busy smiling to myself, churning the revelation around and around in my head when I heard yipping in the background.
“Don’t be this way,” he pouted.
“Are you at your parents’ house?”
“Yeah, I’m picking up my laundry,” he said. I could hear him making noise in the background.
Collin was twenty years old. His mom still washed his clothes even though he didn’t live at home. She ironed what needed ironing and folded what needed folding. She brought him meals to freeze to get him through the week. How did I not see how spoiled he was before?
He said something but I was sure he wasn’t talking to me. The obnoxious lilt of his voice made it pretty clear he was talking to the dog. The stupid little dog that Max would hate as much as I did.
I had debated telling him about Max, simply to drive the point home that he needed to stop calling. I wanted him to know beyond a doubt that we were done but at the same time, I didn’t feel as if he had the right to know. But more than that, I was afraid his warped mind would twist it around. I was afraid he’d convince himself that the accusations he’d made about Max and I were true.
Since he was distracted by the little mutt, I decided to use it to my advantage and catch him off guard. “You moved onto Monica awfully fast,” I pointed out. “I mean, considering that you thought that you and I still had a chance.”
“Lanna’s got a big mouth,” he accused.
“I don’t see how your actions are Lanna’s fault.”
“What is with you!” he grated out. “Did you call just so we’d have to rehash this all again?”
Gwen’s Pomeranian was still yipping in the background. The more intense Collin’s voice became, the more intense Muffin’s barking got.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“I told you, I’m picking up my laundry. Mom’s got it spread out all over my old bed. I don’t know why she didn’t have it in the basket ready to go. She usually leaves it downstairs, by the door,” he grumbled. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Do you have somewhere important to be?” I asked. I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if he had a date for the evening.
I was met by silence from Collin but the air was flooded with Muffin’s barking.
“I think that dog wants your attention,” I wryly pointed out. I could picture her, yipping and bouncing around his feet.
Stupid little dog.
He ignored me and I heard another string of muffled cooing, undoubtedly directed at Muffin, who was finally getting some attention.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. One or the other was bad enough. The two of them together were giving me a headache.
“Collin, you go ahead and deal with your laundry. I’m going to let you go because I’ve said all I have to say. And in case you weren’t listening to what I have to say, it all comes down to this…Stop calling me. You need to move on with your life.” I took a breath and let out the only little sliver of the truth I was willing to part with. “You need to move on because I already have.”
“Holly! What the hell does that even mean? You’re being ridiculous, you know that, right?” he fumed. “We’ve had problems before and we’ve always worked through them. You can’t just make a permanent decision like this without talking to me about it!”
I laughed. “You have got to be joking! I’ve already made the decision. Or,” I inhaled sharply, “did you think we hadn’t broken up yet? And yet…you were still with Monica?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. I was met with silence.
“Goodbye Collin. Make sure you don’t call again.”
“Holly!” he shouted into the phone before I could disconnect.
There was a yelp of pain, substantially different than the annoying, persistent yipping that had permeated our conversation. I heard Collin grunt and cry out. Banging, thudding and more grunting followed. There was an absolute explosion of barking. Then something—Collin’s phone, probably—shattered in my ear. It all happened in a matter of seconds.
“Collin?” I was silent for a moment, listening intently for any sound. I heard nothing.
“Collin?” I cried into my phone. I shouted his name a few more times, though I knew he wouldn’t be answering. In my shock it took me a few seconds to realize that if I couldn’t hear Muffin then the call had definitely ended. I couldn’t imagine what could have happened to him. I disconnected and called his phone again. It went straight to voicemail. I stood there for a moment, helpless and stunned.
I didn’t know if his parents were home or if he’d been there alone. I dialed Gwen’s cell phone next. She didn’t answer so I tried their home phone. That went unanswered as well. I stood there for several long moments, wondering what I should do.
Call my mom or Lanna and ask them to check on Collin? My mind started weaving together the only scenario that made sense. He was in a hurry. He was carrying his laundry basket, probably laden with clean clothes. Muffin was likely bouncing in between his feet. And Collin? He’d been distracted. By me.
I knew that it would be a wasted effort but I tried his cell phone once more. Then I immediately called my mom. I told her what I thought had happened. She assured me she would look into it and let me know as soon as possible.
It felt like an eternity before my phone finally rang.
“Holly, I’m at the Reynolds’s,” she began. Her voice was low, as if she were afraid of upsetting someone by what she had to say. “There’s an ambulance here and the paramedics are tending to Collin. I spoke with Gwen briefly. It appears that he fell down the stairs. At the moment, he’s still unconscious. I think you had better come home.”
“Why?” The question slipped out. I knew why.
“Gwen said she heard him arguing with you. She thinks he was so wrapped up in the conversation with you that he wasn’t paying attention.”
“So Gwen thinks this is my fault?”
She ignored me.
“I don’t know how badly he’s hurt Holly. And he was talking to you when it happened. What did you say to him?” she demanded.
“What does it matter what I said? He tripped over the dog! I’m sure of it.” Yet, he had been upset with me. He probably wasn’t paying attention because of me.
“Holly, could you possibly put your selfishness aside? You’ve had your summer. You’ve had your fun. It looks like Collin is in pretty bad shape. Don’t you think the decent thing to do would be to come home? I only spoke with Gwen for a moment but she’s frantic. She was in the kitchen, starting dinner and she heard him cry out and she heard Muffin barking. She rushed into the foyer and Collin was motionless on the floor. This is serious, Holly! You have known this boy since you were two years old!” she cried.
She was right. If it were Lanna, I’d be there. I owed it to Collin, too, as a friend. Nothing more. I heard the sirens flare to life. Before that, it had all seemed so surreal. As if a part of me thought this couldn’t really be happening. But the sound of the sirens sliced through my hazy mind, more than my mother’s words had. Hearing them, I was hit with the severity of the situation.
“Holly,” she said, her voice shaking, “I know the Reynolds would appreciate it if you came home. Just in case,” she paused, “just in case he’s not okay.”
“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you.”
She disconnected and my heart fell to the floor. In a daze, I made my way to Max’s laptop. It took me awhile, my fingers were shaking and my vision was blurry. I found the first flight out of town. I used my credit card to book the ticket and then I tried to call Max. My heart skittered when I heard his phone ring. I followed the sound to the kitchen, where it was connected to the charger.
I glanced at the clock. He should be home soon. I raced to my room to pack my carry on. I paced as I waited for him. As the minutes ticked by, I realized I didn’t have any more time to waste. I called myself a taxi, realizing I could always send it away if Max showed up. However, if Max didn’t show up, I needed to have a back-up plan.
The more I thought about Collin, that hard tile floor at the bottom of the staircase, the ambulance in his driveway, the distress in my mother’s voice…the more frantic I became.
Nearly twenty minutes later, Max and the taxi pulled in at the same time.
I grabbed my bag and rushed out the door.
Max took one look at me, and then his gaze swung to the waiting taxi and back to me again.
“What’s going on?” he asked as he rushed over to me. “Why do you have a suitcase?”
I quickly told him what had happened.
“So you’re going back? Right now?” he demanded.
“Yes,” I said. My voice was shaking. The last hour had felt like the longest stretch of time in my life.
“No,” he shook his head. “You don’t have to go running back just because your mom says you have to.”
“I need to be sure that Collin’s okay,” I said.
“Then wait for a phone call!” he shouted. “You can’t just go back! Not without any warning at all!”
“How could I have had a warning?” I demanded.
“What about our weekend? We had plans! This was supposed to be our last weekend together and you’re just,” he sputtered, “running back home!”
“Miss?” the taxi driver called through the open window.
I held up a hand to indicate I needed a few moments.
“I have to,” I told him.
“You can’t be serious,” Max said. “How is this your problem?”
I stared at him for a second. “Max, are you listening to me? This is serious! He fell down a flight of stairs and he was still unconscious when my mom got there!”
“So wait for an update from your mom,” he begged. “You don’t have to leave! This isn’t your problem.”
It might not be my problem. But it was possible that I was partially at fault. I had distracted him. I knew I had. It was my fault he’d tripped over that stupid little dog.
“I have to go,” I said quietly. “It’s the right thing to do. He was hurt badly enough they had to call an ambulance! My mom, and probably Gwen, they’re expecting me.”
“Well I was expecting you to be here for me!” he ground out. “What about our plans for tomorrow?”
“We’ll reschedule.”
“When? When?” he demanded. “This is it. If you go back now, our summer is over! This was our last weekend together and you’re choosing him over me.” He threw his hands up in frustration. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Max—”
“How convenient that with all of the crazy little fears you have, flying isn’t one of them. I mean, you’re afraid of the dark but you’re not afraid to fly?! What the hell?! Guess that means you can get back to Collin by tonight,” he fumed.
Crazy little fears?
“Why are you being so mean?” I shot out. “I don’t want to fight with you. Especially not now.” I reached out to grab his hand but he took a step away from me. “I need to go home anyway. I—”
He cut me off, not letting me explain there were things I needed to take care of. As long as I was going home anyway, now, in the midst of this emergency, it seemed best not to wait.
“Fine,” he said as he threw up his hands up again. “Go.”
“Come with me?” I suggested.
He shook his head and shot me an angry, disgusted look. “No. No way. Why the hell should I?”
“Are you mad at me?” It was a rhetorical question but Max didn’t get mad.
He looked at me and clenched his jaw.
“Will you at least drive me? I can send the taxi away. We can talk on the way to the airport. It’ll give us a few more minutes.”
“Drive you to the airport so you can go running back to your ex?” he yelled. “Yeah, no, I think I’ll pass on that one.” He turned and stormed toward the house.
I called after him but he ignored me. I didn’t have time to chase after him. I was barely going to make my flight as it was. I heard the house door slam and I rushed to the waiting taxi.
***
I’ve never claimed to be good under pressure. Nor have I ever claimed to make the most logical decisions. As I sat on the well-worn chair at the airport, I took a moment to finally catch my breath.
Now that I wasn’t in the midst of nearly having a nervous meltdown, now that I wasn’t running around trying to buy a ticket, pack my suitcase and track down Max, I had a few moments to think.
I realized a few things.
The first, Collin had tripped over that damn dog and he may have done it even if he wasn’t talking to me. Muffin was persistent. When she wanted someone’s attention, she was determined to get it.
The second, no matter if I went back to Chamberlain tonight or never, Gwen was still going to blame me.
I briefly contemplated calling for an update. But that would only invite another round of blame to be thrown my way. I watched the minute hand ticking round and round. Funny how now it seemed to be speeding by. When I’d been at home, not that long ago, the passing of minutes had been torturously slow.
Now, we’d be boarding the plane any minute.
My stomach twisted at the thought of how I’d left things with Max. He was right. I shouldn’t be running off because my mom laid on the guilt. On the other hand, if Collin was seriously injured—despite everything, my heart squeezed painfully at the thought—then I did owe it to him to be there for him. Even if things were nowhere near the same for us, I owed him that much. Didn’t I? My phone rang in my hand, startling me.
“Mom,” I said by way of answering. “Have you heard from Gwen?”
“I have. That’s why—”
“Is he okay?” I interrupted.
“He has a concussion and a few broken bones. Nothing life threatening but he is in pretty bad shape.” Her voice sounded shaky. “Apparently he was carrying a very large load of laundry. They think it may have helped to break his fall.”
I let out a breath of relief. That was all I really needed to know.
“You’re positive though, that he’s going to be okay?”
“Yes. They’re still running tests but he is conscious now, so that’s something.” She continued on. “Gwen is understandably beside herself.” I braced myself, knowing what was coming. “I am so relieved you’re on your way home. Collin is going to be so happy to see you.”
“Actually,” I said as I rose from my seat. “I’m not on my way.”
Max was wrong about one thing. I did need to go back to Chamberlain. I needed to go back to get some closure and to tie up some loose ends. But he was right about the rest. That didn’t mean I had to do it now. I didn’t have to do it because my presence was commanded of me. I surely didn’t have to do it if it meant leaving things in such a horrible place with Max. We had never fought before. Not even as friends and it left me with a hollow ache that raged inside of me.
After all he’d done for me, I owed him at least that much. Because he meant the world to me, I owed him that much. I needed to go back and fix things before they got any worse.
I was met with silence. I grabbed the handle of my small suitcase and began wheeling it toward the door. Finally she said, “Holly, I really do believe you should come home.”
“I will. Next weekend.” There was so much more I needed to say to her. So many things about my future that I needed to explain. Right then was not the time and certainly not the place.
“Holly,” she said firmly, “you owe it to Collin to come home.”
“No, Mom, I don’t. I owe it to Max to stay. I’ve got to go but I’ll call first thing tomorrow morning for an update. Or if anything changes with Collin’s condition, call me.” She tried to interrupt but I spoke over her. “Love you!”
I disconnected and clicked on my last call placed. It was to the taxi company. I immediately redialed the number, knowing the best thing for me to do right then was to go home.