Dead_Wood

Twenty-two

“It wasn’t a bullet,” I said.

“Oh don’t give me that shit,” Anna said. I’d gone through the expected ordeal; a statement at the police department in Detroit, several informational interrogations, paperwork up the yin yang, a stop at the emergency room for two stitches on my arm and now, several hours later, I’d finally come home.

“I’d tell you if I’d been shot,” I said. “They taught us that in marriage class. Always tell your partner about gunshot wounds.”

“What is it then?” she said, ignoring me. Her tone was high cynical and severely pissed off.

“A chunk of metal from the car,” I said. The truth was, the doctor hadn’t been entirely sure. It could have been a fragment from the bullet. A fragment from the windshield. Or, much less likely, a scrape from the car. In all likelihood, I had been shot. I just couldn’t admit it to myself. And I sure as hell wasn’t about to say it to my wife.

“Shrapnel from the bullet?”

“No, I think it was from the car crashing into the wall,” I said. “I always hated that Taurus.”

“Good John, keep making jokes. This is all very funny,” Anna said. I was about to respond when the doorbell rang. Anna answered the door and I heard Ellen’s voice. I groaned inwardly.

“Well if it isn’t the Terminator,” Ellen said, waltzing into the kitchen. She went to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

“What the f*ck is going on here, Ellen?” Anna said. Ellen just shook her head, took a pull from her beer and looked at me. Anna stopped looking at Ellen and turned to me. With both of them staring at me, I felt like a rotisserie chicken. Skewered and about to be thoroughly roasted.

My wife and my sister. Talk about the proverbial rock and a hard place.

“He was always a terrible driver,” Ellen finally said. “In Driver’s Ed in high school, I remember when he was out on a country road and the instructor told him to turn, he drove into the cornfield.” She started laughing. “And then the teacher, Mr. Darnell, said, ‘I meant turn at the intersection up ahead.’” Now Ellen really went off. The good thing was that she was obviously trying to lighten the situation for Anna, not for me. The worst part was that the stupid-ass story was true.

Anna looked like she still wanted to strangle both of us. My sister and I don’t have much in common, but dry sarcasm at inopportune times is about the only genetic strain we share.

“What were you thinking chasing this guy around on your own?” Anna said.

“I couldn’t call Ellen. I didn’t know anything about the guy,” I said. “Hornsby had made an offhand comment about his worker, a guy named Randy, calling in sick. I thought I should follow up, even though I figured it was a waste of time. And if it was a waste of time for me, it sure as hell would have been for her.”

“Spoken like a true Grosse Pointe taxpayer,” Ellen said. “Very considerate of you, John.”

“How was I supposed to know that this Randy guy turned out to be such an a*shole?”

“Had you even considered it?” Anna said.

“Well I think everyone’s a potential a*shole,” I said.

Ellen sort of laughed at that. Anna’s heat dial went up a notch.

“Well it wasn’t a total waste of time,” Ellen said. “The guy is obviously bad news. Why do you suppose he took such exception with you, John? Other than the obvious.”

I looked at her, then wondered why the hell I didn’t have a beer. Jeez, a guy gets in a gunfight and nobody offers him a beer. I puffed up my chest like a prized rooster and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Before I could twist off the top, Anna snatched the bottle from my hand.

“Doctor’s orders,” she said. Then she twisted off the cap and took a long drink. A regular Florence Nightingale.

“Why’d he try to kill you, John?” Ellen asked again. As tough as my wife was, when my sister got that tone in her voice, it seemed like even the air in the room started looking for a way out.

“Driving a piece of shit Nova would make me feel pretty murderous, too,” I said.

Anna slammed her hand down on the counter. Some of her beer sloshed onto the table. “This is not funny!”

“Did you find out anything about Randy Watkins?” I asked Ellen. Right after the Detroit cop had called an ambulance and given me back my license and registration, I’d called her and given her what I’d known.

“Ordinarily I wouldn’t share information with a loose cannon such as yourself,” she said. “But I suppose I can make an exception this time.”

“Don’t do him any favors,” Anna said.

“The Randy Watkins identity is entirely fictitious,” Ellen said. “He was renting that apartment month-to-month and the information he’d provided to the landlord was all bogus. And he always paid his rent in cash.”

“The car?”

“We’re still checking.”

“You should be able to pull the slugs from my car,” I said. “Might get something useful.”

“Thanks for the tip, Perry Mason.” Ellen said. “It is, in fact, on its way to the crime lab.”

“So the car’s totaled,” Anna said.

I nodded.

“Does that mean you’ll have to use the minivan?” she said. This was good, we were back to practical matters. Much safer ground.

I shook my head. “As fine and sporty-looking a vehicle as it is, I’ll be renting a car. My insurance covers it.”

Ellen drained the rest of her beer and set it on the counter by the back door.

“Thanks for the beer,” she said. “Anna, when he gets sick or even the tiniest scratch, he turns into the world’s biggest baby.”

“I know,” my dear wife said.

“Just ignore him.”

“I will.”

Ellen walked by me and punched me on the arm. Yes, that arm.

I gave a little yelp.

“See what I mean?” Ellen said.

I glanced over at Anna who took a drink from her beer. I could have been wrong, but it looked like she was laughing.





Twenty-three

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” I said.

The Enterprise car rental customer representative, a Bill Gates look-alike circa seventeen years old, sort of smirked and looked out at the waiting room. It was totally empty.

“Sorry, man,” he said, a hint of camaraderie in his voice. “I feel for you.”

Just outside, another Enterprise employee had just pulled up my rental car.

A Pontiac Sunbird.

White.

And a two-door.

“I can’t drive that,” I said to the guy. I looked at his nametag. It said ‘Buddy.’

“We’re getting three more cars this afternoon,” he said. “If you can wait—”

“I can’t wait, Buddy.”

Anna had already dropped me off and left. I’d have to call her and tell her to come back and get me. Jesus Christ. Was I going to tail someone in a white Sunbird?

“Sorry, man, there’s nothing I can do,” Buddy said. “The last Aztek went out fifteen minutes ago. All I’ve got left are these white Sunbirds. I’ve got twelve of them.”

“Big surprise,” I said.

Buddy handed me the keys and I had no choice but to take them. He slid a piece of paper across the counter and I signed away what little pride I had left.

“Take it easy on the ladies,” Buddy said, laughing. Everyone’s a smart ass.

• • •



Considering everything that had happened, Hornsby’s murder, my running and gunning with Randy, etc., I decided it was time to touch base with my client.

I drove over to Clarence’s place and rang the bell. When he opened the door and after we exchanged hellos, he looked over my shoulder at the Sunbird in his driveway.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be there long enough to affect your property values,” I said.

“Is that a Sunbird?” he said.

“I can think of a few other names for it,” I said.

“Doesn’t seem like your style,” he said.

“I drove a Taurus,” I said. “Taurus drivers by definition have no style.”

He nodded again, silently agreeing that I had no style.

“What happened to the Taurus?” he said.

“That’s partially why I came to talk to you,” I said.

“Come in, come in,” he said. “You want something to drink?”

“Coffee would be great.”

I followed Clarence into the kitchen while he poured me a cup. He stood behind the kitchen’s island and I pulled up a stool.

“Have you heard about Nevada Hornsby?” I said.

He sighed. “I just read about it in the paper.”

I waited him out.

“I’m not going to lie,” he said. “I never liked him, never trusted him, never thought he was right for my daughter. But I’m not happy he’s dead. He didn’t deserve that.” He paused for a second then said, “Were you there?”

“I was.”

“Were you—”

“Not bad. Just a little shaken up, I guess.” I had a sudden thought that wasn’t very pleasant. But a part of me was intrigued by the triangle between Hornsby, Jesse and Clarence. I waited a beat then said, “Do you mind if I ask where you were when it happened?”

His shoulders slumped a bit, either from disappointment that I was going in this direction, or that overall the chain of events had led to this. “I was at a guitar store in Clinton Township.”

“Witnesses?”

He nodded. “I was there pretty much all day, jamming, checking out guitars, giving a few lessons. An old buddy of mine owns the store.”

“Okay,” I said. I then filled my client in on everything that happened, from the explosion on Hornsby’s boat to my car chase with mysterious Mr. Randy. When I finished, Clarence had gone a bit pale. Imagine Kenny Rogers under the weather.

“Look,” he said. “I’m sorry for getting you involved in this. I want you to stop working on it. Clearly, I was wrong, and the last thing I want, the last thing Jesse would have wanted, was for anyone else to get hurt.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” he said, now pacing around the kitchen. “Let me cut you a check and we’ll be done with it all,” he said. He started rummaging through a drawer by the cookie jar that must have held his checkbook.

“Look, you can cut me a check, because frankly, I always love it when people cut me checks,” I said. “In fact, cut me two if you want to. But I’m not giving up. Someone tried to kill me. Twice, to be accurate. And it’s the same person or people who killed Nevada Hornsby and probably killed your daughter. It’s personal now. Besides, I legally need to have an employer to do some of the things I’m going to do on this case.”

“No.” He said it with conviction, but I could tell he was mulling it over.

“I’m going to do them anyway,” I said. “I’m going to find out who killed your daughter, whether you pay me to or not. Consider me Pandora, and you opened the damn box a few weeks ago.”

“I just don’t get it,” he said.

“Don’t get what?”

“Why someone would do this,” he said. “What are they after? What are they trying to do?”

“As the saying goes, when I know why, I’ll know who,” I said. “Or maybe the other way around. Actually, both would work, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Clarence shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Wranglers, I saw. Definitely country-and-western. “I thought of something else,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Jesse was building a guitar. A special guitar.”

“I thought all of her guitars were special,” I said.

“This one was really special.”

“Meaning…”

“She told me it was for Shannon Sparrow.”

“Ah.” That certainly explained it. Shannon Sparrow was one of the hottest singers in the country. Technically, she was country, but had achieved that ‘crossover’ status that record executives loved. Her last CD had sold something like seven gazillion copies.

Best of all, she was a hometown gal. Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. Actually, if I remembered correctly, she’d been born in Detroit, then fled to the suburbs in the 70s with the rest of the scared white people.

“It was going to be her masterpiece,” Clarence said. “Shannon was going to play it at her concert next week.” I’d heard about the concert. Shannon Sparrow was playing a free concert as her way of saying thanks to her hometown. Anna had said she wanted to go. She and the girls both loved Shannon Sparrow. Frankly, give me Tom Petty and some old Stones stuff. But I was already planning to go. The kids would love it and it was free, right? What the hell. Maybe I’d get myself a pair of Wranglers like Clarence and do some line dancing.

There was something in Clarence’s face I hadn’t seen before. It could have been fear. Or more heartbreak. Or maybe he was lying to me.

“Any reason you forgot to tell me this?” I said.

He held his hands wide. “It wasn’t that I had forgotten, I just assumed I would come across the guitar. Jesse told me it was pretty much done.”

I remembered seeing various guitars in Jesse’s workshop and in her apartment. They’d all looked fairly exotic, the kinds of wood you don’t ordinarily see. I wouldn’t have recognized anything special about any of them.

“Had she shown it to you?”

He shook his head.

“Then how—”

“She told me about it,” he said. “Described the wood. It was the rarest of all the wood she’d ever come across. Worm-eaten 500 year old tiger maple. She said the pattern was breathtaking.”

“But how could you know for sure?”

“I would know,” he said. “Besides, Jesse said she put Shannon’s name on it at the bridge on the neck. On that little metal buckle.”

“Maybe she hadn’t gotten around to that part, yet.”

“You have to do it to get as far along as she was. So it was done. Plus, she always put the name on the inside of the body as well.”

“And you didn’t find it?”

He shook his head.

“You looked everywhere?”

He gave me a look that I’d seen a tiger on the Discovery Channel give a springbok just before he killed it. And ate it.

“Did you tell the cops?” I said.

“Not yet.”

“You should tell them right away.”

“Does it mean anything?”

I stood to go.

“There’s only one way to find out.”





Twenty-four

The Spook reflected that one of the great things about having worked for the CIA was having access to its infinite supply of handy gadgets. Despite the constant complaining on Capitol Hill regarding lack of budgets and depleted funds, the Spook personally had never seen cutbacks or depleted resources in his area of expertise. In fact, never once had he requested a certain new technology and had it denied due to lack of money.

Take, for instance, the handheld modem and miniature computer screen. The public sector had never seen anything like it – and wouldn’t for years – but the Spook had gotten it quite some time ago. It was a true miracle of modern technology. It was about half the size of a normal laptop and only weighed about a third of what you’d expect.

You just got a dial tone on the phone, clamped the circular receptor over the mouth piece, hit ‘receive’ on the keyboard and an internal modem automatically connected you to any one of several hundred available clandestine mailboxes via the Internet. The connection itself was encrypted and routed through no fewer than a hundred breakers and transferring stations making it virtually impossible to find out the original location of the source.

He waited a moment for the connection to establish and instantly an encrypted message arrived which was then descrambled. The message itself was gibberish unless you knew what it meant. If one were to break the code of the message, a task in and of itself that would require hundreds of man hours, it would have no understandable meaning.

It was the best way for the Spook to communicate with his customers. And it provided the absolute faceless interaction he needed to not just do business, but to stay alive.

And, best of all, it had been provided by the government of the United States.

Life was good.

Now at the corner of Gratiot and 6 mile, the Spook used the technology to access his e-mail account. He had twenty-one new messages, all of them junk mail. With every one of his mailboxes, he made sure he got on the list of annoying solicitors who spray the Internet with sales messages like a dog with a dysfunctional bladder. Should anyone decide to take an interest in his account, the SPAM would make their job all that much tougher.

The Spook scanned down the list until he saw the message he was looking for.

It read: “Thank you for your interest in Midwest Condos, Inc. We’re happy that you’ve arrived and are interested in looking into our offerings. We have an especially nice unit near the Village that suits your needs. Let us know your expected arrival time and upon completion of the enrollment requirements you’ll qualify for a cash bonus! Units are moving faster than anticipated.”

That’s the beauty of junk mail, no one really pays any attention to them. And even if someone were to glance at it, they wouldn’t really know what it means.

To the Spook, however, it was all very simple. Midwest Condos was his Grosse Pointe client – the same one he’d done some work for a few years ago. And the “unit” near the village was clearly a reference to someone his client had been keeping an eye on from the ordeal a couple years back. His client had decided not to have the Spook take care of the target as, at the time, it was deemed unnecessary. Now, apparently, that may have changed.

He quickly typed back a response to several messages, again, throwing more confusion and red herrings, then clicked on the one from Midwest Condos and wrote: “Thank you for your message. Will appraise unit as soon as possible and let you know when I’ve completed my inspection.”

The Spook hit ‘Send’ waited a moment, then unhooked the contraption. He smiled to himself, loving it when clients got nervous. It usually resulted in a bigger paycheck. Besides, he wasn’t worried. He’d been keeping an occasional eye on John Rockne and the man was making progress faster than he’d expected, but in the exact direction he’d steered him. So there was nothing to worry about.

He’d play with him a little longer, make him sweat a little more and then feed him just enough rope to hang himself.

It was a game the Spook loved to play.





Twenty-five

“I need a phone number,” I said into my cell phone. I doubted if I could have looked any more ridiculous. A guy in a white Sunbird talking on a cell phone. I prayed to God nobody recognized me.

“Try information.” Nate’s voice was tired and more than a little fed up with yet another request from yours truly.

I drove up Cadieux, just a few blocks from the village. “You’re my own personal information,” I said. “Better than AT&T, although certainly not cheaper.”

“Speaking of which, you still owe me lunch at the Rattlesnake Club.”

“We’ll do lunch and dinner one right after the other,” I said. “We’ll be so full and bloated, we’ll get a jug of antacid tablets from Costco and eat the whole f*cking thing.”

“I’ll take dinner at Sweet Lorraine’s.” This was a chic restaurant on Twelve Mile Road and Woodward.

Much more affordable than the Rattlesnake Club. Nate was backing off, not wanting to push his gravy train too hard. I just wasn’t in the mood to appreciate such a magnanimous gesture.

“I want the Thai noodles for an appetizer,” he said.

“How about you give me the damn number before you give me your frickin’ order?”

He sighed. Nothing made him more unhappy than changing the topic of conversation away from food. “What.”

“Shannon Sparrow.”

“You want an autograph?” he said. “Or do you want to just tell her how her music has changed your life?”

“I’ll ask her to sign your ass.”

He sighed again. “You’re awfully hostile today, John.”

I was going to tell him about the car chase and shooting but he’d probably be pissed that I hadn’t called him to give him the story.

“Any idea how I can get a hold of her, Nate?” I said. “I can almost smell Lorraine’s Chicken and Shrimp Creole.” He said something I couldn’t make out, although he did sound happier now that I’d brought the conversation back around to Sweet Lorraine’s. I heard another voice in the background.

“Let me call you back,” he said.

I thumbed the disconnect button and set the cell phone on the seat next to me.

The village was pretty much deserted, save for the few souls frequenting the Kroger supermarket, Borders bookstore, and Blockbuster. There had been a nice Jacobson’s department store anchoring the village, but it went out of business. They were putting in a giant drug store there. Nothing says ‘distinguished, well-to-do community’ like a giant f*cking drug store. When it’s done, Grosse Pointe will have the highest citizen-to-hemorrhoid cream ratio in the country.

A moment later, my phone rang.

Nate rattled off a phone number, which I scrawled on the back of the La Shish receipt. Christ, I really needed a little notepad or something. One of those goofy, pretentious-as-hell deals with a suction cup that sticks on the dashboard. It’s like a giant sign that says ‘I’m so full of ideas I need a pad on my dashboard to write them all down!’

“That’s her publicist,” Nate said, interrupting my Andy Rooney-esque soliloquy. “She arranges all interviews with the media, and any interaction with John Q. Publics such as yourself. She’s probably nasty as hell, a guard dog to attack the rabble. Like you.”

“She’s not going to know what hit her.”

“So Rattlesnake Club on Thursday and Sweet Lorraine’s on—”

I hung up on him.

It wasn’t that I would welch on him, but agreeing to the bribe was a whole lot different than scheduling payment of the bribe. It seemed like the more time I could put between the two, the better business deal it became.

While I drove toward my office, I dialed the number. If what I’d heard about stars and their “people” was true, the woman whose number Nate gave me would be on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

She answered right away.

I introduced myself, explained I was a private investigator looking into the murder of Jesse Barre and that I would like to ask Ms. Sparrow a few questions, preferably face-to-face.

“Hmm,” she said. “She’s so busy now that she’s home. Is this a police matter?”

“No, like I said, I’m a private investigator.”

“I really don’t think there’s a possibility with her schedule…”

“It has to do with the guitar that Jesse Barre was building for her,” I said. “I have to ask her some very important questions. Questions that unless I get the chance to ask, will most likely merit a call to the police so they can ask them. Do you understand?”

The woman at least pretended to give it a moment’s thought. I could practically hear the tumblers fall into place just before the safe popped open.

“Is there a number where I can reach you?” she said.

It was a start.

• • •



In the time I waited for a call back from Shannon Sparrow’s ‘people’ I got back to my office and checked messages. There was one from Anna reminding me she had book club tonight. They were reading The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. I’d read it in college for some comparative literature class. All I remember was a brutal scene where a Chinese peasant woman gave birth alone in a room, cleaned herself up, then made her husband dinner. I could picture the fun I’d have giving the book club my view on that scene. I’d never make it out of there alive.

I opened some mail, leafed through a Bow Hunter magazine that the post office kept delivering for the tenant who’d left this space years ago.

Just as I was really getting into an article debating the merits of compound bows reinforced with titanium, my cell phone rang.

“Yeah?” I asked, seeing the number and not recognizing it.

“This is Molly Lehring, returning your call.” Shannon Sparrow’s assistant had a voice that was the epitome of crisp, cool professionalism. She gave off as much warmth as a meat freezer.

“Uh-huh,” I said.

“Shannon can meet with you in exactly one half-hour. She has about a twenty minute window in her schedule.”

“What a coincidence,” I said. “I, too, have a twenty minute window in my schedule. Let’s do it!

There was dead silence as the woman on the other end let me know that there was no time for levity in Shannon Sparrow’s busy world.

I started to give a more official acceptance of the offer, but then realized that this woman wasn’t seeking it.

“Where are you currently located?” I said, sounding like the very textbook definition of professionalism.

“840 Lake Shore Drive. Grosse Pointe Shores.”

“I’ll be—”

She interrupted me with a quick disconnection. Now that didn’t seem professional to me. Apparently, Molly Lehring skipped the class on public relations.

I checked the number on my cell phone, then programmed it into my phone’s memory. I figured if I ever got bored, I’d use it to bug the living shit out of Ms. Lehring.





Twenty-six

I pulled into the driveway of a monstrous Grosse Pointe, Lakeshore Drive mansion. It looked like a medieval fort with at least three or four turrets and massively thick beams. Brick, slate roof, a couple sets of guest cottages. Easily worth seven figures, probably eight.

There was no doubt in my mind that the house had not seen many white Pontiac Sunfires coming up the drive. I parked the car with no small amount of pride and rang the quaint little doorbell, at the same time noticing the high-tech security cameras trained on me. They were recessed tastefully, but they were there.

The man who answered the door was actually a woman, once I looked more closely. She had a crewcut, a short-sleeved polo shirt exposing extremely impressive biceps and forearms, at the end of which dangled two meaty, veiny hands. Picture Ernest Borgnine after a gender reassignment that never really took.

“John Rockne,” I said.

“Ah, yes, I was told you’d be arriving shortly.” Her voice was worthy of a barbershop quartet. She’d have the baritone’s part.

Even though she’d been expecting me, she produced a clipboard, scanned down, then nodded her ham hock head to let me know all the requisite paperwork was in order.

“My name’s Freda,” she said.

“Lovely,” I said.

Sans a visible expression, she stepped aside and I caught the scent of either Aqua Velva or Hai Karate.

“This is Erma,” she said and lifted her Kirk Douglas chin toward the hall. Freda’s twin stepped out from a doorway and nodded to me.

“Hey, Erma,” I said. I sounded nice and chipper. If anything, she was more muscular than Freda. Either one could crack my head like a walnut. Erma had a sportcoat and among her many bulges, I noticed one in particular underneath her left arm. It would probably be a big caliber gun. You got forearms the size of Dubuque hams, you need the opportunity to put them to use.

I walked down the hall between them, feeling like the special sauce between two all-beef patties.

The matching Bronco Nugurskis showed me to a small office where a bone-thin woman with wispy brown hair, rosy cheeks, and a small mouth with small white teeth was talking on a cell phone. She sat behind a small glass desk, her black nylon encased legs were crossed. A white laptop was open in front of her. While she talked, her eyes scanned the computer screen.

Her fingers tapped hard on the keyboard, twice, and then said into the phone, “They’re your f*cking problem now.”

She paused, glanced at me, then looked back at the screen.

“You were paid to do a job, not f*ck up,” she said. “Fix it and don’t call me until you do.” Her voice was as sharp and cutting as the points of her high heels.

She disconnected the call and looked at me.

“John Rockne,” I said.

“She’s in the studio.” The way she said it, it sounded like I was interrupting Shannon Sparrow in the middle of taking a crap.

“I’m sure it won’t take long,” I said. “By the way, are you Molly?”

She ignored me and my outstretched hand, then answered the phone after it vibrated on the desk.

“Are you sure?” she said, her voice softer, almost warm. Something told me the boss was on the other end of the line. There was a brief pause before she locked her eyes onto mine.

“I’ll bring him right up,” she said.

• • •



The first thing I saw of Shannon Sparrow in person was her pubic hair.

“Shannon, this is Mr. Rockne,” Molly said, and immediately took her leave.

The famous singer sat spread-eagled in an overstuffed armchair, wearing a sports bra and a pair of bikini underwear rolled down to just above her happy place. I stood there, open mouthed, God only knows what kind of expression on my face. I didn’t know what to say. ‘I’m your biggest fan’ didn’t seem right under the circumstances. Nor did ‘I really admire your work.’

She pressed a wet washcloth against her pubic mound, and then with a straight razor, she sheared about a half-inch off the top of her patch, as it were. She then lifted the razor and with a finger, delicately brushed the pubic hair into an envelope.

“Is this a bad time?” I said, thinking this was a really bad time for me. Maybe when I was young and single it would have been fun, but a happily married man, even if he is a private investigator, doesn’t really need to be seeing something like this.

“I send them to my doctor for analysis,” she said, by way of greeting. So I guess she didn’t think it was a bad time. “You know, they study my vitamins, nutrients, what I’m missing, what I’ve got too much of.”

“I never realized you could learn so much from pubic hair,” I said. I don’t believe I’d ever used ‘learn’ and ‘pubic hair’ in the same sentence.

“It’s like Nietzsche said, ‘when you look into pubic hair, pubic hair looks into you,” she said. She gave a weird sort of giggle after she said it.

“Well, I suppose in your job you have to be very aware of your health,” I said. I felt like I was trying to communicate with an alien. I needed Richard Dreyfuss to start playing notes on an organ.

Shannon Sparrow took the opportunity to respond by producing a huge joint. She took a monstrous hit from it. She then set the joint back in an ashtray, picked up the razor, and sheared off another half-inch of pubic hair. It was like she was trimming the shrubs.

“Do you mind if I ask you a question or two?” I said.

“Shoot,” she said and shook off another batch of clippings into the envelope.

“Jesse Barre.”

“Technically that’s a statement,” she said.

“Let me rephrase. What do you know about Jesse Barre?”

“So sad,” she said, without a trace of emotion in her voice. She lifted the joint and gave it a good two-second suck. Maybe that was how she grieved. Boy, I had enough to go to the tabloids. I wondered what the National Enquirer would pay. I could see the headline: P.I. claims famous singer shaves pubic hair while smoking marijuana!!!

“How well did you know her?” I said.

“We bumped into each other once in awhile,” she said. “Well, when I wasn’t traveling. You know her Dad right? You’re working for him?”

I smiled. “I don’t remember telling you that.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Someone did.”

The stench of the marijuana smoke was getting to me. Or maybe it was the little scene unfolding in front of me. Probably both. I felt like I was stuck in some kind of 1960s experimental film and soon a man in all black with a long goatee would come out and start rambling about the symbolic roots of Fascism.

“Tell me about the guitar she was making for you.”

“Oh, Christ, I’d practically forgotten about it,” she said. She shook her head, a vaguely self-condemning act. “I’ve got quite a few, but this one was going to be special. Jesse said she was making it just for me, you know, my size, my playing style, my sound, as it were.”

“Did you approach her or did she approach you?”

She sucked on the joint, then answered while exhaling. “I approached her. I’d seen a lot of her guitars around. Studio guys love to record them. A lot of dumbasses think they’re only for looks, but the sound is truly incredible.”

“So you asked her to—”

“I told her to spare no expense,” she said. “I just wanted her to make her masterpiece. She told me she loved it so much, you know.

“The guitar?”

“Building guitars. It was what she lived for.” Now, for the first time, some emotion crept into Shannon’s voice. She and Jesse had obviously enjoyed some sort of relationship. How deep it had gone, I wasn’t sure.

“I guess in that sense, she died happy, doing what she loved to do,” Shannon said. “We should all be so lucky.”

She licked the envelope and sealed it closed, then rolled her panties back up. What, no aftershave lotion?

“If she had finished it, how much do you think a guitar like that would have been worth?” I said.

“Fifty grand. A hundred grand,” she said. “More if I’d actually played it.” No boastfulness on her part, just a statement of fact.

“Do you know if she finished it?” I said. “Do you have it?”

“Nope. She must have been close to finishing it. I was going to play it at the concert, which is just a week or so away. But I never got it.”

“She never contacted you and told you it was ready?”

“No, she didn’t work that way. You didn’t rush Jesse. She did what she did, and she told you when it was ready.”

“If she loved building guitars so much, why do you think she was going to take a sabbatical?” I said, using the word Nevada Hornsby had used.

The joint stopped halfway to her mouth. “Sabbatical? What sabbatical?”

I shrugged. “Someone told me she was maybe going to take some time off from her work. Do something else.”

Shannon inhaled a few cubic feet of pot smoke. “Not Jesse. She couldn’t stop building guitars any easier than Van Gogh could have stopped painting. I think it was more than a passion, it was her calling in life.”

She took another hit. Her eyes were bloodshot and I felt a little faint.

“Thanks for your time,” I said. “How did you find out about her death?”

“My manager.” I waited, thinking maybe she’d like to add thoughts about her reaction, but nothing happened.

“Can I call if I have any more questions?” I said.

“You have Molly’s number?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure. Anytime. You coming to the concert?”

“You bet,” I said. Actually, I wasn’t planning on it, but my daughters did like Shannon’s music. Anna and I could take it or leave it, frankly.

“I’ll have Molly give you a backstage pass,” she said. “Do you have kids?”

“Two of the biggest Shannon Sparrow fans in the world,” I said. It was a little bit of lie. They actually liked the Dixie Chicks a lot more, but brutal honesty wasn’t needed right now.

“I’ll have Molly hook you up. I try to make the shows good for families, you know. Some of my biggest fans are young kids.”

I was sure her pubic mound was raw and angry, and my eyes were dry and irritated from the marijuana, but damn if she wasn’t making herself sound like the poster girl for family fun.

“Okay, thank you,” I said. “But I guess I do have one more question. How often do you have to…shave?”

“It’s kind of when I feel like it.” She scowled, looking down at her crotch. “This is always the tough part.”

“You should borrow some Aqua Velva from Freda,” I said.

“Who’s Freda?”

I left then, Shannon reaching for the joint, me gasping for fresh air.