Chapter 22
My schedule quickly became filled again once school started back up with studying, homework, work, friends, and Justin. Didn’t sound like much, right? But I guess it was what most college students dealt with, so if the average person could handle it, I surely could.
I had kept my promise to my roommates and also Justin. While it was tempting to stay at his house more often than a few nights a week, I still liked to spend time with my friends at our dorm. Callie and Drew were still going strong while Zoey seemed to be a serial dater. I never wanted her to feel left out because she didn’t have a serious boyfriend, so we often ended up spending a lot of our free time together.
I was beginning to become nervous about Justin’s upcoming graduation that would take place in a few months. I had never expected for things to get this serious when we started out, but now I was worried about how his career would affect our relationship.
His mom, Leann, had assured me, time and time again when we got together at least once a week for a family dinner, that being in a relationship with a cop was tough, but manageable. I knew Justin still had the summer, but he had all ready been accepted into the police academy which would take up most of his time. And then all he would have left to do was find a job, which I’m sure wouldn’t be very hard since his dad was a lieutenant and all.
“Hey Della, do you want to run over to the library with me?”Zoey yelled from the hallway, pulling me out of my worrying thoughts. I really needed to stop doing that. One day at a time was what really worked best for me or things would just eat away at me until I was over-thinking everything.
“Sure,” I dropped my pen into my bag where I was attempting to study in the living room and stood up to slide on a pair of shoes. Apparently, I wasn’t getting anything done here, so hopefully a different atmosphere would help.
“Let’s go girlie. Cal is out with Drew for awhile so it’s just you and me. Maybe we can grab something to eat on the way back.”
“Sound good.”
We ended up finding a quiet table at the library, and I was able to get much needed studying done and even start on a paper that was due in the next couple of weeks. Who knew Della McGregor would ever be considered an overachiever?
“Do you care if we stop at Shorty’s for dinner?” Zoey asked as she looped her arms through her bag and grabbed a tall of stack of books that wouldn’t fit. “I know you’re probably sick of that place, but their wings sound really good right about now.”
“That’s fine with me,” I answered quickly and she gave me a knowing smile. “Let me guess, Justin’s working, right?”
The parking lot wasn’t too full when we pulled in, and Kassie was able to find us a table right away. “I’ll tell J you’re here. I think he’s almost up for a break pretty soon.”
“Thanks,” I replied, setting down the menu that she had handed to me. I could probably recite that thing in my sleep. Zoey nudged me sharply in the side with her elbow. “Ow, what was that for?” She tilted her head towards the table that was next to us and I saw a girl staring back at us. She didn’t look familiar so I wasn’t really sure what the deal was. “Do you know her or something?”
“Well, I don’t know her know her, but Callie does. They had a class together last semester and she’s pointed her out before.”
“O-kay,” I dragged out, shrugging my shoulders. “Why is she staring at us like that?”
“Pretty sure you’re the one she’s staring at. Remember when you and Justin first started dating and we told you about the girl who claimed she had hooked up with Justin when we knew you were with him?”
“How could I forget? It’s not something I really liked to hear, but Justin told me nothing happened.”
“Okay, well that’s her. Maybe she’s stalking Justin or something. Speaking of,” she added in a whisper and I turned to see Justin walking towards our table, a wide smile on his face. He lifted me out of my seat and twirled me around before his lips landed on mine. His hands cradled my face while devouring every inch inside my mouth before sucking my bottom lip in between his teeth and letting it go with a grin. “Ew,” I heard Zoey mutter behind me, but I didn’t really care.
“What was that for?” I asked as he sat me back down and pulled up a chair to sit next to me.
“Do I really need a reason?” His brows shot up, and I shook my head no. I guess if he wanted to greet me like that every time we saw each other, I really didn’t have a problem with it. I settled back into my seat and realized that the girl at the next table was still looking at me, but now she was glaring.
“Do you know her?” I whispered into Justin’s ear, tilting my head in that direction. He flicked his eyes over that way quickly and turned back, shaking his head sharply. “Nope, never seen her before. So you guys decide what you want yet?”He changed the subject quickly, and I tried to not let it bother me.
Maybe they had hooked up before we got together. I knew that had obviously happened, there was a string of girls before me, but for some reason this one was bothering me.
Justin stayed with us for a few minutes longer, but insisted he needed to get back to the kitchen even though I knew he normally got thirty minute breaks. He muttered something about being short handed before kissing my forehead and disappearing into the back.
By the time Zoey and I finished up our dinner, the other girl was gone, and I pushed her out of my head. No reason on dwelling on something that Justin was denying. I trusted him and had no reason not to believe what he was telling me was the truth. I think I was just being a little paranoid for some reason.
*********
“Hi Grams. Yes, I promise that I’ll be over for dinner on Sunday…Justin too of course…yes, I know…Okay, I have to go. Love you.” I hit the end button, throwing my phone back into my bag and turning to see Callie grinning while she merged onto the highway. “I take it Grams is in love with Justin too?”
“How could you tell?” I asked sarcastically. “I think she might even have a teensy crush on him.”
“Well, it’s pretty hard not to. At least she likes him that much. My parents still haven’t warmed up to Drew for some reason. He tried his hardest over winter break when he came to visit for a few days, but they just didn’t take a liking to him for whatever reason.”
“How is that even possible? Drew is the sweetest, and you can tell he worships you. Maybe they just don’t want to see their little girl growing up.”
“Probably. It sucks being the only child sometimes. But anyway, enough about our love lives, today is all about shopping.”
Zoey couldn’t come along today because of a last minute dinner with her parents but insisted we go without her. I think she was actually a little relieved because Callie and I were serious shoppers, and I had some money to spend.
“Okay, let’s start over on the side with all of the little boutiques and then work our way back towards the front. Then we can stop for a pedi and grab lunch.” I nodded in agreement. Callie’s game plan sounded perfect.
By the time we were finished, I was carrying two bags filled with clothes, one filled with only sexy lingerie that Callie had helped me pick out, and one filled with shoes. Our toes were pretty and our bellies were full, so we headed back out to the car and somehow managed to fit everything into the trunk.
“Do you mind dropping me off at Justin’s place on our way back?”
“Ah, need to surprise him with some of that new lingerie? Maybe I should go surprise Drew too,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at me as she pulled off the exit closest to Justin’s house.
“Good luck,” she called out while I waved at her and headed towards the back porch where I knew there was a hidden key under one of the garden gnomes. You would think with a family full of cops that they would be worried about security or something, but this time, it would work in my favor.
I kept all of the lights off until I reached Justin’s bedroom, turning on the small lamp that was on his nightstand. My overflowing bags ruined the tidy room, but he always told me how much he loved seeing my mess around, so I guess he didn’t really mind.
I laid out all of my selections and finally settled on a deep red corset that flared slightly at the bottom, a matching thong and a pair of garters attached to a pair of knee highs. By the time I finally had it on, I had some major boobage going on, and I felt like a dominatrix or something. I so should have gotten the whip that Callie suggested.
I pulled out a book to read while I waited for Justin to get home, but obviously it wasn’t too good because I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, I heard voices coming from the living room. The first one I recognized instantly as Justin’s, but the second one I just couldn’t put my finger on. “J, where in the hell are your cigs around this place? Did that girlfriend of yours make you quit that too?” I panicked when I realized it was Nate and I was dressed like this. What in the hell was I going to do?
“Actually, I quit on my own dude, but I better not hear you talk shit about Della again or you can get your ass out now.”
I did a silent fist pump for my boyfriend as I searched through the dark room for some actual clothes, there was no way this was going to be wasted on Nate, but paused when I heard Justin sigh loudly from the living room.
“Okay, fine. I promise I’ll behave myself,” Nate replied. “So what’s the deal? You’ve been acting like your dog got ran over. Do we need to have some girl talk?” I rolled my eyes, but stood at the door, my arms crossed over my chest. I really didn’t like to be the spying girlfriend, but Justin was never in a bad mood, so I wanted to hear what the problem was.
I only heard a muffled response, so I cracked the door open slightly and tiptoed into the hallway.
“Dude, you can tell me whatever the hell it is. Just get it off your chest. It’ll probably help,” Nate replied in a serious tone. I was actually sort of surprised; maybe that was why Justin was still friends with him. He seemed to actually have a decent side to him.
“This girl came into Shorty’s the other night when Della was there,” he started and my stomach instantly clenched, a cold chill running throughout my entire body. I really didn’t want to hear the rest, I could only guess what it was, but I couldn’t pull myself away. “She kept staring at us the whole time, but I swear I don’t know who the f*ck she was. Maybe a one night stand I had in the past, but never while I was with Della.”
I felt relief wash throughout my body, and I really wanted to hunt that girl down and bitch slap her for letting me ever doubt my boyfriend. He was perfect.
“O-kay,” Nate dragged out. “I really don’t see what the issue is then.”
“The issue is that seeing that girl brought out some major guilt that I’ve been feeling. I really f*cked up, man, and I don’t know what to do.” Hold up, rewind that thought. What in the hell was going on? My heart started to race, all of the different possibilities running through my head, and none of them seemed pretty.
“You know things between Della and I didn’t really start off as a serious thing, even though I was really into her. She just didn’t seem ready for a solid relationship and truthfully I don’t know if I was either.” I heard him blow out a deep breath, like he was mentally preparing himself for what was to come next. It had to be bad, it certainly couldn’t be good. And I knew for sure whatever was to come next, I would never be prepared to hear either.
“We agreed not to see other people, but I messed that shit up. So I went out and did the worst thing possible, I found some random girl at the bar one night and we f*cked out in the alley,” he finished quietly, the guilt apparent in his voice, but I really didn’t give a shit. The last thing he said just kept repeating over and over in my head, like a broken record. We f*cked out in the alley. We f*cked out in the alley.
I covered my mouth when a whimper tried to escape my mouth. Flattening myself against the wall, I shook my head repeatedly trying to erase what I had just heard, but even if that were possible, it still would have been true. And he just kept on going, breaking my heart apart even more.
“I felt like complete and utter shit after we were done, I don’t even remember the girl’s name. So I went out, found Della at some party she was at with that one douchebag I told you about, and told her that I wanted a serious relationship with her. I knew that was the main reason I felt like shit, the guilt was eating me alive at what I had just done. I know I should have told her, but I didn’t want to ruin such a good thing. Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I feel like I should tell her.”
“Was that the only time it happened, dude?” Nate asked, even though I could really care less about the reply. It happened once and that was enough in my book. He had destroyed everything.
“Yeah, but…” he paused and I heard him suck in a deep breath. Oh god, did I really need to hear this? “That chick showed up on my doorstep one day. I don’t know how the f*ck she found where I lived, but apparently she wanted a repeat of that night.”
“Damn,” I heard Nate mutter and I couldn’t tell if it was because he felt bad for Justin or wished he was him.
“Nothing happened though. I told her to leave me the f*ck alone and slammed the door in her face. I haven’t seen her since.”
Tears were streaming down my face at this point, as I collapsed onto the floor, feeling like our whole relationship had been one big lie. I knew exactly what night he was talking about, he had seemed to be acting weird, but I just shrugged it off as him being pissed about Nash.
And then he told me he wanted a real relationship with me. Really, he had probably just used that to take my mind off of his weird behavior that I had questioned. Then the girl showed up again and didn’t say anything then?
I heard Nate saying something back to him, right as I hiccupped loudly and suddenly the hallway light was turned on, blinding me. Justin’s face paled when he saw me, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he crouched down in front of me. “Princess, you weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“How would you have preferred me to hear it?” I asked, stammering through my tears. Tears that I hadn’t felt ever before in my life, even at my lowest, because these weren’t sad tears, they were angry tears. Angry for the time that I had wasted being with him, and for letting myself trust him so much, when I had known how he was before we got together.
He tried to grab my chin with shaking hands so I would look at him, but I slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me,” I spit out, pushing myself to my feet and scrubbing at my eyes to try and stop the tears. “You will never touch me again. We are completely done.” I ran toward his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me, and found clothes to slip on over the lingerie I had picked out for him, he was done getting a show from me. Forever.
I heard the door open quietly and I could feel his presence behind me, but there was no way I was going to turn around. It would destroy me even more. “Della, please wait,” he asked in a pleading tone, fisting his beanie so tightly in his hands that they were white.
He followed behind me closely as I scooped up the rest of my bags, begging and pleading the whole time, but all I did was tune him out. I really had heard more than enough from him tonight and I was done. I didn’t reply as I shoved past him where he was trying to block my way, the hurt flashing through those gray eyes as I rushed into the living room where Nate was still sitting, looking like he really wasn’t sure what to do with himself. I honestly felt a little bad for the guy.
“Can you please take me home?” I asked, my voice shaking with each word. I really needed to get myself in control, but I just couldn’t manage to do that.
He looked between me and Justin, who shook his head vigorously, but he huffed out a loud breath. “Sorry, dude, I think I should take her home. I don’t think you two want to say anything that you might regret later on. Maybe you can talk about things when she’s a little…calmer.” I narrowed my eyes at Nate, the guilty feeling for him having to experience going away pretty quickly.
Calmer, really? For everything that I had heard, I thought I was handling myself pretty damn well. They were both lucky that I hadn’t turned into a crazy bitch on the both of them and started destroying everything, because that’s really what I felt like doing at the moment.
“Della, you don’t need to leave like this. Please, just sit down so we can talk this out. Can’t you at least give me that? I don’t want to lose you,” he dropped down to his knees, twisting his hands tightly into his hair like he was in pain. I wanted to reach out to taken that pain away, but then I remembered what I had just found out. He should be the one suffering, I know I was.
“We have nothing else to talk about,” I said, turning to glare down at him. “Has this all been one f*cking joke to you? You f*cked a girl on the night things between us became serious. The same night that we were together, sure it wasn’t sex, but it was close enough. And this girl shows up at your house and you failed to mention that too.” I scrubbed at my arms, suddenly feeling like a needed a shower, to try and wash all the memories of every time he had touched me.
“I never want to see you again,” I screamed, punctuating each word. I could see tears glimmering in his gray eyes as he stood up and took another step towards me, but I turned away quickly. I heard him sigh in defeat and I knew that he was finally leaving me alone.
He didn’t deserve to be upset, I did. I was the one that he had betrayed for months with the lie that he held inside. If I wasn’t here tonight, who knew if he would have actually ever told me. Nate followed me out the front door as I headed out to his car without looking back. I tried to calm myself down on the way back to the dorms, using deep calming breaths.
I had been through worse before; I could handle this like the strong woman I was now. Nate pulled up in front of the dorms, taking a deep breath as I scooped up all of my bags. “You know, Della, he really does love you. And I know I haven’t been your biggest fan, but I can see how much happier he is when he’s with you. So please, think about at least giving him a chance when things are a little calmer. You might regret it one day if you don’t.”
“Whatever,” I bit out. “Thanks for the ride and tell Justin to have a nice life.” I slammed the door shut and made my way into the building. I’m sure I looked like a complete and utter mess, but I really didn’t care. People could stare all they wanted. Yes, I wasn’t the only person to ever go through a heart wrenching break up, but right now I was only focused on getting home. Once I got there I knew I could completely break down.
I somehow managed to get the door open with shaking hands and dragged my bags in behind me, the lingerie spilling out as a reminder of what was now gone. “Hey, Della,” I heard Callie’s perky voice call out from the kitchen. “I figured you would be gone all-” she cut off when she saw what state I was in and immediately rushed over to wrap her arms around me. My tears started up once again, but this time they were the loud, ugly sobs that were supposed to be the private kind.
“Oh, Della. What happened, honey?” Callie asked as she stroked my hair, and I drenched the thin tank top she had on. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it right that second and Callie was okay with that.
I let everything out while one of my best friends comforted me, something I needed and something I wouldn’t have ever been able to do with any of my friends back home. I didn’t regret coming here, I really couldn’t. Zoey and Callie had changed my life for the better and this right here proved it. But right now, I felt like running and never coming back because everything just seemed too hard, and I knew everything would be a reminder of Justin and what I thought we had once had.