THREE
Mallory
My dad was in high spirits; he was excited to go home. He was sitting up straighter on his bed when I walked into his room. I wanted to believe that meant he would beat the cancer and be perfectly fine in a few weeks. I knew better, but that’s what I wanted to believe.
We spent several minutes talking about memories from my childhood.
“Do you remember that trip we took to Niagara Falls when you were twelve?” he asked.
“How could I forget? You tried to throw me off the Maid of the Mist boat at the bottom of the falls. I spent that entire summer deathly afraid of water.” I laughed.
“You blasted your depressing emo music as loud as the car stereo would go the entire ride back to punish me. Longest ten hours of my life!”
I’d forgotten about that. I let out a full, hearty laugh and realized that even though my dad had come to visit me every year these past few years, I hadn’t really talked to him in a long time.
I missed him. He’d been the only adult in my life throughout my childhood. I didn’t have the luxury of going back and forth between parents. I was suddenly aware that he’d been mother and father and he’d done a pretty good job. I couldn’t find much to complain about in my childhood. Of course, when I was adolescent, I’d all but hated him. Now I wished I could go back to those years when life was simple, and the bond we’d shared was easy.
“I remember you telling me you were ‘a woman’ that summer,” he said, his eyes alight with merriment.
“Oh, God! That had to be the worst conversation of my life.” I groaned, remembering the conversation where I’d had to explain to my dad that I started my period. It wasn’t a memory I wanted to relive or remember. Ever.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to laugh when you told me.”
I was appalled. “Wait a minute. You acted like you had no idea what I was talking about. You made me explain, in detail, what happened. Are you telling me you knew and just wanted to drag out my humiliation?” It was definitely something my dad would do, though, so I had to laugh.
“Dinner’s here,” a masculine voice called out from the doorway.
I wasn’t surprised to see Luke standing there. Dad had been kind enough to explain that Luke brought him dinner three times a week, even when he was at the hospital. Especially when he was at the hospital.
“Good thing. I thought we were going to have to eat cafeteria food!” Dad said, feigning agony.
“The horror!” Luke mocked, thrusting the box at me. He shook my dad’s hand and asked how he was feeling.
“I feel great! I’ve got my daughter back home for a while and the doctor says I can go home in the morning,” he said.
Luke flicked his eyes at me but forced his gaze back to my dad. “I should have the porch finished by the end of the week, Joe.”
“There’s no rush, Luke. I know how busy you are.”
Luke sat in the chair next to me and I handed him the extra-large basket that was overloaded with French fries, fish, hush puppies, and a biscuit. My dad’s basket was nearly as full. I doubted either of them would be able to finish their meals. My basket was too much, of course, so I shoveled a bunch of French fries into Dad’s basket.
“Don’t hoard all that shrimp, girl,” Dad said.
I laughed and forked over several shrimp. He smiled and began to eat. The nurse explained that dad only ate well on the nights Luke brought dinners, so the staff allowed him to break the rules and bring in outside food. Normally, they were sticklers about dietary needs.
“So, Luke, how’s business?” Dad asked. “I bet business is good this time of year.”
My curiosity was piqued. Was Luke the boss of his construction company?
“You and I both know it’s not my business, Joe. J.P. is a good guy to work for, though. I’ve got my choice of jobs and yeah, it’s really busy. This past winter damaged a lot of roofs and the resulting water damage means we’ve got plenty of work for a few weeks.”
“Well, if you’re too busy to work on the porch, you know you can drop the job anytime, especially since I can’t pay you right now,” Dad said.
Wait, what? Luke said Dad was paying him. Why would Luke lie? I stayed silent while they reminisced. Maybe Luke had changed over the years.
Luke gave my dad a huge grin and within minutes, the two of them were laughing uncontrollably. I was in awe at the ease with which Luke addressed Dad. It was odd for me to see him in my dad’s life, since we’d been broken up for years. The memory of that night flashed into my head before I could stop it.
“Smile, kids,” Mrs. Beacon instructed.
Even though Luke and I were at odds, I widened my smile, knowing these photos would show us as the “perfect couple.” And, to the rest of the world, we were. The only people who had any inkling of the impending disaster were my best friend, Rainey, and Luke’s buddy, Baker. They were attending the prom together in order for Luke to have someone his own age to hang out with since Rainey didn’t have a date.
Rainey looked as miserable as I felt. Her dress was too tight, which meant she had probably put on a few pounds since she ordered it. She wasn’t a skinny girl, but I didn’t care what she looked like. She was my best friend because of how awesome she was, not the way she looked. Plus, I couldn’t even imagine the problems a slightly overweight girl faced in high school. I’d been thin my whole life. What did I know?
Baker was attentive and he smiled at her constantly. I wondered if he actually liked her or if—and it wouldn’t surprise me—it was just some ploy. Luke didn’t have many friends, but Baker was my least favorite. He had little interest in making something of himself—no plans for college or getting a career. He just wanted to smoke pot for the rest of his life. I wasn’t impressed. But he was being nice to Rainey, so I put up with him. I hoped his positive demeanor was real. Rainey needed the boost in confidence.
Luke’s hands on my waist felt wrong, as if we weren’t supposed to be together. The feeling made us both feel awkward and clumsy. Definitely not normal for two people who’d been dating for almost four years.
Finally, the photo session was over and we all separated to head over to the school. The bus was picking everyone up at seven. I watched, jealously, as many of the girls were escorted to limos or town cars. Prom was a rite of passage and I was being driven to it in an old beat up truck. As frustrated as I was, I forced a smile and tried to make the night memorable.
The prom committee decided to have our prom on a boat of all things. It was romantic, even if I was still wary of the water after Dad scared me a few summers before. I hoped Luke and I could work out our problems and maybe both head to Boston in the fall. Even if he didn’t attend college there, we could at least be together.
The giant yacht was decorated beautifully, our school colors displayed proudly throughout the vessel. There was a live band and the dance floor was dim, perfect for those intimate moments. I wondered if Luke would even ask me to dance or if he and Baker would go out on the balcony and sneak cigarettes.
To my surprise, Luke wanted to dance right away.
“Dance with me?” he asked.
I smiled up at him. We were the first couple on the dance floor, swaying to the music of a popular love song. His eyes burned into mine and I realized he was thinking about how to say the words neither of us wanted to speak. He remained silent until the song was almost finished.
“Do you think we can make this work?”
I drew in a breath. I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but I was positive I wouldn’t like the direction the conversation was heading in.
“What do you mean?”
“There are so many reasons for us not to go to Boston, Mal,” he said.
“What reasons?” I retorted. I knew he was afraid but he wouldn’t admit it.
When the song ended, he dragged me from the dance floor out onto the balcony and found us a quiet corner to talk.
“Where were we?” he asked.
He ran a hand through his hair, an action I’d once adored and thought was sexy, but now I despised. Every little thing he did annoyed me.
I folded my arms over my chest defensively. “Reasons for not going to Boston.”
“Right. There are so many reasons. Your dad, Mal –”
“My dad! That’s your reason? My dad has nothing to do with us, with our future. How dare you bring him into this! He has been the one pushing me to go away to college, to get away from the small town life. You don’t get to use him as an excuse,” I whispered harshly.
I knew better than to yell, but boy, did I want to. My dad was pushing me harder than anyone I knew to get out of Casper, to make a life for myself. He wanted more for me than he had in his life. And I wanted more, too. Girls in Casper ended up married and pregnant within two years of high school graduation. I didn’t want to be just another statistic. I wanted more.
“Okay, forget your dad. Do you really want to live in a huge city with so many people around day and night?”
He was grasping for straws and we both knew it.
“I’ve already told you how I feel about city life, Luke. If you don’t want to go, just say so. Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy. I have been up front and honest about what I want since the day we met,” I said.
“I’m sorry, Mallory. We just want different things,” he said hoarsely.
His eyes were red and I thought he might cry. His sadness only fueled my anger.
“Don’t apologize, Luke. Obviously, you don’t know a single thing about me. Do me a favor, though. Stay out of my way for the rest of the summer and in the fall, I’ll be out of your life for good. You win.”
The agony of that night had lasted all summer and well into my freshman year of college. I hadn’t dated much because of the ache my heart felt every time a guy called me “Mal” the way Luke did. As much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I ended up comparing every guy I dated to him and each one fell short.
I finally ignored guys completely and focused on my job and my studies. I kept busy enough to forget the pain, or at least bury it deep enough that I couldn’t feel it anymore. There was an occasional date, but only because my roommates forced it on me. But coming home had been like someone dug up the grave of my broken heart and spread it out for all to see. I tried to keep my conflicting emotions under wraps, but my dad suddenly stopped mid-sentence and looked at me.
“Mallory? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Dad.”
I lied, the proof plain to see in the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. It was all too much. I didn’t want to relive my past, especially not under the watchful eyes of Luke Bates.
“You’ve had a long week, girl. I think you should stay at the house tonight, get some sleep, and then you can come pick me up in the morning,” Dad said. “Luke, would you give her a ride home? She’s clearly exhausted.”
“Dad, I don’t need a ride. I’m fine,” I explained. I didn’t want to be alone in a car with Luke, no matter how tired I was.
“Don’t you talk back to me, Mallory Anne! I’m still your father and you’ll listen to what I say,” he replied. He tried not to smile but failed. A grin formed on his face and he turned to Luke. “Well, you going to give her a ride or not?”
“Yes, sir, I’d be happy to.”
Luke’s dark brown eyes flashed when they met mine and he stood, tossing what was left of his dinner in the trash.
I was trapped. Disobeying my father was out of the question but I wasn’t going to ride with Luke. I could probably just walk out with him and then jump in my own car. That could work.
“Fine, Dad. Whatever you want.” I stood to kiss his forehead. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning to pick you up.”
“That’s my girl,” he said with a smile.
I returned his smile and made my way out of his room. Luke followed me and when we were several doors down in the hallway, I stopped.
“Why are you going along with him?”
“Why? He’ll kick my ass if I don’t. Joe isn’t exactly someone I want to piss off, Mal.” Luke’s white teeth flashed out from beneath his wide lips. My breath caught in my throat but I regained my composure quickly.
“You’re afraid of him? He’s dying. You give new definitions to the word masculine.”
I laughed at him and kept walking down the hallway. I felt Luke’s hand on my arm and he pulled me into an empty room.
“You think this is easy? You broke my damn heart three years ago and I’ve been the one here, taking care of your dad. I’m the one who watched his health fail and brought him to the hospital more times than I can count. I’m the one who made sure he was taken care of. And what the hell have you been doing for the last three years? You’ve been living your life without a care in the world, including your dying father,” he spat.
He backed me up against the wall and moved closer until his face was inches away from mine. “And don’t refer to your dad like that! He’s a stronger man than anyone I’ve ever met, and falling short in his eyes is the last thing I would ever want to do, aside from spending any amount of time with his spoiled rotten brat of a daughter, of course,” he sneered.
I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. There were no words for the emotions Luke evoked in me. I stood, frozen by his presence and silenced by his speech. Guilt flooded my entire body, along with another emotion, one I hadn’t expected or experienced in a long time. Desire.
No matter how ill-suited we were for each other, I was still painfully attracted to Luke in a way I couldn’t explain. It was more than just the way he stood up for my dad or even the way he looked. He’d grown up over the years. Luke was right—I was still a spoiled rotten child hell-bent on getting my way. Tears gathered in my eyes but I didn’t bother to brush them away. I was afraid if I moved, Luke would stop staring at me with that hungry gaze.
I bit my lip and his eyes flicked to the movement. When he looked back to my eyes, his were even hotter and I thought he might kiss me. He leaned in closer and I closed my eyes. His fist slammed into the concrete wall next to my head and my eyes flew open, surprised to find him leaning away.
“This is stupid, Mal. We need to stay away from each other,” he whispered. He looked at his hand and not at me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” He turned away and went back into the hallway.
The tears fell, unhindered and unbidden.