THIRTEEN
Mallory
I lay there, unmoving but fully sated, while Luke went to the bathroom. Doubtful thoughts crept in. I didn’t regret it; I knew that for sure. But what did it all mean? Were we back together? Friends with benefits? I had no idea. But I knew we were going to have to talk about it. Eventually. All I wanted to do was lie in my hazy bubble of sexual satisfaction and not think about the future.
“Hey there,” he said from the bathroom.
He had his arm propped up on the doorframe, and was wearing his jeans again. He looked so damn sexy that my heart ached. I swallowed the rising emotions and tried to keep it light.
“Hey there, Stallion,” I said. He laughed and made his way over to the bed. He sat beside me and I turned on my side toward him. This was it. The talk.
“Mal, we need to talk,” he started, just as I suspected.
My cell phone rang, a loud, obnoxious sound that made me giddy with joy. For now, at least, our conversation would have to wait. Luke sighed and went to find it. He handed it to me. I glanced at the caller id and saw it was my house number.
“Hello?”
“Hi Mallory, I’m sorry to bother you, but I think your father is getting worse. I called Doctor Minor, and he’s coming out to check on him. I wanted you to know, though,” said my dad’s hospice nurse, Irene.
“No, thank you, Irene. I’ll be home right away,” I said, dread filling the pit of my stomach. I hung up and looked at Luke. “It’s Dad. He’s worse.”
“Get dressed, I’ll drive you over,” he said. I watched him pull on a shirt and grab a pair of socks. He looked at me. “Mallory! Get dressed!”
But I was frozen. This was the beginning of the end. We all knew Dad didn’t have much time, but would it be now, before the summer ever even started? Before I was able to catch up and apologize and beg his forgiveness? I couldn’t deal with it.
Luke squatted in front of where I sat on the edge of his bed. “Mallory, he needs you now. Be strong.” He held my face between his palms, looked into my eyes and then kissed my forehead. “You can do this.”
I nodded, still not completely sure of his confidence in me, but knowing it didn’t matter. Dad did need me. I would have to be strong until after his death, whether I liked it or not. Luke set my clothes beside me on the bed and walked out of the room. My brain was numb, I could hardly think, but I managed to get dressed. When I finally emerged from the bedroom, Luke had my purse and car keys in his hands.
“Ready?” he asked.
I nodded, not entirely sure if I was. He ushered me out to my car and he insisted he drive. I didn’t argue.
“Talk to me, Mal. What are you thinking?”
“I … I don’t know. It’s all just so surreal,” I answered.
I stared at the passing trees. As a child, I’d often counted them as we passed, certain I could count them all. One, two, three…
“Let’s talk about something other than your dad. You need to clear your mind. How was the slumber party last night?”
“It was okay, I guess. I think there is something wrong with Rainey, though,” I said, thinking about my friend.
“How do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, when we were at the bar, she refused to drink, and then last night she had a couple glasses of wine, but I heard her throwing up this morning. When I asked her about it, she just said she didn’t drink very often anymore,” I said. “Her behavior was definitely odd.”
“Could she be pregnant?”
“I thought of that, too. But Rainey wouldn’t have had anything to drink at all, if she was pregnant,” I replied. “She’s too smart for that.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he said, and I knew he was talking about more than just Rainey.
There was so much to figure out. My dad, whatever this was between us, the list went on.
When he pulled into my driveway, Doctor Minor was already waiting for us on the front porch. I jumped out of the truck and ran to meet him on the porch.
“Miss Wells, I just had a very interesting conversation with your father,” Dr. Minor said. “His condition is precarious and he should have another round of chemo treatments. But Joe has given up. He refuses more chemo and wants to die.”
Luke was right behind me, his hands on my shoulders. I took comfort in his touch.
“Can you force him into treatment?” he asked.
“Unfortunately, no. He’s made up his mind, he says. The best we can do now is give him some medication for the pain and wait. I’m sorry Miss Wells.”
He shook my hand and was halfway back to his car before I finally spoke.
“That’s it?” I whirled around to face him. He turned with a grim expression on his face. “You want me to just watch him die?” I was a woman possessed and if it hadn’t been for Luke’s hands on me, I probably would have gone after him. But Luke held me still.
“I’m sorry,” he said. Then he got into his car and drove away.
I stared after the trail of dust his Pontiac left for a moment.
Irene stepped out onto the porch, drawing my attention. “Mallory, he’s asking for you.”
I nodded and turned back to the house. Luke put a hand on my arm.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” he said.
His brown eyes pleaded with me to be reasonable. I wasn’t in the mood to accommodate him.
“I’ve always been alone, Luke. Always,” I said, yanking my arm out of his light grasp. It was true, but I was only alone because I pushed everyone away. I walked down the hallway to his room and pushed open the door. I’d only been gone a few hours and he looked like he’d aged ten years. His skin was void of all color, his eyes nearly glazed over. Irene was back at his side.
“I just gave him some meds. They’ll make him a bit loopy in a few minutes. Now might be the only time you have to say goodbye,” she whispered to me as she left the room.
I looked at the bed, which suddenly seemed enormous in comparison to his frail body.
“You know, you were supposed to stick around all summer, Dad. What am I going to do with all my free time?” I said. I knew my smile was sad, but I couldn’t help it.
“You’ve got to move on, Mal. You know that,” he said with a raspy voice.
He sounded as if he’d been screaming, his voice was so hoarse. I lumped formed in my throat.
“I don’t want to move on,” I said. “What about your promise?”
I grasped his hands between mine and it dawned on me how frail he was just in the shot time since he’d come home from the hospital. It was as if he’d used all his energy just so he could see me again. And now that he had, he was letting go.
“I promised you I would always be there for you, not that I would live forever. You’ve grown up into a beautiful woman,” he said.
He fell into a fit of coughing and the sound cut up my heart into tiny little pieces. Tears formed in my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time since I’d come home. This wasn’t fair.
“I love you, Dad,” I said.
He was going to stay medicated until the end, which meant he might not be coherent for the remainder of his life.
His delicate hand lifted and he cupped my face. He looked into my eyes as he spoke. “I love you, Mallory. Never forget that.”
I nodded with a jerk and the tears fell from my eyes onto his hand. He smiled as he watched a single tear make its way down the pallid skin of his knuckle. It was a sad, death-welcoming smile.
“Where’s Luke?”
I turned away, back toward the doorway. Luke popped his head in.
“I wasn’t eavesdropping, I swear,” he said. I noticed his eyes were red and puffy and wondered if he’d been crying, too. “I’m right here, Joe.”
“Mallory, I want a word with Luke. Alone, please,” Dad said.
I wanted to argue, I needed to spend every moment with him I could until he was gone. But I knew he needed to speak with Luke, too. I knew Luke was like a son to him, whether he and I were a couple or not. Luke had been a better child to my father than I had. And now I was out of time to make up for it.
So I kissed Dad’s hand and left the room, shutting the door behind me. I went into the kitchen and let Irene know how thankful I was for all that she’d done.
“I’ve been in hospice nursing for years, but I never quite met a man like Joe,” she whispered. She had tears in her eyes. “The last six months or so, Luke convinced Joe to hire someone from hospice to help with the daily upkeep of the house. Joe just couldn’t handle the day-to-day stuff.”
“You have been a huge help, Irene. My dad has been lucky to help you,” I said.
“I’m going to miss him,” she admitted.
The way she said it caught my attention. Was there more going on here?
“I think everyone will miss him. Even after … after he passes, I would still like you to come take care of the house. I don’t know what my immediate plans are, so I don’t want to get your hopes up that it will be forever, or that I need taking care of, but if you’re interested in the housekeeping aspect, I’d be happy to have you,” I told her, wondering how much her services cost.
“That is sweet, Mallory. Really. But I am no longer employed by the hospice agency. I got done three months ago,” she said.
“So then, why are you here?” I asked.
“Your father is an amazing man,” she said.
It was her way of answering without actually answering me. She and my father had a thing going. And they were in their forties. I guess love happens at any age. I smiled at her.
“When Luke is finished talking to my father, I’d like you to sit with him for a while,” I suggested, knowing that’s exactly what she would want to do.
She nodded her thanks and I went to sit on the front porch swing. I sat there for several minutes before Luke came out onto the porch and sat next to me. We didn’t speak; we just sat there in silence. When his hand wrapped around mine, I entwined our fingers together, still unsure of my true feelings, but emotionally drained. I needed his comfort. I put my head on his shoulder and he put an arm around me.
We sat there, silently awaiting the death of the man who was a father to both of us.