Bring Me Home for Christmas

Nine




Oddly enough, that conversation with her mother made telling Doug what she was doing all that much easier. She couldn’t count the number of times Beverly had openly said, with great relief, He’s so much more right for you! But today was the first time she put that statement with Doug’s. You’re the right kind of woman to be married to a lawyer or even a senator.

Doug was a very careful planner. He’d been aiming for his father’s legal firm since he started in pre-law. He chose his fraternity carefully; he wanted the right political connections to be strong. He came from good Northeastern stock. He had aspirations to make a lot of money in law and perhaps enter politics. Yes, he’d been good to her. But she couldn’t shake the notion that he might be choosing his future wife like a man might chose a horse.

He answered sleepily. “I woke you,” she said.

“It’s pretty early,” he said.

“Well, I had to use the phone when I could. I need to talk to you about something very important—can you think straight? Doug, Rich left this morning and I’m still here, on my crutches.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, and yawned.

“Here’s what I didn’t tell you but I have to tell you now—and I’m sorry it’s over the phone. Believe me, if it weren’t for the broken ankle, I’d be talking to you face-to-face. What I didn’t tell you is, one of the reasons I decided to come with Rich is because my ex-boyfriend, the one I broke up with three years ago, is here.”

He yawned again. “Very funny, Becca.”

“No, Doug. I’m not joking. See, I began to get the feeling you and I were getting serious. Moving real close to that forever territory. You’ve been talking about marriage and graduating from law school and moving back East and—”

“Eventually,” he said. “But we agreed that possibility is right out there, after law school. What’s he got to do with us?”

“Not with us, Doug. With me. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but so many times I wondered what really happened. When I looked back on the whole thing, I was never really sure if I was just an idiot who didn’t get it or if we were two people who’d never been right for each other in the first place. And I needed to be sure before moving forward with you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “Didn’t not hearing from him in years give you a hint? That’s your answer, right there.”

“But I did hear from him. I told you that,” she said. “He came back from the Marines and asked for another chance, but I was so angry, I sent him away. That was right before I met you. Listen, I know this is asking a lot, for you to understand this, but I have to figure out a few things about the past before I can make a smart decision about the future. If there’s even one small question… Ten years from now, I don’t want to find myself a wife and mother, asking myself if I did the right thing. I don’t know if men do this, but sometimes women will romanticize the one that got away, the one they can’t have, and it can stir up all kinds of trouble. All I want to know is that our breakup, painful as it was, was absolutely the right thing to do.”

He gave a bark of laughter. “Women,” he said derisively. “So, you’ve been there for a week. That should’ve given you plenty of time to answer that one small question. Were you right to send him away? What’s it going to be, Becca?”

“Doug, I’ve learned that we were pretty confused and screwed up. I think I understand how we ended up hurting each other so badly. His mother’s death really took its toll. Unlike you and me, he didn’t have any other family anywhere and—”

“So,” he said, cutting her off. “You two are putting it back together now?”

“No, we’ve only talked about what happened to him. We haven’t even gotten around to what happened to me. And I told him I have a boyfriend.”

“He must find it pretty interesting that you’re there, with him, and not with your boyfriend,” Doug said. “This is asking a little much, don’t you think?”

She sighed. “It is, I realize that. But before we make some kind of commitment, this old relationship needs to be dealt with. It wasn’t a crush, Doug. It was very serious.”

“No,” he said. “No, I’m not going along with this. I’m not sitting still while you have some fling to see if you picked the right guy. Either you find a way to get out of that stupid little town and back home or we’re done. Done, Becca! Because this is completely inappropriate!”

Appropriate. Wow, that word kept popping up. But it wasn’t the right word in this context. What her mother meant and what Doug meant is this wasn’t very comfortable. They weren’t exactly having their way. But it was probably not only appropriate but also sensible to be sure you loved the man who was getting ready to ask you to marry him.

“Well, gee, Doug, I guess that would answer a question I hadn’t even asked myself. Tell you what, let’s both think about that.”

“I want you to come home,” he said.

“Home for me is San Diego,” she said. “You live in L.A. What you mean to say is you want me out of here.”

“Same thing. You’re playing with fire here. I’m not putting up with this.”

She thought for a moment. She had created this challenge, after all. An awful lot to ask of a boyfriend. “I guess I have to say I understand, Doug. And I’m sorry. This old relationship still feels strangely unfinished. I have to work this out. Bye.”

She hung up.

And felt like a dog.

She’d done what she had to do, but she’d done it all wrong. Her original plan was to spend the week around Denny and figure something out about herself. Because it wasn’t really about whether Denny wanted her. If she still couldn’t let go, she had to break it off with Doug. It wasn’t fair to him. But then she broke her ankle and things began to change…get a little more complicated…

The phone rang and she realized she hadn’t concealed the number when she called Doug; it had shown up on his caller ID. “Hello?”

“I told my mother I was going to pop the question!” Doug said angrily. “I told my mother that you’d be with us at Christmas to get to know the whole family, to say yes, to talk about the wedding! You’re making me look like a damn fool!”

She frowned. She had suspected a ring was coming soon, but he hadn’t mentioned them spending Christmas with his family. In fact, he hadn’t asked her. “Doug, we talked about spending Christmas together, but I assumed it would be with my family, since you were home at Thanksgiving. And why would I need to talk to your mother about a wedding?”

“Why would we get married in San Diego if we’re going to live in Boston or Cape Cod? Now what am I supposed to say? That you went back to your old boyfriend? Some loser who barely made it out of high school?”

“Whew,” she said. “I think maybe it’s a good thing this came up now. I knew something was holding me back, but I wasn’t sure what. Now at least I know, it wasn’t Denny. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner, Doug. I guess this is goodbye.”

She hung up again. But this time she didn’t have regrets. This time she thought maybe she’d barely dodged a bullet.

She’d always thought of him as uncomplicated, because he was. There weren’t a lot of options with Doug. Because he had plans.



Becca made it down to the bar before Troy and Dirk left and she was able to say goodbye. She tried to hide her awkward emotions, but her life had just taken a leap. Truthfully, she came up here because she wasn’t sure she was ready to accept a marriage proposal, but she hadn’t really predicted she’d end things with Doug the way she had.

On a last-minute invitation from Paige after the guys left, she wandered over to the church but rather than attending the service, she spent her time with the little ones in the church nursery. She was no good for chasing them around but she was great at reading to them or sitting on the floor to stack blocks or roll balls with them.

She had lunch at the bar with several regulars, including Denny, but he was unusually quiet. He seemed a bit distant, which probably kept him from noticing she was a little reserved herself. He asked if she could manage on her own for a couple of hours while he checked in at Jilly’s farm. His week with his friends had probably left a lot to be done out there. “Sure. Of course,” she said. “Please, do whatever you need to do—I’m totally fine.”

Right after he left, all hell broke loose.

“Becca, your mother’s on the phone,” Paige said. “She wants to speak to you.”

“My mother?”

“Go ahead and take it in our great room—we’re all either in the kitchen or outside helping decorate the tree. You’ll have some privacy.”

“My mother?” she said again. “Called here?”

“She sounds a little upset.”

When she got to the phone and said hello, her mother launched into her. “Have you completely lost your mind?”

She sat down heavily. “I’m not sure. What are we talking about?”

“You broke up with Doug for Denny? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to yourself? What you’ve sacrificed for a foolish young man who treated you so badly?”

“Stop,” Becca said. “I didn’t do that. I told Doug exactly what I told you—that it was important for me to get a handle on the past before I could deal with the future. And how in the world do you know this? And how did you find this number?”

“Doug called me, thank God. There’s still time, Becca. He’s upset, but he’ll come around. You have to call him, apologize, tell him you weren’t thinking—”

“How did you find me here?”

“I called the number Doug gave me, but there was no answer. Your brother finally answered his cell and said I might try this number.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on an airplane right about now?” Becca asked.

“Yes! I’ll be boarding soon! Are you listening to me?”

“Yes. I hear you loud and clear,” she said. “But I don’t think you’re listening to me. I—”

“You’re throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime! I’d never have to worry about you again if you were married to Doug! You can’t possibly be giving all that up for Denny! What does he have?”

A five-year-old Nissan truck. A bunch of good friends. A couple of jobs he enjoys. A life that makes him happy.

“You should get on your plane, Mom,” she said. “I’m not talking to you about this. This is between me and Doug. Or…it was between me and Doug.”

“Becca, don’t be foolish!”

“Mother, I’m saying goodbye. I’ll call you in a couple of days. I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but you should know, I’m very relieved. I don’t want to marry Doug Carey.”

“Life isn’t some little Cinderella story, Becca. It takes more than the right size slipper to be happy—it takes security! It takes—”

She was cut off by a beep.

“I have to hang up on you, Mother. There’s another call coming on this line and it’s not my phone. I’ll call in a couple of days when we’re both calmer.” And then she clicked off. “Middletons,” she answered.

“Becca, is that you?” Doug asked.

“How did you get this number?” she asked.

“From your brother.”

The reasons to kill Big Richie were stacking up.

“I was angry,” Doug said. “You caught me off guard and I was angry. I never expected it. I had no idea you were still hung up on the ex. We’ll work it out. You come back home, I’ll take the weekend off and spend it with you, we’ll talk things over and we’ll get it sorted out.”

“If I change my mind, I’ll call you, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Becca, we’ve been together for a year!”

“I know. I know. And I really wanted it to work, but no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t. I just wasn’t feeling it, Doug. I had too many doubts. And I’m glad to know that before I was in too deep. Really, I am sorry. I am. You’re a great guy, a great catch. The right woman is just waiting for you to find her.”

“You just need some time to think this through! You can’t really be this stupid!”

She sighed, not even offended. She remembered how clumsy it felt each time she said I love you. “You need someone who is totally, completely and uncompromisingly in love with you. Doug, I’m sorry. I wanted it to be me, but it’s not.”

She disconnected.

The phone immediately rang. She looked at the caller ID and there he was. Big Richie. “I’m going to kill you!”

“What? It’s not like this is my fault!”

“You gave out this number—to Mother and Doug! Are you crazy? Do you just plain hate me?”

“It’s true, then? You broke up with Doug?”

“Surprised me as much as you,” she said. “It wasn’t what I intended to do, but I thought I had to tell him I was here with Denny… Well, not with him, but that I hoped while I was here I’d figure out… Oh, never mind, I’m tired of trying to explain this. Bottom line, I learned something important, and just in time. I don’t love Doug. I don’t think I ever did.”

“So,” Rich said, “you pretty much just lied to me about wanting to go hunting.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Although, I was kind of curious about hunting and I think I’d actually like to learn fly-fishing. You know I caught that big sailfish deep-sea fishing and—”

“Becca!” he yelled.

“What?”

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” she said, rubbing her temples. “Mother’s furious with me for giving up a lawyer, Doug is furious with me for even thinking about giving him up and I’m stuck in Virgin River with a guy I used to love, who seems to be pretty distant right now. And you’re giving out any number where I might be found!”

“I never saw you with Doug,” Rich said.

“What are you talking about? You saw me with him all the time. You like Doug.”

“Yeah, he’s okay. I’m not sure I liked him for you.”

“Huh?”

“It just didn’t seem… I don’t know. Maybe I was still hung up on you and my best friend or something. I couldn’t see you with Doug.”

“Now, that’s interesting. Especially since I wouldn’t consider you sensitive. Or intuitive. Or even conscious, most of the time.”

“Try not to insult the only person on your side, Becca.”

“Then try to tell me why. If you like Doug, why don’t you like him for me?”

“Not sure,” Big Richie said. “Maybe it was that stick he has up his ass…”

She laughed in spite of herself. “The major important contacts through my fraternity stick?”

“Possibly,” Rich said, laughing.

“Or could it be the you’d give me up for a guy with only a high school education shtick?”

“Did he say that?” Rich asked. “I bet he actually said that, didn’t he?”

“He actually did,” Becca confirmed.

“See, that’s the thing about Doug. He can be cool. He can be fun. And he can be a real dick. Every once in a while, he has a hard time holding his dickness down.”

She laughed again. “I think this is the closest I’ve ever felt to you.”

“We’re the same age,” he informed her soberly. “I never had anyone special. I had a lot of girls I thought might get special, but they didn’t. I saw you all lit up once because you were totally caught… I didn’t know what it was at the time. Then I saw it gone and I started to get it. Then I saw you with Doug and it just wasn’t there. He had all the stuff that was going to make him a winner. But he didn’t have any of the stuff that lit you up.”

“Richie,” she said, touched and almost teary.

“Until everyone started freaking out, I thought you’d play it safe. Find a way to go for the lawyer, shtick or not. Problem is…I have no idea where Denny stands. You could be looking for the right one as long as me.”

“That’s okay. That makes more sense than playing it safe.”

“And, Becca?”

“Yes?”

“You ever lie to me and trick me like that again, you’re gonna pay!”



After everyone who felt they had a stake in her love life had called, Becca spent most of the afternoon outside watching the rest of the tree trimming, an occupation that required a lot of volunteers and plenty of time in the cherry pickers. From her spot on the porch at Jack’s bar, she had another look at the town. The tree was surrounded by people—children and adults—all smiling, laughing, running around. A few who she assumed lived right on the street, held steaming mugs in their mitten-covered hands.

Had she called the town dumpy? In one week, it had taken on the appearance of a friendly, welcoming, unpretentious town. It was simple and kind of sweet. And that tree—a town project—was awesome. Finally done, it was trimmed with red, white and blue balls, laminated military unit badges and strung with gold tinsel. It was gorgeous in daylight; it would be magnificent lit against the night sky.

Denny returned at dinnertime and they were together for some of Preacher’s stew and for the grand, official Christmas tree lighting, after which there was some tree-side caroling. Lots of people stopped into the bar to warm their bones against the snow. Denny spent much of that time behind the bar and even she could see he was kept extremely busy. Too busy to spend much time with her.

He hadn’t talked a lot during dinner. Becca wanted to believe it was because he’d had to say goodbye to his buddies, friends he hadn’t seen in a while and wouldn’t see again until who knew when. After the way he acted last night, all restless and having a hard time sleeping, she had started to worry that he’d had serious second thoughts about being stuck with her for another week.

It was typical of her to be direct, to come right out with her concerns or questions. But there was one thing she remembered about her former relationship with Denny—she couldn’t ask him what was wrong more than twice at the very most.

So she let it ride, even when he escorted her home at around eight o’clock, then went back to Jack’s to help out until closing.

With a heavy sigh, she treated herself to a bath, unplugged Denny’s phone just in case, then crawled into bed with her borrowed book. By the time Denny came back at a little after ten, she had nodded off, light still lit, opened book in her lap. She snapped awake at the sound of the closing door.

“Sorry,” he said. “I woke you.”

“It’s all right. I just fell asleep reading. You can turn the light off if you want to. Or leave it on, I don’t care.”

He just shuffled inside the door for a moment. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. He took off his jacket and hung it on the peg just inside the door. Then he sat in the only chair in the room, rested his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands together and hung his head.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” she said suddenly. “What is bugging you? You want me to sleep on the air mattress? Because I’d be happy to!”

He lifted his head instantly. “No, no. We’re good.” He stood, went to his storage chest and reached inside to pull out some clothes. Then he headed for the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She heard the shower running and she sank down in the bed. “Maybe he’s got a girlfriend,” she muttered to herself. “Maybe that’s it. I’m in the way.” She put her book on the table beside the bed and turned over, presenting her back toward the bathroom door. It was a very long shower. Yes, she thought. Very likely there was a girl around here somewhere and now that his friends were gone, he’d like to get back to her. Just because things hadn’t worked out for Becca didn’t mean Denny’s life had been standing still. She’d sent him packing and he had been trying to jump-start a new life up here in the mountains.

It seemed a long time before he was back in the room, and she purposely didn’t turn to look at him.

“Becca?” he asked softly.

“Hmm?”

“You ready for the light to be off now?”

“Sure,” she said. Tomorrow I am going to find the right moment to bring it up, to talk to him about whatever it is that is making him act so uncomfortable around me.

He rummaged around, putting his clothes away, turning off the light beside her bed, crawling onto his air-mattress bed, then flopping around like a fish on the dock. She sighed heavily, not sure she was going to make it till the right moment tomorrow. She listened to his mattress gymnastics for another ten minutes, when the light beside her bed suddenly flicked on. Startled, she rolled over to look up at him.

“Look, I think I’m just going to head out to Jack’s. If you think you’ll be all right here by yourself.”

She raised up in bed. “Jack’s?”

“His guesthouse. You could probably, ah, use the privacy….”

“What the hell is going on with you? We didn’t have a problem all week and all of a sudden something is eating you. And it’s not letting you sleep! And it’s about me! Is there a girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend and you can’t find a way to just tell me you want to spend time with her?”

He frowned in complete confusion, those beautiful expressive brows drawing together. “Girlfriend?”

“Well, I can’t for my life figure out what’s wrong with you!”

“Girlfriend?” he said again. He sat very gently on the edge of her bed. “Becca, there’s no girlfriend. I’m finding it kind of… Well, it’s hard to be alone with you.”

“You were alone with me all week!”

“Yeah, but the guys were all here. Once I knew they’d all be gone, that I wouldn’t have to look Rich in the eye in the morning… That’s when it started to get really…hard,” he said, emphasizing the word with agony.

“What’s hard?” she asked. She reached out and touched his arm. “My God, you’re freezing!”

He took a deep breath. “Cold shower, Becca.”

“What for?” she asked, genuinely stumped. He rolled his eyes and she realized exactly what was hard. “Oh! But why?”

“Because, Becca… Are you going to make me say it?”

She pushed herself up in the bed a little bit. “I think you’d better, because I had myself convinced you had a girlfriend and you were feeling guilty about spending all this time with me.”

“It’s you, Becca. I’m miserable being alone with you and your broken ankle and knowing I can’t get too close or I might just lose my mind. Knowing I’d have to face the guys every morning—that kind of kept my head on straight. But they’re gone, it’s just you and me. You, me and your boyfriend! And I don’t think I can be alone here with you. Okay?”

Her blue eyes were wide and her lips parted slightly as she stared at him. Finally she said, “Seriously?”

He glanced away. “I’ll just go out to Jack’s,” he said, standing.

She grabbed his ice-cold hand. “You don’t have to go to Jack’s.”

“Yeah, I do. Because I’m afraid even if I can fall asleep, I’ll walk in my sleep and you’ll have your hands full in the middle of the night.”

She laughed softly. “I don’t want you to leave. Especially for that reason.”

“Aren’t you listening? I haven’t felt this out of control in years. I took a twenty-minute cold shower and still…”

Her eyes wandered downward and there it was, the evidence of his misery. A very obvious erection straining against the sweatpants he slept in. “Oh, my,” she said, smiling at him. “You don’t want to go out in the cold with that. You could hurt yourself.”

“Funny,” he said. “You have a broken ankle! Not to mention what’s-his-name.”

She shook her head. “No more what’s-his-name.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t exactly plan it, but when I called him today, I broke it off.” She shook her head again. “It wasn’t right, Denny. I’m not meant to be with him. And he’s really not meant to be with me.”

“Why?” he asked in a breath.

“To start with, I had way too many doubts.” She shrugged. “Now I realize it never did feel quite right.”

He reached out and smoothed her hair back along her temple. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m better,” she said. “I talked to my brother today. He was surprised, but even Rich said he just couldn’t see me with him… With Doug. Imagine that? Rich.”

Denny laughed briefly. “Rich Timm?” he asked.

“The same. Anyway, that’s that.”

Denny got a kind of bedazzled look in his eyes. “You still have a broken ankle…”

“Yes,” she said, pulling him toward her. She put his hand to her mouth and kissed his palm. “Try to be careful of that, will you?”

He resisted for a second, studying her face. Thinking. Considering. “Whoa boy,” he said. “You’re sure?”

And she nodded.