7
KILGORE TROUT took a leak in the men’s room of the New York City movie house. There was a sign on the wall next to the roller towel. It advertised a massage parlor called The Sultan’s Harem. Massage parlors were something new and exciting in New York. Men could go in there and photograph naked women, or they could paint the women’s naked bodies with water-soluble paints. Men could be rubbed all over by a woman until their penises squirted jism into Turkish towels.
“It’s a full life and a merry one,” said Kilgore Trout.
There was a message written in pencil on the tiles by the roller towel. This was it:
Trout plundered his pockets for a pen or pencil. He had an answer to the question. But he had nothing to write with, not even a burnt match. So he left the question unanswered, but here is what he would have written, if he had found anything to write with:
To be
the eyes
and ears
and conscience
of the Creator of the Universe,
you fool.
When Trout headed back for his seat in the theater, he played at being the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe. He sent messages by telepathy to the Creator, wherever He was. He reported that the men’s room had been clean as a whistle. “The carpeting under my feet,” he signaled from the lobby, “is springy and new. I think it must be some miracle fiber. It’s blue. You know what I mean by blue?” And so on.
When he got to the auditorium itself, the house lights were on. Nobody was there but the manager, who was also the ticket-taker and the bouncer and the janitor. He was sweeping filth from between the seats. He was a middle-aged white man. “No more fun tonight, grandfather,” he said to Trout. “Time to go home.”
Trout didn’t protest. Neither did he leave immediately. He examined a green enameled steel box in the back of the auditorium. It contained the projector and the sound system and the films. There was a wire that led from the box to a plug in the wall. There was a hole in the front of the box. That was how the pictures got out. On the side of the box was a simple switch. It looked like this:
It intrigued Trout to know that he had only to flick the switch, and the people would start f*cking and sucking again.
“Good night, Grandfather,” said the manager pointedly.
Trout took his leave of the machine reluctantly. He said this about it to the manager: “It fills such a need, this machine, and it’s so easy to operate.”
As Trout departed, he sent this telepathic message to the Creator of the Universe, serving as His eyes and ears and conscience: “Am headed for Forty-second Street now. How much do you already know about Forty-second Street?”
Breakfast of Champions
Kurt Vonnegut's books
- Breakfast in Bed
- Ascendants of Ancients Sovereign
- Because of You
- Betrayal of the Dove
- Blood of the Assassin
- Bonnie of Evidence
- Child of the Mountains
- City of Darkness
- City of Light
- City of Spades
- Confessions of a Call Center Gal
- Conservation of Shadows
- Daughter of Smoke & Bone
- Days of Blood & Starlight
- Edge of the Wilderness
- Empire of Gold
- Equal of the Sun A Novel
- Evidence of Life
- Eye of the Storm
- Forces of Nature
- Garden of Secrets Past
- Garden of Stones
- Ghost of a Chance
- Heart of Glass
- Lady of the English
- Of Moths and Butterflies
- Out of the Black Land
- Pieces of Truth
- Price of a Bounty
- River of Dust A Novel
- Serpent of Moses
- Shades of Passion
- Sleight of Hand
- Son of Destruction
- Stages of Grace
- State of Emergency
- Stealer of Flesh
- Tapestry of Fortunes A Novel
- Temple of the Gods
- Tomb of the Lost
- Wall of Days
- Act of Treason
- Act of Will
- Acts of Faith
- Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
- Acts of Nature
- The Blessings of the Animals_A Novel
- The blind side of the heart
- The Body Of Jonah Boyd
- Butcher Bird_ A Novel of the Dominion
- Buzz Off
- By Reason of Insanity
- Book of Lost Threads
- Book of Shadows
- The Book of Fires
- The Book of Murder
- The Book of Spies
- The Book of Three
- The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
- The Broom of the System
- A Slip of the Keyboard: Collected Non-Fiction
- The Secret Life of Violet Grant
- Riyria Revelations 02 - Rise Of Empire
- Theft Of Swords: The Riyria Revelations
- Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned"
- Better Off Friends
- The Geography of You and Me