Blood Music

CHAPTER FORTY

Are you going to leave again? Just go away?” Suzy held on to Kenneth’s hand. He stopped before the elevator. The door opened.
“It’s tough just being human again, you know?” he said. “It’s lonely. So we’ll go back, yes.”
“Lonely? What about how I’ll feel? You’ll be dead again.”
“Not dead, Seedling. You know that.”
“Might as well be.”
“You could join us.”
Suzy started trembling. “Kenny, I am afraid.”
“Look. They left you, like you asked, and they’re letting you go. Though what you’ll do out there, I don’t know. The city’s not made for people any more. You’ll be fed and you’ll live okay, but…Suzy, everything’s changing. The city will change more. You’ll be in the way…but they won’t hurt you. If you choose, they’ll set you aside like a national park.”
“Come with me, Kenny. You and Howard and Mom. We could go back-”
“Brooklyn doesn’t exist any more.”
“Jesus, you’re like a ghost or something. I can’t talk sense to you.”
Kenny pointed to the elevator. “Seedling-”
“Stop calling me that, goddammit! I’m your sister, you creep! You’re just going to leave me out there—”
“That’s your choice, Suzy,” Kenneth said calmly.
“Or make me a zombie.”
“You know we’re not zombies, Suzy. You felt what they’re like, what they can do for you.”
“But I won’t be me anymore!”
“Stop whining. We all change.”
“Not that way!”
Kenneth looked pained. “You’re different than you were when you were a little girl. Were you ever afraid of growing up?”
She stared at him. “I am still a little girl,” she said. “I’m slow. That’s what everybody says.”
“Were you ever afraid of not being a baby? That’s the difference. Everybody else is still locked into being babies. We’re not. You could grow up, too.”
“No,” Suzy said. She turned away from the elevator. “I’m going back to talk to Mom.” Kenny grabbed her by the arm.
“They’re not there anymore,” he said. “It’s a real strain, being rebuilt like this.”
Suzy gaped at him, then ran into the elevator and leaned against the back wall. “Will you come down with me?” she asked.
“No,” Kenneth said. I’m going back. We still love you, Seedling. We’ll watch over you. You’ll have more mothers and brothers and friends than you’ll ever know. Maybe you’ll let us be with you, sometime.”
“You mean, inside me, like them?”
Kenneth nodded. “Well always be around. But we aren’t going to rebuild our bodies for you.”
“I want to go down now,” she said.
“Going down, then,” Kenneth said. The elevator doors started to close. “Good-bye, Suzy. Be careful.”
“KennnNETHHH!” But the door closed and the elevator descended. She stood in the middle of the floor and ran her fingers through her long, stringy blond hair.
The door opened.
The lobby was a webwork of gray, solid-looking arches supporting the upper mass of the tower. She imagined—or perhaps remembered what they had shown her—the elevator shaft and the restaurant deck being all that remained of the original tower, left specially for her.
Where will I go?
She stepped on the gray and red speckled floor-not carpet, not concrete, but something faintly resilient, like cork. A brown and white sheet—the last she saw of that particular substance—slid down over the elevator door and sealed it with a hissing noise.
She walked through the webwork of arches, stepping over cylindrical humps in the red and gray surface, leaving the shadow of the transformed tower and standing in half-clouded daylight.
The north tower stood alone. The other tower had been dismantled. All that remained of the World Trade Center was a single rounded spire, smooth and glossy gray in some areas, rough and mottled black in others, with a hint of webwork in patterns pushing up through the outer material.
From the transformed plaza, covered with feathery treelike fans, to the waterfront there was nothing more than twenty feet tall.
She walked between the fans, waving gently on their shiny red trunks, down to the shore. The water was a solid, gelatinous green-gray, no waves, smooth as glass and just as shiny. She could see the pyramids and irregular spheres of Jersey City, like a particularly weird collection of children’s blocks and toys; the reflection in the solid river was vivid and perfect.
The wind sighed pleasantly. It should have been cold or at least cool, but the air was warm. Already her chest hurt with not crying. “Mother,” she said, “I just want to be what I am. Nothing more. Nothing less.” Nothing more? Suzy, that’s a lie.
She stood by the shore for a long time, then turned and began her hike into Manhattan Island.