CHAPTER 23
IT WAS after midnight when India called Gail. She had fourteen stitches in her head, a broken arm, a concussion, and whiplash. And her car was totaled. But she was alive, and it could have been worse. She had hit two other cars, but fortunately no one else was injured. She was at the hospital in Westport. India cried when she explained her injuries to Gail. She had thought of calling Paul first, but even in her confused state, she decided not to. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her, or guilty. It was her own fault. There was no point blaming him now.
She was sobbing incoherently when she called Gail and asked if she could come and get her. Gail sounded panicked, and arrived half an hour later, in Nikes, with a coat over her nightgown. She had left Jeff with the children.
“My God, India, what happened?”
“Nothing. I'm okay.” But she was still sobbing, and badly shaken.
“You look like shit,” Gail said bluntly, and she saw then that India was going to have a black eye to go with the rest. It was the first accident she'd ever had, and it was a doozy. “Were you drinking?” She whispered so no one could hear her. The police had already come and gone, but there were nurses all around them in the trauma unit.
“No. I wasn't,” India answered, trying to stand up, but she threw up two minutes later. The hospital had said she could go home, but Gail thought she should stay there. “I can't. I have to go home to the kids. They'll worry about me.”
“They're going to worry more if they see you,” Gail said honestly. But India insisted. She just wanted to go home, and die quietly, in her own bed, with her head under the covers.
They left the hospital ten minutes later, with India wearing a blanket over her blood-soaked clothes, and holding a metal bowl in case she threw up, which she did four times on the way home, as she continued to cry softly.
“Did something happen? Did you have a fight with Doug or something?” Gail could see in her eyes that something terrible had happened.
“No, I'm fine,” India kept repeating. “I'm fine. I'm sorry.”
“Don't be sorry, for God's sake.” Gail was worried sick about her. She half carried her up the stairs, put her to bed, and stayed nearby so she could hear her. She tried to give her a cup of tea, but India didn't want it. She just lay there crying until she finally fell asleep at six o'clock in the morning. And when they got up, Gail explained to the children that their mother had had a little accident, but she was fine. She had bumped her head, and had a headache.
“Where's the car?” Sam asked, looking puzzled, and surprised to see Gail making them breakfast in her nightgown instead of their mother. The sitter had left before that.
“The car is gone,” Gail explained as she made pancakes for them. She had been up all night, watching India, and she looked it. “Forever,” she added, and Jason whistled.
“Wow! It must have been a bad one.”
“It was, but she was very lucky.”
“Can I see her?” Aimee wanted to know, looking worried.
“I think we should let her sleep. You can see her later,” Gail said firmly.
They ate their breakfast quietly, sensing that the accident had been more serious than Gail had said, and when they left for school, Gail went back up to see her. India was still sleeping. She left her a note, and went home to change, and promised to come back later.
India woke up at noon, and begging herself not to, she dialed Paul anyway. She just wanted to hear his voice. She wasn't even sure he'd take it, and she wasn't going to tell him about the accident. She was surprised when he got on the line very quickly.
“Are you all right?” he asked, sounding worried. He had been up all night, but it was better than his nightmares. He had been worried sick about her.
“Sure, I'm fine.” She sounded weak and sleepy, but she tried to make herself sound normal, for his sake.
“Did you get home okay last night?”
“Yeah. It was fine,” she lied, as tears slid down her cheeks. He could hear that she was lying, and all he could remember was the look of devastation in her eyes when she had left him.
“I was afraid you were too upset to drive. I thought about it as soon as you left. But I didn't want to call and wake the children.”
“They were fine. I'm fine. How are you?” She sounded a little wonky, but he assumed she had slept as little as he had.
“Not so great,” he said, sounding grim. And then he told her, “I'm leaving for the boat tonight. They're still in Gibraltar. And then I'm going to make the crossing to Antigua. Or go somewhere else. I haven't figured it out yet.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling slightly sicker. She had been hoping he had changed his mind again. Anything was possible, she hoped. But apparently, it wasn't.
“And, India,” he delivered the coup de grace with one swift blow. It was better that way. Straight to the heart. But cleanly. “Don't call me.”
“Why not?”
“We'll just drive each other crazy. We have to let this go now. I was wrong, terribly, terribly wrong. And I'm sorry.”
“Me too,” she said sadly. Her headache was nothing compared to the rest of what she was feeling.
“I'm older than you are. I should have known better. You'll get over it. We both will.” But he would never get over Serena. He knew that now. And he had killed India to please Serena. Wherever Serena was, he hoped that she was happy. And he hoped that the misery he felt now repaid some of the debt he owed her for not dying with her. “Take care of yourself,” he said, as India nodded, crying too hard to speak for a minute, while he waited.
“I love you. I just want you to know that. If you get sane again, call me.”
“I am sane. Finally. And I won't call you. I want you to know that.” He didn't want to hold any hope out to her. That would have been even crueler. He knew now that Serena owned his soul forever. The rest wasn't worth having. “Good-bye,” he said softly then, and hung up without waiting for her to answer. She heard the dial tone in her ear, and set the phone down gently. And then she closed her eyes and sobbed, wishing she had died in the car crash. It would have been so much simpler.
Gail came back to check on her that afternoon, when she picked the kids up from school for her, and she thought India looked worse when she sat down next to her bed. She hadn't eaten all day, but she insisted she didn't want to.
“You have to, baby. You're going to get even sicker.” Gail made her a cup of tea and begged her to drink it, and as India finally put it to her lips, all she could do was think of Paul and she choked on it. She couldn't even swallow. And then, just looking at her, Gail knew. She didn't know who, but she knew what had happened. “It's about a guy, isn't it?” she asked gently, and India said nothing. “Don't let him do this to you, India. You don't deserve it. Not again.” Doug had been bad enough, she didn't need a worse one. “You'll be okay. I promise, whoever he is, he's not worth it.”
“Yes, he is.” India started to cry all over again as she set the tea down. She hadn't even touched it. “He is worth it …that's the trouble.” Gail didn't dare ask her who the guy was, but she had an odd feeling. India had never said anything about him. Not since the previous summer. And there was no reason to suspect. But as their eyes met, Gail had a sixth sense. The man in question had to be Paul Ward. How they had met and what they'd done remained a mystery. Gail thought India had said he was in Europe. But he had come back. Gail was certain. And he had done this to her. She had never seen India look like that before. She had only seen one other woman look this devastated, her own sister when she was twenty. She had committed suicide over the boy next door, and Gail had found her. It had been the tragedy of her life, and she would never forget it. And as she looked at India now she was terrified, wondering if she had wanted to die the night before. If she had let the accident happen. But even India herself didn't know. She just lay in her bed again, and closed her eyes, and all she could think of was Paul, as Gail watched her and cried for her.