Binding Agreement

Chapter 5





AT THE END of the meeting the executives have agreed to everything. Implementation will be their responsibility but I’ve set the direction. Robert urges each of them to question me, to give their honest opinions. But I have answers to everything. They’re satisfied.

I know Robert’s about to give me more work, another project, another reason why I’ll be required to report to him but no one will question whether or not I’m deserving.

As I file out with my team, Robert and I don’t touch but there’s something in the look we exchange . . . the pretense is fading away. They can all see that. It doesn’t matter. They know and they can’t do anything about it. Asha trails behind me; I can smell her sense of defeat and it’s invigorating.

I’ve given my team the rest of the day off but I go back to my office where Barbara tells me I’ve been called to the eleventh floor. The CEO, Sam Costin, wants to see me. I don’t hesitate. I know I’m about to be offered a promotion and now I’m ready to accept. I take the elevator up and announce myself to his receptionist, who tells me to wait.

This is the first time I’ve ever had a formal one-on-one meeting with Mr. Costin but I know that he always makes everyone wait. It’s one of the ways he demonstrates his authority. And yet as I lower myself into the brown leather chair in his reception area, I find that the directive unnerves me, brings me down from the heady sense of supremacy I had only a moment ago.

The thought stops me. Supremacy? Was that what I was feeling? I glance over at the receptionist; her hair is tied back in a low ponytail, a black pearl ring clings to her index finger while her hands fly over the keyboard of her computer, her disinterest in me palatable. Do I really think I’m better than this woman? Really? Do I think I deserved more of her attention?

The minutes tick by slowly and as she continues to ignore me I find myself less inclined to believe that I do. I stare down at my own bare hands. I haven’t worn a ring since I gave Dave back the beautiful ruby he gave me. What else had I given away that day? My pragmatism? My modesty? My humility? Am I really ready to part with so much?

“Mr. Costin will see you now,” she says.

The phone hasn’t rung so I can only assume that she’s reading something on her computer screen that lets her know it’s my time. Then again, it isn’t really my time at all. It’s Mr. Costin’s. He may have called the meeting but he is still doing me a favor by keeping it. That’s what I’m meant to feel.

I open the door and step inside. Mr. Costin sits at a mahogany desk; behind him is a wall of windows. I have a view from my office. His is better. His head is bent as he reads some report. I’m treated to a view of his bald spot, not his face.

“Close the door,” he instructs and I quickly do so. He continues to read as I tentatively approach his desk. I consider sitting but think better of it. Instead I stand there and wait for him to greet me . . . and tell me what to do.

At last he looks up. His eyes run up and down my suit, his expression impassive. He’s not an unattractive man. He has high cheekbones and a strong jaw but his eyes are too light, a very pale blue that makes him look perpetually icy, even cruel. “You’ve changed your style,” he says wryly. I have a feeling he’s talking about more than just my clothes.

Uneasily I shift from foot to foot. He leans back, seeming to enjoy my discomfort. Finally he sighs and gestures to a chair.

“Sit.”

It’s the kind of command you give a dog and it shames me that I so quickly obey.

“We had to let Tom Love go,” he says. “But you know that.”

I nod, swallow hard, and stare at my lap.

“Tom was an asset,” Mr. Costin continues. “All of his departments were performing well, including yours.”

Again I nod. What was once confidence is now anxiety. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. It’s so loud, I wonder if Mr. Costin can hear it.

“The business world is a brutal one,” he continues. “Survival of the fittest and all that. And the fittest isn’t necessarily the strongest. There are many incredibly strong animals who have fallen victim to extinction while the weaker monarch remains protected by her colors, beautiful and toxic. Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

I consider challenging him but when I look up and meet his eyes I think better of it. I shrug awkwardly, suddenly ashamed of my brighter colors.

“You came up here expecting me to offer you Tom’s job. Am I right?”

Again I shrug and hope he doesn’t notice the flush creeping up my cheeks.

“For God’s sake, if you’re going to act like a shy kindergartner, I’m going to have to treat you like one. Use your words, Kasie.”

I clear my throat. “I have heard rumors . . .” but my voice trails off. I don’t have any idea how to proceed. I thought I knew what was coming, but I don’t.

“Now that’s an interesting way to put it,” Mr. Costin steeples his fingers and smiles. “I’ve been hearing a few rumors myself. Shall we compare notes? Do tell, Kasie. What have you been hearing?”

I squirm slightly. “I heard that you might be about to offer me a promotion,” I say. My voice is as thin as a monarch’s wings.

“As rumors go that’s probably one of the more innocent ones I’ve heard in a while,” he notes. “Most of the rumors circulating around this company lately are more . . . salacious.”

Now I know he can see my blush. I straighten my posture. I have to hold my own here. I need to look like a woman who deserves a promotion, not, as Mr. Costin just implied, like a scared little girl. “Are you considering me for the job, Mr. Costin?” I manage to sound a little more composed this time.

But my composure is tenuous, more so when Mr. Costin takes his time answering me, studying me with those cold eyes. “Maned Wolf has business relations with many of our clients and Robert Dade is a personal shareholder in the rest. He has more pull and influence in the business world than any other man in LA. I had to let go of Tom because keeping him could have cost us all of our accounts. I wasn’t given a choice. I don’t like it when people take away my choices, Kasie. Do you understand that?”

I nod.

“Your words!”

“Yes, Mr. Costin,” I say quickly. So much for being powerful and in control. This roller coaster of emotion is too extreme for me. I want to get off the ride.

“I also like Dylan Freeland, the cofounder of this company. He may no longer be that involved in the day-to-day operations here but he is still a key player in all our major decisions. Do you know what it was like for him? Being cornered? Feeling like he has to make decisions to elevate someone who caused pain to those he loves while ruining a man who has always served his company—the company he built—with honor?”

Honor. Tom Love doesn’t deserve to have the word associated with him. And yet I hadn’t felt comfortable with his firing, either. It hadn’t been based on his sexual harassment of me; it had been based on lies. I have no defense against Mr. Costin’s attacks.

I force myself to hold his gaze. I can see there’s more he wants to say. Insults and accusations that he’s working hard to hold back. He’s yet to accuse me of sleeping my way to the top even though that’s clearly what he thinks I’m doing. He hasn’t told me that I f*cked around on Mr. Freeland’s godson only to then get rewarded for opening my legs to a client. Does he want to call me a bitch? A slut? What would he do to me if he wasn’t afraid of repercussions?

And that’s when it dawns on me, he is afraid of repercussions. His anger has no teeth. I lift my chin. Sticks and stones. I can bear this. I have to bear this. It’s no less than what I deserve and, honestly, it can’t hurt me.

“If Mr. Freeland is upset, I’m truly sorry about that. I’m sorry you’re upset, too,” I add, “but that was never my intention. I’ve worked here for six years and none of my clients have ever had a complaint.”

“I wonder why,” Mr. Costin says dryly.

Again I squirm. He says so much without saying anything at all. Still I push forward. “I just led a team on a major project for the first time. While I realize that most people who are moved into a supervisory position such as Tom’s—”

“You should refer to him as Mr. Love. You owe him at least that respect, don’t you, Kasie?”

I wait for the sting of that insult to fade before I continue. “I realize that normally, someone stepping into Mr. Love’s managing partner position have led more than one team but if you talk to the executives at Maned Wolf, I think you’ll find that I did an exemplary job. I believe we’ll have that account for quite some time along with many lucrative projects.”

“Quelle surprise.”

Behind him I see the city laid out. The tops of buildings and little cars that look to be no bigger than matchboxes crawl through the crowded streets. Everybody is going somewhere and everybody has to deal with the irritation of the traffic and the long stoplights. But eventually they’ll get to where they want to go. The trick is not to let the road rage get to you.

“Do I have the job, Mr. Costin?”

Again he waits before answering but this pause isn’t as intimidating as the last one. We both know his choices have been taken away.

“Start tomorrow,” he says coolly. “You have a lot to learn. Your entire experience here has involved things like Corporate Finance, risk, marketing and sales, and so on. You have zero experience with Health Care Systems and Services, Media and Entertainment, or Travel Transport and Logistics and yet those are three of the four departments that will be reporting to you now. Your protector won’t do you a lot of good if you screw up this company beyond repair.”

“I don’t have a protector.”

Mr. Costin flashes me a sarcastic smile. “We all have protectors, Kasie. Gods that we pray to for help. A lucky few of us get the attention of one of the earthly gods. They’re more easily seduced. But then you know that, don’t you?” He glances at his watch and sighs. “Go home, come back tomorrow ready to learn. I assume that tonight you’ll need to do some more worshiping because without your protecting god, you don’t have a prayer.”

I dig my fingernails into my palm but then force myself to release my fist and smile at Mr. Costin before leaving his office with the quiet humility he seems to want from me.

But I don’t leave the building as he requested. Instead I go to my office and start to organize. I hadn’t asked if I would be moved into Tom’s office; Mr. Costin hadn’t exactly invited those kinds of questions. So odd to get a promotion from a man who hates you. And it’s odd that only a few months ago I couldn’t imagine anyone really hating me any more than I could imagine anyone completely loving me. I just hadn’t viewed myself as the kind of person who inspired those kinds of extreme emotions. But now the word “hate” comes up a lot in regard to me. Dave, Tom, Mr. Costin, perhaps Asha . . . how is it possible that after so many years of playing it safe, I’m now inspiring such contempt?

I don’t like it. I never wanted to be the Bond girl who destroys lives for lovers and profit. But I have always aspired to power, and perhaps it’s the meek who inspire more charitable emotions. If so, isn’t strength worth the price of animosity?

The strong can’t be erased.

And what of love? Does Robert love me? Or is this something else?

As for Mr. Costin . . . well, if he’s right about the amount of influence Robert has, I could have his job as easily as I got Tom’s. He must know that. So in his case it’s his fear that makes him hate. It’s so conventional, it’s not even interesting. The only part that gives me pause is that I’m the one he fears. The head of this company fears me. That’s . . . different.

I drive home that night thinking of the moon and the ocean. Together they can do so much damage.