Before You Go

FOUR

Holden sits patiently on my bed while I light a candle. Who knew when I would do this again, if ever, so I decide to make the most of it.

I look over my shoulder at this man on my bed, his naked chest a map of beautiful plains and valleys. He looks even better in candlelight, if that’s possible. I sigh at the sight of him, off in my dreamy world, until he crooks his finger in my direction.

“I can’t wait,” he says and I know I don’t want him to.

As I walk toward him, toward the bed, I am extremely aware I have no shirt or bra on. But I don’t mind. He’s the one I picked, the one I want.

Holden reaches out to me and laces his fingers in that intimate way and I swear I float up off the floor. I want to ask him his real name, but that will just make all of this more real, and more difficult. No, he will just be my perfect Holden tonight.

His lips find mine again as he pulls me down to the bed. Each touch is magnified on my skin. All I see, hear, and feel is him. He parts my lips, but I soon take control, brushing my tongue along his. Gentle and soft, I taste every bit of him, and then push my body against his. When his breathing becomes ragged, I move a little faster and push a little deeper. He has no trouble keeping up, nipping at my lips, down my neck, and up to my ear. The sting of it has me on fire.

“Is this okay?” he whispers.

His voice sends chills all the way down my body, settling between my legs. But how do I tell him that? Instead, I nod my reply and show him just what he’s doing to me.

I roll over so I’m on top and plant a trail of kisses along his neck.

Down his chest.

Across his incredibly muscular stomach.

My fingers explore his skin, reveling in the heat of it until I reach the waistband of his jeans.

“Tabitha.” Holden’s voice is raspy, and the way he says my name does something to me. Something delicious.

I’m giddy at the thought of what’s going to happen next. I’m going to have sex with this beautiful man and put my ugly past behind me. I will finally be okay again. It’s really going to happen this time.

I sit up to help him slide off his pants and I see my reflection in the mirror above my dresser. My top gone, breasts exposed, and a guy in the background.

I lose my balance and suddenly it’s hard to breathe.

“Tabitha?” Holden sits up, reaching for me instantly. “Are you okay?”

Before I can answer, the pictures flip in my head—just as it happened that morning when Thomas shoved all those terrible images in my face. Photos from his party.

That night started innocently enough. My friend Megan and I went to his house to put on a little dance for his birthday. He always asked me to dance for him, and I thought it’d be a fun way to celebrate. In private. But Megan talked me into doing a number as entertainment at the party. We won’t strip or anything, she said. Just put on a little show. It will be fun.

It was stupid and careless. Someone slipped something into my drink before we went out to surprise Thomas. I blacked out soon after, but there was plenty of documentation from the night.

The next morning I stood there with Thomas, unable to move, as all the pictures from the night fluttered to the floor.

Photos of me dancing.

Sitting on laps.

Posing with the guys from the party.

In most of them, I was topless, only wearing a pair of tiny panties.

“Tabitha?” Holden wraps an arm around me. “Are you okay there, little one?”

No, not even close.

He rubs my back and I want nothing more than to fall into him. “Ugh,” I search for an excuse to get out of this mess. This was another terrible idea. What was I thinking?

“It’s all those mojitos,” I tell him now. “They’re catching up to me.”

I grab a blanket and wrap it around me, no longer wanting to be on display. “I don’t feel well.” I drop my head. “I’m so sorry.”

Holden tips my chin to meet my eyes. His are warm, full of concern. “It’s okay.” He helps slide me back into bed and pulls the covers up over me. And I try to put the memories far away, to the back of my mind.

For the next twenty minutes, Holden plays nurse. He feeds me Advil, makes tea, and puts a bucket on the side of my bed. Then he crawls in next to me.

We fall asleep.

And it’s nice.

Until I wake up at four in the morning and discover he’s still in my bed.

“Alright.” I shake him awake.

Holden looks at me all sleepy and adorable. I want to kiss him senseless, but the sun will be up soon and I’ve missed my chance. The plan was a one-night stand, not a lingering affair that bleeds into daylight.

I have to steady my breathing when Holden’s lips turn up into a soft smile. I move to get up, but before I can, he gathers me in his arms and rolls over, putting all his weight on me. I can’t help but giggle. Out loud. When was the last time I did that? I slap his shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Better,” I tell him.

“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” He kisses me slow and deep, and I can’t help but get lost for a minute.

My body and brain battle it out while I fall into Holden.

Eventually, my brain wins.

“I loved the sexy male nurse routine,” I say, pushing him off me. “But it’s time for you to go, mister.”

“Are you sure I can’t stay the night?” he asks, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck.

“I’m sure,” I mumble, breathing in his wintery scent one last time. “Thank you, though. It was fun.”

He chuckles—a deep throaty laugh that made me pick him in the first place. A laugh that has me reconsidering my answer. I think he knows what he does to me because his pause is the mother of all pauses. I know he’s waiting for me to change my mind, but I stay strong.

“Okay, Tabitha.” He shakes his head and his adorable mop of dark hair falls in his eyes. “If you say so.”

“I do.” I stand my ground. “I’ll see—”

Crap, I so want to change my mind.

“I’ll see you around.” I recover before burying my head in the pillow.

The mattress springs up as he stands and I hear the zipper on his jeans—the way he looks in them is the other reason I picked him. Then, he leans in real close.

“Oh, and by the way,” he whispers. “The name is Noah. You know, in case you’re thinking about me later. Good to have a name with the face. Don’t you think?”

I grumble as he lets himself out.