Before You Go

THIRTY-FIVE

The holiday break continues and, surprisingly, I’m okay. Better than okay. I talk to Noah each night and for once, I begin concentrating on me. My feelings, my therapy, my studies, my workouts and…my family. What’s that old saying, “You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself?” Well, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

Jules has called a few times. I don’t talk to her. Despite her gossiping ways, I do trust her and know she’ll keep my secret. I’m just not ready to face her yet.

What I am ready to face, though, is my dancing career. Michael’s been sending me links to local auditions and I’ve been following the Minneapolis dance scene on my own. There is a small company hosting auditions today and at the very last possible moment, I decide to go.

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Inside the theater is a mass of lithe bodies wearing numbers on their chests. I pin mine on and take a spot on the floor, blocking out the chatter all around me.

I can do this.

“Ladies,” the choreographer calls out from the wings. “I am Kevin and I’ll be teaching the steps today.”

Kevin is small, rail thin, and dressed in all black. He doesn’t walk; he glides as he makes his way downstage.

“Let’s begin,” he says.

And when the music fills the room, we follow Kevin through our warm up.

After flowing through all the positions, he shows us the combinations. I’m a little rusty at first, but settle into a decent groove. Not great, but pretty solid. Some of the girls let their nerves get the best of them and I know from experience, they won’t make the next cut. The instructors in the audience frantically take notes on our progress.

Next up is the floor work. The dancers make six lines on stage right and start turning and leaping across the floor while Kevin claps the beat. One of the assistants begins pulling dancers out of the lineup. Their time is done, and our group is shrinking.

The rest of us get back in line while Kevin puts us into groups of three for the next combination. I’m with a tall brunette and tiny redhead. They are both amazing.

We work our way through all of the drills, no problem.

The assistant begins pulling dancers again. But I’m still alive.

The next sequence is for a solo performance, so we split up and wish each other luck before we do our final dance.

I am home.