4
In movies hitmen always use a silenced .22, which they drop at the scene. Dropping your gun at the scene I understood, since Michael drops his gun at the scene in The Godfather, a movie from the 1970s about the 1950s that mob guys model their lives on to this day.* When I first started thinking about it, though, using a .22 seemed idiotic.
Obviously, smaller bullets tend to go faster, and speed is the primary component of kinetic energy, and hence of the shock waves that a well-placed bullet will send through your body fluids until the walls meant to keep them apart dissolve. But the amount of kinetic energy that actually gets transferred from a bullet to a body is difficult to calculate, since it relies on things like rotational speed and “impulse,” which is what physicists call the amount of time two objects actually spend in contact.
Conservation of momentum, on the other hand, is easy to do the math on. For example, if a bullet weighing 230 grains (15 grams, the weight of a .45 bullet, which is 45 percent of an inch across) goes from the speed of sound (slow for a bullet) to a complete stop inside your body (much easier to achieve with a big bullet than a small one), then 15 grams of your body has to accelerate to the speed of sound to make up for it. Or 150 grams of your body to one-tenth the speed of sound, and so on. It’s much less demanding to think about.
I told the geek at the Nassau Coliseum Gun Show, which I’d read about in Shoot the Jew Weekly, or Blow Your Own Brains Out or whatever, that I wanted twin .45 automatics.
That was the easy part. The guns I ended up buying looked cheesy—they had walnut grips and barrels so shiny they looked mirrored—but they were solid, with clean actions, and I figured I could always paint them later. Plus, wooden grips supposedly absorb some recoil.
The hard part was buying the silencers.
Just possessing a silencer has been a felony since the Vietnam War. I’m not sure why this is so. True, silencers are only used to kill people, but you could say the same thing about assault rifles, and the NRA keeps them cheap and easy. At the gun show I had to walk around for hours after I’d bought the guns before anyone took the bait.
This was a white-haired guy with glasses and a polyester shirt. Not survivalist-looking in the least, though he had all the signs out on his table: memoirs of high-ranking Nazis, weird guns and knives. I asked him if he had any suppressors.
A suppressor is a half-assed version of a silencer you use on your assault rifle, so you don’t go deaf when you’re gunning down your classmates or whatever.
“Suppressors for what?” he said. When he stopped talking his tongue, which was gray, rested on his lower lip.
“Sidearm,” I said.
“Sidearm? You don’t suppress a sidearm.”
“I’m looking for some very strong suppressors,” I said.
“Very strong suppressors.”
“Very quiet suppressors,” I said.
He looked annoyed. “I look like a Fed to you?” he said.
“No.”
“Then speak your mind. What kind of ammo you lookin to use?”
“Magnum load hollow-points.”
“For serious?”
“Yeah.”
“Them the guns?”
“Yeah.” I handed over the shopping bag I was carrying. He pulled the two pistols out and laid them on a copy of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. For a moment he just stared at them. “Hmm,” he finally said. “That’s not so easy. But come around back.”
I went around the table to where there was an extra folding chair. The gun maniac picked a fishing-tackle box up off the floor and opened it under the skirt of the tablecloth. It was packed with silencers.
“Hmm,” he said, digging through them. “You need one for each?”
“Yes.”
He pulled a couple out. “Don’t know how good these are,” he said.
They were long—easily a foot, with six inches of thick tube attached to six inches of thin tube. “What is that?” I said, pointing to the thin part.
“It’s a barrel. Watch this.” In about ten seconds, entirely out of sight, he stripped one of my automatics down and built it back up. Only, instead of the original barrel, which he left lying on the table, the barrel that was part of the silencer was now integrated into the gun. “That way you can swap out and they can’t match the bullets,” he said. “Course, you want to make the shells impossible to trace, you got to switch out the breechblock. Sand it down, at least.”
“Huh,” I said.
“Keep the original in the weapon when you’re not using it, case the Feds come. And keep it loaded, too, case they come all hinky.” He winked, though that may have been a tic. “You hear me?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. That’ll be four hundred dollars.”
Around the middle of December 1992, Mrs. Locano said, “Pietro, what do you want for Christmas?” and I decided to make my move. We were all at dinner.
“I’m Jewish,” I said.
“Oh please.”
“The only thing I ever think about wanting,” I said, staring at David Locano, “is to know who killed my grandparents.”
Everyone fell silent. I thought: All this. And I’ve f*cked it up.
And when it seemed to just blow over, I was grateful.
But a few days later David Locano called me and asked if I would come with him to Big 5 Sporting Goods to find a Christmas present for Skinflick. He’d come pick me up.
We went. He got Skinflick a speed bag, which was ridiculous—Skinflick couldn’t hold his hands above his head for ten minutes without having to punch something at the same time— but Locano didn’t really seem to want my advice.
In the car on the way home, he said, “How serious are you about getting the scumbags who killed your grandparents?”
It surprised the shit out of me so badly I couldn’t say anything for about a minute.
“That’s pretty much why I’m alive,” I finally said.
“That is so f*cking stupid,” he said. “I know it’s why you went to Sandhurst,* and why you became friends with Adam. But it’s bullshit. You can back off of it. You should back off it. And I know you want to.”
“What happens to me if I don’t?”
Locano swerved to the side of the street we were on and slammed on the brakes.
“Cut the tough guy crap,” he said. “I don’t threaten people. I’m a lawyer, for f*ck’s sake. And if I did threaten people, I wouldn’t threaten you.”
“Okay,” I said.
“I’m just telling you—you’ve got a lot to live for. And to stay out of trouble for. Adam loves you. He respects you. You should listen to that.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you hearing me?”
“Yes.”
I was, but I was still stunned.
“And you’re stuck to this thing?”
“Yes.”
He sighed. Nodded. “All right, then.” He reached into his jacket.
I almost stopped him. I was thirteen months into eight hours a day of martial arts training. It would have been easy to block his gun arm, push his chin till his neck broke.
“Relax yourself,” he said. He pulled out his appointment book and a pen. “I’m gonna see if I can get you a contract.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll see if I can hook it up for someone to pay you to do this.”
“I won’t take money for it.”
He looked at me. “Yes you will. Otherwise you’re a rogue, and they’ll put you down like a dog. We’ll start a rumor that whoever these scumbags are, they’re talking too much—bringing down more heat than they’re worth. Maybe they’re someone’s nephew’s nephews or something, but it shouldn’t take too much. Are you understanding this?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. Are you gonna need a gun?”
They were brothers. Joe and Mike Virzi. Like the cops had thought, they’d done it to get jumped into the mob.
I didn’t just take Locano’s word for it. For one thing I followed them, for weeks.
The Virzi brothers were a pair of violent dicks who got crazed with boredom pretty much nightly, then took it out on whoever they could find. They’d pull some poor schmuck out of a nightclub or a pool hall or whatever by the hair, telling everybody else to shut the f*ck up, this was mob business, then leave the guy in a puddle of teeth and blood out in the alley. Sometimes they’d beat the guy to the point where it looked like he was going to get maimed or killed, or they’d pick a woman, and I’d have to anonymously call the cops.
Here’s the weird part: I watched them get made. I was following them pretty much every night, but it still surprised me when it happened.
It was in a Temple of St. Anthony, in the basement of the activities building attached to a church in Paramus. You could see in through the bars of the sunken window, which was open to let the heat out. There were three shitty buffet tables set up in a “U,” with old mobsters seated around it and Joe and Mike Virzi standing in the center naked, repeating after the geezer in the middle.
I couldn’t hear too much of it, but there were parts in Italian, Latin, and English, and the Virzis kept promising to go to hell if they betrayed the mafia. At one point a couple of geezers from the ends of the table, looking particularly ridiculous with medallions and felt hats on, set slips of paper on fire and dropped them onto the Virzis’ palms. I tried this at home later. It didn’t hurt at all.
The squalidness of the whole thing enraged me. I couldn’t believe my grandparents had died for this bullshit. I left before it ended to go drive by the Virzis’ house.
It was a little one-story with an attached garage. As usual when they were out, the garage door was open.
Cause who was gonna rob them?
The next morning before school—it was early March, and it was freezing out—I went into the woods near Saddle River to practice shooting, and found out why hitmen use .22’s.
The first shot out of each gun sounded like someone slamming a stapler closed. The second sounded like the warning bark of a dog. The sixth and seventh sounded like low-flying jets, and by that time the insides of both silencers were actually on fire, with black smoke and blue flames coming out of the barrels. The paint on the barrels was bubbling.
Still, the work those bullets did was intriguing. The one time I managed to land shots from both my right hand and my left hand on a single tree trunk—not so easy when the kick made it feel like I was hauling myself up a swimming pool ladder every time I pulled the triggers—there were four-inch chips in the bark where the bullets had gone in.
And two-foot satellite dishes of sawdust out back.
I chose a weekend right before spring break of my junior year.
I’d rebuilt my silencers. I’m not particularly anxious to divulge how to do this, but suffice to say that it helps to already have the metal cylinders, as well as some fiberglass insulation and a stack of full-inch washers. And that, even in the days before the Internet, it wasn’t too hard to find instructions.
I knew the Virzis never locked the door between their garage and their kitchen. I’d been through it a dozen times, been through the whole scumbag house, with all its Cindy Crawford posters and prints by that guy who did the covers of the Duran Duran albums.
On the night I’d decided to kill them I followed them to a club, then went to their house and locked the kitchen door. Then I stood to one side of the open garage door and waited for them to come home.
A professor of mine in med school claimed that the sweat glands of your armpits and the sweat glands of your groin are controlled by entirely separate parts of your nervous system, so that it’s nervousness that makes your armpits sweat, while it’s heat that makes your groin sweat. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I can tell you that standing waiting for the Virzis to get back I dropped enough sweat from both my groin and my armpits to fill my shoes. My entire body was slick inside my stifling overcoat. The heat and the nervousness were hard to tell apart.
Eventually there was a bang on the sidewalk and the Virzis’ racing-stripe Mustang heaved into the garage beside me, putting out a wave of hot exhaust and rubber.
They got out loud and clumsy, the one in the driver’s seat pressing the remote on his visor so the garage door started closing. The one from the passenger’s seat stomped up the two steps to the door to the kitchen and tried the doorknob, then shook it.
“What the f*ck?” he shouted over the noise of the garage door.
“What?” the other one said.
“Door’s f*ckin locked.”
The garage door came to a stop.
“Bullshit.”
“It is!”
“So f*ckin open it.”
“Dick, I don’t have a key!”
“How about just turning around?” I said. “Slowly.” My voice sounded distant even to myself. Something—the exhaust, the stress—had made me light-headed, and I was worried I would fall.
They turned around. They didn’t look scared. Just stupid.
One of them said, “What?”
The other one said, “Who the f*ck are you?”
“Cooperate and you won’t get hurt,” I said.
For a second no one said anything. Then the first one said “What?” and they both started laughing.
“F*cker,” the other one said, “you are f*cking with the wrong two guys.”
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“Cooperate?” the first one said.
“You knocked over a house in West Orange, a year ago October,” I said. “Killed a couple of geezers. All I want is the tape that was in the VCR you took.”
They looked at each other. Shook their heads in disbelief.
The first one said, “A*shole, if we took a VCR from those poor f*cks, we sure as hell didn’t keep the tape.”
I took a breath so I wouldn’t have to for a while. Then I started pulling the triggers.
Let me tell you about revenge. Particularly murderous revenge.
It’s a bad idea. For one thing, it doesn’t last. The reason they tell you revenge is best served cold is not so you’ll take the time to get it right, but so you’ll spend longer on the fun part, which is the planning and the expectation.
For another thing, even if you get away with it, murdering someone is bad for you. It murders something in yourself, and has all kinds of other consequences you can’t possibly foresee. By way of example: eight years after I shot the Virzi brothers, Skinflick completely destroyed my life, and I threw him headfirst out a six-story window.
But on that night in early 1993, all I could feel was the joy.
Shooting the Virzi brothers with my silenced .45’s was like holding a photograph of them, then tearing it in half.