Bamboo and Blood

CHAPTER Three
“Life, existence, whatever you want to call it these days—it’s all made up of layers, am I right? People speak in generalities. They constantly sum up existence, apply a necessary shorthand. They say ‘one’ but they actually mean ‘many.’ If you say ‘morning,’ Inspector, what do you mean?”
I was standing in Pak’s office, wondering what had brought this on. “I mean morning, like now. This is morning, which is when I generally come in to report what happened the day before. So here I am. I came in to give you a report on the meeting I had yesterday with the student. Yesterday afternoon. This”—I pointed out the window at the darkness—“is morning.”
Pak waved away the idea of the report. “No, you don’t mean morning. Morning is shorthand. What you really mean is that the sun is at a certain spot at or below the horizon, the sky a certain shade, the early breeze bringing the smell of earth, someone groaning after not enough sleep. It’s the same with happiness, or sorrow, or boredom, isn’t it? All layers, everything layers. Layers and intersections.”
I could never fathom what set Pak off like this, climbing to these philosophical heights. Whenever it happened, the only thing to do was to follow along and try not to fall too far behind. “Intersections,” I said and nodded, but he wasn’t waiting for my reaction. He was already on the ledge above me.
“If you start to strip things down too much, get at their ‘essence,’ what do you suppose happens?”
This time I didn’t bother to nod. It wasn’t a real question. Pak pointed a finger at me. “I’ll tell you what happens. If we aren’t careful, things that matter disappear because we reduce them to bits and pieces, smaller and smaller, to the point where they become nothingness. Abstractions take over. Pretty soon, we start thinking that the only difference between day and night is the amount of light. ‘Essence is everything,’ people start thinking. So they keep searching for essence, some sort of first principle, but essence isn’t anything. Sometimes, it’s nothing.”
This was fast getting to be unprecedented. A change, not yet defined, was coming over Pak. First he had been unusually confrontational with the special section, and now he was soaring into philosophy, far beyond the boundaries where he usually stopped. In another minute, we might need oxygen bottles, we’d be so high in existential clouds.
If Pak was suffering from the altitude, he didn’t show it. “We can say exactly the same about sight,” he said, and he smiled expansively. I looked around the office. Was there nothing I could use to slow his ascent? Some sort of cord to keep him from drifting completely beyond the boundaries of space?
“You think you see something, O. No, what you really perceive is movement and change; what you perceive is the changing light, light off one object in relation to something else. If there’s no change, if things are totally static, there’s nothing to see. That is a fact. Provable fact.” That must have been the apogee, because he stopped and leaned back in his chair.
I took a breath. “Then I’m surprised anyone can see around here. Nothing ever changes.”
Pak pretended he hadn’t heard. He stared out the window into the darkness and the empty courtyard. “It’s exactly the same with sound, you know. Constant complaining—almost impossible to hear after a certain point.” He swiveled back to his desk and took a piece of paper out of a folder. He studied it a moment. “A woman was murdered last month. We’re supposed to find out why.” He glanced up to see my reaction. I started to speak, but he cut me off. Pak rarely cuts anyone off; he always defers to another speaker, even when someone interrupts him. “Not ‘why,’ actually. Not ‘why’ in the traditional sense. We’re just supposed to gather information about her, background, family, friends, political reliability, education. Gather them up, all the things that might have a bearing on the ‘why.’”
“Sex life?” Right away I was on guard. Cutting me off was another example of aberrant behavior. He was worried about something. If he wasn’t going to share with me what it was, then I’d better worry, too.
Pak observed me with a kind of smoke in his eyes, a hazy, far-off look meant to avoid giving anything away. “If it’s relevant, yes.”
“You don’t think it’s relevant?” I never liked it when he gave me that hazy look.
“It might be. But there is a complication.”
“A complication. Let me guess. She had odd appetites.”
“No, she was murdered overseas.”
I gave it some thought. “That’s a few hundred kilometers out of my district, isn’t it?”
“We have less than a week. They want a nice thick dossier prepared. We hand it over, then it’s not our business anymore. It goes to the Ministry, but I have a feeling”—he paused for the downbeat—“I have a feeling it doesn’t stop there. You’d better get moving.”
“How do we know she was really murdered?” Getting moving, as Pak put it, was not high on my list until he let me know a little more about what I was supposed to do. A person could fall into a deep hole unless he asked a question or two before he got moving. “Maybe she just died. People do that.”
“We don’t know anything other than what it says on this.” Pak held up the piece of paper. “I’ll assume it’s right, and so will you. It doesn’t matter anyway. The facts will be the same on this end, no matter what happened to her or if she liked …” Pak paused. “It doesn’t matter what she liked. All we need is a collection of the facts on this end. That’s it. Nothing fancy, no hypothesizing, no grand framework. No essence. Just facts. Fact one, fact two, fact thirty-four. Sweep them up with a broom. Just think of yourself as a broom, Inspector. Now, go sweep. Most of it should be in files somewhere, so you can sit and keep your shoes dry.” It was raining again, needle drops with icy tips that clattered against the window. “Don’t bet some of the files haven’t already been fiddled with, though. And where there are gaps, you’ll have to go out and fill them.”
“Isn’t this a little odd? I can’t remember being put on something like this before, worrying with events so far outside our jurisdiction.”
“An unquestioning broom, a dumb, unthinking, uncomprehending broom. Shut up and sweep, can’t you?”
“You don’t think this smells right, I can tell. What do you know that you’re not sharing?”
Pak got up and closed the door. When he sat down again, he crossed his arms. It made him look weighty—weighty and obdurate. He wasted another minute or so, hoping I would turn into a broom. I didn’t, and finally he shrugged. When I first started to work in Pak’s section, I thought that shrug was dismissive, a gesture meant to show that he was top dog and I wasn’t. If I wanted to shrug, I thought, I’d have to find someone lower down the chain. Over time, though, I realized it wasn’t deliberate and it wasn’t aimed at me. It was part of a conversation Pak carried on within himself, an internal argument he had before deciding he didn’t want to debate a point anymore. Some people grimace after they’ve made a decision they don’t like. Pak shrugged. “The word is, this isn’t just a simple murder. There are overtones. Or undertones. The sort of thing I don’t like, and I tried to make the same argument you’re making—that it’s outside our jurisdiction. No luck.”
“Not simple.” I moved over to the window. “Murder may be a lot of things, but it’s never simple.” The icy rain had changed to snow, and would soon be piling up against the three ginkgo trees that stood in the courtyard. Pine trees took winter with a touch of grace. Not the gink-goes. They endured in a stolid, flinty sort of way, pursed lips, rigid and annoyed. One of the three was sick. It probably wouldn’t last much past spring. It would never be replaced. We’d be down to two, and that would change the entire tone of the courtyard, change the light coming into the office, change everything. “You can’t nurse a tree,” my grandfather would say. “All you can do is say good-bye.”
“I don’t know how, but the whole thing seems mixed up with that funny group that works out of the party, you know, whatever they call themselves these days,” Pak said. “The ones who deal in special weapons, and I don’t mean infantry rifles or pistol ammunition. They’re hooked up with this somehow, that’s what I’m reading between the lines.” He held up the paper again. This time I got a better look. There weren’t many lines on it.
“Where did this assumed murder take place?”
“How should I know?” Which sometimes meant he knew exactly.
“So, we can assume they don’t want us to guess where, and they certainly don’t want us to find out. Agreed?”
Pak fiddled with his pencil.
“In this case,” I said, “I’m going to take silence as assent. But you must realize, I’ll certainly find out sooner or later some of the things we aren’t supposed to know. It’s inevitable. Maybe even by tomorrow. I mean, it won’t be very hard to figure out where she was sent, and if we’re unlucky I’ll stumble over a lot more.”
“You might, unless they’ve already pulled all of the files, not just fooled with them but pulled them and warned people to clam up.”
“No, not ‘might.’ I will. Even if I try not to, I’ll find out. And when I do, we’ll know too much, won’t we?” It suddenly occurred to me that whoever ordered this assignment either didn’t understand much about investigations, or knew more than we realized. First the visitor had showed up, then Mun, and now this.
Pak opened a drawer and took out a piece of paper. “You don’t mind if I doodle, do you?”
“You want to know what stinks about this? If it is really connected to that funny weapons group you just mentioned, then the investigation belongs in other circles, not with us. There are plenty of units outside the Ministry to handle something like this. Why not those guerrillas from the special section? It has nothing to do with us, does it, if a woman is killed in Pakistan?”
Pak’s pencil stopped on the paper. He looked up and frowned. “Why would you think that?”

“That it has nothing to do with us?”
“Don’t be coy, Inspector.”
“Pakistan?” I thought about it. “I don’t know, no reason, I guess.”
Pak didn’t look like he was going to take that for an answer.
“Alright, just thinking out loud. Why? Am I getting close?”
Pak’s expression didn’t change.
“Three Fingers, actually.” I really didn’t know for sure why I’d mentioned Pakistan. Maybe it was on my mind. Seeing Mun had brought back a lot of memories.
“Is that where he left the other two? Is that where someone didn’t prop the door open for you?” His eyes bored into mine. “That’s all? Just free association?”
“You mentioned something about special weapons. I’ve heard a few things about that, not much. When foreign visitors come through my sector, I get reports. I don’t file everything I hear, you know that, but lately we’ve had some curious comings and goings. Even if I look the other way, people like to tell me things. Pakistan keeps coming up in what they say. Special weapons come up sometimes. I figured it was cracked, garbled, I don’t know. It’s cold and people are hungry, a lot of stuff is going around on the streets. Some people talk more than they used to.”
“Forget whatever you’ve heard; forget it.” Pak began to draw jagged lines on the paper. “Inspector, let’s not make this any more complicated than it has to be. Empty your pockets of all of this speculation.” He glanced up. “Never mind, forget what’s in your pockets. You just gather a few facts for us tomorrow. We’ll put them on a form, seal it up in a nice new envelope, and drop it into the bureaucratic river that flows through the whole of mankind’s existence. It unifies us as a species. I think bureaucracy preceded speech. It may have even preceded sex, normal sex, anyway.” He gazed thoughtfully into the courtyard for a moment. “Do us both a favor, O, and for once take my advice: Just be a broom.”
“I don’t think a broom is what we need.”
“You don’t.” Pak sighed. “Naturally, you don’t.”
“No, I think we are in the realm of the shovel.”
“You planning to dig?”
“If necessary. I do that sometimes, you know.”
2
As soon as I knocked on the door, I knew things weren’t going right. From inside I could hear sounds, furniture scraping, someone clearing his throat, then footsteps.
“Who is it?” It was a man’s voice, an old man. According to the file, this was her father, a widower, a former air force general. Leave it to a general not to open the door. “I said who the hell is it? You hard of hearing?”
“No, sir. I’m just waiting. Would you mind opening the door so we can talk? It’s cold in the hall.”
Laughter. “Not any warmer in here, sonny.” The door opened. He was old, sharp eyes, grizzled is probably the right word for the rest of him. “Say what you want and say it quick. I’m sick.” He coughed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Well, say it, what do you want?”
As soon as I’d left Pak’s office, I got started on the investigation. I rummaged around in the Ministry’s file room, traded an insult or two with the clerks, and then made a list of facts to sweep into a big folder to put on Pak’s desk as soon as I could. No shovels, no digging—I heard a little voice repeating. The sooner I start, I told myself, the sooner it’s done.
First on the list was the woman’s father, the old general. “I’ve got to ask you a few questions, that’s all.”
“The hell you do. You tell me who you are first, then we’ll decide what comes next.”
“Inspector O, Ministry of Public Security. I’m sorry about your daughter, but I have to ask you some questions, General.”
He frowned. “You alone?”
“I am.”
“Come in. Keep your coat buttoned, it’s cold as hell in here.” He stood aside, and I walked past him into a dark room.
“Should I open the curtains?” I bumped into a low table. “It will give us some light.”
“I don’t want any damned light, what do you think about that? I want it dark. I want to sit in the dark and think. That meet with your approval, Inspector?”
“Fine. Mind if I sit?”
“Ask your questions, why don’t you?”
I sat down and tried to figure out how to deal with the man. The air in the room was so laden with grief, it was hard to think. I wasn’t going to get much out of him, no matter what tack I took, and he wasn’t going to give me much time. Since he wouldn’t tell me what I needed to know, even if he knew it, I might as well not even bother to ask him directly. Just take it easy, I told myself. Stay in control. “About your daughter. Did you have any communication with her in the last few months?”
“The last few months? No.”
“Few means many, several, something more than two but less than six. Does that help?”
“We spoke once or twice.”
“On the phone?”
“Stupid question. Yes, on the phone. How else would we speak? Once, she was in an embassy; she called my office. The other time”—he said this very softly—“was from New York. She was real excited. She didn’t say much, but I could tell by her voice. She said she was happy. I told her to be careful, to listen to the security people.”
An embassy. Well, it was a start. Curious, that hadn’t been in any file on her I’d seen so far. No mention of being attached to the Foreign Ministry. “At the embassy, she was happy with the surroundings? Weather was okay, food alright, and so forth?” I didn’t want him to realize I had no idea where the embassy was. Maybe it was Pakistan, maybe it wasn’t. If he sensed I was guessing, he certainly wouldn’t tell me. If he smelled a hunch, he’d smile grimly and sit back, as I imagined he used to do in a roomful of generals—each one suspicious of the next and all of them scared of him. He’d go silent all of a sudden. Nothing would make him open up then. I softened my tone a little. “Did she mention anything that caught your attention? Insects, trees, trouble sleeping? Anything?”
“Pretty fine-grained questions for a cop. You sure you’re not one of those security snakes?” I shook my head and pulled out my ID. He didn’t bother to look. That wasn’t what generals did. Other people, guards at the gate, checked IDs.
“We didn’t talk long.” He was changing the subject. “She just wanted to know if I would send her something.”
“What was that?”
“Got your attention now, don’t I?” He went silent, so I waited. I could wait as long as he could. We stared at each other for a couple of long minutes. Finally, he walked into the next room and emerged with a book. “She wanted one of these. One of her books.” He held it out for me to see. “Something about music. By the time I found someone to carry it out to her, she was dead.” He felt bad about that, I could tell, but he wasn’t going to say to me that this or anything else on earth bothered him. “Dead,” he said again. “I don’t remember where I put the damned book, if that’s what you’re going to ask me next.”
“That’s not the book?” I pointed to the one he was holding.
“I told you, I can’t find that one now. I put it somewhere when I heard she was dead. I have this one, that’s all. It was hers. I look at it sometimes.”
Time to change the subject. If he sank any deeper into melancholy, I’d never get him back on dry land. I should have seen it coming as soon as he said he’d told her to be careful in New York. “You still go to the office? I thought you were retired.”
“How long you been at this job, Inspector?”
“A while.”
“A while. You were in the army?”
“I was.”
“They boot you out?” The melancholy had been vaporized.
“No.”
“Why’d you leave? Army not interesting enough? Too tough?”
“Maybe I should go out and come back in, so we can start this all over.”
“Maybe you should just go out and not come back.”
I looked around the room. “No, I don’t think so. I think I have some more questions to ask, and I think you’re going to answer them.”
“If I don’t?”

“But you will. Sit down, General. I don’t really want to be here, and you don’t really want me here, so we’re on equal footing. I said sit down.”
The old man squinted at me. When he was younger, it was a steely look; now it was just a squint. “You have a hell of a nerve.” He paused. “No, I’m not going to sit. But I’ll answer three questions. Then you’re done. And don’t think I’m not serious, because I am. People in the army still stand at attention when I break wind.” He grinned. “You want to test me?”
“No. Three questions are fine, for now.” I let that sink in for a moment. “First, when you spoke to your daughter, you said she sounded excited. Do you mean agitated? Did she sound worried about anything, anything seem to be bothering her, any concerns she voiced to you about her personal safety? That’s all one question, by the way.”
“No, she said everything was fine.” I thought he might just shrug off the question again, but he seemed to take it seriously. “Something funny that I recall: When she called from New York, she said she’d walked in his footsteps and now she could die happy. That’s all she said before we were cut off. The second time, it was a few months later. It wasn’t a good connection, but I’d say she sounded tired. Trouble sleeping. The chants or singing, whatever it was, woke her early. It made her edgy, she said, everything being so foreign. One more thing, she said that fool husband of hers was going to get her in trouble with the locals. I’ll save you a question. No, she didn’t say why and I didn’t ask.”
“You saved me two.”
The old man grunted and walked over to the window. He moved one curtain to the side. The light didn’t exactly spill into the room—it was already late afternoon and there wasn’t much left—but the gray from outside crept along the walls until I could see that the place hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. We fell back into silence. I figured I’d give him a chance to say something else, if that’s what he wanted to do.
Finally, I stood and walked to the door. “I have a few other things to check, but I’ll be back for the last two questions. If you remember something that you think you ought to tell me, something you forgot, let me know.”
“Don’t bother coming back. There’s nothing else. You’ll be wasting your time.” He closed the curtain again. “I told her not to get into this stuff, but she wouldn’t listen to me.”
“What stuff?”
He moved over to the door. “I’m done talking to you, Inspector. Your people want something from me, tell them to put it in writing.”
3
I spent the rest of December sweeping up a few inconsequential facts about the woman who had been murdered. Or not murdered. Anything was still possible, based on what little I knew. Maybe she’d just dropped dead. I didn’t actually have a single fact about what happened to her, and the paper we had on her case told me exactly nothing. It asserted she’d been murdered. That didn’t mean anything to me. But I was starting to lean. That happens sometimes. A few facts here and there, a feeling stirs an intuition, and the next thing that happens, I’m leaning in the direction of a hypothesis.
Her father told me she said she couldn’t sleep because of the chanting in the morning. She wouldn’t tell him it was the call to prayer, but that’s what it could have been. This was circular, I knew. I assumed that what she was complaining about was morning calls to prayer for no good reason other than that Mun had suddenly shown up. Circular logic isn’t wrong, it’s round. If it was a call to prayers, it could have been any Islamic country, but again, not if I threw Mun into the equation. True, I didn’t know where Mun had been for all of these years. I knew where he and I had been, though, and it wasn’t a cosmic coincidence that he had suddenly appeared and wanted to talk over “old times” with me. Or that he had showed up just after someone had delivered an Israeli or a Swiss Jew, or whatever Jen? was, on our doorstep. If I had to choose, I’d choose circular logic over cosmic coincidence.
This is how I get when I start to lean, even when I know it would be better to assume things are unconnected. I looked, I swept, I dug into the woman’s background, but there wasn’t a lot of information about her where there should have been, and every time I found a gap, even a little one, I leaned a little more. She was dead. People had a habit of doing that, and afterward, there were always gaps. Some gaps are natural. That’s how people live their lives—gaps, empty places, silences. But not like what this woman left behind.
I had no description of where she’d been when she died, or what time of day it was, or what color clothes she was wearing, or which way her legs crumpled when she hit the ground for the last time, assuming she’d been standing just then, at that moment. If I knew some of that, I might have some sense of where to start filling the gaps. So I dug into holes that already existed, and swept small voids into bigger ones. That’s when it hit me, the pattern. Someone had given us this assignment, and then nothing. No pressure to finish the report. None. Mun had showed up out of nowhere, then disappeared again. No more contact. The special section had paid us two visits, and then they were off our backs. Not even a phone call. Gears were turning somewhere and then getting stuck. Not my business why, and as far as I could see, Pak didn’t think it was his business, either.
To my surprise, it didn’t turn out to be such a bad way to spend the end of the old year and the first weeks of the new one, poking around files, gathering odd facts, staring into the blank spots in the dead woman’s life. There wasn’t much else to do, and I wasn’t in the mood to do nothing. The folder I was supposed to be assembling was still on the thin side, and I was wondering how to make it appear fatter one morning when Pak walked in and dropped some orders on my desk. Normally, he says something when he gives me a set of orders. This time, he walked out again without saying a word. Not happy, I thought as I tore open the envelope.
I read the paper three times before the thought formed clearly in my mind: crazy. I was to go to Beijing to meet Jen? at the airport and escort him back to Pyongyang. It was beyond comprehension, given the thinly veiled—nearly naked, actually—threats from the Man with Three Fingers about how we shouldn’t have let Jen? out of the country to begin with. The man had barely got out, and now I was supposed to fetch him back? I walked over to Pak’s office and stuck my head in.
“Just do it.” He said without looking up. “Don’t ask me what is going on. I don’t have a clue.”
4

At the Beijing airport, Jen? smiled and followed me onto the plane. Considering the run-in we’d had in Pak’s office with the special section, the man seemed unnaturally calm, even for him. There wasn’t a drop of tension evident in his bearing, no cloud of concern on his brow, no spark of apprehension in his eyes. Someone watching us—and for sure there was someone watching us—would have thought I was more nervous than he was. Neither of us spoke for a while after takeoff. Finally, he looked out the window as the plane banked and the view opened up in a break in the clouds. “More snow than before, a lot more. January must be a bad month here, and it’s not even half over.” He pointed and his finger tapped the oblong window. “See that?” I leaned over his shoulder. “That’s the plane’s shadow playing across the ground. The snow is an odd color, isn’t it? Looks like butterscotch pudding spilled from the hills.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said and moved back in my seat. “To me, it looks like pumpkin porridge dripping from the rim of a pot.” No one made pumpkin porridge like that anymore. My grandfather made it in the autumn, from pumpkins we gathered off the vines that grew on the fence behind his house. He said he learned to make porridge from his father, and that I should learn it from him. After I moved to Pyongyang, I couldn’t get pumpkins. Or when I did, I couldn’t find the time.
“Sounds delicious, pumpkin porridge. Can you make it?” Just then the pitch of the engines changed. Jen? glanced around nervously, straining to hear what might come next. The engines dropped back to normal, and he relaxed. “I am very sensitive to sound, Inspector. Some people respond to visual cues. I am hypersensitive to sounds of all types.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“The people behind us, incidentally, are Israeli.” This he said in Korean, accented, but perfectly understandable. In fact, too good; it was as if the sound were coming from a machine. It nearly knocked me off my seat.

“You speak Korean? Why didn’t you let on before?” I had meant that to come out as complimentary, but the annoyance was quicker on its feet.
“Surprised? Your language isn’t so difficult, no worse than Hungarian. Besides, they’re related. Come to think of it, maybe we’re related. Wouldn’t that be something? Ancient brothers from tribes that wandered apart in the misty past.”
“I don’t think so. I don’t like paprika.”
The trolley with drinks stopped beside us. The stewardess looked down at me. Why don’t these good-looking girls work in my office, even near my office? I thought. Why are they confined to this ancient Russian tube ten thousand meters above the earth? Jen? nudged my arm. “Don’t pant. Just tell her what you want.”
“Nothing.” I nodded to the stewardess. “Nothing for me. Perhaps our guest would like something, though. Go ahead, ask him in Korean. Or Hungarian. No, wait, try Hebrew.”
“You really shouldn’t refuse me, Inspector,” the girl tossed her head back, just a little, just enough to notice, then she smiled at the foreigner. “Drink?” she asked in English.
He took a cup of tea; the trolley moved on. I looked around the cabin and then settled back. I closed my eyes, pretending I was somewhere pleasant. An elbow nudged me.
“I’d rather not be poked,” I said. “Please, don’t poke me like that, I don’t care whether we are tribesmen or not.”
He paid no attention. “You might get up and stroll into the first class cabin. There are some interesting passengers beyond the curtain. You’ll find three more, just like that group behind us. Say ‘shalom’ to them and watch their eyes pop out.” I didn’t move. “Go ahead, have some fun, what can it hurt?” He poked me. “Eh?”
I sat up. All of a sudden, existence was awash in Israelis. A few weeks ago, I’d never met one in my life. Now they had me surrounded on, of all places, an airplane. I wondered if they were planning to hijack the plane. These were the people who had carried off Entebbe. They were larger than life, tougher than nails. I didn’t like traveling by air in the first place; I hadn’t wanted to go on this assignment to Beijing; and now I was being poked relentlessly, surrounded by a commando flying squad. “I’m not going up to first class,” I said. “I never walk on an airplane when it’s aloft. It’s not right. Movement could disturb the balance, or the trim—whatever it is.”
“You don’t go to the toilet?”
“I make it a point to take short flights.”
“How about standing? Can you at least stand?”
“Standing is possible, as long as it is done gently,” I said. I stood up carefully and looked back at the trio seated three rows behind us. Business suits, European, but slightly off. They were reading papers in an alphabet I’d never seen.
Jen? reached over and tugged at my jacket. “The papers are in Hebrew. They think no one can understand. Classified documents, I’ll bet.”
I sat down again. “You know these people, I take it. And the ones up front, too?”
“Not personally, I don’t know them.” His eyebrows went into the first few steps of a gavotte and then stopped, as if the orchestra had abruptly gone out for a smoke. “I heard them talking while we were in line at the check-in counter. They’re from the Foreign Ministry, apparently. Chatting away, making snide comments, convinced no one could possibly understand Hebrew. Can you believe it? What are they coming for, do you think?”
“How should I know? And if I were you, that would be the least of my concerns. You’re in enough trouble. The real question is not why they are on the airplane.” Actually, that was a real question, it just didn’t bear on my immediate problem. “The real question is, why are you coming back? And why the hell didn’t you let on before that you knew Korean? It would have saved me having to translate through frozen lips when we were in that hut in the mountains.” I shut my eyes again. There were two questions that loomed, and I had no doubt that if I ever found the answers, they would be intertwined. First, exactly what I asked him—why was he coming back? And second, which was my problem more than his—who approved the visa after the trouble we had keeping him safe from the special section last time? A normal person wouldn’t want to come back. A normal visa request after what had happened would have been turned down instantly. It would have provoked gales of laughter before being stamped: DENIED. This return trip wasn’t normal in any respect. It even went beyond abnormal. So where did that leave me, other than accompanying a foreigner on the wrong side of unfathomable?
Jen? unleashed the familiar smile. “No games, Inspector. I appreciate your coming to get me, but it was unnecessary. I don’t need an escort; no one is going to touch a hair on my head.” The pitch of the engines changed abruptly again, too abruptly for him, because he paled and gripped the armrest. Apparently, he hadn’t been at Entebbe.
“Don’t let it worry you,” I said. What happened to his hair would get sorted out after we landed. “Probably just some dirt in the fuel line. It usually clears.” I watched him pale a little more before poking his shoulder. “Look, would I be here if I thought there was any danger? Don’t worry. This plane is indestructible. If it hasn’t crashed by now, it never will—that’s what you have to keep telling yourself. Don’t pay so much attention to sounds. You have to train yourself not to hear things sometimes. Like the thudding of Cossack hoofs.”
“Very stoic.” His voice was a little strained; maybe he was low on those silk pills he took every morning, or whatever it was that kept his voice so damned smooth. He craned his neck to look out the window.
“Do you want to switch seats?” I said. “You’ll feel better if you don’t have to look at the earth. It confuses the horizon, makes you dizzy when we bank or go bump.”
“Not at all. I just hate landings. Do you mind if I shut my eyes and sweat for the next twenty minutes until we’re on the ground?”
“Suit yourself.” The landing gear made a loud thump, and the pilot pushed the plane into attack mode. I checked to make sure the wings were attached, and spent the rest of the way down wondering how big a crowd from the special section was already assembled on the tarmac.
5
The next morning, Pak sat at his desk and pulled his ear. “This is complicated. No, I’m wrong, it’s not complicated. That’s too simple. It’s unbelievable, completely unbelievable.” He shook his head. “I still don’t believe it. Tell me you are joking, Inspector.”

“I stick to facts, and the facts are these. The first group, in the front of the plane, didn’t know the second group was in the back, and vice versa. They come from separate parts of the Israeli government. They don’t communicate, very secretive; one hand doesn’t know what the other is doing, if you can believe that sort of thing happens.”
“So what are we supposed to do? Keep them apart? Bring them together? Put out name cards in the hotel dining room so they don’t get mixed up and share a table with each other?” Pak motioned for me to sit down, but I didn’t want to. If I sat, we’d start talking about things we shouldn’t be discussing. Inevitably, the subject of how bad things were in the countryside would come up, people moving without permits to find food, bodies on the side of the road, trains with old women riding on the roofs of the railway cars and falling off. We’d talk, one thing would lead to another, and we’d both be depressed for the rest of the day.
“I’m not going to worry about their seating arrangements,” I said. “Let whoever signed for them at the airport clean up the mess. We have one visitor to look after, and that’s enough for me.”
“Even one is too many. I don’t have the manpower for visitors of any stripe. I don’t have any manpower at all. You’re supposed to be putting together a file on that woman. It should have been ready a week ago. I haven’t even seen a draft, not a word.”
“I’m not the one who okayed the orders for me to fly to Beijing in the middle of everything.”
That was unfair; Pak hadn’t wanted me to go. “People do write on airplanes, you know, Inspector. They have those little trays that come down. I’ve seen them.”
“I thought you didn’t like to fly.” I started edging toward the door.
“I don’t. I had to board a plane at Sunan once to search for something.” He turned the memory over in his mind. “Never found it.”
“Maybe some people can write on airplanes; not me. I can’t even think on a plane. Something about the noise and that sense of being disconnected from the earth. I’m not one of those people who likes to hurtle through the air.”
“You sleep?”
“Sleep? Don’t be crazy. I concentrate.” Pak looked dubious. “The engines need a lot of attention. Sometimes I concentrate on the wings, but mostly the engines. At that height, you don’t take anything for granted. There’s no way I could work on finishing up the file. Besides, the stewardesses are always interrupting, going up and down the aisle.”
“Brushing against you, I suppose. You got an aisle seat, naturally.”
“They’re assigned.” Pak’s face indicated he was dubious. “I could keep better control of him from the aisle seat.” Pak remained silent. “Okay, yes, the stewardesses are friendly girls.”
“I leave such things to you, Inspector. Now, when do I get that report?”
“After someone tells me what to do with our visitor.”
“He stays with you. That’s why you were sent to get him.”
“Did you know that no one from the special section was around to meet us at the airport? They weren’t even lurking in the shadows. The dogs have been called off. Even the immigration people didn’t blink twice when he came through. Don’t tell me they hadn’t been alerted.”
“Apparently not.”
“So you are going to try to convince me that this is all normal?”
“No. I don’t know what normal is anymore. Do you?”
Discussions about normality were out of bounds as far as I was concerned. I didn’t care about normality right now. My priority was to get rid of this foreigner. I needed to hand him off to some other section and then get out of the way before they knew what hit them. For that, I needed some facts, not the least of which was who had approved the reentry visa. I didn’t care if Pak wouldn’t always tell me what was going on, as long as he knew. But in this case, he didn’t know. The news about the two Israeli delegations had surprised him. If Pak was surprised, it meant we didn’t know where we were going, how far away from the edge of the cliff we might be.
“By the way, our visitor has a long list of places he wants to go,” I said. “He gave it to me while we were waiting for the bags. Some of his requests are way over on the east coast. And I don’t mean places for sightseeing. He doesn’t care about Kangwon and snowy peaks. He’s interested in North Hamgyong. He asked if I knew anything about Hwadae county.” As soon as I heard myself say that, I knew where the edge of the cliff was.

“Really?” Pak also sensed a cliff. “How interesting. Is there anything else we can get for him? Caviar, perhaps? A harem? Do you think he knows he has to pay double for a car this time of year, and that he can’t drive himself anymore? A driver will cost more than the car. Assuming I can even get him a car. Assuming, of course, I can get him a driver from somewhere for a car that probably doesn’t exist. Believe me, he’s absolutely not getting our last and only duty driver, not if I can help it. And you can be sure he’s not going anywhere near Hwadae county.”
For some reason, I decided to ask a completely pointless question. “Something going on up there?” Of course something was going on, why else would anyone want to go to North Hamgyong, especially in January?
“Nothing either of us needs to know about.”
“But he does?” Another pointless question, but one that, I had no doubt, would eventually need an answer.
“I’m not going to start guessing about his agenda,” Pak said, “and neither should you. Don’t let me hear that you’ve started checking around, either. Stay away from the subject. Our visitor isn’t getting out of the city, not unless he can pay off a lot of people. I don’t care who he has behind him.” He stopped. That was all he wanted to say about what or who we couldn’t see. “At the moment, the man is not a police matter. We are assigned to wipe his nose if he sneezes, that’s all. Anyway, the roads are piled with snow and no one is around to clear them these days, which for a change is a blessing. If he asks again, tell him about the bad road conditions.”
“None of that will worry him. He can pay off whoever he needs for permission and still have enough left to pay his own road crew. He has plenty of money, a wad of dollars. I saw it, and I don’t think he declared it all when he came through customs.”
“How much has he offered you?’
“Nothing. I think he’s waiting for me to ask.”
“So ask.”
“Maybe later, not yet. I still have some dignity left.”
“That’s good. Dignity is good. See how much rice your dignity will get you.”
I kicked myself for standing around and talking. The conversation had just lurched onto the subject I most wanted to avoid. Pak frowned. “You know, this morning I ran across an old friend in the Ministry, someone who has been stuck in the mountains in Yanggang for the past year. He looks like a skeleton.”
“That bad?” I could sense huge cloudbanks of depression looming over us.
“It’s worse than bad.”
“Construction unit?”
“Not anymore. The unit was so depleted they had to disband it. Everyone was out looking for food. He told me that the countryside …” Pak shook his head again. “It’s bad. Very bad.”
I sat down. We were in the thick of it; there was no sense trying to avoid the subject anymore. “Are you alright? I mean, the family?” Pak had a young son. His wife was sick, and his mother was getting weaker by the day.
Pak stared out his window. The view was enough to depress anybody, especially in the middle of winter. “Two meals a day, very healthy. Isn’t that what they say on the radio? If two is healthy, what do we call one meal a day? Or does hot water count as nourishment now?”
“I hear that the radio doesn’t operate in the provinces most of the time. Not enough fuel for the generators. Not enough technicians left to fix the transmitters that still have fuel.”
“Careful what you repeat, Inspector,” Pak said quietly. Then even more quietly, “Most of the time, neither do the trains. Almost nothing moves out there these days.”
“And?” The situation in the countryside was not a secret; the local security offices had stopped trying to prevent the stories from circulating. One Ministry officer who was in town to plead for backup support told me it was like trying to blot out the sun with a rat’s turd. When I told him to come up with a better image, he grinned quickly. “It’s a joke, Inspector. We’ve eaten all the rats. There aren’t any rat turds left.”
“And?” I repeated the question.
“And, and we do what we do,” Pak said. His voice was back to normal. “That’s all there is to it. A couple of the other districts in Pyongyang are running short on people; some of the shifts have been lengthened.” I’d heard officers were disappearing for days at a time without notice, looking for food, sick from the cold, but there was no use mentioning it. Pak cleared his throat and looked away. “You going or staying?” He didn’t want to ask because he didn’t want to make me answer. Just posing the question was an admission of where things stood.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
He nodded slowly. I didn’t say anything else, and neither did he. In the silence, there was no doubt we were both thinking the same thing. I knew better than to mention it, but I kept wondering. Suddenly, I realized Pak was looking at me in horror, because I had just said it out loud.
“Is he going to make it?” The words hung in the cold air. In summer they might have vanished quickly, but in the cold they lingered, fed on each other, grew like a wave that swells until it swallows the sky.
Or maybe I didn’t really say the words; maybe it was just that my lips moved. “Is he going to make it?” Even if it’s just your lips moving over that question, it booms around the room. Loud enough to rattle the windows, and paint itself on the walls so that anyone who comes in a week later will see it.
He. Him.
With a slight lifting of the eyebrows, say “him”—no one had any doubt that you meant the new leader, still mourning his father as the rest of us drifted. We all knew that we were drifting, and we knew where. A nation of shriveled leaves floating on a doomed river toward the falls. A winter of endless sorrow.
The horror on Pak’s face dissolved again into weariness. I knew his body was soaked in fatigue, functioning on momentum, getting up each morning with regret that morning had come at all, not knowing why each new day arrived, unbidden. Each night he fell asleep while he posted the signs on the four corners of the darkness, “Tomorrow is canceled, please, no more. No more.” But dawn ignored the pleas, dawn brought nothing, no hope, no light, nothing but a selfish insistence that it would inflict itself, empty-handed, the burden of new hours grinding down even the strongest until they imagined death itself had abandoned them, taking friends and family but leaving them.
I lived alone, but loneliness was no burden, not like people sometimes imagined. It was a matter of indifference to me if a new day came. Dawn brought nothing, but I didn’t care. If the new light of day had ever meant anything, I had forgotten what it was.
“How is your mother?” I asked Pak. Once, that was a simple question, a question from normal times, when the answer was normal, in a normal conversation. It wasn’t simple now, but if I didn’t ask it, it would mean there was nothing left for us to hold from before. It used to be a simple question because the answer was simple. No more.
Now, Pak might tell me to mind my business. If he was as weary as he looked at this moment, he might simply walk out the door, down the stairs, and never come back. I waited, and the waiting spoke to how far from normal we had drifted. He sat and didn’t answer, not with words, not with a gesture, not with his posture. That void told me what he didn’t have the will to say. No, he wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave, though there were people we both knew who had done that, leaving family, leaving everything, walking into the cold and disappearing. A query would come down from the Ministry once a month—“Where is so-and-so? Anyone with information about so-and-so should report immediately to the chief of personnel,” which was almost funny because the chief of personnel had disappeared. Someone had been assigned his job but not given the title lest that person disappear, too, and the job have to be filled again.
“She rarely eats.” If he was going to stay, he had to speak. He knew it. He had to talk to other people and read his files and draw one breath after another. “She says her food should go for the boy. We’ve argued until I can’t say the words anymore.”
“I have more than I can use.”
“No, Inspector, you don’t. I need you healthy.”
“Just let me know.” He nodded. That meant the subject was closed, and it was time to move things back to business. If you had to breathe, you might as well get back to business. “That background report may be delayed a little more,” I said. “Some of the people I have to interview in order to finish it aren’t around.”
There it was again. I didn’t say where they had gone. I didn’t have to. Pak knew what I meant. I could see in his eyes what he was thinking. He was imagining what he would never do, being one of the gone. Leaving everything, avoiding tomorrow.
6
After a session like that with Pak, I wasn’t going to my office and stare at the walls. A long walk would do me good. If it got cold enough as the sun went down, it would drive everything from my mind. I could get back to the office after dark, finish a little paperwork, and then go home.
“Don’t take my car,” Pak said. “I need it later to get to some meetings. Take the duty vehicle. It’s back from repair, guaranteed to start. Just in case, don’t go too far.”
The Potong River wasn’t too far, and I liked walking there. By then, there wasn’t much left of the afternoon. It turned to dusk, but dusk didn’t hang around; nothing wanted to linger at this time of year. That was why I didn’t see her coming.
“Hello, Inspector.”
“Hello, yourself.” There wasn’t much else to say. She was the last person I expected to run across. Then it occurred to me, maybe it was fate. Why not? I was due for some fate. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Is that so?”
“I’ve been wondering, what if I want a transfer?”
“Something wrong between you and Pak? You finally exhausted his patience? The man has a reservoir of patience deeper than the ocean, but you have drained it.”
“No, Pak is fine, still putting up with me. I’m just thinking ahead. A whole career in Pyongyang, it might not look so good when it comes time for my promotion.”
“If either of us lives that long. Face it, you’re not ever going to be promoted, O. Besides, when did you start craving advancement? ‘Don’t make the offer,’ you said the last time the subject came up. ‘I won’t take it. I’m fine where I am.’”
She was a woman I’d met in the army; “an old friend” is how I described her to people when they asked. A few years ago, she had been made a deputy in the Ministry’s personnel section. It was her chief who had disappeared. The whole section had been put on report for not predicting that the boss was going to defect. No one knew for sure if he had defected, but he was gone, and it was pretty clear he wasn’t on vacation in Cuba.
With the day finished, the temperature was looking for a place to spend the night. It would be good if we could go to her office to talk. As head of the section, she’d likely have some heat. If anyone had heat, she would. No one wanted the acting chief of personnel in a bad mood, whether she was on report or not. Little presents came her way, small bags of rice, pieces of fruit. She also had a lot of people slithering under her door in hopes of getting a good assignment. I wasn’t one of them. Once, we had been very close, but things had changed. I had forgotten why.
“Well, then,” I said, “let’s just pretend. If I was going to get promoted, wouldn’t I need to serve outside of Pyongyang?”
“What is this about? I don’t have time for games, O, not these days. They’re crawling up our backsides, trying to figure out where he went.”
“I assume that’s the one place he isn’t.” I smiled in the dark; she looked at me with ice in her eyes. Even in the blackness, I could see that. That look, it started to jar loose in my memory what had gone wrong. “Let’s just say I wanted the toughest, most undesirable post you could find. Let’s say I got headquarters really mad at me, and they decided it was time to exile Inspector O to teach him a lesson. Where would they send me?”
“You don’t want to go to North Hamgyong, and I’m not sending you. It’s suicide these days. You never struck me as suicidal. Obtuse and heartless maybe, but not suicidal. This isn’t about postings. What is it?”
“I need your help.”
“You need my help, you bastard?” She laughed, the way an axe laughs at a piece of kindling. “After all this time, you knock on my door and say you need my help? How, specifically?”
“Hwadae county.” Might as well get straight to the point. Romancing her up to the question clearly wasn’t going to work.
“Are you crazy?” She considered. “No, you’re not crazy, you scheming bastard. I’ll tell you what I should do. I should put you in the coldest, deadliest, sickest, hungriest place I can find. I should make you a mine guard, a camp guard.” She took a deep breath. “I might still do that, don’t push your luck. But I won’t send you to Hwadae.”

“I don’t want to be assigned there. I need to know what’s going on.”
“Of course you do. Every crummy sector cop in the capital needs to know what is happening in an isolated, out-of-bounds county on the east coast.” She snorted, which was never her best noise. “Don’t ask me. It’s military, and they keep us out. That’s all I know, and if I knew anything else, you’re the last person in the world I would tell.” She was lying, very openly, which was the only way she could tell me what I wanted to know. Amazing! As angry as she seemed to be after all of these years, she was willing to help. Maybe she still liked me. Not bad, having a chief in the personnel section, even an acting chief, with the hots for you. It was more than I had a right to ask; but it was exactly what I needed.
“There’s a visitor who wants to go there,” I said and put my step in cadence with hers. “Body rhyming,” we used to call it when we went for walks. That popped into my memory from somewhere. I shut the door in a hurry. “Should I take him?”
“You couldn’t get him past the first barrier. He’d need special orders. So would you, incidentally. A Ministry ID doesn’t go as far as it used to.”
“He’s an Israeli.”
I could tell that stunned her. She took a half step out of rhythm and then stopped abruptly. “Well, well, well. He’ll have some interesting company if he gets in there.” No reason she should know about a visitor under our protection, but still, it surprised me that she didn’t. I would have thought the news had gone up and down the corridors by now.
“Interesting company?” I thought my voice had just the right lilt of disinterest. “Like who?”
“Maybe Pakistanis. Maybe Iranians. Maybe Bolivians.”
“Bolivians?” It was hard to sound uninterested.
“Why not? If I were from Bolivia, I’d want missiles to protect me against Venezuela.”
“Venezuela isn’t near Bolivia.”
“My mistake.” She walked away, down the path to a waiting car. Her engine probably got maintained pretty regularly.
7
I didn’t go back to the office as I’d planned. I needed to walk a little more in the dark, maybe head to the Koryo and let my thoughts fall into some sort of order. I made a mental list. The Man with Three Fingers, the general’s dead daughter, a Swiss-Hungarian-Jew with a wad of dollars, and now, to top it all off, two Israeli delegations falling over each other. None of them had anything to do with Bolivia, but I’d bet they were all linked. Timing had everything to do with it. Pak hated it when I fell back on timing to explain a hunch. I never much liked it, either. The only thing I liked less than timing as an explanation was coincidence, cosmic or not. Even if I could accept coincidence now and then, there was no way that could cover two Israeli delegations. I thought about this for a while—whether timing meant something or whether it meant nothing—and then I realized I was completely alone. No one else was on the path; there was barely anyone around. It wasn’t that late; there should be at least a few people still outside, hurrying home. The city had become eerie, much too quiet. There was no pulse left, no spark. The stores were empty, the streets were deserted. The whole way over to the Koryo, I kept wondering where the hole was that had swallowed the population. By the time I got to the hotel, I was practically frozen.
Once my fingers thawed, I found a phone and called up to Jen??s room. “I made it here, barely. Meet me in the coffee shop. I’ll be the one pouring hot water over his head.”
I was the only customer, so I picked the warmest-looking table and sat down.
Jen? showed up a few minutes later. He didn’t even say hello. “How did the first group react when it found out about the other one?” It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke. The two Israeli delegations were staying in the hotel, but apparently he was steering clear.
“I haven’t talked to them.”
“You must have seen a report.”
“Let’s just say one of them spit bullets and the other two laughed until they cried.”

Jen? leaned back and smiled, content. It seemed a good time to break the news to him.
“All your requests for meetings have been denied,” I said matter-offactly. We weren’t on a beach. We were both wearing our overcoats. The coffee had gone cold almost immediately, not that it mattered. “All denied but one. You can go to the Trade Ministry tomorrow morning, assuming there’s someone around to meet you. It’s only a five-minute car ride from here. Other than that, you’re allowed to wander around within the four walls of this building. You can look closely at the hotel lobby. When you get tired of that, you have permission to stare at the television in your room. As a fallback, go up and down in the elevator a few times.”
“I protest.”
“Then look out the window if you’d rather. I think you can see the train yard, or at least the tracks. I doubt you’ll see a train.”
“I mean about the appointments. I didn’t risk that plane ride just to sit around this depressing hotel.”
“Oh, really. You don’t like the Koryo? It’s not bad, once you get used to it. Besides, no one twisted your arm to come back. Why did you? We had a hell of a time getting you out safely the first time. You must realize by now that there are people who would like to get their hands on you. I’m still wondering how you got another visa.”
“You don’t know?”
“My Ministry doesn’t issue visas. If we did, you wouldn’t have one.”
“I have money, Inspector. Your government is in rather desperate need. Tab A, slot B, so to speak.”
“Well, your tabs don’t seem equally compelling to everyone, as far I can tell. Your requests for meetings are denied. I’m supposed to make sure nothing happens to you, and the best way to do that is to keep you here.”
“I see. Perhaps you are the one who has denied my requests?” The man looked off into space; his eyebrows twitched thoughtfully. “It really doesn’t matter where I have my meetings, you know. People can come here. It’s warm, relatively speaking. We can sit and talk, drink tea, have something to eat.” He put his hand on my shoulder and his eyes lit up. “Brilliant idea, Inspector, brilliant. I should have thought of it myself. If I can’t go to them, they’ll be happy to come to me, right?”
“When do your friends leave?”

“Those two delegations? They aren’t my friends. We have different goals, very different. I want to make money. They think I cooperate too much with people who should be stepped on.”
“They think we should be stepped on?”
“They did think that before, but now they seem to have changed their minds. That’s why they’re coming by the planeload to see your officials.”
“And what changed their minds?”
He shrugged and then smiled. It was one of those charming smiles that put my hackles on red alert. “That isn’t something I would know, now is it? I just want to make some money.”
I relaxed a little, it was so ridiculous. “Are you kidding? Money? Here?”
“Sure, why not? You have workers; they know how to obey orders. They’re educated and can be trained. I’ve heard from others who have set up shop here that there are ways of making things work. If you had roads and electricity, I could be the richest man on earth.” He paused. “But I can make do with a lot less. What sense is there in being the richest man on earth? A lot of unhappiness is all it brings. You ever hear of King Midas?”
“I slept through the English history classes.”
He smiled. “Only one thing I need.”
“Sorry, I already told you, your requests for meetings have been denied.”
“I heard.” He put a hundred-dollar bill on the table, stood up, and walked past the girl at the front counter without paying.
8
The next morning, we met in the lobby. It was so cold the staff all wore overcoats with the collars up and, if they had them, scarves. “Someone from the party will see you at ten o’clock,” I said after we shook hands.
“What about the Trade Ministry?”
“It was decided you don’t require anyone from the ministries. The party will do fine for your needs.”

“And what are my needs?
“That is what you’ll explain this morning when you meet someone from the party.”
“I suppose this means you are no longer assigned to look after me. So, good-bye, Inspector, thank you for your help.”
As we shook hands again, his eyes widened slightly when he felt the bill in my palm.
“You accidentally left something on the table yesterday,” I said.
His hand went into his pocket. “It’s not polite to refuse a present from a visitor. Every culture has that as a basic rule.”
“Perhaps, but I heard somewhere to beware of Greeks bearing gifts. We don’t see many Greeks,” I said, “so I assumed that went for the Swiss as well.”
He smiled, not the charming one.
“Maybe even Pakistanis.” It didn’t mean anything, or maybe it did. Pakistan was on my mind. Not on my mind, exactly, but just below the surface. Ever since my old friend the acting personnel chief had let me know that someone from Pakistan had gone to Hwadae county, I’d heard a rustling in my subconscious, something stirring, a Siberian wind blowing dead leaves along the frozen ground. Hwadae county was off-limits; we were supposed to report anyone overheard saying anything about the place. It was supposed to be a big secret that things to do with missiles went on up there, but plenty of people had relatives, who had friends, who knew former army buddies who drank too much and said something they weren’t supposed to when their heads were lolling and their tongues were loose. If someone from Pakistan had gone to Hwadae, then it wasn’t so far-fetched that the special section might have an unusual interest in what happened to a certain Korean woman who died in Pakistan—and something kept telling me that my first wild hunch had been completely right, it had been Pakistan. In the great wide world somewhere else, that might be a stretch. Not here, not in my little corner of reality.
Jen? didn’t say anything when I mentioned Pakistanis, but the half-smile normally on his lips vanished into the cold. In that instant, he told me just what I needed to know. I left before his eyebrows slow-danced back into place.
9
After I left Jen?, I sat in the duty vehicle for a few minutes with the engine running and the heater on. Now I was pretty sure she worked at the embassy in Pakistan, or at least found access to a phone there. It was still officially a hunch, but it had become one of those hunches that don’t want to get crowded out by other possibilities. Yes, if Pak wanted to argue I’d have to admit it might have been somewhere else; I couldn’t prove she’d been in Islamabad. Actually, I wasn’t even supposed to prove it; I wasn’t supposed to worry about it. It wasn’t the sort of fact the broom was supposed to sweep. If the Man with Three Fingers hadn’t turned up and sneered, I might have dropped the whole thing, but I didn’t want to leave another body lying around my conscience.
The problem was, where to go next? Her husband had an assignment, but doing what? For whom? Her father said she’d complained he was going to get her into trouble. If she was just a wife, how could he get her into trouble with the locals? It wasn’t beyond possibility that she had an assignment, too. And if she’d had an assignment, maybe it was connected with why she turned up dead. In that case, there was only one place to begin checking—the Foreign Ministry. It wasn’t somewhere I liked to go, but they usually had hot water for tea.
Outside it was frigid but clear, so I decided to leave the car at the hotel and walk. The less I had to drive on slick streets, the better I liked it. There were a few other people out walking, and even a couple of old trucks on the road. I watched them go by, which may be why I didn’t notice that the sidewalk down the hill hadn’t been cleared. Just as my feet left the ground, an army jeep coming up the hill spun its wheels and slid sideways into a nearby snowdrift. The driver climbed out and looked around. He spotted me on the ground.
“You! Give me a hand.” It was an officer, a colonel. Just like I remembered from the army, a colonel always shows up when you least need him. When I didn’t move, he bristled. “I said give me a hand. I haven’t got all day.”
Inquiring why he didn’t have a driver didn’t seem like a good idea, certainly not while I was on my back. I stood up slowly, careful not to slip again. “I’m on duty, Colonel, and on assignment.” It was an assignment I’d given myself, but what the hell. “I’ll give you a push, and maybe you can drive me where I need to go. It isn’t far.”
That bargain didn’t seem to go down. “You think you can refuse a direct order from an officer of the People’s Army these days? I can have you arrested. I can even have you shot. I can do it myself, if I’ve a mind.”
“You want help on your jeep or don’t you?” My feet were getting cold, and my back was sore. If I didn’t get somewhere warmer soon, it would stiffen up and I would be hunched over until spring. I wasn’t about to stand and argue for a whole afternoon, even a short one in January, with a colonel who didn’t rate a driver. He might have me shot, but he didn’t look the type to do it himself, certainly not here. There was more and more talk that the army had made a grab for extra status, but that still didn’t dictate executing police in broad daylight with no one else in sight. Make sense, you strutting bastard, I thought to myself. Why shoot a monkey to scare the chickens if there are no chickens around to see you do it? Or was it the other way around?
The drive to the Foreign Ministry took less than two minutes. We roared up to the front steps so quickly it startled the sentry, who unfastened the holster at his hip and reached for his pistol. I was barely out of the jeep when the colonel backed into the street at high speed and slid into the square before he regained control, hurrying off in a spray of ice and snow.
The guard had seen me before. He didn’t want to move again because if he did, it would disturb the warmth of the posture he had settled into. He flicked his eyes to the door. I went in and up the stairs to the liaison office. I didn’t knock.
“Inspector!” The liaison officer had a small electric heater on. That was illegal, but warm. He nodded for me to come over and share the heat. “Is this a pleasant surprise, or have you arrested someone who is going to cause us trouble of a diplomatic sort?”
“I’m on heater patrol.”
“Well, you came to the right place.” The lights flickered once, then went out. So did the heater. “Funny,” he said, “the other day on the radio they announced that the electricity workers had overfulfilled this month’s quota.”

“Perhaps they were rewarded with today off.”
We stood around in the dark, wondering how long it would last this time. Sometimes it was only a few seconds; sometimes it was longer. A few people kept candles in their desks. Apparently, he wasn’t one of those. “Don’t move, Inspector,” he said very softly. “If you move, you’ll dissipate the warm air. Just stand still and let it waft slowly up to the ceiling. If we’re lucky, Mr. Shin downstairs will do the same, and his heat will be arriving through the floor just as ours goes up to Miss Ban. Imagine the heat going up her legs, will you?”
“I’ll do no such thing.” I thought about it for a moment, and as I did, the lights went back on. “There, back from vacation. They probably just went out to read the paper. I need a favor—only you owe me, so it really isn’t a favor. It’s more like payment.”
He rubbed his face with both hands, as if he were washing something away, maybe the memory of the last time I had twisted his arm behind his back to give me information. “Very well, though I don’t recall your doing anything for me lately.”
“Are you going to make me pull your cousin’s file again? Selling copper from downed electric lines is still a capital crime.”
“What is it I can do for you, Inspector?”
“I need a few facts, that’s all.”
He was impassive. Finally, he stirred. “If I can.”
Just then the lights flickered again, but this time the heater stayed on. “It’s the wiring,” he said. “The heater draws too much power. You know what they say about this ministry—more heat than light. I’ll have to jiggle something.”
Maybe people said that about every ministry. “Forget the wires and the cute slogans. I need a woman.”
The liaison man looked up, presumably to where Miss Ban sat. “You’ll have to get in line, Inspector.”
“No, I need information on a woman, a particular woman. She worked in the embassy in Pakistan until recently. Or possibly her husband did. One of them did, anyway. Before that she was in New York.” Admittedly, I still didn’t know for sure she had even been in Pakistan, but I felt as sure as I could be based on nothing more than a hunch. What I needed was a piece of paper that had it down in black and white. It did no harm to offer up what I thought I knew. If I was wrong, this man would be happy to say so. If I was wrong, I wanted him to smirk and jump in to correct me before he had a chance to realize that maybe it wasn’t something he was supposed to do. It was different with the old general. They were like two trees that reacted differently to the same breeze.
“She has a name, I assume.”
I wrote it down and pushed it over the desk. He looked, then blew out a puff of air. “A person of interest, apparently. Someone already came and took away her file.”
“You saw it before it disappeared?”
“I didn’t read it.”
“You looked at it; it happened to open as you were retrieving it, and you happened to see something?”
“Some files have clasps on them. This one didn’t.”
I nodded. “What about the husband?”
“That will take me a while. It’s hard to search files when the lights go on and off.”
“Give me a call when you find something. If you don’t call, I’ll be back when you don’t expect me, and I might have some wire cutters with me next time.” He recoiled slightly. “Find a flashlight somewhere in this building. There’s enough light to see the files with that. Maybe Miss Ban can help.”
He looked up at the ceiling, but I couldn’t see his expression because the lights flickered again and then gave way to the dark. I saw myself out.
10
“Are you actually so at ease with yourself, Inspector? I wonder if you are; or is it that you are as completely empty as always, void of all feeling?” My old friend the acting chief of personnel sat in my office. She didn’t have the air of someone who had the hots for me. Her question might have been the start of a late-night argument, just like old times, but it was only noon. It should have been a warning when she called and said she needed to come over. So why did I ignore the warning, the ominous tingle in my spine? Maybe I was distracted by the glare of the sun off the snow on the street outside my window. If I had been wearing my sunglasses, the glare wouldn’t have bothered me. If I’d had on my sunglasses when she walked in and sat down, I could have looked directly in her face and she couldn’t have seen into my soul, where I was surprised to discover she still lurked. I would have had time to stop myself, to keep my mouth shut. “Me? Ill at ease?” I turned and did the only thing I could. I laughed.
She smiled, and I suddenly remembered she had several. One of them was real, pure starlight and moonbeams. This wasn’t it. “Happy to see me again so soon?” She could keep her tone eerily even, the same calm surface that killer sharks love to cruise beneath. She did it before she ripped you apart, tore huge chunks out of your existence before you had time to shout for help. Even now, when her tone was so deadly flat, her face was round and her cheeks dimpled. The smile might be unreal, but the dimples weren’t. The dimples killed me. They were mantraps.
All the conversations we’d ever had came back at me. On our walk the other day, I only remembered a few things, snatches of emotions. Now, with her sitting so close, everything was accessible. I frantically rewound all the tapes in my head, trying to remember with precision, to wade through the flood of memory onto something solid, to someplace where I couldn’t see her dimples. She didn’t help; she just sat and looked into my eyes. Walking beside the river, putting our steps in rhyme, I didn’t really have to look at her. Anyway, she had been all business. Mostly all business. But now she was across from me, looking into my eyes. She read everything. Nothing escaped her. That was always the problem. That’s probably why they put her in personnel.
There had been a time when I considered poking them out, my eyes, so she couldn’t read me. It was the only solution that I could think of short of killing myself, which I didn’t want to do at the time. Now this. First the Man with Three Fingers reappears, and now this. I should have done it; I should have poked my eyes out when I had the chance.
“No,” I said and should have left it at that, but with her, I couldn’t leave things. When she sat there, dimples and all, I was compelled. “I mean, yes, of course I’m happy to see you.” I hoped that was all my eyes were saying. “Yes and no.” I was talking too much. “No, I’m not empty. I just learned to let go.”
“Really? And where did you learn that? After all those years, where did you learn that?”
“Self-taught. Maybe it comes with age.” I stared at my hands. They seemed familiar, which was a relief. “You look good. It’s nice to see you again. So soon, I mean. Twice in so short a time.”
“You’re a liar. I could always tell when you lied to me, especially when you were talking to your hands.”
“You make it sound like it happened a lot.”
“It was constant, only you didn’t know it because you had no idea who you were then. And that’s putting it nicely.”
“And now?”
She stood up and moved closer, right next to me; I could feel myself filling and emptying again, like a minor star pulsing in a faraway corner of the universe.
“You just stopped.” She was barely whispering. “All of a sudden, you never got in touch. It was like you had died.”
“I was, sort of, dying. It was death, in a way.” I didn’t mean to whisper, too, but what else could I do? How can you talk normally when someone like her is leaning so close? “I thought about calling, but you know I don’t have a phone in my apartment. I didn’t know what to do.”
“Your office doesn’t have a phone?” She moved back and looked at my desk. I felt my face get hot. We used to talk a lot while I was at the office. I’d shut the door, and Pak didn’t interrupt. If he passed by when I was on the phone, he’d listen for just a moment and then walk away. He never mentioned it.
“Private calls.” My voice was returning little by little, but my face was still flushed, probably my ears, too. “They don’t want us to make private calls from the office. You know that, it’s in the handbook that your section puts out. Only official matters are supposed to take place on official phones. That’s the rule.” I sounded like the book of regulations that sat on the floor behind my chair. “Anyway, what we had to say to each other in those days was nobody else’s business.”

“So what was the other day?”
“That was official.”
She didn’t respond. Then came the question I hoped she wouldn’t ask. “How close were we?”
I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to say we had almost made it, almost crossed the bridge in one sweeping, final move. She wanted to hear that we could have done it. “Close,” I said.
A soft moan escaped her lips. Can a man dissolve? I looked away and considered how difficult and yet how useful it might be suddenly to become nothing more than smoke. When I looked back, she was at the door. She turned for a moment, long enough for one final word.
“Bastard.” It seemed to be her word for me these days. It wasn’t a word I liked her to say. I’d have to tell her that, if I ever saw her again.
I turned the word over in my mind a few times before I realized my phone was ringing. It was the liaison man from the Foreign Ministry. “Where have you been? I’ve tried calling and calling. We could meet for a couple of minutes, it might be interesting.”
“Hot air?”
“Enough. Miss Ban is making pleasurable sounds upstairs.”
“If the car starts, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“Otherwise?”
“Give my regards to Miss Ban.”
11
I drove out the front gate. An old lady and a small girl were on the sidewalk across the street. They walked alongside each other, their paces matched by the bow of time. For a while they held hands, then the child moved ahead, just a short burst of energy, a few steps alone, enough to make the case. She stopped and waited for the old lady to move up beside her. They started, paces matched again. Both looked ahead; the girl reached her hand up, the grandmother put her hand out. They walked like that for several steps, hands reaching for each other, not searching, sure that the space between them was nothing, that it was not permanent. Finally, one of them, you couldn’t tell which, moved the extra centimeter; maybe it was both, but I didn’t think so. They were joined and walked on—neither hurrying, neither lagging.
The car sat idling for another minute as I watched them. Which of them would not survive the winter? I hated the question. I despised myself for asking it.
One of the gate guards walked up and looked in the window. “Problem?”
“Nothing for you,” I said and turned into the street.