13
ALEX HAD BEEN PUTTING OFF clients for weeks. Now, with no fake day job to distract him, he could finally get down to business and take care of the people who could keep him afloat financially. The problem was, work was the last thing on his mind.
He’d been sitting at his desk all morning, trying like hell to concentrate and only occasionally succeeding. He seemed to be a much greater success at catching up on his e-mail, filing papers that could have waited to be filed, and eliminating every dust particle from the surface of his desk.
It didn’t help that he was working at home, and the TV was only a room away, beckoning with the promise of Seinfeld reruns and twenty-four-hour news. Not only that, but he’d made numerous trips to the kitchen, coming back to his desk with chips, a ham sandwich, a popsicle, too many cups of coffee and now an ill-thought-out bowl of cereal that had resulted in milk droplets on his keyboard.
At this rate, he wouldn’t be able to fit through his office door in another month, and his big fat lie of an investigation would be the least of his worries.
He finally decided that the only way he was going to get his mind off Yasmine was to give the whole issue some formal closure, so he opened his file on her and started typing notes on his conclusions about her case. There really wasn’t much to type. He’d explored every avenue investigating her, and there was no evidence that she’d engaged in any form of cyber crime—messing with the terrorists wasn’t really criminal—since her release from juvenile prison.
The only question left in his mind was, why did any of his former colleagues at the FBI think she was guilty of hacking? Likely because they were under pressure to produce some suspects in a world where the smart criminals were incredibly hard to catch. It was so easy to go incognito on the Internet, ten criminals got away for every one the FBI’s cyber crime unit caught.
Alex had learned to accept that frustration as part of the job, but not everyone could.
And then there was Ty Connelly. Alex’s subconscious kept circling back to him, wondering how he fit into the case. Ty had headed up the witch hunt against Yasmine. There was something about the whole situation that Alex was missing, some piece of the puzzle he couldn’t find.
He had to talk to Ty. He couldn’t put his finger on any one reason, but if nothing else, he’d turn over his notes on Yasmine’s case to the agent and let him see for himself how wrong he’d been about her. He picked up the phone and dialed the number to the FBI office that he still knew by heart, and a few minutes later he had an afternoon meeting set up at a restaurant that was midway between their two locations.
He drove to the meeting filled with a dull ache, both relieved and unnerved that he’d gotten nowhere with the case. When he reached the North Beach restaurant, he found Ty already waiting for him inside. They shook hands, exchanged greetings, then sat across from each other.
“I ordered you a cup of coffee. Hope that’s okay,” Ty said, nodding at the full cup on the table.
“Thanks, man.”
“So what’s been going on with you?”
Alex probably should have finessed the situation, engaged in a little small talk before going straight to business, but instead, he pushed the file on Yasmine across the table to Ty. “This is what’s been going on with me.”
Alex sipped the black coffee and then set the cup down as Ty scanned the notes.
Around them, the noise from the late lunch crowd in the restaurant created a comfortable din that ensured no one else was likely to hear their conversation, and the scents of coffee and unidentifiable foods filled the air. Instead of staring at Ty, who looked a little heavier than the last time he’d seen him, and a little more unkempt, Alex took note of the other customers in the restaurant. They were almost uniformly well-dressed, upwardly mobile pretty people.
“I thought you’d given this up, man,” Ty finally said when he finished reading.
Alex shrugged. “I gave up the job, but that doesn’t mean all my business was finished. I had this one loose end to tie up, and now I’m done.”
“That’s not the way it works, and you know it.”
“There’s an exception to every rule. I know this case better than anyone, and simply handing over my files incomplete would have been irresponsible.”
Ty flipped back to the photo of Yasmine on the first page and eyed it appreciatively, then shot Alex a look. “Is that really why you kept pursuing this case?”
“My reasons don’t matter. What matters is, I figured out Yasmine Talbot has had no recent contact with The Underground. I think it’s possible someone’s trying to frame her—could be someone within the FBI.”
He watched Ty’s reaction, looking for something—anything.
“Damn. That’s a serious accusation. Where’s your proof?” Ty said, appropriately skeptical.
“That’s the thing. There isn’t any solid proof, and I don’t know what anyone’s motive would be. It’s just a hunch, and I thought if I was going to take anything as shaky as a hunch to someone, it should be you.”
“Thanks for bringing this to me. I’ll look into it.” He tucked the papers into his briefcase. “How’s civilian life treating you?”
“It’s not bad. I don’t miss being an agent like I thought I would.”
And, he realized for the first time that it was true. He hadn’t missed a minute of the bureaucracy, the endless paperwork, the constant battle for staffing and funding.
“You got the right idea, man. The private sector is where it’s at. Let me know if you’re ever looking for a business partner.”
“You? Leave the Bureau?”
Ty sipped his coffee, then sighed. “What can I say? I’m getting tired of all the crap. You can’t serve twenty years without feeling a little burned out.”
“I hear you.”
“So you and this Yasmine chick—you finally hook up? Is that how you got your information?”
There was the question Alex had hoped like hell to avoid.
“I’m not going to lie. We were involved for a short while.”
“Now there’s an investigative method you can’t use when you carry an FBI badge. Yet another advantage of going civilian.”
Alex wanted to protest, but he’d asked for it. He’d behaved reprehensibly, and there was no point denying it.
“I can’t say I’ll let it happen again. It was a stupid thing to do.”
“Hey, man, I bet she’s one of the hottest little mistakes you’ll ever make.”
Alex looked out at the passing traffic, wishing he were anywhere but here bullshitting about the woman who confused him more than anything or anyone else. He didn’t like hearing Ty sum up their relationship the way he had.
“You ever hear from Kinsey?” Ronald Kinsey had been dismissed from the same field office as Alex two days after Alex’s resignation. Caught in the same fallout as Alex, he’d been accused of tampering with case evidence, among other lesser infractions.
“Not a word from him.”
Alex had wondered if Kinsey had been the one trying to pin guilt on Yasmine, but he’d probably never know now.
“Listen, it’s been good talking. I’ll look into this issue with Talbot. Thanks for bringing it to me.”
“You’ll let me know if you come up with anything?”
“As soon as I’m able to talk, I will. It’s the least I can do.”
Alex left the restaurant not exactly feeling the sense of closure he’d hoped to find, but at least he had some hope now that he had finally done the right thing. He sat in his car and waited for Ty to leave, then followed him from a few car lengths, curious to see where Ty would go next. He was relieved to see that his former colleague went straight to the office. And he realized as he sat in his car staring at the FBI building in which he’d once worked that this was truly the end.
Case closed. He’d be a lunatic to continue searching for clues that weren’t there, following hunches based on no solid facts.
He said a silent goodbye to his old life, pulled out into traffic and drove away.
ONLY TWO DAYS after Alex had left Virtual Active, Yasmine was having serious withdrawal symptoms. She had trouble sleeping, she’d been eating too much, and she couldn’t stop replaying their weekend together in her head.
Okay, sure, they shouldn’t see each other anymore, so technically, his leaving had been a good thing.
But tell that to her body. And her heart.
Her heart had decided, without consulting her brain, that Kyle was the man for her and that she was falling head over heels in love. For once she was pretty damn sure she’d found a guy who was attracted to her—all of her, and not just her appearance.
Not in the mood for exercise or explanations about why her office hottie had disappeared, Yasmine had tried every possible excuse to get out of going to Pilates class with Cass, but in the end she’d lost the argument.
Now, though, having spent the past few days with a growing sense of unease, she was just glad for Cass’s company. Another heavy-breathing phone call in the middle of the night two nights ago had set her nerves on edge. At first she’d thought Kyle was calling to have phone sex, but after a minute had passed and all she’d heard was breathing, she realized it definitely wasn’t Kyle. It was the same creep who’d been calling her all along.
And last night she’d watched a car pull up outside her apartment—the same white car she’d seen there before—then sit for hours without anyone getting out, as far as she could tell. She’d gotten another phone call, this one silent, and she couldn’t help wondering if it had come from the mystery car. She was probably just being paranoid.
She and Cass sat on their mats on the glossy wood floors of Studio Fitness and waited for the lithe, ridiculously flexible instructor named Noni to appear and lead them through a series of exercises that promised to leave Yasmine unable to take deep breaths without feeling it in her abs for several days.
“What is it with you and your opposition to exercise?”
“It’s not exercise I dislike so much as it is this form of exercise. I mean, all this damn rolling and crunching—it’s just not healthy,” Yasmine whispered.
“Look around you. Do these people not look healthy?”
“Please name one occasion where I’ll ever need to fold myself in half and touch my toes to the floor over my head.”
“That’s not the point, but I can think of interesting uses for that pose.”
Cass had been looking awfully smug this evening, and Yasmine had a feeling it was related to Drew, who’d seemed dreamy and distracted all week—and hadn’t wanted to say a word about his date with Cass.
Noni was in her place at the head of the class now, and they started their warm-up breathing, which always bored the hell out of Yasmine. She pretended to go along with the exercises while she whispered to Cass, “When are you going to give me the scoop on Drew?”
A mysterious half smile played on her lips. “That’s going to take a while. You’ll have to wait for dinner to hear the complete story.”
“Does that mean you like him?”
“Patience, my dear.”
Twenty minutes into the exercise routine, Yasmine was ready to sneak out and grab a doughnut, but Cass was all about the floor work. She may not be a stripper anymore, but she still acted as though she might have to bare her ass to a roomful of men at any given moment. Yasmine didn’t see the point of spending her whole life worrying about a few extra pounds here or there.
“Imagine your spine elongating as you reach up toward the sky,” Noni was saying, as Yasmine tried to decide if she was more in the mood for Thai food or Mexican.
Cass would never go for Mexican after a workout, and sure enough, another half hour later when they were dressing in the locker room, she scoffed at the very idea.
“We just worked out! We need to eat something light and healthy.”
“Thai is as light and healthy as I’m going to get. Want to try that place on the next block?”
“Okay, so long as you fill me in starting right now on what’s happening with you and the office hottie. It must be interesting because you look like you haven’t slept in days.”
At the mention of sleep, Yasmine suppressed a yawn. “I’m just not sleeping well. I’ve started feeling like someone’s watching me again.”
“Oh, sweetie. I swear that’s all just the residual effect of having been the object of an FBI investigation once in your life.”
“But maybe they’re investigating me again.” Maybe they’d picked up on her little foray into crashing the terrorist Web site and had decided to make some crazy example of her again.
Or maybe Cass was right.
“Haven’t you ever been in a crowded room and felt like someone was watching you, and when you looked around, you found out someone really was watching you?” Yasmine asked.
“Sure, but of course people would be watching me. I dress to impress. I think you just need to get your mind focused on something positive. Like giving me the scoop on your hot and heavy weekend, ASAP.”
“Well…” Where to start? “We spent one long, blissful weekend together.”
“And?”
“And lots of sex happened. Lots of talking happened. Some eating happened. More sex happened. It was fun.”
“You are so not getting away with the Reader’s Digest version.”
They stood in front of the mirror touching up their hair and makeup, and Cass gave her a look through the mirror that let her know she meant business.
“Okay, fine,” Yasmine said as she wrestled her hair into a new ponytail. “I’ll give you every boring detail if you want.”
“Just the important stuff.”
What was the important stuff? The question had barely formed in her head when she had an answer. A big, all-caps answer that she totally hadn’t wanted to admit to herself. She might have been able to lie to herself, but she couldn’t lie to her best friend.
“I know this is going to sound crazy,” Yasmine said, “but I’m totally falling for him.”
“Falling, as in, falling in love?”
Hearing the word spoken out loud gave her butterflies, but it certainly didn’t ring false. “I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I’m definitely falling into some heavy emotions with him.”
“You should write greeting cards. ‘I’m falling in heavy emotions with you.’”
“Don’t be a smart-ass.”
Cass had stopped applying her mascara and gave Yasmine an appraising glance. “Okay, I’ll admit that for you—the one who’s sworn off taking risks—to be confessing to heavy emotions already? It’s a big deal.”
“It’s scary.”
“I think it’s awesome.”
For Cass, who generally wasn’t prone to such enthusiastic exclamations, to make such a statement meant something was up. Yasmine would have wagered a bet that it had to do with her own feelings for Drew.
They left the fitness studio and headed toward the Thai restaurant, but Yasmine couldn’t wait anymore for the details. “So I told you mine. Now you tell me yours.”
Cass sighed. “You’re so impatient. I guess I can spill now that we’re away from prying ears. Drew and I have seen each other every day since Monday.”
“Wow, so you’re a thing, then?”
“I don’t really want us to be, but I don’t know. I mean, I’m starting to feel like I’m back in junior high school.”
“How so?”
“I’m afraid I have that whole giddy thing going on again. I could spend all day and all night with him and still not feel like telling him to go entertain himself.”
“What have you two been doing? Gazing into each other’s eyes?”
“Probably a similar schedule to yours and Kyle’s. Sex, talk, sex, eat, more sex, et cetera. The only reason I’m not seeing him tonight is he had to work late.”
“Oh, right,” Yasmine said, remembering the after-hours meeting she didn’t have to attend.
“The thing is, though, I dread getting involved again, and you know why.”
“I know you’re happy without a guy, and that’s great, but why can’t you be happy with a guy, too? What’s so bad about that?”
“Been there, done that, sweetie. Happy quickly leads to miserable.”
“Maybe all those other guys were just practice for the real thing.”
“Haven’t we already had this talk? I don’t want the real thing. I just want an occasional itch scratched, so why should I buy a whole tree when I can just go outside and rub up against any old branch anytime I want?”
Yasmine blinked at Cass’s wacked logic. “If you really just want sex, and that’s what makes you happy…then, I guess you’re right.”
“Thank you for understanding. Now the problem remains that I like Drew and don’t really want to get rid of him.”
“Told you you’d like him!”
“No need to be smug. He’s a sweet guy. I’d hate to break his heart.”
“You have to tell him what you’re looking for. Maybe he’d be okay with just being your, um, branch,” Yasmine said, looking left and right as they started to cross the street.
She was trying to sound supportive of Cass’s choices and all, but it struck her then how different she and her friend really were. Cass might have been totally happy living alone and without a partner, but Yasmine wanted the opposite. She’d been trying to live a life without close ties, without emotional entanglements, for fear of getting hurt, and it wasn’t working. Her weekend with Kyle had given her a taste of what she was missing.
“I guess you’re right. I’m just afraid of hurting his feelings. I never would have thought I’d go for a computer geek…. But the sex—oh mama, the sex is to die for.”
“That’s all the info I need, thanks.”
“I mean, the man eats p-ssy like it’s filet mignon—”
“Whoa there! Lalalalalalala—I don’t want to hear any more. I’ve got to work with Drew, and I’d like to remain friends with both of you.”
“Oh, you’re such a prude.”
“I just think certain facts about a relationship need to remain private. But regardless, maybe he’ll be happy to be at your service. You never know.”
They reached the restaurant, went inside and found a table as the Seat Yourself sign instructed.
Once they were seated, Cass leveled a look at Yasmine that made her want to slide under the table.
“What?” she hazarded to ask.
“We’ve been friends so long, I’m starting to sound like you with all these worries.”
“You don’t sound like me. You sound like a very confused woman.”
“Exactly. Your problem is, you’re afraid of everything, and I think you’re starting to rub off on me.”
“That’s crazy. What am I afraid of?”
“You might think you’re Miss Thing with your bad attitude and your rebel-without-a-cause posture, but you’re not fooling me.”
Yasmine’s lips parted, but no words came out. She wanted to argue with Cass, tell her how wrong she was, but deep down a little nagging voice said her friend might be right.
“What does this have to do with anything?”
“I’m the one with the irregular emotional wiring, not you. I’m the one who’s perfectly happy alone. You, on the other hand, are afraid that if you fall in love, you’ll be the one who gets hurt later. You’re afraid to put yourself out there.”
“So what’s wrong with not wanting to get hurt?”
“You’re not living! It’s like ever since you got out of that kiddy prison, you’ve decided to keep yourself locked up in a prison of your own making.”
Yasmine’s instincts went on alert. Cass had seen a part of Yasmine she’d been keeping so guarded, she hadn’t even remembered it existed. “That’s crazy.”
“My point exactly,” her friend said, nodding in triumph.
“No, I mean, it’s not true. I can’t believe you’d think that about me.” And Yasmine couldn’t believe she was lying to her own best friend, but she felt as though her dirtiest little secret had just been announced to the world, and she’d been caught completely unprepared.
Cass’s eyebrows quirked, a telltale sign that she didn’t buy a word of Yasmine’s story. “Okay, let’s do a little ‘decade in review’ then.”
“Let’s don’t.”
She ignored Yasmine and continued. “First, Yasmine is released from juvenile detention. Then she forgoes her plans to attend Stanford and instead goes to Cal State. While there, she lives a low-key existence, studies hard and graduates a year early. Nothing else of note happens in her life—no torrid love affairs, no unkempt treks through Europe, very little drunken excess to speak of. All of her relationships are with safe, emotionally unavailable bad boys, meaning no commitment required. Upon graduation, she takes the first job she can find at a sex software company, of all places, and she continues working there, with no notable events occurring in her life, until now.”
Yasmine frowned. “You make me sound so boring.”
“That’s just it. You’re one of the most interesting people I know, and yet you’re living the most boring life. Don’t you ever stop to ask yourself why?”
“I just want to stay out of trouble.”
Oddly, unexpectedly, Yasmine was struck with a wave of sadness. It was as if she felt that she needed to mourn the life she’d been failing to live. All this time she thought she’d been a bad girl trying to be good, when really she’d tamed herself to the point of being no kind of girl at all. Just an empty shell, devoid of all the stuff she hoped people would see in her. No wonder guys focused on her outward appearance—there wasn’t anything left inside to appreciate.
She felt her lower lip quivering, which was possibly the most idiotic thing she’d done all week.
“Oh, sweetie, what is it? I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Yasmine took a sip of the water a hurried waitress had placed on the table before rushing off. The drinking gave her a chance to regain her composure.
“How did this go from your Drew dilemma to a dissection of my life?”
Cass made a little half smile. “You know how I hate being under the microscope. I’m sorry I upset you.”
“You were hoping I’d jump for joy at the news that my life is dull and meaningless?”
“I just thought you needed to hear the truth. I don’t want you to throw away your life trying so hard to stay out of trouble. You’re a good person who made a mistake.”
“No, I’m a bad person who’s learned how to control my impulses.”
“You just keep telling yourself that.”
“And what?”
“You can grow old bored and alone. Is that what you want?”
Yasmine downed the rest of her water as she stared across the room at the restaurant full of couples and friends smiling, talking, looking happy. When was the last time she’d sat in a restaurant looking happy with a guy she was in love with?
The awful truth slapped her in the face. She’d never been in love. She’d dated, she’d had lovers, and she’d sat in restaurants with them, probably on the outside looking as though they were a happy couple. But in the end, those affairs had always fizzled out, fueled by nothing more than the quick burst of passion that faded as quickly as fireworks.
“Of course not. I don’t want to be alone.”
“So do you think you’ll be ready to tell Kyle the big L word anytime soon?”
Yasmine couldn’t help it, she smiled. “Who knows. Anything’s possible, right?”
“Like maybe…On New Year’s Eve, as you ring in the new year?”
“Ohh, that’s way too soon. But it would be romantic. Assuming he feels the same way.”
And what if he did? What if he felt some kind of heavy emotions, too? She had to know for sure, so she decided right then and there that yes, she’d see Kyle again soon, and she’d take a risk. She’d tell him how she really felt.
She couldn’t think of a better way to start off the new year.