25
I must have fallen asleep eventually, because when I wake it’s past nine. I hear Dad shout goodbye, that he’ll be back later, and the front door clicks. The day looks overcast and heavy, the way I feel.
I roll out from under the covers, taking refuge in the bathroom to shower and dress. Slowly, I wash away the sparkly make-up from last night, the glitter from my hair. I wish it was as easy to wash away the taste of disappointment.
The doorbell rings, and my heart leaps.
Maybe Dan woke feeling the same way I do? I’m not sure what kind of explanation could make me feel better now, but if he tried, that would be something. And at least we could say goodbye…
‘Anya!’ Mum is calling. ‘Are you up?’
I slick on some eyeliner and go through, but it’s not Dan, it’s his mum. Ben and Nate are squashed up on the sofa with Kazia, watching a cutesy Christmas film, and Karen Carney is sitting at the table in the little kitchenette, her eyes shadowed, scared.
‘Have you seen him?’ she asks, and my heart sinks down to my boots. ‘Have you seen Dan? We had a row yesterday, and he slammed out of the house and he hasn’t been back. All night! I’m worried sick.’
I swallow. ‘Dan… he was at the school dance, last night,’ I say. ‘We talked, and then… well, we had a row too. Dan walked away. I haven’t seen him since.’
‘What time was this?’ Mum asks.
‘Ten to ten, maybe?’ I say.
‘Why hasn’t he been home?’ Karen wails. ‘I’m worried sick! What if he’s run away? I said such terrible things to him, and I know he’s a good boy really. If he was in trouble at school, it was my fault. I’ve been so wrapped up with the cafe, for months and months now…’
I feel cold all over. Running away… isn’t that exactly what Dan planned to do?
Mum puts an arm round Karen’s shoulders. ‘Don’t blame yourself,’ she says. ‘You do your best for your boys, the best you can.’
‘But it wasn’t good enough,’ Dan’s mum sighs. ‘Dan was off school such a lot – there was always a school trip he wasn’t going on, or a toothache, or a headache that wore off as fast as it started. I should have known they were excuses. I should have known he was truanting!’
‘Dan wanted to help,’ I try to explain. ‘He wanted to be there for you.’
‘I know,’ Karen says. ‘And I let him. I didn’t ask too many questions because I didn’t want to know the answers. And now he’s disappeared…’
I bite my lip. ‘Mrs Carney,’ I say, and everyone turns to look at me. ‘Last night – well, Dan was talking about running away. I told him it wasn’t a good idea, but…’
Mum blinks. ‘Could he have gone to see his dad maybe?’
‘That’s not possible,’ Mrs Carney whispers. ‘James is in Manchester, staying with… with his… his friend.’
‘We should check,’ Mum says gently. ‘Do you have a mobile number for Dan’s dad?’
I sit on the edge of the sofa, shaky and sad. I remember the things Dan said last night, about his dad, about wanting to see him, talk to him. I remember the two of us yelling in the dark. I told Dan he was exactly like his dad, and watched his face fall. My stomach churns with guilt, thick and sour and sickly.
If anyone made Dan run away, it was me.
‘James?’ Mrs Carney is saying. ‘It’s me. Is Dan there? He hasn’t been home, and I wondered if… well, if he could be with you?’
I sneak a look at Karen Carney, and watch her face fall. Dan is obviously not at his dad’s, and a prickle of fear slides down my spine. So where is he?
‘James, what shall I do?’ Karen whispers, her voice cracking as the tears begin. ‘It’s all my fault. Anything could have happened to him! Oh, God… I’d better call the police!’
She lets the phone slide from her fingers.
Mum puts her arms round Karen Carney the way she does with Kazia and me when we’re tired or sad or sick. ‘Be strong,’ she says gently. ‘Dan needs you to be brave. You must go to the police, and then take the boys home, wait there, in case Dan turns up, or calls. The police will do everything they can, Karen, and if there’s anything we can help with…’
Karen Carney wipes a blur of tears from her tired eyes. ‘No, no, you’ve done enough,’ she whispers. ‘Unless… the cafe. I don’t suppose…?’
Mum smiles. ‘Of course,’ she says. ‘It’s Christmas Eve. It could be a busy day for the cafe, and the last thing we need is another business folding around here, right? We will keep the place running until Dan is found. I promise.’
Heaven is the busiest I’ve ever seen it. Every table is full of shoppers sipping hot chocolate or steaming lattes, eating cake, laughing. There’s no way Mum, Kazia and I can cope with this alone, so I call Frankie, tell her Dan is missing. She’s here within five minutes, Kurt in tow, with hugs and a can-do attitude.
‘I’m sorry, Anya,’ she tells me. ‘I know I’ve always said Dan is trouble, but only because I didn’t want you to get hurt. You know I like him really, right? I hope he’s OK…’
‘He’ll turn up,’ Kurt tells me. ‘The police will find him. Try not to worry.’
‘I’m not,’ I whisper, but my voice cracks dangerously and I have to turn away before my eyes mist and blur.
Frankie and Kurt work flat out all morning, taking orders and waiting on tables. Even Ringo has been dragged from his corner to help. Like Frankie’s mum, he met someone special at the Lonely Hearts Club, and he’s been floating around, all starry-eyed, ever since. He’s singing – Beatles songs, of course – as he wipes the tabletops and stacks the dishwasher.
Me, I fill out the orders and make the drinks and try hard to keep the fear and guilt about Dan from swamping me.
The sweet, spicy smell of Christmas fills the cafe as Mum bakes batches of honey cakes and spiced gingerbread, with Kazia as her assistant. The CD plays carols on a loop and every customer seems happy. It’d almost be fun, if it weren’t for the worry gnawing away at my heart. I try not to think about Lily or the kiss or Dan’s angel wings lying trampled on the frosty ground.
It’s safer not to.