10
DESPITE THE ATTEMPT at deception, Rei still had to run the media gauntlet. Television and newspaper reporters crowded the hallway, and it didn’t take them long to spot her coming down the service corridor. She longed to jump back into the elevator and make her escape, but she had to face them in order to get to the supervising judge’s chambers.
“Commissioner Davis, over here!”
“Do you regret your decision?”
“Care to make a statement, Commissioner Davis?”
“Commissioner, do you feel responsible?”
Rei lifted a hand in front of her face to keep the camera lights from blinding her. Mary Alice and Bill Travis, one of the security guards, were doing their best to shield her, but she felt every shouted question like a physical blow. By the time she’d pushed her way through the mob to the presiding judge’s office, she felt battered as well as heart sore.
This was her fault. Fifteen people had been adversely affected by her decision; fifteen people had been hurt by her choice. Maybe sixteen. Because, while she took responsibility for her actions, she also felt like a victim. Had Bruce Grayson completely suckered her?
Bill and Mary Alice waited outside, leaving Rei to enter Judge Orr’s chambers alone. He sat at his desk, scratching notes on a legal pad, but looked up as she came in. His craggy face appeared more stern than usual and Rei took it as a bad sign when she wasn’t invited to sit.
“I assume you know about the situation at the YGC.” It was a statement, rather than a question. “Your decision in the case will be reviewed, of course.”
Rei’s stomach clenched. In the wake of another judge’s personal misconduct, she had no doubts as to the scrutiny she was about to come under. It was bad enough she was questioning herself. Now each and every decision would be open to criticism.
“As for your other cases, I’d suggest a zero-tolerance policy—hold firm and if need be fix it later. For now, I think it would be better to err on the cautious side. All right, Commissioner Davis, that’s all. Except to remind you that your only comment to the press should be ‘no comment.’”
Rei nodded stiffly. “Yes, sir.”
She turned and walked out, keeping her head down and her mouth shut as she fought her way to her own chambers. She thanked Bill, who promised to get some backup to keep order outside her courtroom, then turned to Mary Alice.
“I want the transcript of the Grayson proceedings.”
“I’m sure Judge Orr has already ordered it, Commissioner, but I’ll make sure you get a copy.”
Rei dumped her purse and briefcase on the small couch and began to pace. “I want mine as soon as possible. I need to see—I have to be sure—”
Mary Alice stepped in front of her to get her full attention. “I’ve been in the system for a long time and worked for a lot of judges. You’re never sure. You just trust your instincts and the law and make the best decision you can.”
“Did I make the best decision? I can think of two dozen people, those boys and their families, who could argue otherwise.”
“Everybody makes mistakes, Commissioner. But don’t forget the good we do here as well, okay? Now, I’ll let you have a few minutes to get yourself together, but after that you’ve got to take the bench. We’re already behind schedule.”
Mary Alice closed the door behind her, but Rei could still hear the chaos out in the halls. She walked over to the window and stared out; however, all she could see was Bruce Grayson. The way he’d hung his head, the tears that clouded his dark eyes, the terror she thought she’d seen in his twelve-year-old face.
Do you regret your decision, Commissioner?
Commissioner, do you feel responsible?
Hell, yes, she felt responsible. Didn’t she always?
THE SAND she was usually able to shovel against the tide threatened to swamp her today.
The morning sped by, due in part to several requests for postponement. Rei recognized the tactic as a way for lawyers to have their cases reassigned to other courtrooms. She also recognized her own inability to concentrate. She considered herself a good judge of character, but today she had to question every innocent expression and statement of regret.
When Mary Alice called the last case before lunch, Rei was more than ready for a break. She wasn’t going to get one. Acid churned in her gut as she watched Assistant State’s Attorney Frank Dowd step up to the prosecutor’s table. Something flickered in his gaze, impertinence perhaps? Derision and disappointment, certainly. Rei looked away.
Instead she picked up the file and flipped through it unnecessarily. “Okay, next we have the case of Gabriel Russo with the charge of threatening. I see Mr. Dowd for the State. And the defense would be?”
“Lukas Simon, Your Honor.” A short, curly haired man stood up and buttoned his suit jacket. “We’re looking to have the matter dropped. The whole thing’s been blown out of proportion.”
Maybe it had; maybe it hadn’t. But the school and local authorities took any threat of violence very seriously in light of the incidents at Columbine and in Redlake, Minnesota.
“You know I can’t do that, Mr. Simon.” Rei ignored Dowd’s smug look. “I see here in the file that the State’s charges are based on a Web site—”
“Actually, posts to a Web log called Out The Airlock,” Frank Dowd corrected.
“Thank you, blog entries as well as a handwritten list of fellow students.”
“Yes, Your Honor. The State intends to prove that Gabriel Russo published threats against the people on his hit list—”
“Objection!” Lukas Simon then stood and addressed the prosecutor. “A hit list? Come on, Frank. For all the State knows, those are the people invited to Gabriel’s next birthday party.”
“I’d hate to find out what kind of party favors they’ll be getting,” Dowd retorted.
Rei glanced at the fourteen-year-old boy in question. He wore his jacket and tie uncomfortably and his dark-blond hair looked shaggy despite an attempt to tame it. He sat up straight with his hands folded before him on the table. The pallor of his face suggested nervousness, but she thought she saw anger in his deep brown eyes.
“This kid is a walking time bomb, Your Honor,” Dowd continued. “When you combine the list with the threatening posts on the blog—”
“A combination the State never could have made if the principal hadn’t broken into Gabe’s locker!”
“New Jersey v. T.L.O., Luke. The Supreme Court held that a locker is school property and school officials can conduct a search based on reasonable suspicion.”
“I’m still trying to figure out the reasonable suspicion part, since Gabe isn’t the only student who vents on that site. If it were a crime to mouth off about school bullies and social cliques, every kid between eleven and seventeen would be in a courtroom,” the defense lawyer countered.
Rei lightly tapped her gavel. “Let’s calm down, people.”
Frank Dowd stared at her, his gaze intent. “The State feels that the statements along with the list were sufficient to bring the charge. We have evidence of Gabriel Russo’s anti-social behavior and plan to call witnesses who will attest to his volatile nature.”
Rei looked over at the boy again and thought about Judge Orr’s zero-tolerance directive. This case would be tough, one she might have relished any other time. But not today, not after the mistake she made with Bruce Grayson.
“All right, gentlemen, given the gravity of the accusation, I’ll hear witness testimony Wednesday morning. We’re adjourned.”
“CHRIS, COME HERE for a second.”
Lara waved him over to the bar, her attention on the TV set mounted on the wall. When he was close enough for her to lower her voice, she nodded her head at the screen. “Hang on. This commercial is almost over.”
He looked up to see the return of a midday news program—and Rei’s pale, angry face pictured in a small window behind the anchorman’s head.
“Isn’t that one of our clients?” Lara asked.
“Yeah, it is. Turn it up, will you?” Chris listened to the newscaster recap the feature story. Apparently Rei’s decision not to try this Grayson kid as an adult was being blamed for the uprising at the juvenile detention center.
His heart went out to her as he watched the footage of her fighting her way through a crowd of reporters. Despite the throng of people around her, she looked isolated. Her pale face was set in a calm mask, but, behind her glasses, her eyes shone with tears. He heard her voice crack as she murmured “no comment” for the fifth time.
“Lara, can you reschedule my appointments? I’m taking the rest of the day off.”
She agreed and Chris thanked her, walking out of the bar past several clients, including Grant Bronson. Digging his cell phone out of his pocket, Chris dialed Rei’s number as he continued out of the building.
“Yes?”
“You sound awful, sweetheart.”
That got a watery laugh from her. “Thanks, Chris, that’s just what I needed to hear.”
“Where are you now?”
She sighed heavily into the phone. “The courthouse is a circus, so at the supervising judge’s strong recommendation, I’ve cleared my docket for the rest of the day.”
He reached for the keys to his pickup truck. “Okay, give me your address and I’ll be at your place in an hour or so.”
She gave him the address. “But you don’t have to do that, Chris—”
“I’m doing it anyway. See you soon.”
When Rei opened the door forty-five minutes later, she was wearing a silk blouse and tweed skirt but no shoes. He shifted the large shopping bag and bent down to give her a strong embrace and a kiss of reassurance. Then he moved around her to the living room. He heard her close the door and follow him as he set down the bag and took off his jacket.
“What’s all this?”
“A little afternoon delight.” He began to spread out a floral tablecloth on the carpet.
She groaned. “That old song? My clerk listens to the oldies station and they play it all the time.”
“It’s not the lyrics so much as the sentiment.” He handed her the bouquet of a dozen peach roses from the bag. “If you’ll put these in water and get us some plates, I’ve brought a bottle of the Chardonnay you liked, take-out from the chef at Lunch Meetings and chocolate-dipped strawberries. Everything I could think of to make you forget about your morning.”
Rei hugged the roses to her with one arm and reached to cup his cheek with the other hand. She pulled him down for a tender kiss that nevertheless made him hot for her. She just seemed to affect him that way, equal parts lust and…
Love? Was that what he felt? A ribbon of anxiety skittered through his chest. It couldn’t be, but then how would he know? Sure, he liked Rei a lot and enjoyed being with her. And he experienced an unusual sense of fulfillment when she was around. But love was something he created for others; he made it happen. It didn’t happen to him. Chris deepened the kiss, concentrating on the lust part.
When Rei came up for air, he was glad to see a little smile on her face. “Careful, mister. I could get used to this.”
“I could get used to doing it.”
He hadn’t realized how much until this moment. When he’d seen the news, all he could think about was getting to her, being there for her. Considering her aversion to commitment, he sure wasn’t going to mention it to her yet. He’d just leave it alone and let things progress naturally.
Rei came back from the kitchen balancing plates and cutlery, two wine glasses and a corkscrew. “I didn’t say it before, but thank you. This is a lovely surprise.”
Chris waited until she sat down and he’d poured her wine. “Unlike the surprise this morning. Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I apparently screwed up, that’s what happened.” Her mouth twisted into a scowl.
“Are you sure? Maybe you just missed something.” He spooned cold prawns, steamed asparagus and portobello mushrooms next to the marinated bowtie pasta.
Rei made a face as she accepted the plate. “That makes me feel a lot better, knowing a twelve-year-old kid tugged on my heartstrings and played me like a concerto.”
He swallowed a sip of the wine. “Sorry.”
“Let’s talk about something else, anything else.” She took a bite of her pasta. “Like how good this food is.”
“Okay, keep in mind that the public has an incredibly short attention span, and by tomorrow, this will fade from the media and some other story will have taken its place.”
“Here’s hoping.” She raised her glass and took a sip. “So tell me about your day.”
Chris helped himself to more of the shrimp. “Well, I might be getting a little ahead of myself, but I went looking at some commercial properties today. I think I found a place in Oakland that would be a great location.”
“Oh, did you get the venture capital approved already?”
He shook his head. “Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time, don’t you think?”
Rei gave him an odd look and set her plate aside. “Why ask me? I have no influence over your funding.”
“Why not you? You’ve seen firsthand how well Lunch Meetings is doing.” Chris put his plate on top of hers and moved them both off the blanket. “In fact, I’d say you’ve gotten the best service I have to offer.”
“Yes, I have, haven’t I?”
“Are you doubting me?” There was a hint of reservation in her voice, so he leaned over to kiss her, nibbling her lips until they parted for him. “If you’re unsatisfied, ma’am, I’d be happy to give you some extra special attention to make up for it.”
She kissed him back and he felt her relax against him. “I’m definitely not satisfied. What are you going to do about it?”
Chris scooped his hand under her sweet little bottom and lifted her onto his lap. “There’s only one thing to do in a situation like this…make love to you until you’re persuaded of how good I am.”
Her hands settled on his shoulders, then wrapped behind his neck. The heat of her skin burned through the thin material of his shirt. He stiffened when he felt the hot slide of her tongue along his earlobe. “Convince me.”
Chris reached up to take off the barrette she wore and release the thick fall of her hair. As it tumbled down her back, he cupped the nape of her neck and sought her mouth again. With the tips of his tongue, he traced the contours of her lips and then coaxed them open. He kissed her more slowly, more tenderly, but with no less passion.
He slid his tongue along hers, tasting and savoring the sweetness of her, while his hands moved to undo the buttons of her blouse. He skimmed his hands up her smooth belly to cup her lace-covered breasts. Then he unhooked the front of the garment and pushed it off her shoulders along with her blouse.
Meanwhile, she had slipped her hands between them to unbutton his shirt. Now they stood together, bare torsos touching, hands caressing increasingly hot skin. The peaks of her nipples rubbed against his ribs as he tugged open the hook at the back of her skirt.
She cupped his erection through his clothes, drawing her thumb along his length before moving to unzip his trousers. They parted only long enough to remove the last of their clothing then together sank to the floor. Rei wrapped her arms about his neck and pulled him close for another kiss. He eased her back onto the smooth linen tablecloth before covering her body with his own.
Her naked breasts and all her smooth bare skin seared him, wreaking havoc with his senses. Chris indulged himself in the pleasure of touching her. His hands skimmed over her flawless skin, caressing the toned and sleek muscle, rediscovering the places that were susceptible to certain kinds of fondling. His mouth followed the path his hands had set and she quivered in response to his attentions.
Rei didn’t utter a word as she stirred restlessly beneath him, rocking her hips in subtle encouragement. Her body told him in the language as old as time how much she wanted him. Heat, slow and molten, spread through him as he breathed in the scent of her desire.
Chris trailed a line of kisses along her throat and over her chest. He slid lower until her full breasts were accessible for his pleasure. Her hands sought his back, caressing his skin and massaging the muscle below the surface, as he rained kisses onto the velvet-soft orbs.
Taking one hard, straining nipple into his mouth, he suckled it to a sensitive peak. His tongue drew lazy swirls around the crest before turning his head to give its mate the same consideration. When his teeth gently scraped her ultraresponsive flesh, she squealed in unabashed ecstasy.
Then he shifted his weight to free his right arm. Chris reached among the silken curls between her thighs to find her soft feminine folds. Rei moaned softly and clutched at his shoulder while he rubbed her swollen *oris in languid circles. She arched her hips against his hand as he slid his fingers in and out of her damp passage.
After reaching into his pants pocket, he made sure they were protected. Then he moved back over her, his body humming with need as he claimed her mouth. She nibbled his bottom lip before thrusting her tongue inside to taste and tease and tantalize. Rei spread her thighs, urging him to claim her completely.
She pressed her mouth to his throat, her hands gripping the hard muscles of his back, while he pushed into her wet passage, inch by inch, drawing out the moment of joining. Incredible emotion and fierce desire combined to intensify the sensation, but he struggled for control.
Her liquid heat enveloped the full length of him before he drew back a little at a time. He built the tension and anticipation, heightening the pleasure while prolonging the climax. Rei wiggled and strained beneath him, urging him on.
He slipped his palms under her hips, pulling her closer still. The need to be part of her drove him deeper, rocking him to the core. Unable to hold back any longer, he began thrusting heavily and she lifted her body to meet him. He felt the change inside her, felt her tighten around him. He cried out his release as she moaned his name.
Rei’s breath fanned his neck as they held each other. Waiting for his pulse rate to slow, her body still joined with his, Chris felt a sense of belonging, of union. After a moment, he shifted his weight and they lay together, as close as possible without becoming one. It felt wonderful. It felt right.
He closed his eyes, feeling relaxed and yet tense at the same time. He stroked his fingers along the damp tendrils sticking to her temple and took a deep breath. There were things he wanted to say. But before he could, there were things he needed to hear, and so the words wouldn’t come…And then the opportunity was lost when Rei turned her head to kiss his shoulder and sat up, rubbing her arms.
“It’s chilly in here.” She gathered her work clothes into a bundle. “I’ll set the thermostat higher on my way to the ensuite.”
“Sure. I’ll clean up in here.”
Chris washed in the downstairs powder room and got dressed. Then he went back into the living room to see to the picnic. Rei joined him in the kitchen a few moments later, now wearing a turtleneck and jeans.
As she passed by the phone, she stopped to press a button on the answering machine. “Five messages. I hope they’re not from reporters.”
“You don’t have to respond if they are. That’s what the delete button is for.”
“Too bad you can’t delete them in real life.”
The first two calls were from telemarketers. He ignored them while Rei repackaged the leftover food and he put the plates into the dishwasher. When she bent over to get a storage container from one of the cabinet drawers, he ogled the snug fit of her jeans. He was surprised that his body responded so soon after they’d made love.
She straightened up, caught his admiring glance and grinned. “Don’t you ever think about anything other than sex?”
“No, not when you’re around.” He rinsed out the sink and ran the disposal.
Rei, it’s Dr. Solís. I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Please call me. You have got to reschedule those blood tests as soon as possible. I understand what you’re afraid of, but you’ve put this off long enough. I hope to hear from you soon.
There was no mistaking the urgency he heard in the doctor’s voice. Chris frowned and crossed the kitchen to Rei’s side, reaching for her hand. Blood tests? His first thought was to wonder if she might be pregnant.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Reality has caught up with me.” She didn’t look at him, just kept staring at the floor.
Chris squeezed her icy fingers, not understanding, or rather, not wanting to. Slivers of fear crept through his veins. His body recognized what his mind refused to. “Rei?”
Finally she looked up at him. Her dark eyes had the glassy sheen of tears. When she spoke, her soft voice was breathy and strained. “You’ve never asked about my scar.”
He shrugged, barely keeping his voice steady with a calm he didn’t feel. “I have scars you never asked about, too.”
“Mine is from surgery, a lumpectomy I had last year. I had breast cancer and—” Her voice broke. “It looks like it might be back.”
No. Shock froze his next heartbeat. No…
Chris’s numb fingers dropped her hand and he shook his head, refusing to believe what he’d heard. This couldn’t be happening. He stepped back, his eyes racing over her body, looking for he had no idea what. It couldn’t be true. She looked fine.
She had to be fine.
“I…I don’t know. What can I say?” He continued to stare at her in some crazy attempt to convince himself it wasn’t true.
“There’s nothing else you need to say.”
Her voice sounded oddly harsh. His gaze returned to her face and he saw the anguish, the utter bewilderment and anger, and knew it was true. Rei had cancer.
Pain stabbed into the hollow void in his chest that he’d thought might finally be filled. They had only just found each other. He’d only just acknowledged how much he cared for her. He hadn’t even told her yet. And now…Chris released the breath he was holding.
“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, and fought to control his panic. He had to be strong. But icy fear was twisting around his heart. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave. And yet he should have known. Didn’t everyone he cared about abandon him eventually? “You’re going to be fine, Rei. You’ll be just fine.”
Don’t think about it. Don’t let it hurt….
REI FELT HER heart twist and bleed inside her chest. If Chris told her she’d be fine in that patronizing voice one more time, she’d hit him.
She stared at the expression of revulsion and rejection on his face, and let anger flare to the surface. She’d opened herself up, allowed herself to trust him. Now when she needed comfort and support, he backed away from her like she’d grown a second head.
“I’d like you to go now, Chris.”
“You shouldn’t be by yourself right now.”
Like being with him while her heart shattered into a thousand pieces was better? Her misery was like a physical pain, so she once again tapped into her anger. He’d advised her not to paint every man with the same brush, then showed his true colors to be just like her ex-boyfriend Jake’s, just like her father’s.
She could handle being discarded. She’d done it before. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine. In fact, I don’t need you, Chris. I don’t want you.”
He looked lost for words but she ignored his false concern and swept past him. He reached for her, but she yanked her arm away. In the foyer, she felt bitter anguish rising in her chest, choking her, and she fought against the tears. Not now. Not in front of him. She ran up the stairs, locking herself in the bedroom.
“Rei?”
He’d followed her, knocking softly on the door while she threw herself onto the bed. She turned her head so the pillows muffled her sobs.
“Rei? Will you let me in?”
Her answer was silence. She’d already done that and look what had happened. Wrapping the down comforter more securely around her shoulders, she curled deeper into the sheets. She’d turned up the thermostat but couldn’t get warm. The cold was too deep inside of her.