A Time to Heal

12



Chris heard the soft footsteps sneaking up on him as he sat on the porch of the dawdi haus reading his Bible.

Pretending to yawn and then turn the page of his book, he cast a surreptitious glance around, pretty certain he knew who was sneaking up on him. Yes, it was just as he thought.

He waited until the last minute and then jumped up, dropping his book and grabbing her around the waist and swinging her around and around out over the edge of the porch.

"I'll teach you to sneak up on me!" he growled.

She squealed as her feet flew into the air and her skirts fluttered."Stop, Chris, stop!" she cried.

But when he slowed, she shook her head. "No! No! More! More!"

He felt his heart lift as she giggled. What a delight to hear pure joy, he couldn't help thinking.

"Annie!"

Chris recognized Hannah's voice.

He set Annie on her feet and steadied her when she laughed and lurched, dizzy from being spun around. How could one little girl wrap him so completely around her little finger, he wondered.

What would it be like to have a child like this? Not just the woman you wanted, but a child? Annie wasn't just a beautiful little girl in looks, with her blond hair, big blue eyes, and a dimpled smile. She had such a sunny disposition and endless curiosity.

"Annie!"

"She's back here," he called and saw Hannah round the side of the house and spot them.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. She wore a dress in a deep blue color, like dusk, and when she saw him her cheeks pinked up in embarrassment and she looked prettier than he'd ever seen her.

Her hair was tucked so neatly under that demure-looking covering she wore like all the other Amish women. Now he knew what her hair looked like streaming down over her shoulders and her back. He knew what it felt like to touch its softness, to smell the flowery sweetness of it.

His stomach tightened.

Deliberately he dragged his attention back to the present.

"I snuck up on Chris!" Annie told her proudly. "I 'sprised him."

Hannah smiled at her. "Time to go, liebschen."

Annie's bottom lip jutted out and she grabbed Chris's hand."I want to stay with Chris."

"No, we need to go." Hannah's tone was firm.

"Chris can come with us." She gave him a winsome grin.

"Annie, maybe Chris has plans."

He laughed and waved his hand at the books lying on the chaise lounge. "Yeah, I was reading my Bible since I hadn't checked out a church. I figured after I did that, I'd have a heavy date with my library book. And then maybe a nice little snooze on the lounge."

"I should have thought to invite you. I wasn't sure you'd be interested."

She was avoiding his eyes. He wondered what to say about last night. What could he say?

"Ah—where is it?" he managed to ask. "I didn't see an Amish church when we were in town."

"We don't have a formal building. Church is every other Sunday in someone's home. You'd be very welcome if you'd like to come."

Chris weighed what she was saying as he looked at her. He didn't want her to ask just out of courtesy.

"Are you sure it would be okay?"

"Schur. We have Englisch guests sometimes."

Annie jumped up and down. "Kumm with us, Chris."

Chris glanced down at his jeans and T-shirt. "But—"

"You're fine," Hannah told him. "We're Plain, not Fancy, remember."

"Give me one minute. I'll put on a better shirt."

"Hurry, hurry, hurry," Annie sing-songed. "We gotta go."

"Be right back!" Chris jogged into the house and changed his shirt.

When he came out, Annie was gone.

"Hey, where's my date?"

Hannah smiled. "It'll be Phoebe. Annie went to ride with her family."

He started walking with her across the field to the other house. "Phoebe, huh?"

Slanting a glance at him, she smiled. "I think Annie's a little young for dating."

Chris glanced around to make sure no one was in hearing range. "Phoebe isn't a little too old? You'd be . . ." he trailed off.

Just right lingered in the air.

"Yes, well, uh—look!" she said quickly, pointing at the buggy approaching. "Here she comes now."

Phoebe pulled up.

"I invited Chris to come with us."

"I see," the older woman said with a smile. "So nice to have you with us to worship, Chris."

"Thank you."

He turned to Hannah. "Ladies first."

"I'll take the backseat," she told him and her eyes twinkled with mischief. "That way you can sit up front with Phoebe."

Resigned, not knowing what to do, he watched as she climbed into the back and he got in the front. Phoebe, unaware of the electrical current between Hannah and him, got the buggy moving.

When they arrived at the home where the service was held, Chris found the church was just as Hannah had said it would be. He was warmly welcomed by the older couple who were the hosts, and the men he'd worked with shook his hand and invited him to sit in their row. Matthew and Joshua joined them a little later, and Chris saw Jenny with Annie and Mary.Annie brightened when she saw him and waved and grinned at him. He waved back.

At first it felt a little strange to be seated on a bench in a home instead of in a church, but the way that things were set up showed that the home had clearly been built with the intent to accommodate a large number of people. One wall was a sort of partition that folded back so that the benches could be brought in for seating.

Chris was surprised when the men and women sat on different sides of the room, and he didn't understand when Pennsylvania German was spoken. He was surprised when there was no musical accompaniment to the hymns. But he felt right at home because the lay ministers were so genuine when they spoke about a message they got from the Bible.

And when one of them began talking about a passage in Matthew, quoting, "Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," he found himself sitting up straight and listening hard.

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

Hannah shrugged. "I don't know what you mean."

"You do, too," Phoebe whispered. "That poor man has no idea how long our services last."

"He didn't ask."

Phoebe made a tsk-tsk-ing sound. "Shame on you," she chided.

But Hannah could see that Phoebe was trying to hide a smile. Her own lips twitched as she tried to do the same. She'd looked over to where the men sat and listened to the service and seen that for the first hour and a half or so, he seemed absorbed in what the ministers said. Especially when John B.talked about Matthew 5:10. Chris was particularly absorbed in what he was saying.

When voices were lifted in song, Chris stood and joined in. He had to look at the hymnal but he seemed earnest and interested, acting as if he enjoyed himself, she saw.

She wondered how he sounded when he sang and wished he wasn't so far away that she couldn't hear. His voice was always low and measured when he spoke. He probably had a nice singing voice.

But as the service went on, she saw him shift a little, and he appeared surprised when he surreptitiously looked at his watch and saw the time.

When he glanced over at her, raising his eyebrows in question, she had to bite her lip to keep from smiling. Understanding dawned and when she saw the glint in his eyes, the knowing nod and the slight smile, she wondered if she'd hear about this later.

Phoebe leaned over. "I think you should apologize to him later."

"He doesn't have to go to another one if he doesn't want to."

An older woman in front of them turned and frowned at Hannah.

Hannah whispered, "Er dutt mir leed"—"I'm sorry."

Looking somewhat mollified, the woman turned back around.

More time passed. Phoebe got up once to walk outside and relieve the stiffness she'd been experiencing lately. Annie needed a bathroom break so Mary took her.

When the service was over, the men began turning the benches into tables and the women went to the kitchen to fix the light meal that was served.

Once, when Hannah was walking around refilling coffee cups, she saw Chris staring at her. There was something dark and intense in his eyes, something she'd never seen when a man looked at her. Something mysterious and yet known, so desired and yet feared.

She looked away and felt her cheeks warm as she remembered that kiss.

"You okay?" Jenny whispered as she came to stand next to Hannah.

"I'm just a little warm. Lots of people in the house."

But Jenny was looking at Chris. "Oh yeah? It's not just one man who's making you feel that way?"

"Why is it you can't get off that topic?"

Jenny patted her shoulder. "Just want to see you as happy as me."

"Did you ever think—" she broke off.

"Did I ever think what?"

She glanced around. "Not here."

Jenny took her hand and drew her outside, to a corner of the porch where no one could hear. "Did I ever think what?"

Hannah watched the children running and playing in the yard. Some of the men were filtering out of the house now and congregating in front of the barn, talking business and horses and who knew what.

"Did you ever think maybe I'm just not meant to marry?" Shocked, Jenny stared at her. "No way. Look, we talked about how you feel a little down this time of year, but you have to keep your spirits up. I wondered if I was ever going to get married, too, but look what happened."

Mary came out and brightened when she saw her mother."Mamm, Joshua isn't feeling well. Daedi thinks we should go home now."

"Is he complaining about his stomach again?"

"Ya."

Jenny sighed. "We should have stayed home. I think he has a touch of the stomach flu that's gone around the community.Tell your dad I'll be right in. No, tell him to go get the buggy and bring it around."

Nodding, Mary went back inside.

"So, did Chris enjoy the service?"

Hannah brushed a nonexistent piece of lint from her dress."I don't know. I haven't had a chance to ask him."

"Well, it was nice of you to ask him to attend. I didn't think of it."

"I didn't," she told her, a stickler for honesty. "Annie did."

"That Annie," Jenny said with a laugh. "She really likes him, doesn't she?"

"I don't think there's anyone Annie's ever met who she didn't like."

Jenny gave her a hug. "Are you okay?"

Hannah absorbed the love and then she pulled back. "Ya. Danki."

Chris told himself that the funny feeling in his stomach was from overeating.

But he really hadn't eaten any more than usual—well, maybe a little, but that was because he had been doing manual labor.

When his chest started feeling funny and his breathing got a bit raspy, he felt a trace of anxiety.

He walked outside for a breath of air and passed Jenny coming inside. Hannah was standing to one side of the porch and when she saw him approach she looked like she was going to go inside too.

"Don't leave on my account," he told her. "I just came out to get some fresh air. I—" he stopped.

"Chris? What is it?"

He turned away, not wanting her to see he was struggling for air. "Nothing."

"It's something," she insisted, pulling on his arm and making him turn.

"Just having—just having a little trouble breathing. Weird."

It was more than a little trouble, he realized. He had asthma, but he seldom had trouble with it except when—

"Something's wrong. I can hear your lungs wheezing. Here, sit down."

He rubbed a hand over his chest. "Must have—must have eaten something wrong—" Reaching into his pocket, he found the inhaler he carried in case of emergency.

"What did you eat? Chris?" She knelt before him.

He took a quick couple of puffs on the inhaler and leaned back in the chair. "I don't know. A little of everything."

"You didn't have any of the peanut butter spread, did you?"

"Hey, give me some credit," he said a little irritably. "I know not to eat peanuts."

Uh oh, he thought. Crankiness often came first when he was about to have an asthma attack.

"Did you have some of those little cookie balls made of chocolate?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because I think Sadie uses ground nuts in her recipe."

"Didn't taste nuts in them."

But he'd been so occupied with talking to John B. that he hadn't paid attention to what he put in his mouth, he remembered.

"I'll be right back," Hannah said.

"No need to—"

He was talking to thin air. She was going to make a fuss. He just knew it. He was all right. Or he would be in a few minutes.He hadn't eaten many of the cookie balls . . . just one or two, he thought. And he'd used his inhaler. Some water might help.In a minute he'd go inside and get some water.

In a minute . . . when he caught his breath.

Hannah jumped up, ran into the house, and found Sadie in the kitchen with the other women.

"Did you put nuts in the cookie balls?"

"Ya, why?"

"Someone who ate them is allergic."

Sadie clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh, no! Who?"

"A friend of ours. Chris."

"The Englischer I met a little while ago? Is he allrecht?"

Hannah bit her lip and tried to think of what to do. She could probably find someone who had a cell phone or send them to the phone shanty to call 911, but there had to be a faster way to help Chris.

Then she remembered. "Sadie! Sarah said her little boy is having a lot of allergy problems. Grab her from the kitchen and bring her out to the porch for me."

Rushing back outside, Hannah found Chris leaning over the railing of the porch. He looked ill, really ill.

"This is just intolerable."

Hannah glanced back at the familiar male voice. Josiah stood there, stern and disapproving.

"How dare he come to church drunk?" he said, sounding angry.

Chris turned from the railing, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief. "Not—not drunk."

Sarah rushed out carrying a diaper bag. "Hannah, Sadie said you need help."

She looked at Chris. "Oh, my, you look like my poor Levi after he's eaten something he's allergic to. Don't worry, I have something to make you feel better."

She unzipped the bag, rooted around in a pocket, and pulled out a package of Benadryl. "Here, take these."

Uncapping a plastic bottle of water, she handed it to him with the pills.

"Glad—glad I don't have to drink from a sippy cup," he said, taking the pills and washing them down with gulps of water. He wiped his arm across his sweaty forehead.

Sarah set the bag on the porch and pushed Chris down into the chair. "Sssh, just sit and let it work. Catch your breath."

"Do you think we need to call for help?" Sarah asked Hannah.

Chris shook his head. "Be—fine. Minute."

Sarah studied him and then she nodded. "I think he's right."She pulled out a little plastic baggie, put several of the pills into it, and handed it to Hannah. "Here, hold onto these just in case."

A few minutes later, Sarah nodded at Chris. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks. Thanks a lot."

She picked up the diaper bag. "Gem gschehn. You are welcome."

Hannah glanced around. Josiah had disappeared. Thank goodness. She had enough on her hands without him causing problems.

"Thanks for helping," Chris said.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you really feeling better?"

He nodded. "But you didn't need to make a fuss. I'd have been okay."

"You don't think someone should make a fuss when someone else is having trouble breathing?"

Shrugging, he looked away. "I'd have been fine in a minute."

"I see." She handed him the pills. "I'll leave you now. It's evident you don't need me anymore."

"You'll make someone a wonderful wife one day," he told her, finally meeting her eyes. "That was really amazing the way you took care of me."

She folded her arms across her chest and regarded him."But you don't really want or need someone to do that for you, do you?"

"They have this phrase they use to recruit soldiers in my world," he said slowly. "They say they'll teach you how to be 'an Army of one.' They did."

He got up and walked away, going over to the barn to talk to the other men, leaving Hannah to stand there and stare after him.

"So you had an interesting time today, ya?" Phoebe asked Chris as she drove them home a little while later.

"You could say that," Chris agreed.

"I am so sorry," Phoebe told him. "I'm sure Sadie feels terrible that she made you sick. She'll know to tell people what's in the cookies next time."

"It happens."

"What did you think of the service?"

"It was long." He glanced at her. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

She pulled the buggy to the side of the road to let an impatient automobile driver pass them.

"There's nothing wrong with the truth," she said, guiding Daisy to pull them back onto the road. "The services are long.But they're every other week."

"Really?"

She chuckled. "Ya."

"So what do you do on the alternate Sundays?"

"Visit friends. Read. Take a nap."

"Sounds good," he said, stretching out his legs. He didn't know if it was the meal, the Benadryl, or the peaceful ride in a buggy, but he was nodding off.

"Especially the nap right now, eh?"

"Yes."

"Don't go to sleep!" Hannah spoke up from the backseat.

Chris blinked awake. He glanced back over the seat and found her watching him with some apprehension.

"Why not?" he asked, deliberately teasing her.

Hannah glared at him but when Phoebe looked over her shoulder, she quickly schooled her features.

"If you fall asleep, we'll just have to wake you up in a few minutes when we get home. Or try to drag you out of the buggy."

He gave Hannah a careless grin before he turned back in his seat.