A Brand New Ending

Chapter 16

Braeden



I stand there, holding onto my mug, my palms sweaty. When "All I Want for Christmas" came on the record player, I panicked internally. Looking down at her, I have never seen a more beautiful person on this planet. It's amazing how far she has come in the short amount of time. Donovan's words swirl around in my head, diverting my attention between her and my f*cked-up mind.

"It's so beautiful," I hear her say beneath her breath, taking me out of my trance.

"Yes, it is," I say, unable to hold the words back.

Looking over at her, I see her eyes shift to the ceiling, confusing me. I follow, finally noticing the small batch of mistletoe now hanging from the entryway. I swear my heart skipped numerous beats. Mere seconds later, I feel her lips on my cheek, her skin delicate, that feeling of when we first touched even stronger, now flowing through me. And just as fast as it started, it was over. The sound of sloshing reaches my ears. The feeling leaves me, making me open my eyes. She is gone, nowhere in sight. She's not a figment of your imagination. Setting my mug down, I sprint after her, reaching her just as she gets to her bedroom door.

"Phoenix," I breathe out, wanting to touch her shoulder but I refrain. She turns halfway around to face me, her hand still on the door handle.

"Goodnight, Braeden," she says no emotion on her face.

"Sweet dreams," I respond.

She pushes open the door, slipping into the dark abyss. I stand there for a few seconds, not knowing what to feel.

~

When I make it back to my apartment, I am relieved that it's empty, only god knows where Bret is at this hour. Placing my bike against my bedroom wall, I plop down on the bed, my body in both an exhaustive and contented state. I lay there for what seems like an eternity. My mind going over anything and everything it can remember. The way her hair shined underneath the lights of the Christmas tree. The way her delicate fingers placed each ornament on the branches. The way each one of her scars stood out like a bright star in the sky, each a symbol of her survival. Lying in my bed, I think about everything. Every moment since Phoenix Harper came into my life. Was Donovan right? Was I trying to save her because I was too late for my mother? Perhaps she is too late to save. I hear my front door creak open, not wanting to deal with his bullshit at the moment.

I remain lying in my bed, hoping that if I don't move he won't notice me in the dark room. The footsteps stop outside my door. Seconds later I am blinded by light, something being thrown at my stomach.

"Figured you could use these," I hear Donovan say. Reaching down, I pick up the box of animal crackers that are now at my side.

"Thanks," I say, sliding my body up so that I am now leaning against my pillows.

Donovan jogs from my doorway, bouncing his massive form onto my bed.

"Dude get off my bed," I mutter as I open the box.

"F*ck you, man, I'm beat," he says, rolling over onto his back. We both lay there, only the sound of me eating apparent.

"So how'd it go?" he asks. I pop a few more crackers in my mouth.

"Fine," I mutter. He turns over to face me, his hand holding his chin up.

"That's all you're going to say?" he say, clearly not satisfied by my answer. He just flutters his eyelashes, obviously not wavering.

"She kissed me," I say, trying to hide the smile. Donovan shoots upwards, bouncing on my bed with his knees.

"Stop it!" I say as the crackers are being flung across my bed.

He picks one up from the bed, popping it in his mouth, spitting it out immediately.

"Shit tastes like cardboard," he says, wiping his tongue on his shirt.

"More for me then," I say, recollecting them all. He is now at my side, his back against the pillows as well.

"You are too close for comfort," I say, leaning away from him.

"You are clearly not comfortable with your sexuality," he responds. "Just tell me what the f*ck happened."

"I told you, she kissed me," I state, stopping there.

"Wow," he states. "I thought for sure you were going to tonsil attack her first."

I roll my eyes.

"It's not like that with her."

"It's not?" he asks.

I sigh.

"I feel protective of her. Plus it was just on the cheek," I correct. Donovan pauses before responding.

"I'm sure that was a big risk for her," he says. "I mean, I didn't even touch her and she flipped. The fact that she touched you, actually touched you. That means something."

I hadn't even thought about it.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure our supervisor is going to enjoy seeing that on the security camera," I state.

"Nah, I wouldn't worry about that," he responds, a crooked smile on his face.

I furrow my brow at him.

"I turned the camera angle when I was brining in the tree, pretty sure it was pointed straight at the ceiling for about four hours."

I almost fly off the bed, wanting to give him a hug but I contain myself, realizing how incredibly f*cking awkward that would be.

"Thanks, man," I say, nodding my head.

"Anytime," he responds. "But just be careful, I can't always be doing shit like that." I just nod. We both fall silent again.

"So, I have to ask, why her? There has got to be more to her than just her being a suicide patient," Donovan states.

"I don't really know," I respond, pondering the question. "Ever since she got her, she has never left my mind. Whether I wanted her there or not," I continue.

Donovan puts his fist under his chin looking like a child at story time. I laugh lightly.

"When I first met Phoenix in the admittance room, she looked terrified, her eyes barely looking past the hair. At that point, she was just another patient. Just another lost cause." I pause. "But when we touched, it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was like I felt everything she felt. I felt her pain and suffering. I wanted nothing more than to take it all away. To make her happy.”

I stop again, wondering if I should continue on. It feels oddly relieving to talk about this.

"So, you're like her guardian angel?" Donovan asks.

I laugh.

"I don't know." I put my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes. "God, I've gone completely mental," I mutter to myself. We are both quiet for a while. "I just want to show her that her life is worth living, that she can't let her past dictate her future."

"No one better to show her than you," Donovan states. I just give him a crooked smile.

"Do you want to go grab a drink?" he asks, now bouncing up and off the bed.

"I've had a long-ass day. I think I'm just gonna stay in for tonight," I state.

"Alright," he says, heading towards the door before stopping. "Oh yeah, I meant to ask you, since Phoenix was admitted after we took present requests, you got any ideas on what to get her?"

I sit there, it only taking a second for me to think of something.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it."

"Cool, well, are you gonna be coming tomorrow night for the feast?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm working a double shift," I explain. Donovan winks at me before exiting my room.

~

The buzzing of my alarm clock reaches my ears, my body exhausted but ecstatic. I didn't do much after my shift, most of it was spent in my room until the day reached its end, the sunset now at sunrise. Pulling my covers off, I spring up out of bed, throwing on a new pair of scrubs. The ride over to the hospital is hasty, not wanting to spend a moment away, excited to see what today will bring me. The hospital is lively. I put my things away, wanting to start my shift as soon as possible.

Knowing that I have to get actual work done, I do my duties first, hoping that I will have some downtime later on when the Christmas Eve dinner is being prepped. But not much to my liking, the afternoon drags on, making every minute without seeing her unbearable. Looking down at my list of duties, I notice that today I have to change the sheets in every patient's room. I don't know if I am happy or nervous. I have changed patients sheets thousands of time without a second thought, but hers, it seems intrusive.

Grabbing a few sets of clean ones, I make my way to her room, hesitating at the closed door. When I push it open, she is nowhere to be found.

"She's out for a walk," I hear Rain say, her figure coming out from the bathroom. "I think she had quite a night last night.”

"What do you mean?" I ask, suddenly worried.

"I'm pretty sure you were there." She laughs.

I'm an idiot.

"Oh," I respond. "Did she say anything about it?"

"She doesn't need to." Rain smiles. "She didn't sleep much though; she tossed and turned for quite some time."

I quickly make way of changing the beds before leaving the room. As I head back to my station, I look behind me, making sure that no one is following me. I stop at a door, sliding my key into the knob and push it open, making sure it latches behind me.

~

The sun is now starting to set, the lights of the city around us coming on. Grabbing my coat I go out into the courtyard, knowing that she hasn't come back in. Once I get outside, even with a coat on I can feel the cold air through it. I spot her immediately, her arms wrapped around herself, her long brown hair whipping in the wind. I make my way over to her slowly, hoping not to startle her. I notice that she is wearing nothing but a thin pair of pants and a t-shirt.

"If you stay out here any longer you may freeze," I say quietly.

She turns just her head to face me.

"I like it out here." She smiles.

"Aren't you cold?" I ask.

She just shrugs. "I've felt worse."

"I can only imagine," I mutter. She turns to fully face me.

"I'm sure you can't," she says harshly.

Looking to my side to see if anyone is near, I take a step towards her, ending up only mere inches from her.

"Just because I'm not a patient here doesn't mean I haven't felt pain," I snap, not being able to stop the words from leaving my mouth. Things fall silent. "You don't know anything about me, Phoenix."

She looks down at her feet. I've clearly upset her.

"I'm sorry," I say, trying to back track. She brings her head up.

"No, I'm sorry," she says. "And you're right, I don't know you. We've talked plenty enough about me though."

"I'm not that interesting," I say. Her face falls into a frown.

"I'm sure that's not true," she states, biting her lip gently.

"It will take me hell of a lot longer than the five minutes we have, to explain my life."

"Will you promise to tell me about it one day?" she asks.

"Someday." I smile crookedly.

I look back into the windows of the hospital, seeing everyone getting ready to eat.

"I think your dinner is being served, you should probably get in there, and Rain is waiting for you."

She goes to walk around me, but I match her.

"I don't mean to scare you," I sputter.

"You don't scare me," she says lightly. I look down at my hand.

"It's, uh, accustomed that the hospital gives presents to the patients."

I pull something out of my pants pocket. I swallow hard before I speak again.

"And, while it may be totally against hospital policy and I can get my ass fired for this, I think this is something you should have."

I hold it out to her, it sitting delicately in the palm of my hand.