“Stay here till I get back,” Donny said to me. I nodded, and he kissed the side of my head and followed after the nurse. The guard didn’t budge from his post right inside the door, so I did my best to ignore him.
I moved to the bedside in order to hold Ma’s hand, but it was twitching so much that it scared me, so I set it back down. “Ma?”
Her eyelids fluttered.
“It’s me.” She didn’t respond. “It’s Maddie.” Still nothing. I bit my lip, trying hard not to cry, but she looked so bad lying there all pale and clammy and twitchy. Even when she was in her worst blackouts she didn’t look this bad. “Ma,” I said again. “You gotta fight, okay? You gotta get better so you can come home.”
Ma’s eyelids fluttered again and then they flew open, as if suddenly being released from a latch. “What’re you doing here?” she demanded, her voice rough as sandpaper.
“I…I came to see you.”
“I don’t want you here.”
I reached for her hand again, but she pulled it away. “Get out, Maddie.”
Her words hit me like a slap. “Ma—”
“Get out!”
I backed up from the bed but didn’t leave the room. “Ma,” I tried again. I couldn’t keep the waiver out of my voice.
“Go!” she snapped, her eyes black and hard as iron.
Still I stood there for another few seconds, waiting for her to tell me it was all a joke, that of course she wanted to see me, that she was happy I was there. But her hard expression never softened. Finally, I turned and left the room.
I walked fast down the hallway without a thought or a care for where I was going. I only wanted to get away. And that’s when I walked right into Agent Faraday. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, when I backed away muttering apologies.
I looked up and realized who I’d crashed into. “I…my mom…” I pointed down the hall at a loss for words.
Faraday’s eyes scanned the corridor behind me, and I turned to look over my shoulder, too. The guard was just coming out of Ma’s room and taking his seat on the folding chair in the hallway. “Oh, yeah,” Faraday said. “I heard she got picked up the other day. Guess you won’t be using her as a character witness, huh?”
He said it with such cold-hearted callousness, I felt something inside me give way, and then the dam broke. I moved toward the wall and rested my forehead against it, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as a huge wave of despair surged its way up from inside me. I fought hard, but I couldn’t keep it down. I began to weep, then sob, and all the anguish I felt over my dad, my mom, and Stubby came tumbling out in a long, heartbreaking wail. I crumpled to the floor, hugging myself tighter and tighter, but I couldn’t hold it in.
“Hey,” I heard. “Hey, Madelyn,” Faraday said. I felt his cold fingers on my shoulder. “Come on, girl, pull it together.”
But I couldn’t stop and I couldn’t catch my breath and soon I started to see stars. I heard a call for a nurse, and then I was being picked up, shouldered between people, and carried along to a gurney. The sobs kept coming: an ocean of grief, fear, and worry pounding me into the surf. I felt hands all over me and chatter around me, but I couldn’t pick anything distinctive out. And then I felt a pinprick and I took three short breaths, forcing myself to focus. I saw a needle slide into the vein of my right arm, and then the world spun. I caught sight of Faraday’s face right before the lights went out. His expression had changed. I could’ve sworn that now he was the guilty one.
I woke up feeling very disconnected—as if my mind had been pushed to the very back of my head behind a layer of cotton balls, and all my other senses and functions were simply going through the motions—void of any will or desire on my part.
Slowly, I became aware of voices, angry but hushed. “What’d you say to her?” Donny demanded.
“Nothing, Fynn,” Faraday said. “She bumped into me, and then she just lost it.”
Liar, I thought, without any emotion at all.
“The nurse saw you say something to her,” Donny growled. Now he sounded angry.
“Listen, counselor,” Faraday told him, “I’d love to stand here and argue with you, but I gotta get back to the office. I hope your niece is okay, but seriously, bringing her here with everything that’s going on—do you really think that was a good idea?”
“What the hell do you know?!” Donny was shouting now.
“I got a kid, Fynn,” Faraday said. “If his mom was a drunk and she’d been picked up and brought here for detox, I’d never let him see her until she was back on her feet.”
“Go to hell, Faraday!” Donny spat. And then he was next to me and I heard Faraday’s footsteps clicking loudly down the hall. “Hey, kiddo,” Donny said, lines of worry etched onto his forehead. “You okay?”
I nodded. I was fine. At least my mind was fine. It felt tucked into the back of my head where it didn’t have to think or worry. I didn’t know about my body, though. It felt sluggish and heavy.
Donny stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. “The doc says that you need to stay here until that IV finishes, then I can take you home.”
I nodded again, but I was suddenly so tired. Nodding was like moving a big ball of lead up and down. My lids slid closed and I heard Donny say something more, but it didn’t register. My mind was shutting off, and it was a relief.
I woke up in Donny’s car. Sitting up, I looked around dully. We were almost home. “Hey there, sleepy,” he said.
I tried to open my mouth to reply, but it felt sticky and way too difficult.
“I’m going to drop you at home, Maddie,” Donny said. “Mrs. Duncan’s meeting us there, and she’s going to look after you while I go meet with the drug court advocate. I’ll be back in time for dinner and then we’ll talk, okay?”
I blinked at him. I hope he understood that was a sign for yes. He grinned sideways at me. “Man, they gave you some really good drugs, huh?”