“And what if they catch you? We go together, or we aren’t together at all,” I said, letting the words hang between us.
He didn’t miss the meaning, all too aware of the fact that he’d be leaving me in a bunker full of men. “Fine,” he growled finally, clenching his jaw. “But you do what I say.”
“Good luck with that,” I said, smiling at him as I patted his arm and made for the door. Melian chuckled as I moved past her, her amusement bringing a smile to my face that I didn’t allow Caelum to see.
If we were leaving at first light, I needed to get some sleep.
Melian came for me as promised. The tunnels made it impossible to tell what was morning and what was the dead of night, always bathed in darkness and cloaked in the shadows thrown by the torches twinkling on the wall. The other fighters had swept Caelum off much the same way, taking him to the armory to equip him for the rescue mission I suspected none of us were prepared for.
I’d heard whispers in passing of other missions to rescue Fae Marked, who were in danger of either discovery by the Mist Guard or the Wild Hunt tracking down the mates to bring back to Alfheimr.
She brought me to her private rooms, where I eyed the wooden clothes dresser pressed against the wall, a remnant of a life of luxury I’d never known. I suspected it was probably out of her understanding that I’d only owned two dresses, at most, at any given time. She pulled a pair of black pants from the drawer, tossing them to me.
I caught the bundle against my chest, turning my stare down to the gauzy, light dress they’d given me to wear in the heat of the tunnels. “Have you ever worn pants before?” she asked, smiling at me from across the room, as if I was entertaining. A thick, black tunic followed, and I turned to set the clothing on the bed before I shoved the straps of my dress off my shoulders.
I gave her my back as I dealt with the twinge of discomfort I felt over being naked in front of another person, but after the display Caelum and I had put on the night before, it hardly seemed worthwhile to ask for privacy.
Her sharp intake of breath came the moment she saw my scars, and I glanced over my shoulder at her briefly before I stripped off my boots and shoved my legs into the thick, wool-lined leather pants she’d given me. “I’ve worn leggings beneath my dress,” I said, hurrying to arrange the fabric of the tunic so that I could pull it on over my head.
“What happened?” she asked, her fingertips brushing against the sensitive skin of my scars ever so slightly. They barely touched my skin; it was the echo of a different person near them making me arch away from her touch reflexively.
“I will not be owned. Never again,” I told her, shrugging the tunic on finally. The heavy linen settled around my breasts and hung down to the middle of my thighs, giving me plenty of room to maneuver while still not making me stand out too much outside the tunnels.
I turned, meeting her eyes as she stared at me with a pity-filled gaze. “Never again,” she said, swallowing as she dropped her hand to her side. She walked to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer to remove a small vial of purple serum. The glass was clear, the cork stopper at the top seeming ominous as she reached out and took one of my hands in hers. She pressed it into my hand, holding it for a moment. “Belladonna serum,” she said, answering my unvoiced question.
I knew looking at the vial that it was enough to be a lethal dose. “Does this even work on us now?” I asked, huffing a laugh as I tried not to think about the ways I could commit suicide if I needed to. It had been the plan to die alongside Brann; how unfortunate it would be to make it this far just to end up the same.
“So long as you take it before they get you back to Alfheimr and complete the bond, it will end this life for you. It won’t stop you from reincarnating into your next one, but perhaps in that one you’ll stand a chance of being free,” she said, releasing my hand and stepping back. She was already dressed warmly, swinging her heavy black cloak over her shoulders and pulling up the hood as I donned the warm socks she tossed my way and shoved my feet back into my boots.
She grabbed a spare cloak off the back of a chair in her room, stepping forward to help me arrange it around my shoulders and pull up the hood. When that was finished, she moved to the weapons on one side of her room. Grasping a dagger and strap, she handed them to me so I could buckle the leather around my thigh. I sighed with pleasure the moment I had the weapon, knowing I wouldn’t be entirely defenseless as we ventured out into the dangers I’d been so happy to escape only days prior.
It seemed impossible how little time had passed, and yet everything had changed.
“I would give you a sword, but I think you’re far more capable with that,” she said, strapping her sword and scabbard to her waist.
“I am. Thank you,” I said, tucking the vial of belladonna serum into the pocket of my cloak. Another reassurance—another thing I shouldn’t want to have. It said something about how vile this world was, when having a way to end my life was considered a blessing.
“Promise me you’ll be careful,” she said, meeting my eyes earnestly. “I know your Caelum will do his best to protect you, but you are far more valuable to me here with the books. It goes against everything in my nature to allow you to accompany us today, but I feel as if I am left with no choice. You were quite determined to join us.”
“I still am,” I said, holding true to what I’d said to Caelum. He wanted us to live together, to die together, to stay together. I’d hold to that promise, because everything I wanted in this life was with him now, anyway.
“Stubborn,” she said, shaking her head in amusement. “Come. Imelda will ward each of us against our mates before we go. It buys us four days before we need to worry. That’s plenty of time to get to Calfalls and back, assuming we don’t run into any trouble along the way.”
I nodded, grateful at least for that one assurance. “What about the Mist Guard and the Wild Hunt?” I asked, watching as she shook her head and led the way from her chambers.
“The Mist Guard we kill, but if we encounter the Wild Hunt, the only thing you do is run. None of us stand a chance against them.” That elusive thought danced through me again, the reminder that the Hunt was one more thing Caelum had survived that was supposed to be impossible.
All because they’d been looking for me.
I did the only thing I could do in the face of that, protecting the secret of their interest specifically in me that even I didn’t understand.
I kept my fucking mouth shut.
33