CHAPTER 27
CERYS
We arrive home in Liam’s black Alfa Romeo; I wish he’d choose something less conspicuous when he parks outside my tiny house. He kills the engine and I sit for a moment, summoning up the motivation to get out. How long before Craig appears?
“You okay?” he asks, closing a hand around mine.
“Tired.”
“Not as tired as your snoring princess,” he says with a smile.
Ella again insisted on wearing her princess costume for travelling. Her new favourite is Elsa and she now complains she wants blonde hair. I explain there’s a lot in life we’d like, but can’t have, a lesson to be reinforced now we’re home.
Liam carries Ella in, and then goes back for suitcases. I fill and switch the kettle on, straight back to my daily routine without thinking. We could be an ordinary couple returning from a brief holiday and part of me would give everything for Liam to be an ordinary man.
I’m dozing on Liam’s shoulder, sitting together on the sofa in the lounge when the doorbell rings. Liam mutters something and I shake myself awake.
“That better hadn’t be Craig!”
“Who else would it be?” asks Liam. “I’m surprised he wasn’t at the bloody airport.”
“Ella’s asleep though.”
Craig switches to banging on the door. “I doubt for much longer,” says Liam. “Do you want me to answer?”
“No!”
The Craig on the doorstep isn’t one I want to deal with right now; he has the stiff stance and darkened brown eyes I’ve seen in arguments in the past.
“Nice tan,” he says as he pushes into the house. “Where is she?”
“Asleep. The time zones mess with her and she’s tired.”
As he sees Liam, Craig pulls himself straighter and crosses his arms.
“Hello, Craig,” says Liam but there’s nothing friendly about his tone.
“I didn’t think he’d be here.”
“We haven’t been here long; Liam dropped us home.”
“So he’s going now?” asks Craig pointedly. “We have things to talk about.”
“I’m too tired to argue with you right now, Craig.” I sit back onto the sofa next to Liam. “Come back tomorrow.”
“I came to see my daughter.”
“She’s asleep!”
“I’m sure she wants to see her dad.” He heads toward the stairs, calling her name.
“For f-uck’s sake,” mutters Liam. “Do you want me to get him to leave?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe you should make yourself scarce while I sort this out.”
“I don’t think so; I’m not leaving you with a man behaving like this.”
“He won’t do anything to me, he’s not violent.”
“You don’t have to be violent to hurt someone, Cerys.”
“Wait there,” I tell him and follow Craig.
Mentally, I’ve prepared for this, but I shake with anger at Craig’s behaviour. Before he gets to the top of the stairs, I grab his arm. “Craig! Be reasonable!”
He yanks his arm from my touch. “Me? You took her away…with him!”
“For two weeks! You’ve had two weeks where you haven’t seen her before,” I hiss. “Remember Christmas?”
“Oh right, throw that at me!”
“Look, let’s go downstairs before we wake Ella up and upset her.”
“No. I need to see her and make sure she’s okay.”
“Okay? What do you think we’ve been doing to her?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t like seeing her picture all over the place with you and him playing happy f-ucking families!”
I step back down a stair, incensed by his language. “This is what it’s about! Liam’s right. You’re just being territorial. You don’t care about Ella!”
“Don’t you f-ucking dare!” he yells. “I’m her dad!”
I could say so much more but I know those words have already pushed him too far. The look he gets that frightens me, the one where I’m unsure if violence is far away.
“Fine. Go and see her.” I turn to walk away.
“Stupid bitch,” he mumbles.
I spin round. “What the hell did you just call me?”
“I called you a stupid bitch,” he says. “You’re deliberately trying to keep her away from me. Well, you can’t!”
“Don’t speak to me like that!” I yell back.
Ella appears at the top of the stairs, bleary eyed and brown hair sticking up around her head. “What’s happening?”
My heart sinks at her life rewinding, witnessing her mum and dad’s intolerance, the one that borders on hatred these days.
“Nothing, baby,” I say.
“Hey, Ella!” Craig switches to sweet and gentle mode as quickly as he turned anger on me. “I missed you.”
“Why are you fighting?” she asks.
“Daddy is upset about your holiday,” I say.
“Why?”
“I think Daddy wishes he’d gone, too.”
Craig looks at me sharply. “Very funny, Cerys.”
“Daddy missed you, that’s all. I think he should come and see you tomorrow, though.”
Ella chews her lips. “I’m tired.”
“See?” I hiss.
“Give me some time with her now,” says Craig. “Then I’ll go.”
“Is that okay, Ella?”
Ella nods. “I have lots to show him.” Oh, great, she’s going to pull out every souvenir she got from Disneyland.
Reluctantly, I return to the lounge. Liam is in the doorway, arms crossed tightly and jaw hard. “I am this f-ucking close to smacking that guy,” he says, holding his fingers a centimetre apart.
“That wouldn’t help,” I say, relieved he didn’t hear what Craig called me. If he had, I doubt Craig would be upright anymore.
“I know. A couple of arrests for assault and you soon learn self-control.”
“I can’t imagine you getting arrested for assault!” I say with a half-laugh.
He looks at me curiously. “Maybe I was young and stupid; maybe I hide it well. But if that dickhead so much as…”
I stroke his face. “He’s not worth it.”
Liam pulls my hand away. “I’m going into the garden until he leaves. If you need me, come and get me.”
Ten minutes later, I take the empty mugs into the kitchen and look out of the window. Liam rests against the wall of the house, legs outstretched and staring at the ground. My reality is as big a shock to him as his is to me. A new doubt appears. What if Liam can’t cope with this situation and it’s that one step too far removed from his world?
I rinse the mugs under the tap, and then step into the garden. The cooler English summer is a relief after the muggy heat of California, but that’s the only good thing about being back here. Liam looks up as he hears the door close.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“No.”
“Come back inside.”
“I can’t go back inside because I still want to punch that dickhead. Tell me when he’s gone.”
But it’s more than that. “What’s wrong?” I lean on the wall next to Liam and take his hand, running my fingers along the callouses from his years of bass playing.
“You shouldn’t stay in this house,” he says.
“We talked about this.”
Twisting so he can look at me, Liam says, “He still has a hold over you if you’re living here. Move out.”
“Where to? This is mine and Ella’s home.”
“I told you before, I’ll buy somewhere.”
“And I said no.”
“f-uck, Cerys!” shouts Liam and I step away, crossing my arms. “Sorry. Shit though, why won’t you let me help out?”
“I’d only be swapping relying on one person for another.”
“You mean you want to keep your distance from me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I told you how I feel, how much I care about you and Ella; and I want to take care of you. This situation is bad for you; it’ll stop you moving on.”
He’s right. I know he is, but things are early on in this relationship. I run my hands across the brickwork and look around the small garden that’s been my home since Ella was born. I moved from my parents to here and Craig; I’ve always relied on somebody else.
“When I get a job, I’ll move. I can pay my own way,” I tell him.
“When? And how long will it take you to save for a deposit?” Liam grabs my hand. “Him. Upstairs, barging into your house like it’s his God-given f-ucking right. The Cerys I know wouldn’t put up with that.”
“Liam, I’m tired, I don’t want to argue with you.”
“You know what? f-uck it. I’m buying a place. You can move in or stay here, up to you. Pay me rent if it bothers you that much!”
I stare back into his reddening face, aware of that anger that bubbles below the surface. This anger isn’t with me though; it’s with the man upstairs.
“Are you asking me and Ella to move in with you?” I ask quietly.
Confusion replaces the anger. “What?” He rubs his head. “Yeah, I guess I am. Does that make it any better?”
“I’m not sure. If it doesn’t work out then...”
“Cerys!” he half-yells again and grabs my face. “Did you listen to a word I said on the beach yesterday? This is going to work. We were meant to find each other again! I know you believe that too. I love you. Even if you end this, I’ll always look out for you because before all this, you were my sister’s best friend and a good person.”
I drop my shoulders and my guard, knowing everything he tells me is true.
“Okay, sorry. I’ll think about it carefully.”
“Jesus!” Liam bangs his head against the bricks.
Liam pulls me toward him where he’s resting on the wall and shuffles down so his eyes are at the same height as mine. “I admire your strength, Cerys. I’ve said that before. I get that your life is a confused mess at the moment, and I don’t want to make it worse. I can put this simply. Again. I love you. I care about Ella. I will protect you both whether you like it or not. Do you understand?”
Sighing, I wind my arms around his neck. “You can be very bossy sometimes.”
Liam nudges my nose with his. “And I know you like it sometimes.”
“Sometimes...”
Craig forgotten about, we stand in the garden of the house I know I’ll leave behind, and I kiss the man I would leave my whole world behind for.