CHAPTER 11
LIAM
I do not want to be here. A week away from the craziness of my real world isn’t enough, definitely not when I’m dragged into the worst Blue Phoenix scandal we’ve faced. Now I’m in Dylan’s house, with Dylan, Bryn, and Steve, around his kitchen table, unable to believe what the f-uck just happened.
Following a restless night filled with images of Cerys in various positions, naked, with me, I crawled out of bed having slept in until early afternoon. My phone rang incessantly for an hour before I gave in and answered. Blue Phoenix manager, Steve, calling me when I told him I was to be left alone over Christmas pissed me off.
Until he told me why he was calling, and the world outside of magical Welsh Christmases in the snow gatecrashed my time with Cerys. Jem’s girlfriend, Liv, the heiress six years younger than him with connections to British nobility is dead.
Summoned to discuss how we’ll deal with the media fall out, I had no choice but to come here.
“Where is he?” I ask Steve.
“Jem finally agreed to talk to the police, so he’s still there,” says Steve.
Our manager’s hair greys more every week, I swear. Today his lined, pale face looks older; and understandably, by Blue Phoenix standards this is an off-the-scale scandal.
Dylan sits with arms tightly crossed over his chest, mouth set in a thin line. I heard him talking to Steve in terse tones about getting dragged into the circumstances around her death. Dylan spent time at the police station too, guilt by association; but he was with Sky when Liv died. Apparently, Sky is around somewhere too.
“Tina will be here soon, she needs to release a press statement ASAP. I need firm statements on where you all were last night.” He glances at Dylan. “I know you’ve been through this with the police, so probably not such an issue for you; but Bryn and Liam, we need to know everything you’ve been up to over the last week or so. The press is on our backs and you can guarantee any dirt they can dig will make a nice sideline to Jem’s f-uck up.”
“Jem said he had nothing to do with this,” says Dylan. “I believe him.”
“Dylan, if this Sky chick is back in the scene, I suggest you hang around here until things die down. Unless you feel like deflecting some attention by announcing your relationship.”
Dylan stiffens. “What the f-uck, Steve? No way. Things with Sky are shaky; I don’t want her running for the hills again!”
Steve huffs. “Bryn?”
Bryn wrinkles his nose. “Nothing juicy going on in my life. Not that anyone knows about anyway.”
“This isn’t funny, Bryn,” snaps Steve.
“I’m not being funny. I just know how to keep under the radar.”
Steve turns to me. “Liam. I kept out of this, but what the hell has happened between you and Barbie? We saw the pictures. You’re here; she’s in the US. Is it over?”
I knew this question was coming. Three pairs of eyes train on me and I rub my hand over my face. “I ended the engagement and went back to Wales to get my head together. I haven’t spoken to her for over a week.”
“So it is over?” asks Steve brusquely.
Wales and Cerys are a world away from this weird shit. All I wanted was a quiet few days away from my job like anyone else at Christmas. Then this happens and I realise this isn’t a job or something I ever take a break from. I’m Liam Oliver, bass player of Blue Phoenix and property of the public. I cope with this better than Dylan and Jem, I don’t face exactly the same scrutiny, but I really haven’t put thought into how my break-up with Honey is going to bring attention I don’t want. A vengeful part of me pictures myself and Cerys in pictures on the internet, pissing off Honey and showing her I can do the same. But that cheapens Cerys, and belittles what’s between us.
I stun myself. Between us?
“Yeah, it’s over with Honey.”
Nobody responds and I don’t want them to. I don’t care about their opinion.
“He has a new girl in his life,” says Bryn and I snap my head up.
“What the f-uck?” I say.
“Yeah, how old is she? Three?”
He’s grinning, being typical Bryn with his weird sense of humour, but his comment makes things worse. Steve slams his hands on the table. “Jesus f-ucking Christ, Liam! Have you got a secret kid?” Not funny Bryn, the poor guy’s got enough to deal with.
“No, I haven’t! She’s Cerys’s daughter.”
“Cerys?” asks Bryn, sitting forward with his elbows on the table. “You never said that’s who it was when I spoke to you the other day. She’s got a kid now? Wow, she’s young for that.”
“Okay, not your kid. Good. Right.” Steve dismisses me. “Bryn?”
“Have I got a secret love child? I have six. Hang on, no, seven.”
“Not helpful! I need to make sure you’re free of shit they can drag up. Where’ve you been staying recently?”
Bryn’s grin disappears. “I said, under the radar.”
“With?”
“Me, myself, and I. Shit, Steve, I’m the drummer, nobody cares.”
I glance at Dylan who stares at the table as if he’s not really present. Am I selfish, not wanting to support Jem? Maybe, but I’m over his dragging us down. Between him and Dylan, the crazy doesn’t stop and I’m over it.
“What do you expect us to do, Steve?” asks Dylan. “All stay here for a happy Christmas?”
“I reckon you boys should go back to the States until this blows over,” Steve replies
“No way!” I say. “I understand this is bad, but I’m not going back there yet! Besides, Jem needs support, right? We can’t all f-uck off and leave him.”
“He’s right. Bring Jem back here. We should stay here and see what happens over the next few days and go from there,” says Dylan.
****
I kick around Dylan’s house as we wait to hear what’s happening with Jem. Tina came with a debrief; Jem’s being released but there’s still a big question mark over his head regarding his involvement. Now I’ve spoken to Tina, our PR girl, and told her everything she needs to know, I want to leave.
Me and Bryn spend a few hours on the Xbox losing ourselves in yet another fantasy world but I can’t concentrate. The beers don’t help my accuracy so I give up and wander to the kitchen for a snack.
Dylan and Sky are in the kitchen, and when I pull out a bowl of nachos and dip, I sit at the huge table and watch them. They’re cooking, a simple, everyday thing but there’s something odd in the synchronicity they have. They’re coordinated; the way they move around each other is like they share an unspoken pattern. Dylan’s hands on her waist as he moves past, Sky touches his hand as she stirs with the other. Natural and real, they don’t need to communicate to tell each other and the rest of the world how in tune they are.
The sight opens my eyes further to Honey and me. I don’t doubt she cares about me and I felt a lot for her, but what I’m looking at here is love defined. Although I’m sure things aren’t all rosy after their reconciliation and four months apart, I can’t help it; but this makes me f-ucking jealous. Dylan never wanted a girl and the love of his life lands in his lap.
I want someone to share my life with, who I can grow old with, have kids with. Something stable. I love my Blue Phoenix life, but I also have a crazy dream about going home to my wife and kids at the end of a long tour. Plenty of people have long-distance relationships; and after a few years, I can jack it all in and they can be the new centre of my world. I thought I could have this with Honey, but how can I do that with someone who so easily finds her way into the arms of another man?
I don’t hang around the kitchen long. Things are awkward with Sky after she saw me with Cerys. She’s friendly and chatty but the wariness behind her eyes is matched by mine. I’m fairly sure she hasn’t mentioned anything to Dylan because the only caginess from him is avoiding talking about Honey.
I’ll stay at Dylan’s for tonight then decide what to do tomorrow.
****
CERYS
“But where did Uncle Liam go? He said he’d take me to the park!”
I huff and put Ella’s dinner on the table. Cheese spread sandwiches, cut into triangles, crusts off. Her incessant whinging about Liam is irritating me, mostly because the same whinging is happening in my own head.
Where did he go and why didn’t he say anything? I shake my head at myself. Why would he? I don’t have much to do with him outside of the weird kisses we shared. Louise has no idea either; he left this afternoon when everyone was out. Liam didn’t leave a note.
“Okay, here’s your answer!” calls Louise from the lounge room.
Leaving Ella at the kitchen table, I go to Louise. The TV flashes pictures of Jem and Dylan, police gathered outside a hotel, and a picture of a young, blonde-haired girl. I stalk all things Blue Phoenix online so I know who this is, Jem’s latest girlfriend.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Jem’s girlfriend died.”
“Wow,” is the best I can manage. “How?”
Louise tips her head back over the sofa. “Drugs, of course.”
The Jem I knew from years ago was a mess. He was always closer to Dylan than Liam, but when I was around eleven years old Jem came over to Liam’s place more. He was skinny and nervy but always polite. I heard whispered conversations about his home life, never anything good. From what I understood, he was left alone to look after himself a lot, as his mum would go away for days at a time. Once Jem hit his mid-teens, the attitude switched to self-defence and he retreated from everyone apart from his three friends.
Sometimes when Jem was high, he’d talk to me in Liam’s kitchen as he made a snack, but the mix of my awe and discomfort around him saw me scurrying away. Jem was Louise’s crush and after years of walking around after him with puppy-dog eyes, he gave her what she wanted. This was the same night Liam kissed me, although she and Jem didn’t stop at kissing. The reality obviously blew away her rock star dreams because they haven’t spoken since that night.
“I’ll call him and see where he is. If this is true, I think he’ll be with the rest of the band somewhere,” Louise says.