Remembering we’re not alone out here, I look around us, still panting. “There are three of them—”
His face hardens. “What did they do?”
“Nothing.” I cover his hand with my own and squeeze reassuringly. Nothing the instructors will look twice at when they see me anyway. I don’t need them pondering how I got slapped. They’ll probably think my split lip was from yesterday’s drill. “Which way to the trail?”
“This way.” He starts to guide me through the dense woods. “Who did this?”
“Some guys. Jackson.”
He looks over his shoulder like he wants to go back for them. Rage brightens his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter,” I choke out, and then swallow, clearing my throat. I force my chin up and stuff away the part of me that wants to crumple, break, and fall into tears. Weakness can’t exist in me anymore. When I try again, my voice rings stronger. “I’m starting to think there’s a reason for locking up carriers. We really are animals.”
We step out onto the dirt-packed trail and I exhale, looking left and right, almost expecting the other three to be waiting, but it’s just us.
Sean stops us from going any farther. Color burns beneath his tan. “Is that what you are? An animal? Is that what I am?”
“I didn’t mean us,” I say, but I’m not sure. I know what’s inside me now. I tell myself that I had to take that man’s life. For Sean, I had to. But it doesn’t change what I did. Or what I am. The fact that it stays with me, haunts my every thought and sickens me, changes nothing.
“Don’t lump us with them.” His eyes glitter brightly. He grinds his hand against his chest for emphasis. “I know I’m different from them. So are you. That’s why I won’t stay here for another day.” His lip curls up over his teeth with disgust. “I’m not playing their games anymore. Whatever they have in store for us, I’m not going to be a part of it.” His lips flatten tightly, clearly waiting for me to say something.
I stare up at him, barely breathing, thinking what it would be like to stay here, of living through more of this. Leaving here would be a dream. Only I’ve given up on dreams.
I nod down the trail. “We better get going.”
He holds my arm, stopping me from moving on.
“Davy.” The sound of my name is full of desperation. “They made you kill a man.”
I flinch. He doesn’t need to remind me. When I close my eyes, the man I killed is all I see. I draw a ragged breath. I shake, thinking of brown eyes, vacant and glassy. Empty. The sound of a body hitting the ground.
He dips his head to look evenly into my eyes. “Can you trust me? Can you let go enough to do that? I have a plan, Davy.”
I release a shaky breath, the plea in his eyes affecting me. I laugh weakly. “You told me not to trust anyone but myself. Remember? Were you excluding yourself?”
“Oh, no. I meant me, too.”
“Then what changed?”
“That was before.”
“Before what?” I ask.
He takes his time answering. “Before you got under my skin. Before you killed someone to save my life. Believe in me, Davy. In us.” He pauses. Hunger stirs in me as I watch him. The tendons in his throat work. “Let me save your life now. Because you have to know that if you stay here, you’re dead. Promise me you’ll come with me.”
“If I go with you,” I whisper, swallowing, “there’s nothing waiting for us. No chance of anything.” And if we’re caught . . . what then? I don’t say it, but the words, the fear, hangs between us.
Something rustles in the trees nearby and Sean tenses. I follow his gaze, holding my breath. No one emerges.
Sean looks back at me. “I’m leaving with Gil. Tonight. I was going to tell you in Independent Study.”
I suck in a sharp breath. So soon?
“We’ll be long gone before roll call in the morning. Gil has made arrangements. He’s got a guy that’s going to pick us up who—” Sean stops, shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.” His voice is flat, the words falling with finality. “Next time there won’t be anyone around to come looking for you and pull you back onto the trail.” He brushes fingers against my cut lip. A shiver runs through me. “I can’t stay and watch you get hurt here.”
I exhale, shaken. My stomach twists sickly. He drops his hand and starts walking. I fall into step beside him.
I want to tell him I’ll be all right without him, but it’s a long time since I’ve felt confident that I’m ever going to be all right. After yesterday, I doubt that I’ll ever feel fully right again. I’ll never go back to the girl I used to be who hears music in her head. But this. Here. Without him. It’s impossible.
We walk together, side by side but not touching on our way back to the compound. Every nerve ending tingles, alive and awake with him so close beside me. An ache suffuses my chest to think of him leaving. Gone.
I notice Jackson and the other two in the distance by the dining hall. Their body language conveys their fury. One of them points at me, but they don’t approach. Not out in the open like this. Not with my alleged boyfriend by my side. I glance at him and my chest tightens painfully.
God, I don’t want you to go.
At first, I don’t realize I’ve uttered these words aloud until he looks down at me with a frustrated expression, his eyebrows pulling tight over his eyes.
“Don’t make this harder than it is, Davy. If I stay here, they’ll kill us both. Maybe not physically, but what’s left of us . . . our souls. I’m not sticking around to watch that happen. You could ask me for anything, but not that.”
“I won’t. I’m not asking that.” Then I hear myself saying, “I’m coming with you.”
For a moment he just stares at me like he doesn’t understand—or believe—my words. Then his expression lightens and a smile lifts his mouth. “You mean that?”
I nod.
He inches forward like he’s going to hug me but catches himself with a quick glance around. “You won’t regret it, Davy. We’re going to make it. You’ll see.” He gives my arm a slight squeeze. “I’ll come for you tonight.” I nod again, hoping he’s right and that we won’t regret this.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
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* * *
The number of US carriers fleeing across our border has become of grave concern. As much as the CBSA has tripled its efforts, we simply cannot impede the illegal influx. The merging of so many displaced and volatile individuals among our citizens has yielded deadly consequences. Such a threat cannot be ignored. At this time, until the US carrier population is better managed, all visitors from the United States shall be refused entry into Canada.
—Correspondence to the US secretary of state from the Canadian envoy to the United States of America