The things she makes are far from pretty, but they can usually hold something.
I continue to dig, getting into a rhythm that doesn’t allow for much thought. The steppes are hot today, and the sun burns down on my bare skin as I work, creating what must be a river of sweat running between my shoulders and down my back. Beh startles me a little when she brings over the water skin and makes me drink. She makes a lot of sounds and runs her hand over the side of my face as she smiles at me.
I think she likes it when I don’t have a beard, so I let her cut it off when we go to the lake to bathe. It always makes her smile, and then she runs her hands all over my face. Usually after she’s done touching it, she grabs my shoulders and places her mouth on mine. Soon after that, she grabs my penis and puts it inside of her.
I’m glad she still wants to do that even though she already has a baby in her. I still wonder if another one will start growing, too, and if they will both come out at the same time. That never happened to the women in my tribe, though, and I have seen plenty of babies being born.
The day grows late, and I’m not even halfway done. I would stay until nearly dark if I were on my own, but I want Beh back in our cave and safe before nightfall. We make a quick trip to the lake where Beh takes my hand and starts making a lot of noises as we approach the far side. She takes me to where the best clay can be found, points at it, and then points at the hide on a stick.
She goes to wash in the lake, and I sigh as I start to dig. After several handfuls of clay are sitting on a grass mat on the hide, I lean back and stretch out. My eyes move over to Beh for a moment, and then I slowly and automatically scan the line of trees for any signs of danger.
In the woods off to one side, something catches my eye. I stare for a moment, trying to figure out what it is, but I’m not sure. It looks like a large, round rock, but it is bright white. Intrigued, I get up from my place by the little inlet to the lake, check Beh once more, and walk a little ways into the trees.
As I approach the white rock-like thing, I realize there is more white stuff on the ground there, not just the round part. I don’t have to get very close before I realize exactly what it is—the white, round skull of a person. The other pieces consist of a handful of ribs, part of the spine, and hip bones. There are a few other random bones scattered about as well.
I recall the man who had attacked Beh in the autumn and know this was the way he ran after I hit him with the log. I lean over and see that the surface of the skull has a long crack in it. The crack is in the same area where the log struck him.
I have to swallow as bile rises to my throat, and a shudder runs through my body. I take several steps away from him, not wanting to feel sorry for the man who had tried to take Beh from me but unable to feel happy to know he could not threaten us again because of what I had done.
I had never hurt someone before.
Never.
I hear Beh calling my name-sound and swallow hard again before turning back to the clay and the hide. When I walk out of the woods, Beh makes many noises and runs her hand over my face. Her eyes narrow with concern as her sounds become soft, and she looks over my shoulder into the forest. As she touches my arm, I realize I am shaking.
I quickly take her hand and lift up the end of the hide on a stick, intending to head straight back to the cave. Beh has other ideas, though, and drags me over to the water to wash me off. The cool water over my hot skin calms me, and for once, I am grateful for her insistence on cleanliness.
The sun has nearly set by the time we reach the cave, and we are both exhausted from the day. As soon as we have eaten, we go to our furs. As I place kisses over her huge belly, I wonder how long it will be before the baby decides to come out and if the baby will look like me. Beh’s hands run over my face and shoulders, and my fingers tease at her nipples and between her legs until she cries out for me.
That night, I dream.
I am holding Beh’s hand as she balances on the balls of her feet over a pile of soft furs. Her eyes are squeezed shut as she makes a groaning sound while I reach down and catch the baby that falls out from between her legs. The tiny thing lets out a long, healthy wail, and I hold it up for Beh to see. Beh’s eyes go wide, and she collapses to one side—unmoving. I shake her and scream her name-sound, but she doesn’t respond. Her face transforms into that of a woman from my tribe…one who died while giving birth to her daughter…