Transcendence

I look up at her and smile as she looks down with shining eyes and brushes hair away from my face. Beh’s lips move and noises come out—the same sounds repeated again and again. Her eyes look at me intently, and I can see them tighten slightly as the sounds come out softly. Her hand is on the side of my face, and I can feel slight pressure against my skin where she touches me.

 

Then she makes our name-sounds sounds with another sound in between them. She leans forward a little when she does, and she puts her fingers on my lips. I watch her, not sure what she is going to do next as she takes my hand in hers and places my fingers over her mouth. She usually gets angry when I cover her mouth with my hand, and now she is doing it herself.

 

My mate is strange.

 

She makes the sounds again, and I can feel her lips move under my fingertips. She says her own name-sound, then another noise, and then my name-sound, all with my fingers touching her lips.

 

“Beh,” I whisper. I feel her mouth turn into a smile.

 

“Ehd.” She makes more noises, pauses, and then takes a deep breath. She makes the one sound again, and I feel the way her lips and tongue move as the sound comes out. At first, her tongue touches the back of her upper front teeth. Her mouth drops open a little more, but finally closes again with her top teeth barely touching her bottom lip as air rushes out, completing the noise.

 

So much effort for one sound!

 

She does it again.

 

“Llll…” I place my tongue behind my teeth like she does, and her eyes widen. Her head bobs up and down rapidly as she makes the sound again. I open my mouth and round my lips.

 

“Aww…” Finally, I watch her teeth tap her lip.

 

“Ffff…”

 

She makes the sound again, and she gives me a glorious smile as well.

 

“Llll…ooaawwffff…” The noise doesn’t sound the same at all. I try again. “Luh…awwfff.”

 

“Love.” Her sound is quiet and succinct. It takes me longer to repeat it.

 

“Luhhff.”

 

Beh’s eyes become large and round as she quite literally squeals and grabs a hold of my head, laughing and crying as she makes the sound over and over again. Her lips cover one side of my face and then the other and then finally come to rest on mine. I feel her tongue against my mouth and I open to her. When we break apart, I hear her make the sounds again.

 

“Beh loves Ehd.”

 

“Luhffs!” It kind of sounds like the noise an old wolf makes when trying to clear snow from its nose. I have no idea why Beh is so excited, but I wrap my arms around her anyway—enjoying her heat and the comfort her body brings as it lies next to mine. Outside, the cold wind continues to howl, and the snow continues to fall, but in here, we are safe, warm, and together.

 

The noise itself doesn’t matter as long as Beh is happy.

 

 

 

The snowstorm has lasted a long, long time. Outside, the sun hasn’t been visible, and the passage of days is impossible to determine. I sleep with winter’s heaviness, enticing me to the depth of the covers and my mate’s warmth, but Beh does not. When I do stir, she is sometimes tending the fire or cooking. Often she is just lying beside me and slowly stroking her fingers over my hair in the dim light of the cave.

 

This time when I wake, Beh is nestled beside me and breathing slowly. My shoulders are chilled, and I see the furs have fallen from us. I quickly pull them back up and wrap my arms tightly around Beh. The skin of her back is cold, too, but quickly warms when I wrap her back up again.

 

The cold has stirred me from my deeper sleep, and my eyes stay open as I watch Beh slumber. Remembering other winters in this same place on my own is enough to cause my heart to hurt. Then, when I opened my eyes, there was nothing to see aside from the burning embers of the fire.

 

Being careful not to dislodge the fur from her again, I get out of the sleeping area and lay logs across the coals. The flames spring immediately to life again. In their light, I can see a round bowl with traces of grain inside as well as a fur lying next to the rocks, wrapped around something.

 

I unwrap the fur, and inside is the large, deep pot Beh made with a lid over it. When I remove the lid, there is a layer of something at the bottom. I’m not exactly sure what it is, other than it looks like it has some of the acorns and pine nuts on tops of it.

 

I stick my finger in and poke at the concoction. My finger goes easily through to the bottom of the pot. I curl it around to bring some out, but it doesn’t really stick to my finger at all as I expected. I stick in a couple more fingers and dig some of it out. The consistency is soft and just a little moist, but not wet. It’s just a little bit crumbly, but mostly it feels…fluffy.

 

I sniff at it, and it smells of cooked grains and nuts. Putting some in my mouth confirms it, but the texture is completely different from anything I have eaten before. I like it though, and it quickly fills my stomach.

 

I hear Beh’s noises and look over toward the furs. She’s lying on her side, propped up on one elbow. She smiles at me, and I quickly bring the whole pot over near the bed so I can crawl back into the furs with her. We eat; I put my penis inside of her for a while, and then I fall back to sleep.

 

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