Her mouth opens, and I feel her tongue touch mine.
It seems like she wants me when she lets me do this with her. When her fingers run through my hair, or when she holds my hand as we walk to the lake, it feels like she wants to be my mate, but she doesn’t want me to give her a baby, and I don’t understand why not.
Is there something wrong with me? Does she see something about me that she thinks will be bad for her children? Is that why she doesn’t mate with me? I wonder if it’s because I’m alone. Could she believe my former tribe abandoned me because there is something wrong with me?
There is no way for her to know what really happened since she wasn’t there, so this could be what she thinks of me. She might think I am not good enough to be a part of a tribe, and she is only here with me now because there is no other tribe for her. That would explain why she stays with me—because she has no one else. It also explains why she doesn’t want me to give her a baby—because she thinks there is something wrong with me.
Maybe that is why she cried again when she saw my arm. Does she think I won’t be as strong now?
I break away from her and rise up on my knees, determined to show her I can still care for her and her children. Her eyes open wide as I reach down and pull her from the furs, pick her up, and then bring her back out into the sunlight. Beh shades her eyes from the brightness as I set her down gently, and I let go of her hand long enough to grab the boar and raise his body up over my head.
It makes the muscles in my arms and shoulders ache, and it’s also a little cold outside without any furs covering me, but I don’t care.
Beh looks at me with one eyebrow raised and then quickly looks away with crimson cheeks. She does not appear impressed, only confused. I put the boar down and run back into the cave. I select my sharpest flint knife and bring it back outside. I quickly and efficiently remove the boar’s hide to show her how well I can provide animal skins for her. I tuck the edges of the hide into the rocks above the cave so it can dry, and I quickly remove the best pieces of meat from the boar to roast over the fire. Taking her hand again, I bring her back into the cave and next to the fire. I quickly wedge the meat onto the spit and lay it across the burning coals.
Looking up into her eyes, I see they are sparkling in…amusement? I narrow my eyes at her, and Beh bites into her lip as she offers me a smile. I find myself focusing on her mouth again and wondering if I could bite her lip a bit as well.
Would she like that?
“Khhzz?” I whisper.
Beh smiles again, and a bright red tinge covers her cheeks. I take the answer to be affirmative, and I shuffle a step on my knees to get closer to her.
A sharp pain in my left knee stops me, and when I reach down to see what has caused the pain, I find a tiny round…thing. When I pick it up, it feels cold in my hand, and I realize it is the little bit that flew off of Beh’s leggings. I hold it up near the firelight to try to get a better look at it. I put it in my mouth and bite down, but it only hurts my teeth.
Beh laughs and reaches out, taking the little round thing from me. She holds it in her palm and looks at it, suddenly growing quiet. She makes more sounds—soft and subdued as she flips the thing over. On the opposite side, there are raised shapes in the circle. Beh runs the very tip of her finger around it and sighs softly.
Her eyes look to me, then back to the thing in her hand. A single tear tries to make its way down her cheek, but she captures it with the back of her hand before it has the chance to get far. Beh closes her hand over the little round thing, capturing it in her fist. She squeezes tightly, then turns her hand palm down and releases it back to the ground.
Beh moves forward quickly, and I’m pushed backwards a little as she throws her arms around my neck and firmly plants her lips on my mouth. She tightens her grip on my head as her bare legs straddle my naked waist. I reach around and grasp her backside—supporting her body as she plunges her tongue into my mouth.
As our mouths move together, I realize Beh wants to be with me, but she doesn’t want to have my baby inside of her. Women are supposed to want a baby in them, aren’t they? But my mate doesn’t. Is there a reason to have a mate who doesn’t want to make a baby?
Yes, there is.
I want her here with me. I don’t care if my mate is unusual and doesn’t want me to put a baby in her. I’m still going to keep her.