‘So you do stay away? At least you admit it,’ Ruby yelled.
‘God, you are twisting what I said! Don’t you think that things are hard enough for us today as it is?’
‘Actually, Merrin, I do understand things are hard!’
‘Why are you so mad at me? Because I escaped and you’re still stuck there in Mum and Dad’s back bedroom? You’ve always been jealous.’ The words were hurtful and came from an ugly root of envy at the fact that Merrin did not get to wake up each day in the place she loved. No amount of peacocks on the lawn could make up for that, especially not today.
‘Shut the fuck up.’
‘You shut the fuck up, Ruby!’ Merrin’s heart beat a little too quickly and her hands shook as a lump of raw emotion stoppered her throat. The words would have been hurtful enough if shared with a stranger, but the fact that this was her sister, who she loved . . .
‘Fucking hell, Merrin, you are clueless! You created a bloody tsunami with that Mortimer prick that swamped us all. Mum and Dad saved for months! Week after week of going without just to give you the perfect day – and all for nothing, and then you just sod off to your fancy castle and leave us to pick up the pieces!’
‘Why are you saying that now?’ she almost squeaked. ‘You think I don’t feel guilty enough about Mum and Dad paying out for a wedding that never happened? I’m paying them back each month! And you think I would have chosen to be left standing there like an idiot? You think that was a picnic for me? And yes, I went away, left everything and everyone I love. I couldn’t stand to be the girl everyone was talking about, whispering about, pointing at and feeling sorry for! The new Lizzie Lick! Having to walk past the house I nearly lived in and seeing the man I nearly married! Can you imagine? And yes, I live in a castle, but it’s just any other hotel. I don’t lie around while people bring me grapes – I work hard, bloody hard! I fall into bed at night so tired—’
‘Yeah, we know how hard you’ve had it,’ Ruby tutted. ‘Mum couldn’t exactly go back to cleaning for old Ma Mortimer, could she? Not after that, and so she lost a big chunk of her monthly money and things have been tight. Really tight. And you might not have been able to stand people whispering about you, pointing at you, but do you think that stopped because you weren’t here? Did it fuckery! It’s always about poor Merry.’ She swallowed. ‘You created havoc and then swanned off into the sunset!’
‘I did not!’
‘You did, though!’ Ruby shouted. ‘You did! And people still whisper, Merrin. Our name is gossiped about, something funny or to be pitied, and what do you think that does to a man like Dad? A proud Port Charles man?’
Merrin felt her chest cave with sadness and guilt at the fact that this might be harming her dad, but equally that her worst fears were again confirmed.
Ruby wasn’t done. ‘Life has been shit here, while you wake up to peacocks! But it’s bloody typical of you, like when you first met Digby and you all but dropped me and Bells.’
‘I have never dropped you and Bells!’
‘Yes, you did; you only wanted to be with him and now you’ve buggered off to Thornbury! I’ve been so bloody lonely. Thank God for Bella and Jarvis!’
‘So what are you saying? That I’m not part of the gang because I fell in love with someone who shat on me from a great height and I had to move away? Instead of staying there and going completely mad?’
‘No, that’s not what I’m saying!’ Ruby fired.
‘Well, it bloody feels like it!’ Merrin hated the catch to her voice.
There was a beat or two of silence while the girls regrouped.
‘I think Gran deserves better,’ Ruby said finally. ‘I think we all do.’
‘That’s a low blow! I loved Gran and she knew it! Go to hell, Ruby!’ Merrin sobbed.
After they’d ended the call, she lay slumped against the tree, spent and barely able to speak for the hollow shame that filled her gut at her inability to go home and honour her gran, combined with the adrenaline pumping in her system from the violent row. The simple truth was she couldn’t face going to Port Charles and couldn’t stand the idea of walking into the church. Even picturing it made her head swim. And now, on top of this, she had Ruby’s words ringing in her ears, adding to her reluctance to venture home. For the first time in her life she did not want to come face to face with her own sister.
It was not a surprise to Merrin that a day which had started so beautifully could end with ugly tears and sadness seeping from her. It was, after all, not the first time she had encountered such a thing.
On the day of the funeral, Merrin walked quietly into St Mary’s Church in Thornbury and sat awhile, talking to her gran, confirming how much she loved and would miss her before placing a small bunch of yellow primroses by a lonely, unmarked grave and letting her tears flow as she uttered words of apology. In that moment she felt close to her beloved Granny Ellen, but a million miles from home.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MERRIN